Sorry, Alligators Snapping at Our Arse Everywhere

But that’s no excuse for not at least making a noise, we suppose, so we apologize.

What’s been going on in the world? The only thing we know of, having been too busy to do much of anything other than try to keep up with the running of the Imperial Palace, is that this must be the coldest winter in Texas we can remember. The only good thing about it is watching the Glowbull Wormening Cultists wrap themselves into pretzels trying to explain it, along with the undeniable fact (facts being things that scare leftist morons more than anything in the world, other than taking a bath and getting a job) that it’s been getting colder and colder for years now.

That, we must admit, is hilarious. It’s also a great way to prune your social circles of sub-moronic weeds. Just mention casually that some Global Warming would be nice around now and pay attention to the reactions of those around you. It may take a few applications, but pretty soon you’ll have your Christmas Card list cleaned out in a most satisfying way and with the bonus benefit of never ever again accidentally finding yourself in the company of something with an intelligence quotient lower than their shoe size.

Oh, and then there’s the whole Wendy Davis circus. Wendy Davis, for those of you who aren’t Texan or who simply couldn’t care less, is the Texas spokes-Sanger for abortion on demand past 5 months gestation as well as refusing to demand that infanticide mills at least make sure that they have admitting privileges to a real hospital in case anything goes wrong during the baby murder.

We’re sure that she’d actually be in favor of back alley coat hanger abortions, seeing as how you can’t regulate murder any less than that, and she gets all warm and fuzzy when it comes to murdering babies.

Anyway, the circus part is that she, like any other leftist in history (see Elizabeth Fauxcahontas, Joe Kinnock Biden et al), felt the need to, ahem, embellish her life story a bit in order to make it sound more appealing. And like any other leftist in history, she neglected to consider that she’d be found out. She also neglected to consider that Texas isn’t Massachusetts and, as such, she couldn’t count on the media to hush it all up and make it better for her.

We do agree, however, that her life story was in dire need of some serious embellishing, if she wants to become Governor of Texas, which she, hilariously, does. But perhaps she didn’t have to lay it on quite as thick.

In her version, she was the struggling single teenage mother who fought her way through Harvard Law to provide for her children whom she loves more than anything.

The only true part of that statement appears to be that she was, indeed, at some point a teenage mother. Hey, she was 19. Good thing she hadn’t been a few months more worth of shy or she’d have had to lie about that too. She was even single! Until she snagged up a lawyer sugar daddy to pay her bills for her, that is. Said bills including law school, which he liquidated his savings to help finance.

And then, on the day that he made the last payment on her student loans, she slapped his arse with a divorce and marched off.

Did we mention that she left the kids with him as well? Maybe they were cramping her style and, seeing as how she hadn’t quite molded the world in her image yet, it was still illegal to drown them in a tub.

When all of this came out, she immediately accused her opponent, Greg Abbott, of being the source of all of those vicious, evil, brutal attacks. Remember: Evil, vicious and brutal is leftist speak for “whenever anybody tells the truth about a leftist.” All of which would be wholly unremarkable, had she not decided to elevate it to comedy gold by finishing off her tirade by belittling Mr. Abbott (who, last we checked, had nothing to do with the truth coming out), stating that he “could not possibly know her struggle, having never walked a mile in her shoes.”

Which he hasn’t. And never will. You see, Mr. Abbott is a paraplegic and has been in a wheelchair for thirty years.

Oops. Howls of laughter at this leftist retard’s self-immolation may have been part of the reason why His Imperial Majesty has been having trouble keeping up. Hard to do anything useful when your sides are hurting and you’re having trouble breathing.

Anyways. We’re busy, working our arse off, but we’re otherwise fine. Hopefully things will calm down soon.

Thatisall.

21 comments

  1. 1
    NR Pax growls and barks:

    Wendy’s self-inflicted immolation is entertaining to watch, but it would be smart not to discount her completely. There are enough densely populated liberal enclaves in Texas to keep her around as a serious candidate and a lot of the media will fan the flames of “Questioning her is sexist because SHUT UP!”

  2. 2
    LC ShadowFox growls and barks:

    Wendy: “Stand up Greg! Let em see ya!

