Fresh Meat

Hacks, Corruption and Russians, Oh My!

Did we call it or what when we said that this election season would become really entertaining after the primaries or WHAT?

So now Wikileaks is releasing thousands of the ClintonCrimeFamily, aka “The DNC”, aka “The Mainstream Media”‘s emails, that have apparently been hacked.

Perhaps they were all being stored on Cankles’ Toilet Server?

The fun part being, of course, that all of those emails show massive collusion between Cankles and the DNC/MSM (tautology alert), conspiracy to commit election fraud and Bob knows what else, all in order to ensure that the already thoroughly rigged Progressive Socialist Democrat primaries stayed very thoroughly rigged indeed. Can’t have anybody but Her Drooling Drunkenness upset the carefully laid plans of rats and crooks, can we?

This, unsurprisingly, led to the Bernie Bros and Sander Snatches getting quite upset, for once for very good and legitimate reasons. It appears that they’re not quite as ready for sham “elections”, the dictatorship of the proletariat and Gleichschaltung as they normally give the impression that they are. At least not when it’s their preferred dictator getting the shaft.

And just like that, Debbie Wassermann-Positive Schultz, having played a major part in the rigging, was out as DNC chair. And here we were, getting increasingly convinced that it was going to take hours of surgery for the Progressive Socialist Democrats to detach their lips from her meat curtains.

Her place is supposedly being taken by the Clinton Famiglia’s Donna Brazile, at least for the time being, who also belongs to the CNN (is it alright to call them the Clinton News Network now?), for whom she’ll be covering the Prozi convention. But that’s alright. CNN won’t be paying her for that gig (the Clinton Famiglia will, which they’ve always been doing), so no conflicts there.

Right.

Fun times.

And the FBI, suddenly awakening from their slumber and beginning to take cyber crime and unsecured servers very seriously indeed, now that they’re done ignoring it entirely while whitewashing and sweeping under the carpet Her Cankledness’s numerous and borderline treasonous violations of national security, mumbling something about Russian H4xorZ being responsible for the much more serious crime of reading the DNC’s emails. Right after the Cankles Campaign had instructed them to use that line, of course. Until then, they were too busy waiting to hear their Master’s Screeching Voice to come up with anything.

Let’s keep an eye on the real priorities here, right? Open access to the Dept. of State’s trove of state secrets? Pshaw… No need to get all upset, you silly plebes, that’s not something to indict anybody over. Breaking into Debbie’s private email, on the other hand? HOLY SHIT! LOCK EVERYTHING DOWN! CALL THE NATIONAL GUARD! DEFCON 1!

And, seriously?

The RUSSIANS???

In order to get Trump elected?????

Oh sure. Because we all know that if there is ONE PERSON IN THE WORLD who keeps Volodya Putin awake at night, sweating and burying his head in his pillow while shivering all over, it’s Hillary Clinton!

Pull the other one, please.

Oh, and pass the popcorn.

Thatisall.

UPDATE: Our personal favorite:

“The FBI is investigating a cyber intrusion involving the DNC and are working to determine the nature and scope of the matter,” the agency said in a statement. “A compromise of this nature is something we take very seriously,

Oh. So there ARE things you take very seriously? Just not multiple felonies involving state secrets? Gotcha.

Ted, You Disappoint Us. You Really Did Yourself in There…

Ted Cruz is, was, our preferred candidate going in as you all know. And yes, as we’ve pointed out before, our view of him has changed quite a bit over the primaries as his behavior in various and sundry cage fights struck us as quite a bit less honorable (we finally managed to spell it without a “u”! Who said we’d never make it!) than what we’d expected, but we never ever truly gave up hope that one day he would be ready for a comeback.

But with his behavior (another “u” we left out!) tonight, we have to say he went too far.

What’d he do? Did he eat a live puppy on stage? Did he declare his unabiding love for Cankles’ fetid inner thighs?

No. Worse than that.

He violated his own word.

TODD: You’ve said some tough things on Trump. Why are you comfortable supporting him as the nominee if he ends up the nominee.

CRUZ: Well, listen, I pledged at the outset I will support the Republican nominee, whoever it is…

TODD: Why are you making a pledge to the party and not to the voters?

