Where is My Account?

There might be a couple of reasons why you are reading this. (Or you might just be bored and you ran out of cereal boxes to read.)

We will address both of them for you right now…

I.  I signed up for a users account here and am told I have to wait for an email that hasn’t come

When you sign up for an account here, we have our gate keeper do a complete background check on you along with a credit check.  He is very thorough, and sometimes it takes him a while to get all of your neighbors and friends interviewed.  He is only one man, ya know…

Seriously, he IS only one person, and it is more than likely that his life is interfering with being able to give you immediate gratification and approval.  Give him a while to get to it — he is pretty good at getting to things here.

Now there are some reasons for being denied an account here:

Something in your username or email address is suspicious.  “bigtittiesbigasses” or “gayboydelights” for a username is a sure giveaway that you are not quite what we are looking for here.  Neither is anything containing the word “viagra”.  If your username or email looks like it was created by your cat walking across the keyboard, then there is a good chance that you aren’t a good fit here.  Emails that look like sjhskjhd@mail.ru are routinely tossed.  In fact, any email that ends in .ru or comes from a site like sex-toys.com will be unceremoniously tossed out. [NOTE: Until such time as the Emperor himself tells me otherwise, the gmail.com domain has been added to that list. If you insist on registering with a Gmail account, send a message first to me at lordspatula@spatulacitybbs.net letting me know. Else, don’t be surprised when your application gets unceremoniously dumped. (If you’re already here with a Gmail account, don’t worry – you’re cool.) -DV]

Sometimes mistakes are made.

Remember again, our gate keeper is only human.  Although he will deny that he is even capable of making mistakes, he might have in your case.  Maybe you can send him a grovelling and non-accusatory email explaining where YOU went wrong and that maybe he might have misunderstood your intentions.  I am sure he will be perfectly reasonable about it and let you by.  Just be sure to thank him profusely.  Here is an example you might try:

My Lord Darth Venomous:

I know that I must have somehow made a terrible error when I submitted my request for an account at this website that caused you to deny my access (and my existence) on this great and wonderful site.  I know that this could NOT be any fault of yours — the fault is all mine.

I registered using the following username and email, and I respectfully request that you reconsider your decision to feed my unworthy carcass to the alligators in the moat.

I will owe you big.


(your name)

Now that is just a suggestion.  You might use any approach you feel appropriate. 😆

II.  I have had an account here for a while now, and it just suddenly disappeared.

There might be a few good reasons for that.  Maybe we got tired of you clogging up our membership rolls and not contributing anything.  If you haven’t bothered to sign in or say anything in a while, or have never participated at all, then we can only assume that you aren’t interested in hanging out here.  If you want to sign up again, then that is available to you.  It’s just that when we archive the site every year, we try to start out with a fresh slate.

A more likely reason for your account to disappear is because you never bothered to go to your profile and add a first and/or last name.  It doesn’t have to be your real name,  just put something in there to let the computer know you are real.  About once a week, we have a script that will go through the users database and delete all user accounts that don’t have a first and/or last name entered.  The reason is that registration-bots (spammer scripts) do not fill out the user profiles.  You can avoid this humiliation by simply going to your profile and putting something — anything — in your first name or last name.

Another reason for your account to disappear is that you have abused your privilege here.  for that, you might have to appeal to the higher power here.

Hopefully this explains things for you.

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