Fresh Meat

And Now, From the Stalinist Side of the Primaries

We guess they’ll have to start calling the Hildebeest “Lucky” now (h/t LC & IB SondraK)

We all know by now that the Prozi Party primaries in Iowa ended up as a dead heat between Comrade Senility and Her Thighness, Queen Hillary!, but that’s just the beginning of the fun:

Sen. Bernie Sanders’ voters will not be amused to learn that the Democratic National Committee awarded six deadlocked precincts, out of 99 precincts total, to Hillary Clinton with a literal coin toss.

She won all six of the coin tosses. The odds against winning six out of six coin flips are 64-to-1 against, or 1.56 percent.

So? She’s lucky, is all! How dare you suggest anything nefarious about Her Thighness’ Long March Through the Primaries?

The Des Moines Register explains that one of the coin tosses came from precinct 2-4 in Ames, where “60 caucus participants apparently disappeared from the proceedings.”

Don’t have a cow, they’ll show up. In the spring, when the snow thaws.

Thatisall.

Cruz Wins!

As we write, Iowa is a lock for Cruz with 98% in and him holding 27.4% of the vote to Trump’s 24.9%.

We’re surprised. Pleasantly so, we might add, because we weren’t expecting this. We knew it could go either way but, unlike the “pundits”, we weren’t quite as sure considering how many times those barely sentient nitwits have been wrong in the past. And they weren’t sure either.

We’re concerned that Rubio inched as close as he did. Not that we ever doubted that he’d be third, but we were hoping that he’d be much further down the list since we really don’t like habitual liars. You might say we have a problem with people who piss down people’s backs and tell them that it’s raining.

Or people who screw up and don’t have the humility to fess up to it. We always learned that humility was one of the first things a Christian should aspire to. We personally always failed because we’re just not wired that way but, then again, we’re not the one who is constantly harping and bragging about our Christian values on the campaign trail. But Ruby stubbornly refuses to as much as suggest that he might have screwed up, saying that his Gang of 8 bill was “the best that could be done.”

That’s his prerogative. If he really believes that “the best that could be done” was granting immediate voting rights and citizenship to 12 million felons (you know that crossing the border illegally is a felony, right?) as opposed to not granting immediate voting rights and citizenship to 12 million felons (aka “doing nothing” or “the status quo”), then he’s an idiot, but at least he’s a consistent idiot.

It just would have been helpful if he’d pointed out that closely held belief of his prior to the votes being cast when he ran for Senator rather than after, don’t you think? Especially when his entire campaign was based on saying the exact opposite.

So he’s a liar as well, but dammit, he’s a consistent liar. Meaning that we can count on him lying in the future too. Very reassuring, that. If you like being lied to.

Main thing is, the race is still led by two people that the Establishment hates, and that’s a Good Thing™, whether you’re a “Cruzebot” or a “Trumpeteer.” Keep the goal in sight, people, we’re all on the same team here. It’s time to jam a sword up the gut of the GOPe and then twist it. After we slice them open from the navel to the breastbone.

We can and will do that. We just have to keep one thing in mind: Don’t let the enemy split us, because that’s their only hope at this point. It doesn’t matter if you’re T or C, keep in mind that you’re only doing the GOPe’s work for them whenever you take a huge shit on the other guys. We’re having fun now, but after November we’re still going to be living in the same house.

Now’s not the time to go wobbly.

Thatisall.

With Pussies Like This One in Charge

…we can’t help but think of the glorious fwench army of 1939-1940:

Lt. Gen. Sean MacFarland, the commander of the US-led anti-ISIS coalition, denounced calls to “carpet bomb” ISIS during a Pentagon press briefing Monday.

In other news, LTG Seth McFarlane, it’s Seth, right?, denounced the bombings of Germany, Italy and Japan during WWII, calling the Civilians of the Axis “unsung martyrs” who were “murdered for no reason at all.” Then he went goosestepping down from the podium in his new lederhosen, sporting a freshly grown toothbrush mustache.

Presidential candidate and Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) has advocated “carpet bombing” ISIS “into oblivion,” a strategy that military experts have previously pointed out is ineffective and could create mass civilian casualties.