CRUZ: Because Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders would be a manifest disaster. If Hillary is the president, we will lose the Supreme Court for a generation, the Second Amendment will be written out of the Bill of Rights, we’ll lose our religious liberty, we’ll be buried in debt and our will remain coming out of school without jobs, without opportunities. Hillary would be disastrous for this country. So the answer is not simply to resign yourself to Donald Trump, who would be a disaster as well, the answer is to beat Donald.

TODD: Given everything you’ve just said about him in this interview, you still will support him if that is what the Republican party does?

CRUZ: You know, Chuck, I’m a very simple man and when I give my word for something, I follow through and do what I said.

Except when you don’t, obviously.

We’re sorry, that’s a bridge too far.

Don’t get us wrong, Senator. We absolutely understand why you’d rather drink a bucket full of Hillary’s vaginal discharge than endorse Trump at this point, it’s not like the two of you don’t have a history, but… You gave your word.

You gave your WORD.

No matter how distasteful keeping said word might turn out to be in the future, you’re still bound by it. Your word is your bond.

Oh shit, we just lifted that from the First Wookie, Moochelle Obama’s speech, didn’t we? That means that we, like Melania Trump, are worse than Hitler, according to the Prozi Media. After all, nobody in the history of mankind ever used those words before she halfway intelligibly horked them out past her testicle shelf. Oh well, if we have to be Worse than Hitler™ together with a beautiful lady like Melania, we can live with it, we suppose. But we digress.

Your word IS your bond. If you violate your own word, then your word will never mean anything ever again. If you can do it once, you can do it every time. Or every other time or every third time. It doesn’t matter. Your word is, from that point onwards, worthless. Just like ¡Ruuuuubio!’s word is worth less than koranimal shit after he lied about amnesty. He lied once. Nobody can convince us that any single future statement out of his mouth isn’t also a lie.

Yes, again, we do understand “changing your mind.” That’s why, if you’re in doubt as to whether or not you’ll be able to keep a promise, YOU DON’T MAKE IT! That’s not hard. We’ve been in situations in our life numerous times where somebody asked us if we’d do something that we really, really wanted to do and were absolutely fine with doing at the time, but weren’t quite sure if we could follow through on it. So we didn’t make the promise, because then we wouldn’t have to potentially one day back down on it. That’s not hard. Just don’t make the promise. Because once you do, you’re bound by it.

But perhaps you were just thinking “yeah right, that silly reality show star isn’t ever going to win the primaries, so I won’t ever have to make good on this promise. Hey, I’ll just make it.”

That’s a pity, and we really mean that. You see, we really admired you for all the things you did to shake up the Imperial DC apple cart. When Trump used “nobody likes him” as a weapon against you, we took that as an endorsement, because we don’t ever want anybody who is liked by those filthy, lying, Quisling pigs in DC. When somebody said “oh yeah, but what did he actually achieve by standing up to the Uniparty?”, we replied “he stood up, didn’t he? What the fuck did YOU do? And, by the way, could you please spit out Obama’s cock before you answer because your words are kind of muffled right now.”

But perhaps it was all a show. Perhaps your “standing athwart the DC Uniparty’s progress, yelling STOP!”, your “fighting against impossible odds because at least you’re fighting” was all a show? Perhaps it was all a ploy by the increasingly uneasy Uniparty to make us dumb rubes think that “hey, there’s still something to work with! Let’s not burn the house down just yet!”

We actually heard that over the past years and we always answered “you’re being a bit paranoid, aren’t you? Ted’s a good man. He’d never agree to something like that. He’s done everything he said he would do, hasn’t he? OK, so he hasn’t won yet, but the time will come. At least they’re not ALL rotten, bought scoundrels.”

Now that you’ve shown yourself to have no honor, we’re no longer so sure.

Maybe it was all a carefully choreographed show for the “rubes.” Maybe your torpedoing of the latest Shamnesty bill was all pre-arranged, like a Wrasslin’ match where the underdog gets to win one, inconsequential battle while all of the important ones go to the other side, just to keep the audience thinking that maybe, just maybe, there’s a comeback in the offing.

We’re not saying it was, but we can’t really know anymore, can we?

You’re done for.

You’re dead to us now.

Nithing.

Thatisall.

