Fresh Meat

Oh Sod off, You Bloody Wankers

The Imperial Firearms Advisor found this little nugget and mused that His Imperial Majesty might be, shall we say “enthused” about the contents (he didn’t quite put it in those diplomatic terms but, then again, he rarely ever does and we love him all the more for it).

The article from which it comes is a pile of pearl-clutching wankery of the lowest order, however.

Juicy pomegranates are piled outside the entrance to a supermarket in Norrebro, a district of Copenhagen. There are queues of customers at the till most of the day and into the early hours, buying Middle Eastern pastries, exotic fruit, dates and ice-cream which remind them of home.

Yet beside the pomegranates is a deep hole in the metal door frame. It was made one night by a bullet fired from a 9mm pistol by a member of a drug gang guarding his trading pitch near by.

Ismail Schbaita, a 55-year-old originally from Palestine who helps runs the supermarket, remembers the chilling moment last March only too well. ‘The gunman was high on drugs. Luckily, his bullet missed the staff and the customers. Gangs are always shooting each other around here.’

For Norrebro is a dangerous area of the Danish capital. A stone’s throw from the supermarket is the city’s most notorious housing estate, Mjolnerparken, where mothers told me this week they are afraid to let their children walk to the sweet shop alone because of the knifings and shootings.

Mjolnerparken, with its drab apartment blocks and shabby streets, has been categorised as a ghetto by the Danish Government.

The crackdown on ghettos — a word with awful Nazi overtones, to which the Danish policymakers seem oblivious — is a centrepiece of [Inger Stojberg, Integration Minister]’s legislative reforms.

Clutch pearls in 3…2…1…

Never mind that the neighborhood has been “vibrantly diversified and enriched” by drive by shootings to the point where children aren’t allowed out on their own.

They said… They said… Oh my! They said “ghetto!”

In order to clarify, we have much more colorful terms for such cesspits of violence as well. “Ghetto” belongs to the more neutral terms when used to describe them. And no, we won’t change that.

We leave the idiotic constant changing of words and their meanings every single time some snowflake gets its feewings hurt to the more effeminate and noodle-spined societies of the world, such as the English.

And don’t bloody dare to presume that the people of a nation who was occupied by the bloody Nazis for five damnable years during World War 2 don’t get to use the word as we see fit. Not to mention that we do NOT appreciate your not-so-subtle insinuation that said use of the word “ghetto” makes all Danes Literally Hitler.

Do one, you fucking smarmy cowardly wankers on your “island fortress”, spreading your cheeks to the Saracen with unmanly fervor while ignoring the mass rape of your little children by same. We thought we taught you at least once already what happens when you piss off the Viking. Do you REALLY want to be reminded, you puling, wobbly-kneed scraelings? Why don’t you just bugger off to clutch the sad remains of your national pride while Mohammed reams you so hard up the Khyber that you taste shit in the back of your throats.

After all, you do it so very, very well.

We should know. We started the practice at Lindisfarne, after all.

Perhaps it’s just that you miss being raped by actual men.


Instant Bark™


Summer Breeze Edition


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So, Erm, How Did You Get that Bottle?

The question that nobody seems to want to ask.

Following the murder of Sergey Skripal with the nerve agent “novichok” which apparently, uniquely among chemical molecules, comes with a “Made in XXX” stamped on its atoms, two further victims have been found.

One Dawn Sturgess, who died, as well as her boyfriend Charlie Rowley, who did not.

One might, if one were interested in finding out whodunnit, want to suss out the connection between the two incidents. Who knows, there might be some actionable intel hiding in there?

We’ve been digging around, and this is just about the best we’ve been able to find:

LONDON — The Soviet-made nerve agent that killed a woman and left three other people critically ill was contained in a perfume bottle, the brother of one of the victims said.

Soviet-made? That’s one remarkably stable compound, considering that the Soviet Union went out of business about three decades ago. Not to mention, again, that we weren’t aware that molecules had a “made in” stamp” on them. That’s some pretty impressive engraving skills, right there. “Soviet-invented” might be more accurate but, then again, who expects accuracy from the sub-cretinous apes calling themselves “journalists” nowadays, if you know what we mean?

