Oh the Senslesssness of It

LC Caveman sends a sad story about another tragic victim of the gun epidemic gripping this nation. Yet another sensless gun murder.

CENTERVILLE, Utah —  John, a porcelain commode gunned down in an accidental shooting at a fast food restaurant’s bathroom, has died. His age was not immediately known.

Check the rings.

The toilet was shattered by a bullet Jan. 12 when a man’s gun fell from its holster as he was pulling up his pants, police said.

Yeah, that’s what he claims anyway. Less embarrassing than admitting that the had lunch at Taco Hell.

Police do not plan to file criminal charges in connection with the incident.

Negligent Comodicide.

Christian Martinez, manager of the Carl’s Jr. where John was gunned down, held a memorial service Friday at the restaurant. He gave away bottles of John’s favorite toilet cleaner, Kaboom Bowl Blaster, to the eatery’s first 50 patrons.

Kaboom Bowl BLASTER huh? Isn’t that a little insensitive?

A Bountiful flower shop provided a large floral arrangement.

“In all my years, I can say without a doubt that I have never delivered for a toilet,” said deliveryman Doug Graham, “but I thought it was the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. I got a kick out of it.”

A real kick in the ass huh?

Remnants of John hit and cut the gun owner’s arm, but he was not seriously injured.

Justified self-defense.

Police blamed John’s death on the gun and style of holster the man was using.

You see, guns and holsters are now conspiring to continue the pandemic of gun crime! Has The Brady Center been told about this?!

“He was survived by the men’s urinal and wash sink,” said Martinez. “He left us way too soon.”

OK, that’s it, I just can’t do this anymore. That shit is just way too much.

43 comments

  1. 1
  2. 2
  3. 3
    LC Gunsniper says:

    Well… damn. :em01:

  4. 4

    Someone should have told him that it’s “SHIT or get off the pot…..not SHOOT”. :em01: :em99:

  5. 5
    LC HJ Caveman82952 says:

    No doubt a closed lid funeral……. :em93:

  6. 6
    Deathknyte says:

    Heh.

  7. 7
    LC Wes, Imperial Mohel says:

    An earlier news account I saw on this over at Dave Barry’s blog quoted the local police chief to the effect that this incident demonstrated why people who carry concealed ought to invest in a good quality holster and belt. The chief also said that “A modern firearm shouldn’t go off when dropped” and the article concluded that the citizen would get his gun (a Kahr .40, IIRC) back once police firearms experts figured out why it discharged in the first place.

    Which seemed to be an unusually positive attitude from the cops, under the circumstances…

  8. 8
    LC Spare Parts says:

    C.O.D. gunshot wound to the head. :em01: We will now sing hymn #355 Glock of Ages. Please stand. :em93:

  9. 9

    I’d kinda like to know how to impact a Kahr into an accidental discharge. ‘Bet lots of owners would love to know about that nasty little habit,,, if that’s what it really was
    ‘Glad the feller got a break from the local gendarmes.
    B’sides the fact that letting him walk was probably the best thing to do, what Cop would want his name all over that paperwork?

  10. 10
    skootertwo says:

    :em02: Ill bet the guy who had to dig the hole was thinking its a crappy job but somebody has to do it. :em72:

  11. 11
    Cannon Fodder says:

    Come on, I bet that fooking toilet was just asking for it!

  12. 12
    Tallulah says:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPMslg98r9M

    Ted Nugent ripping on Hussein & Hildebeast. Just for fun.

  13. 13

    ‘How dare we all be so inhumane?!? That was an innocent Toilet-American who could have had a wife and kids!?! We need a law outlawing the wanton, reckless discharge of eeeevil guns in public toilets!!’

    I could have went a couple of places with ‘Toilet-Americans’ but it would have been in very very bad taste. Even I have my limits. :em93:

  14. 14
    LC BOATS says:

    :em72: happens :em95:

  15. 15
    lc purple raider says:

    I could have went a couple of places with ‘Toilet-Americans’ but it would have been in very very bad taste.

    Aww, how bad could it be?

    On a related note, the Tollway Authority has started taking down all the signage for former governor and future inmate Blago.

    No word yet whether he will be singing like the proverbial boid.

  16. 16

    Whatever a person’s favorite fetish is,, everything typically starts gyrating wildly when approaching the Short Stroke part of The Fantasy.

    So sorry for John tho’,, n’ after all the crap he had to take in his life.

  17. 17
    LC hilljohnny says:

    Remnants of John hit and cut the gun owner’s arm

    at least he went down fighting. :em69:

  18. 18

    Yet another reason to look straight ahead and not converse with others using the facilities in public places…

    “Thou Shalt Not Shoot The Shit In Public Restrooms”

    Some people take the term too literally.