  3. 3
  4. 4

    Sounds like a little birdie chirped in your ear that there were rumblings of a Palace coup in your absence. I guess the reports of your demise were premature eh? That’s what we get for hiring bargain basement assassins.
    LC 0311 Sir Crunchie I.M.H., K.o.E. recently posted..Sorry, Alligators Snapping at Our Arse EverywhereMy Profile

  5. 5
    L.C. Mope growls and barks:

    Well, you missed Pete Seeger in the box for the State of the Union address. When I was told he was in the box, I figured he would be taking ‘selfies’ with Moochelle. Alas, even he wouldn’t stand for that.
    L.C. Mope recently posted..Boehner’s Happy CampersMy Profile

  6. 6
    LC SecondMouse growls and barks:

    Don’t count on things calming down much, if at all. Even statists can’t hide a sunrise, and the winds of change are really beginning to blow through the make-believe financial markets as the stresses of Keynesian policy failures mount. 2014 may shape up to be a very interesting year. As Ayn Rand once said, you can ignore reality, but you cannot ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.

  7. 7
    BITOA growls and barks:

    Boss,
    Why would you have wasted one iota of thought about this cunt????????????

  8. 8
    Tallulah growls and barks:

    Meanwhile, in New York, it’s SNOWING again! We’ve had snow on the ground continuously, more or less, for weeks.

    Speaking of global warming Birdbrains, a Liberal Birdbrain and his doxie were walking behind me on my way to a Super Bowl party Sunday evening. Said Birdbrain to his ladylove, “I was holding forth at Susan’s house at dinner the other night on Climate Change[TM], and I could see that she was getting steamed, really biting her tongue — because you know, Fox News is her BIBLE. And she listens to Rush LIMBAUGH, and all those assholes. But I just kept on going, telling them the truth about it, and it was killing her, you know?”

    The light changed, and the Liberal Birdbrain turned down East End Avenue. He was really proud of himself.

    You know, even if he were right, he was rude as hell, and insufferably self-righteous, and the woman whose dinner party he ruined apparently had manners that were too good to allow her to stick a fork in his eyeball. I toyed with the idea of telling him off for being a rude bastard, but discarded it — that type is ineducable, and positively glories in being reprimanded by those they consider Neanderthals — it would’ve given the Birdbrain a chance to strike a fake-heroic pose in front of his doxie.

  9. 9
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    NR Pax says:

    There are enough densely populated liberal enclaves in Texas to keep her around as a serious candidate and a lot of the media will fan the flames of “Questioning her is sexist because SHUT UP!”

    All of that is a feature, not a bug. If it weren’t for opportunities to have shitsack leftists shouting epithets at us for no logical reason at all, we’d have nothing left to laugh at. We’ve even turned it into a game with the Imperial Heirs: Come up with something completely innocent, then use leftist “logic” to “prove” that this means that he/she is a racist/sexist/homophobe/anti-semite/closet Justin Bieber fan. It’s great fun.

    Example: Conservatives like bacon. Jews aren’t allowed to eat bacon. Therefore, conservatives are anti-semites and therefore, still using leftist “logic”, RAYCISSSSS!!!1!!eleventy!!

    No, we didn’t come up with that one. Some leftist retard actually said that. But we’ve come up with many others.

    LC 0311 Sir Crunchie I.M.H., K.o.E. says:

    That’s what we get for hiring bargain basement assassins.

    They should have waited with trying to break into the Imperial Liquor Cabinet until after the deed.

    L.C. Mope says:

    Well, you missed Pete Seeger in the box for the State of the Union address. When I was told he was in the box, I figured he would be taking ‘selfies’ with Moochelle. Alas, even he wouldn’t stand for that.

    MOPE!!! Now there’s a sight for sore eyes!

    And Pete Seeger? Why doesn’t that surprise me? Of course everybody’s favorite commie/nazi/then commie again hippie should be in the box to listen to His Master’s Voice.

    BITOA says:

    Boss,
    Why would you have wasted one iota of thought about this cunt????????????

    Because watching leftist cunts self-destroy and humiliate themselves is a source of endless amusement to me and it’s a dependable and renewable hysterical laughter source. We never run out of idiots, and they never fail to fuck themselves up. If we could convert idiocy into kWs, then we’d finally, for the first time in history, found a use for leftists.