Charlie Rowley, 45, and his partner Dawn Sturgess, 44, were found unconscious on June 30 in the town of Amesbury in Wiltshire, southern England. Sturgess died on July 7 and Rowley remains in the hospital in serious but stable condition. British authorities said they were poisoned with Novichok nerve agent.

Matthew Rowley [that would be one of the victims’ brother — Emp.Misha] told the BBC in an interview published Sunday that his brother, who regained consciousness last week, said he picked up a perfume bottle that contained the chemical.

Last week, the London Metropolitan Police, which is investigating the incident, said they found the source of the nerve agent — a small bottle in Rowley’s house. They would not confirm any further details about the bottle.

More’s the pity, we’d say, because personally, just how he came into the possession of said bottle and passed it on to his girlfriend without having the first clue about what was in it just might be something that might aid the investigation of the whole Skripal case, but apparently that’s not a question that anybody’s interested in asking.

Unless it had already been decided whodunnit and nobody really wanted to find out who really dunnit, that is, but that’d just be silly. Yes, we know.

Clearly the Russians, after having swapped him 8 years ago after having caught him as a double agent had second thoughts and decided that, potential consequences be damned, he needed to be put down almost a decade after he’d already spilled the beans and whatever beans he might have had left were already obsolete.

Who cares about sanctions, expulsions and such?

He was safe enough to include in a spy swap (considering he was arrested in 2004, six years before he was swapped in 2010) until he wasn’t. The most recent knowledge he had of Russian ops was 6 years old when he was swapped and 14 years old when he was “murdered to keep his mouth shut.”

Makes perfect sense. If you have the mental acuity of a fern, that is.

Listen, before anybody starts throwing aspersions around about His Imperial Majesty (not that we care, we’ve always spoken our mind based on what makes sense rather than what is convenient to whatever narrative is popular at any give time), let’s just state for the record that we don’t doubt that the former KGB thug currently the president of Russia most likely weren’t shedding any more tears over Sergey Skripal’s demise than we were over the execution of Julius and Ethel Rosenberg, but we do find it interesting that said thug, after having had six years of being able to make Sergey conveniently “disappear” while in the clutches of the FSB (nobody would have ever known it happened), then released him only to allegedly murder him 8 years later.

But, most of all, we find it interesting why absolutely NOBODY finds it relevant to figure out how poor Dawn’s boyfriend accidentally ended up with a “perfume bottle” containing the same nerve agent that murdered poor Sergey and, completely innocently, happened to hand off said bottle that just inexplicably ended up at his home to her.

Are we the only one wondering why that is so manifestly uninteresting?

P.S.: As somebody with a background in chemistry, we’d also like to know if it’s really true that science has advanced to the point where you can not only identify a chemical through mass spectrophotometry, you can also state without a scintilla of doubt where it was manufactured? That is awesome, if true!

Why So Hysterical?

In which His Imperial Majesty allows himself the luxury of engaging in wild speculation, so no need to point it out. We know.

You surely know the old saying: “If you’re catching flak, you’re over the target”.

So one thing that we’ve been scratching our head about for the past couple of days in the precious few moments that we have time for such things is “why the hitherto unprecedented amounts of flak and hysteria over the Helsinki meeting and press conference?”

We don’t know and, unlike all of the self-appointed geniuses of the world, we’re not afraid to admit that we don’t know, but that never stopped our hyperactive mind from wandering whither it wants to go in the past.

And it’s not just the quite honestly pathetic hysteria post-meeting. One thing that caught our attention was the silly ham sandwich indictments of last Friday. “Russian spies spy, news at 11, clear the headline!”

We mean, seriously. It’s not like those indictments contain anything groundbreaking or new, they could have been true billed a year ago or in six months, so why last Friday? It’s also not like they’re ever likely to lead to any actual court cases that might have to be prosecuted, but Droopy McBassettHoundFace Mueller does seem to like those. Except when they blow up in his face like with Concord Management who, unexpectedly, answered the summons. Oops. But we digress. So why even bother?

If our “intelligence” agencies wanted to inform and advise their Commander-in-Chief prior to the meeting, then the responsible and perfectly adequate way would be to inform him, personally, and then let him use the information as needed during the meeting, but they didn’t. Instead they chose to go public, right before a historic summit between two powerful nations who haven’t been this close to a shooting war since the worst days of the Cold War.

Continue Reading »Why So Hysterical?

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