The only mass civilian casualties acceptable to said “experts” (whose “expertise” obviously doesn’t include having read any actual military history) are those occurring in the U.S. as a result of our continued refusal to destroy the murdering swine. We should also do something about ISIS, by the way.

MacFarland said that strategy is “inconsistent with our values,” also citing the high risk of civilian deaths.

“At the end of the day it doesn’t only matter if you win,” MacFarland said. “It’s how you win.”

Say that to the thousands of Americans dead because putting an end to it would be “the wrong way to win”, why don’t you?

He added: “We’re the United States of America. We have a set of guiding principles. Indiscriminate bombing, where we don’t care if we’re killing innocents or combatants, is just inconsistent with our values.”

We weren’t aware that we needed to prove that our values are better than those of pedophile, murderous, molesting savage animals, but according to this twatmold, apparently we do.

And who’s talking about “indiscriminate” bombing? Not that we’d have a real problem with that, it’s not like the animals that we’re up against are showing much “discrimination” in what they bomb, but still… We haven’t heard the word “indiscriminate” from anybody, least of all Senator Cruz. You’re the one who brought it up, Seth McNancyboy.

Obviously you’re perfectly fine with those animals continuing to rape children, behead toddlers, burn people alive and shoot up Christmas parties as long as not a single mosque stuffed full of weapons and ammo gets a scratch in the stucco, but some of us aren’t.

So why don’t you jump off your high horse, wipe Obama’s pubes off your upper lip and go demonstrate our “values” to those darling misunderstood mooselimbs. In person. It’s time for useless tiny metrosexual pajamaboys like yourself to start turning your own damn cheeks instead of telling us to turn ours.

Disgrace to the uniform. Of any army.

Thatisall.

Now You’re Really, Really Tempting Us

But we will remain strong. Nothing will move us an inch from our support of Cruz, the only candidate for us.

Still…

Poll: 25% of federal employees would consider quitting if Trump becomes president

Dear L-rd in Heaven, why must you tempt us so?

Alright… Make it 75% and it’s a deal.

And no pensions.

Or 50%, no pensions and daily public floggings for the first full term.

Thatisall.

More Kibble

The Non-Debate, Debate

Not that we watched it all that much, we mainly went through clips post-mortem, but it pretty much turned out to be exactly what we’d expected it to be. A prolonged shooting gallery with the “moderators” as the shooters. Only two things (OK, so three, it was fun watching ¡Yeb’s! new-found confidence, safe in the

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Whose Side Are They On, Anyway?

No matter, according to Occam’s Razor, they’re probably just stupid. We talked about yesterday how FOX walked straight into Trump’s trap, and events since then have done nothing to dissuade us of that. As we said yesterday, all they had to do in response to Trump’s initial suggestion that Kelly not be on the panel

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And Now, for Something Completely Different…

Football? Listen, we don’t think we need to restate just exactly how we feel about ¡Ruuuuubio!, but funny’s funny, and this shit is funny, right there (h/t Protein Wisdom): Will it make us vote for the lying, amnesty-loving hack? Hardly. But it DID make us laugh, and laughter’s a good thing, so thank you for

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FOX Walks Into a Trap (UPDATED)

When Trump stated that Megyn Kelly shouldn’t be a moderator at the debate because of her bias (real or alleged), our Imperial Brain immediately started wondering what he was up to now. Sadly, a lot of other people, some of them very intelligent, focused instead on saying that he was just being a whiny little

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Oh, But It Really Is Quite Simple, Quisling Party

We’re beginning to see quite a few articles popping up all over the ‘Nets written by terribly, terribly concerned “conservatives” arguing that this whole “civil war” on the right is really so unseemly and can’t we all just get along? Not to mention that almost every single one of those articles make a big whoop

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Dog Bites Man…

Diaspora Affairs Minister Naftali Bennett painted a dark picture of Jewish life in Europe on Sunday, telling the cabinet anti-Semitism on the Continent has reached an “unprecedented” level. The minister briefs the government on such trends every year immediately prior to International Holocaust Remembrance Day, which falls on Wednesday, January 27. Jewish emigration from Western

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