We’ve been busy for a couple of days again, but we couldn’t help but notice that the “Trade War That Will Destroy Us ALL!!™” barely had time to get started before it was called off with victory declared for our side (and theirs, when you think about it, which is exactly why they surrendered. They’re not that stupid).

We’re speaking, of course, about the “trade war” against the EU, which ended within hours of the EU commissar Juncker meeting with our President.

And we’re glad, for all parties involved.

Not that we expected it to last for much longer than it did, not even slightly.

What the President did wasn’t starting a trade war, he just happened to be the first of our Presidents to commence shooting back in the one we were already in and had been in for decades.

He told the EUnuchs that he was on to what they’d been doing and that the gig was up, we weren’t going to stand for it anymore. Free trade OK, but only if it’s actually free, which it wasn’t by any stretch of the imagination. He told them that they could either cut the B.S., or he’d start firing back. They shrugged, imagining that he, like all previous Presidents, was all hat and no cattle.

So he started firing back and, lo and behold, an agreement was reached pretty much immediately, as was inevitable.

Again, we’re glad that that’s behind us. We also believe in free trade but, unlike some so-called smart people, we only believe in it when it’s actually free, which it wasn’t.

Oh how the punditry wailed when our tariffs were declared. They didn’t understand that for a threat to be effective, you have to carry it all the way through. They didn’t get that nobody wants a trade war, the tariffs were only put into place to put the squeeze on our opponents. How were they ever going to pay attention if we refused to bring the pain? Yes, it would hurt us too, but the point is that it would hurt them more.

That’s kind of how wars work in the real world: They hurt both sides. The trick to winning one is to make sure that your own pain is minimized while theirs is maximized. Hence the much-decried farm subsidies to help our farmers through while the shortest “war” in recent memory was fought. Just like you buy more tanks and planes in a real war. Those aren’t free either, yet you can’t hope to win the war without them.

No, we’re not tired of winning yet.


By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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