Glad THAT’s Over

Because, to be quite honest, we were getting a bit tired of the Cuckservatives for Hillary!™ fantasizing about just how, any day now, they were going to come up with an ingenious and totally fool proof way of subverting the will of the greatest Republican Primary Majority in history.

Even though we’ll have to admit that the comedy value of seeing them crash and burn every single time was considerable. Until the 47th repetition, that is.

Why is it so funny? Has His Emperor no compassion for the bested, for the ones whose preferred candidate got beaten? Oh sure we do. As a matter of fact, OUR preferred candidate was one of those beaten. Not to mention that we, like all true conservatives, are fairly well accustomed to having even our halfway decent third choices replaced by some lickspittle, cuckservative, Uniparty Quisling in the primaries.

So yes, we’re quite familiar with the feeling.

What makes us completely incapable of feeling any sort of compassion, empathy or understanding for the current Cuckservatives for Hillary!™ is that in the past, whenever their preferred Quisling Donor Class Rentboys won the primaries, WE were told by those very same Cuckservatives for Hillary!™ that WE had to “suck it up and hold our noses” because if we didn’t, WE were the ones voting for the other side.

So we did. We held our noses and cursed under our breath, but dammit if we didn’t pull the correct lever because next time, next time our candidate would be the one to win and those other guys would be the ones to reciprocate and hold their noses.

Right. We should have known better, no?

We mean, how in the name of all of the Furies could we have ever been daft enough to think for a second that those lying, treasonous Quisling whorebags would ever, in a million years, live by their own rules?

So yes, we are enjoying the gift of their tears, the gift of their impotent little fat fists banging into the tables of their high chairs, the sound of their piss running down their legs and puddling around their feet and their laughable demands that we respect their opinions.

Respect is a two way street. And we intend to, in every way, respect you every bit as much as you respect us and have respected us in the past.

Fair enough, no?

At least our primary enemy, the one you never quite could bring yourselves to admit to being our primary enemy, never made any bones about being our enemy and pretending to be on our side.

That alone makes the Prozi Brownshirts better than you, even though that is the lowest bar to clear in the history of bars.

Why don’t you go reflect on that a bit, Cuckservatives for Hillary!™

Thatisall.

Reality: 1, Cultist Morons: 0

These stories just never get old. They just never do:

A group of adventurers, sailors, pilots and climate scientists that recently started a journey around the North Pole in an effort to show the lack of ice, has been blocked from further travels…

Wait for it…

…by ice.

Tada!

It just never gets OLD!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Wasn’t it the South Pole last year? Or was that the year before?

Oh, and our all-time favorite, the Great Church of Al-Goron’s Epic Northwest Passage Kayakathon from a few years back which didn’t quite work out because the Northwest Passage… wasn’t, you know, actually there.

On dark days, we still find ourself chuckling at our mental image of frozen Goresicles being hauled out of the water, horrified expression still frozen on their gaunt, vegan chimp faces.

Thatisall.

More Kibble

What a Couple of Weeks it’s Been

We can’t turn our back on this country for five minutes without all of the shit hitting the fan. Simultaneously. Where to start? The Hildebeest not being indicted in spite of the FBI chief clearly stating she was guilty as shit, then going on to recommend she not be indicted? Yawn. Anybody surprised by this

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I’ll Just Leave This Here.

IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America, When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and

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Whyever Not???

Washington (CNN)The Pentagon said Thursday it was ending the ban on transgender people being able to serve openly in the U.S. military. The announcement — which removes one of the last barriers to military service by any individual — was made by Defense Secretary Ash Carter, who had been studying the issue for almost a

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Gee, It’s Almost as if the Brit Voters Were On To Something

Also, yay BREXIT! Now the rest of the rotten, fascist behemoth just needs to be put down with a bullet to its fascist brain. The foreign ministers of France and Germany are due to reveal a blueprint to effectively do away with individual member states in what is being described as an “ultimatum”. Under the

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The War on LGBTs

So, Princess Obongo, Cattle-futures Cankles and the rest of the Marxist Muttfuckers come out and blame an inanimate object for the massacre of 49 innocent souls, instead of blaming the goat-raping, Pisslamic fuckstain who used said inanimate object. Then, in the next breath, they say that they want to suspend the Constitution and take away

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