  19. 19

    The “accidental discharge” was just a flimsy alibi to cover up the fact that he couldn’t get a “bowl-curler” to flush using the new government-mandated “low-flow shitters” installed. The guy acted out in a “revolutionary” show of “dissent” against “Teh Man™” and should be hailed as a Che Guevara-esque hero of the downtrodden proletariat proletoiletat.
    :em72: :em72: :em72: :em72:

  20. 20
  21. 21
    LC HJ Caveman82952 says:

    John should receive a twenty-one flush salute in his memory, he fought to the bitter end. Getting blown away in the shitter. Such an ignoble end.

  22. 22
    Cheryl says:

    Less embarrassing than admitting that the had lunch at Taco Hell.

    No :em72: Blame it on the poor gun who can only belch forth in anger when commanded to but cannot put its own fury into words. :em96:

    He was survived by the men’s urinal and wash sink,

    And the urinal was thinking, “first they came for poor John, and I did nothing. Then they will come for the sink, and I will just stand here pissing myself, and then……..”

  23. 23

    LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech sez:

    I’d kinda like to know how to impact a Kahr into an accidental discharge. ‘Bet lots of owners would love to know about that nasty little habit,,, if that’s what it really was

    I doubt the Kahr malfed.

    My bet is that it fell out of his cheap-assed Michaels inside-belt holster, and he got his finger inside the trigger guard while attempting to catch it.

  24. 24
    Mike M says:

    Rest in pieces, John.

  25. 25
    Mike M says:

    My previous comment was supposed to include a post mortem photo of “John”, but it didn’t come through.

    Here it is.

  26. 26
    Cheryl says:

    Oh my, Mike M!

    You should’ve posted a “graphic violence warning” with that picture of the late John. I cannot get rid of the image of John’s shattered remains.

  27. 27
    LC Anniee451 says:

    Poor John, his epitaph will read “Crappe Diem”.

  28. 28

    Why shouldn’t John get a nice epitaph? After all he was less full of crap than most lefty politicians … I’d imagine even Teddy Kennedy will get a couple of nice eulogies from alcohol distilleries and driving schools :em95:

  29. 29
    LC gahaze says:

    I have dropped my little Khar under similar circumstances. It did NOT go off. The inherent
    design features of the arm prevent such AD’s. Either his piece is severely compromised,
    or we’re not getting the whole story here.

    My answer to the problem is to simply unholster, and deposit the piece in my front pants
    pocket.

    A better answer would be a positive-retention holster, mounted on a cummerbund band,
    that would not be disturbed by dropping one’s drawers to take a crap.

  30. 30
    Cheryl says:

    Poor John, his epitaph will read “Crappe Diem”.

    Great pun LC Anniee! :em01: :em01:

  31. 31

    Come on now guys and gals, that was some good shit.

  32. 32

    LC gahaze sez:

    A better answer would be a positive-retention holster, mounted on a cummerbund band,
    that would not be disturbed by dropping one’s drawers to take a crap.

    Excellent idea. Keeps this sort of shit to a minimum.

  33. 33
    sig94 says:

    The last time I had a bean burrito at Taco Bell I farted and blew the commode into Porcelin Heaven and busted the safety on my ass… I still get the shakes whenever I smell nachos.

  34. 34

    sig94 @:

    Make sure the next time you do that, you have jalapenos with it. That way when you take a dump it’ll not only leave the commode decimated but it’ll leave scorch marks from the ensuing blast.

    Oh man, I just left BC / Rad an opening to show a hideous video … :em98:

  35. 35
    lc purple raider says:

    Oh man, I just left BC / Rad an opening to show a hideous video

    I think the entire thread was an excuse for BC / Rad to do something.

    Yet they haven’t.

    Must be off their feed.

  36. 36
    LC Anniee451 says:

    Cheryl @:
    Hehe, thanks :em04:

  37. 37
    Radical Redneck says:

    Oh man, I just left BC / Rad an opening to show a hideous video

    Now would I ever do that? 😈 :em99:

  38. 38
    LC Draco says:

    I shall mourn the loss of John…I bet he wasn’t ‘privy‘ to his impeding doom!! :em02:

  39. 39
    Cheryl says:

    Re: Hideous video courtesy of Radical Redneck.

    You never disappoint, RR. Yes indeedy. Looks like she’s sitting on Harry Reid’s head. There goes din-din, and a nice bowl of mac ‘n cheese it was! :em38:

    LC Draco, you and LC Anniee have way too much class for this bunch! :em69: :em93:

  40. 40

    shitty way to die…

  41. 41
    LC Draco says:

    Cheryl mentioned…

    LC Draco, you and LC Anniee have way too much class for this bunch

    nah….I just clean up nicely! :em02:

  42. 42
    BigDogg says:

    Sounds like an idea for a Rott-fest activity … maybe we could launch commodes like clays …? :em96: :em96: :em96:

  43. 43
    anonymous hourly worker says:

    Carnage brought to you courtesy of Plaxico Burris’s identical twin.

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