No, we’re not dead, we’re just worn down to a nub.

Thankfully, loyal readers of this neglected site (that’s all on His Imperial Majesty) have done their best to keep it going. Thank you, from the bottom of our cold, dark, black heart. Seriously.

But seriously, it’s time to negotiate our way out of this retarded war that benefits nobody and hurts

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, potentially, everybody.

There are two options at this point: Business as usual and Ukraine loses, and G-d knows they’ve suffered enough already. There is no conceivable way that they can win this war on their own against Russia, no matter how heroic, brave and just downright admirable that they are. Open a book. Who ever won a war of attrition against Russia? When, exactly, in all of human history, did sanctions ever stop a war? Take your time, we’ve got all day.

We don’t like that, not even one little bit, but them’s the facts.

Option 2: NATO gets involved directly, which will lead to WWIII. With a nuclear power whose doctrine it is to fire off all they’ve got if they face defeat/destruction. Which means we ALL lose. Ukraine won’t be “liberated” unless a radioactive wasteland counts as “liberation”, which will be true for all of the planet.

So… let’s get talking, no? His Imperial Majesty doesn’t have a bunker inside a mountain to retreat to, unlike our “masters”, and neither do you.

What are the Russians demanding?

1) Ukraine can’t join NATO. We don’t know about you, but we never quite understood why it was so vitally important to a defensive alliance to have forward operating bases deployed within minutes of Moscow. Certainly not vitally important enough to risk WWIII over. It’d be like Russia deploying missiles on Cuba. Oh wait, we’re not allowed to mention that anymore, are we? That never happened. Ukraine can get a status similar to that of Austria. Can’t join either alliance, can’t be attacked by either.

2) The utterly useless (to Ukraine since they’ll never EVER submit as the past 8 years that nobody’s paid attention to in the west since it wasn’t on Oprah prove) republics of Donetsk and Lugansk get some sort of autonomy. What exactly that means remains to be hammered out. At least nobody gets killed while we’re all flapping our gums.

3) The Azov and Aidar Nazi (not “neo-nazi”

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, those clowns are the real thing) battalions will have to go the way of their predecessor Hitler. Oddly enough, we remember a time when it was perfectly OK to get rid of Nazis

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, but apparently it’s a completely unreasonable demand today. How things change.

That’s about it, isn’t it?

Oh, there’s the bit about the West recognizing Russia’s claim on the Crimea, but we really don’t think that us refusing to do so will put a halt to negotiations. Realistically, the Crimea is never going to return to the Ukraine, no matter who recognizes it, barring a world war.

Or we can just continue vowing to fight to the very last Ukrainian.

We’re not a fan of that because we happen to like people and don’t particularly enjoy suffering, but perhaps we’re alone in that.

This is a stupid war, a war that would have never happened if our “enlightened” leaders of the past had had the IQ of a boiled head of cabbage, but they didn’t so here we are.

The first and most important objective should be, no matter WHAT side of the argument we find ourselves on: How do we make it stop???

The only ones suffering from the consequences of this pointless war right now are the ones who had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the origins of it, no matter what side of the argument you find yourself on.

Sanctions? They’re certainly not hurting the oligarchs and leaders of Russia, they’ve got theirs. Hyper-inflation in the West? Do you really think that the airheaded kleptocrats in Washington

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, Brussels and anywhere else are facing a shortage of basic necessities? “We’re all in the same boat?” Go fuck yourselves. You’re drinking champagne on a cruise liner and the rest of us are stuck in a rubber dinghy. And for what, exactly? The vitally important nature of admitting the Ukraine into NATO?

That’s non-negotiable? That’s worth reducing Ukraine into rubble over?

Stop this stupid world, we want to get off.

By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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