Oh fer fuck’s sakes!

We tested bots like Siri and Alexa to see who would stand up to sexual harassment

Women have been made into servants once again. Except this time, they’re digital.

Apple’s Siri, Amazon’s Alexa, Microsoft’s Cortana, and Google’s Google Home peddle stereotypes of female subservience—which puts their “progressive” parent companies in a moral predicament.

People often comment on the sexism inherent in these subservient bots’ female voices, but few have considered the real-life implications of the devices’ lackluster responses to sexual harassment. By letting users verbally abuse these assistants without ramifications, their parent companies are allowing certain behavioral stereotypes to be perpetuated. Everyone has an ethical imperative to help prevent abuse, but companies producing digital female servants warrant extra scrutiny, especially if they can unintentionally reinforce their abusers’ actions as normal or acceptable.

No. Just… no.

Every single time His Majesty thinks you driveling imbeciles can’t possibly get any more stupid, you prove us wrong. Every. Single. Fucking. TIME!

Yes, we do apologize for our language. We forgot the trigger warning. On purpose.

No, dear LCs, these vacuous wombats did not write a joke article about what happened if you used questionable language when making a query to an algorithm, that might at least have been funny, they actually made a “serious study” of the responses from said AIs and the social implications thereof. Complete with graphs and statistics (to the extent that their extremely limited intellects managed to handle hard sciences like math) and all.

Number one: You can’t ruddy well “sexually abuse” an algorithm. That one should be pretty obvious to anybody with an IQ that is, at the very least, measurable. At least not at the stage of “AI development” that we’re currently at, which is roughly at “none at all.” We’ve got the “artificial” down pat, but we’re still sorely lacking in the “intelligence” department. One out of two ain’t bad? It sure as Dis’ sagging tits is if you’re going to argue “abuse.”

Number two: What would make you dried out puritan husks happy? If Siri called the police to report your “harassment?” Felony sexual harassment of a phone? Anybody applying for a job in any company we owned with that on your rap sheet would land you a job instantaneously. With a mandatory psych evaluation thrown in. Just to make sure you’re not a Prozi trans-something weirdo. Surely, marrying your iPhone can’t be far off. Looking over the braindead, cultish devotion shown by Apple fan boys, it’s already here for all intents and purposes, it just hasn’t been legally sanctioned yet.

Number three: There is no number three. We need a drink.


By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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