On the Occasion of His Imperial Majesty’s Birthday

And no, you don’t get to know how many times we’ve celebrated our 21st by now. Suffice it to say that when we were in the service, “Centurion” wasn’t the name of a battle tank, it was a rank.

But seeing as how we can’t deny the fact that you can’t keep on being 21 forever, and seeing as how the enlightened youth of these formerly United States of America has, voluntarily, voted for a regime that has guaranteed that every dime of wealth left to this nation will be spent by our generation and paid for by them, we consider it only fair to propose a toast to the idealistic young idiots.

Thanks. We really appreciate it. We particularly appreciate the fact that you selflessly chose to vote for a healthcare insurance reform that will guarantee that you will end up paying for the healthcare of old goats like ourself. Not to mention that your Dear Leader and his Socialist Democrat Party has a habit of expanding endlessly the benefits that are supposedly “rights” of everybody who unlocked the achievement of their own birth.

Something that, again, will benefit only us and you not one little bit. We fully expect to have our Viagra, penis pumps and whatever other accessories we might need in our dotage paid for out of your pockets should our masculine faculties start to fail and falter in our ancient years. Something we doubt that you’ll find much use for, being young and virile and all that. The hip replacements, bypass grafts, statins, glaucoma surgeries and various and sundry other procedures that you won’t need, but we will, are also most welcome.

Thanks for paying for all of that, and thanks even more for proving every doubt we had in your intelligence by voting twice for a socialist con artist about whom we warned you. Repeatedly.

You really are devoted to paying for grandma’s breast enhancements, aren’t you?

And no, you won’t ever see a dime of that, because with all of the “free” stuff that your Ear Leader is handing out at your expense, there won’t be a rusty nickel left when you get old enough to benefit from your own largesse.

You will, however, have paid for it all of your lives, and you have only yourselves to thank for it.

Elections have consequences, don’t they?

They say that Social Security was a great Ponzi scheme designed to rip off future generations, and that is all very true.

But you, dear Millennials, may be the first generation in the history of mankind to have voted to rip off your own generation.

Twice.

Did we mention you did so twice?

And all for the benefit of those of us old and wise enough to warn you, who did warn you. But you wouldn’t listen, bless your hearts, and it’s only reasonable that we should thank you for your youthful petulance, because otherwise who is going to pay for all of the metric tons of services we intend to use as we grow old and feeble?

So thanks. We really do appreciate it. Please keep being idiots, and please don’t ever start listening to what old fogies like ourself have to say.

Now get back to flipping burgers. Grandpa’s cybernetic boner won’t pay for itself, you know!

Thatisall.

18 comments

  1. 1
    DJ Allyn, MPSE growls and barks:

    I stopped having birthdays a while back. Now I just have a countdown clock.

    Happy Birthday
    DJ Allyn, MPSE recently posted..The Luck You Got ~ The High StrungMy Profile

  2. 2
    Draven32 growls and barks:

    And no, you won’t ever see a dime of that, because with all of the “free” stuff that your Ear Leader is handing out at your expense, there won’t be a rusty nickel left when you get old enough to benefit from your own largesse.

    Largely because your parents, and you, aren’t having enough children to make the pyramid schemes work.

  3. 3
    Draven32 growls and barks:

    (my comment is directed to the same object of the Emperor’s address. For some reason, comment editing isn’t working here, so i have to make another post to state thus.)

  4. 4
    Anthony L. growls and barks:

    Happy Birthday, Misha! Many more to come too.

    //Loyal L.C. and reader since the bitter beginning…

    Anthony

  5. 5
    LC Light29ID - The Imperial Asshole growls and barks:

    Penis pumps? Back in my day we had to use the ShopVac….

  6. 6
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    In honor of your anniversary of your 21st birthday, a little birthday song for you.
    :em01: :em05:
    angrywebmaster recently posted..Bambi birth control not workingMy Profile

  7. 7
    Bones growls and barks:

    Happy Birthday to you, and I will hoist a few (or lots more) since mine is this weekend.

  8. 8
    JonB growls and barks:

    I don’t think the Millenials have old age in their consideration for how they think society should be run. All to many of them are fine with euthanizing the “undesireable”, specifically the elderly.

  9. 9
    Igor, Imperial Booby growls and barks:

    Hippo Birdie Two Ewes, my liege. You don’t *look* 21… :em07:

    Ever thought of going into advertising? This little gem of a read should be mandatory reading for all the young little Useful Idiots out there, the election may actually turn out differently this next go-around. In a good way. KnowWhutIMean?

    :em01:

  10. 10
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    Igor, Imperial Booby @ #:

    Ever thought of going into advertising? This little gem of a read should be mandatory reading for all the young little Useful Idiots out there, the election may actually turn out differently this next go-around. In a good way.

    You would to put the ads where the “Little Dears” would actually see and pay attention to. So, how do we get them into XBox games?
    angrywebmaster recently posted..Remember when America had a free enterprise economy?My Profile

  11. 11
    Library Czar growls and barks:

    I hope you meant the cyberKenetic penis. The cybernetic version just lays there like a wookie that just OD’ed on banana and fried chicken smoothies.

  12. 12
    VonZorch Imperial Researcher growls and barks:

    it’s only reasonable that we should thank you for your youthful petulance,

    I prefer to point and laugh in derision.

  13. 13
    Draven32 growls and barks:

    JonB says:

    I don’t think the Millenials have old age in their consideration for how they think society should be run. All to many of them are fine with euthanizing the “undesireable”, specifically the elderly.

    Yup, and they’ll think its great, until its their turn.

  14. 14
    HempRopeAndStreetlight growls and barks:

    A Birthday Present for His Rotten Majesty:

    https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=692755007431827&set=a.198587086848624.44436.175082565865743&type=1&theater

    If his highness is not smiling, spending 15 minutes reading the COMMENTS to that will turn that frown upside down faster than 1000 Ewoks roasting over an open bonfire…

  15. 15
    LC Jackboot IC/A growls and barks:

    Ya old bastich, congrats and we wish you many, many more!!! I’ve stopped counting mine so you’ll catch up to me in a few years.

    Happy, happy, joy, joy…….
    LC Jackboot IC/A recently posted..Rottfest Texas 2014!My Profile

  16. 16
    LC Patton growls and barks:

    Happy Birthday, your Majesty!

  17. 17
    ebrown2 growls and barks:

    These morons can’t figure out that command economies can -never- work, even in their beloved online role-playing games where every last detail is directly created and controlled by human beings. Happy Belated Birthday, Imperator.

  18. 18
    Draven32 growls and barks:

    ebrown2 says:

    These morons can’t figure out that command economies can -never- work, even in their beloved online role-playing games where every last detail is directly created and controlled by human beings. Happy Belated Birthday, Imperator.

    Actually many MMOs have been shocked to discover their little planned economies falling apart under the will of the free market… they keep having to ‘adjust’ things to keep their economy working how they want. Say there’s a rare item that requires the thingie from a rare whosiewhatsis to make, and it only appears in certain regions every six hours? people will wait…