    And then we suppose that we’d have to occasionally say nice things about them, so perhaps it’s better that we haven’t.
    Emperor Misha I recently posted..Sorry, Alligators Snapping at Our Arse EverywhereMy Profile

  10. 10

    It’s really hard for me to believe that anyone takes Abortion Barbie seriously after all the lies she’s spewed, but then again, I am continuously surprised at the sheer douchehattery of many voters.
    LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch recently posted..America the BeautifulMy Profile

  11. 11

    OT, but did you see who is leading our Olympic Delegation during opening ceremonies?

    Herr Napolitano will goose step into Sochi, leading our olympians

  12. 12

    Jaybear, Colonel of Imperial Ancient Artillery says:

    OT, but did you see who is leading our Olympic Delegation during opening ceremonies?
    Herr Napolitano will goose step into Sochi, leading our olympians

    OMFG! Why?????????????????
    LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch recently posted..America the BeautifulMy Profile

  13. 13
    Igor, Imperial Booby growls and barks:

    LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch @ #12:

    Mainly because Ear Leader wants to poke pooty-poot-Putin in the eye because of his stance on Gays.

    Swinehood hath no remedy.
    :em04:

  14. 14
    DJ Allyn, MPSE growls and barks:

    Sorry, Alligators Snapping at Our Arse Everywhere

    What have I told you about drinking all the vodka and then go skinny-dipping in the moat?

    :em05:
    DJ Allyn, MPSE recently posted..The Luck You Got ~ The High StrungMy Profile

  15. 15
    readerjp growls and barks:

    Tallulah, you might be my neighbor if you know E. End Ave.

    The Wendy Evans thing reminds me of Biden telling some guy who was in a wheelchair to get up and take a bow.

    Does everyone know about Loretta Fuddy? She was the official in the Hawaii Dept of Social Services to release Obama’s “health certificate,” which we know is phony. She was hired 3 months previous to that. And she recently died in plane crash — although she was the ONLY one to die.

    Now, I just had to post this and see what everyone thinks of it. Then explain it to me.

    http://conservativeamericaonline.blogspot.com/2014/02/video-obama-birth-certificate-narrative.html

  16. 16

    Igor, Imperial Booby @ #:
    OMG! There are plenty of HOT gay guys he could trot out. Fucking Napolitano???????????
    LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch recently posted..America the BeautifulMy Profile

  17. 17
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    DJ Allyn, MPSE says:

    What have I told you about drinking all the vodka and then go skinny-dipping in the moat?

    Well… It seemed like a good idea at the time!
    Emperor Misha I recently posted..So, Leftists, How Are You Liking the Consequences of Your Votes?My Profile

  18. 18
    DJ Allyn, MPSE growls and barks:

    Emperor Misha I says:

    Well… It seemed like a good idea at the time!

    They all do.
    DJ Allyn, MPSE recently posted..The Future’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades ~ Timbuk 3My Profile

  19. 19

    LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch says:

    It’s really hard for me to believe that anyone takes Abortion Barbie seriously after all the lies she’s spewed

    You’re forgetting this is in a state that contains a district that keeps re-electing Sheila “I stand here as a freed slave because this Congress came together.” Jackson Lee.
    Lady M-ITT™-Imperial Sniper G.L.O.R recently posted..Today’s ThoughtMy Profile

  20. 20

    Lady M-ITT™-Imperial Sniper G.L.O.R says:

    LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch says:
    It’s really hard for me to believe that anyone takes Abortion Barbie seriously after all the lies she’s spewed
    You’re forgetting this is in a state that contains a district that keeps re-electing Sheila “I stand here as a freed slave because this Congress came together.” Jackson Lee.
    Lady M-ITT™-Imperial Sniper G.L.O.R recently posted..Today’s Thought

    You just HAD to remind me, didn’t you?

    OK, so there are pockets of retardery, but the rest of Texas can’t possibly take this communist cunt seriously, can it?
    LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch recently posted..Trans-Misogyny? What the hell is that?My Profile

  21. 21
    Zoomiemaster growls and barks:

    I’m sure this thread’s too old for anybody to read this, but I loved this news article. The title? “Next Texas Governor Supports Open Carry Law” (about Wendy Davis). Congrats on the early elections, Texas! I thought you were going to wait until November to select the new governor…

    http://www.mail.com/news/politics/2624392-texas-governor-supports-open-carry-law.html#.7518-stage-set3-2

    :em01: