Put the Champagne on the Cooler!
LC Radical Redneck brings us the most glorious, glorious news:
In a statement on his Facebook page, Nathan Phelps, who has been estranged from his father for 30 years, said the senior Phelps was dying in hospice care in Topeka, Kan., and that he had been excommunicated from his own church in August of 2013.
“I’m not sure how I feel about this. Terribly ironic that his devotion to his god ends this way. Destroyed by the monster he made,” Nathan Phelps wrote.
And now the malodorous cunt is going to Hell! Oh happy day!
“I feel sad for all the hurt he’s caused so many,” he continued. “I feel sad for those who will lose the grandfather and father they loved. And I’m bitterly angry that my family is blocking the family members who left from seeing him, and saying their good-byes.”
Can the rest of us say goodbye to him at least? As in “good riddance, you flaming fucktard, now go Phelch Satan’s asshole forever. Finally you’ll get all the cock you secretly longed for your entire useless life.”
The very least the Phelch Phamily can do is to announce the time and place of the funeral so all of the rest of us will have a chance to return the favors he’s showered upon the funerals of others.
Oh well, for now we’ll just make do with this:
Thatisall.
Categories: Good News, Useless Swine | 
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15 Comments »
I’d add this to the post, but I don’t think it’s in the library here anymore.
BC, you are demented.
And we love you for it.
I saw that notice on Faceplant yesterday. The best comment I saw was:
I do hope someone posts the coordinates so my Piss Tour USA can be complete.
Library Czar @ #:
I was just thinking, should we include a tray of chocolate flavored Ex-Lax on site for those who wish to make a “firmer, more permanent” donation?
On this auspicious occasion, I feel compelled to share these classic observations about a man of Phelps’ qualities:
“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” – Clarence Darrow
“I thought men like that shot themselves.” – King George V
“You had to stand in line to hate him.” – Hedda Hopper
“You take the lies out of him, and he’ll shrink to the size of your hat; you take the malice out of him, and he’ll disappear.” – Mark Twain
“Where others have hearts, he carries a tumor of rotten principles.” – Jack London
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde
“No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have; and I think he’s a dirty little beast.” – W. S. Gilbert
“He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.” – Molly Ivins
“He is an old bore. Even the grave yawns for him.” – Herbert Beerbohm Tree
“He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.” – H. H. Munro
“He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, inspiring the cabbages.” – Mark Twain
“He was born stupid, and greatly increased his birthright.” – Samuel Butler
“He was distinguished for ignorance; for he had only one idea and that was wrong.” – Benjamin Disraeli
“You look into his eyes, and you get the feeling someone else is driving.” – David Letterman
“You’ve got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it.” – Groucho Marx
I hope he lingers, there are still so many things to plan. Gotta book a band (I’m thinking Uncle Ted), book the strippers, the catering, the cake…
Eric Praline @ #:
Hmm, will they be gay strippers? Somehow that would seem to be appropriate.
The Phucktard will surely improve the universe greatly by leaving it.
angrywebmaster @ #:
I’m thinking The Village People would be most appropriate for the occasion, at least as the opening act. Queen, with a Freddie Mercury sound-alike/look-alike, should be the headliners.
angrywebmaster says:
I thought, given how those pride parade guys behave, paying for gay strippers would be a bit redundant. But the girls from Titty Town promised that their show would be deeply offensive.
There wasn’t going around on Twitter that Westborough Baptist was going to protest his funeral. But, it turned out that that was just a hoax.
It still would be ironic.
If there is any justice in the universe, he’ll wind up in Hell, getting a pineapple shoved up his ass for eternity. No lube.
He’s dead. And good riddance.
“He will be missed.”—(until I add him to my Sniper Team 2 mod)
“His death is untimely and sad.”—(it should have happened sooner and that makes me sad.)
“I feel as if a part of my life has been taken from me.”—(like a malignant growth, that is.)