Sorry, we served up the last penis jokes for lunch yesterday, but at least this story, brought to our attention by LC Just Another Random Nut, GLOR, has quite a few dickheads in it, so we’re just going to throw it out there.

No, it’s not about 404Care for once. We can only point fingers and laugh at the three people who signed up for it for so long, you know. No, this is about a bunch of hippies and glowbull wormening “scientists” who decided to jump on a ship and sail to Antarctica to document how the actions of us Blasphemers Against the Most Holy Writ of Gore™ have turned that desolate, icy wasteland, er, pristine, natural habitat for the world’s most majestic species into a desolate… No, wait, that doesn’t work.

Aaaanyhoo… This Chris Turney character, a “climate scientist” (“high priest” is so much easier to type, you guys, and it means the exact same thing) and, coincidentally, the founder of a “clean carbon” scam called Carbonscape and thus absolutely NOT financially vested in the success of the whole Glowbull Wormening Cult Scheme, jumps on a boat with a bunch of fellow Jonestowners to go film sweating penguins spontaneously catching fire in the searing heat of Antarctica or something.

And then reality intrudes on their adventure.

In the shape of 15 feet of solid ice rudely imprisoning their ship and its complement of Climate Warriors where no ice was supposed to be found. Granted, not as bad as the idiot hippie jet skiers trying to go through the mythical Northwest Passage earlier this year and, also granted, not quite as frozen as those dimwits surely must be by now.

So they sent for help from some fellow communists, a ChiCom icebreaker, and that one got stuck in the ice as well. A fwench ship also made a rescue attempt but got diverted when the captain thought he heard a penguin yell at him in German and promptly surrendered.

Currently they’re waiting to be rescued by helicopter while their ship is being covered in inch after inch of global warmening, and we just can’t wait to find out what will happen to foil that attempt.

Irony. It just never works out well for Progressive Fascists, does it?

Thatisall.

0 0 votes
Article Rating

By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

51 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Draven32
Member
Draven32
December 31, 2013 04:32

gigglesnort

LC R6
Member
LC R6
December 31, 2013 04:42

All you unbeliebers (!?) just don’t understand!! This isn’t about Global Warming its about Gullible Whoring™.

Terrapod
Editor
December 31, 2013 05:56

Having seen RusCom helicopters up close in my line of work and counted the number that fall out of the skies, would not want to climb into one unless being shot at by ragheads or penguins as the case may be. What is even better is that this is the SUMMER of the Antipodes. I say they should stay put… Read more »

angrywebmaster
Member
December 31, 2013 06:27

Was Al Gore on board giving a speech? Now, how many have heard of the Endurance and the Shackleford expedition? Now those were Real Men. (No women on that ship) Maybe the ice will crush the hull, the ship sinks and they all freeze to death in time for New Years? (Yes, I’m grouchy. I haven’t had my coffee yet… Read more »

angrywebmaster
Member
December 31, 2013 06:40

Oh, and speaking of my wife, I just asked her if she wanted to hear something funny. I told her about the ship with global warming kooks on it. Her response?

“Good!”

:em05: :em07:

Just Another Random Nut, GLOR
Member
Just Another Random Nut, GLOR
December 31, 2013 07:41

Penguins yelling at the French ship in German —> :em05: :em05: :em05:

I didn’t see the update that they had to be airlifted out! And it’s high summer in Antarctica, too. Man oh man … the gift that just keeps on giving….

LC Gunsniper
Member
LC Gunsniper
December 31, 2013 07:58

The question now is how many of these stranded warming cultists are going to finally admit they worship at the altar of a lie?

I’m betting on zero.

LC Sir Clambake, Imperial Black Ops Technician, K.o.E.
Member

LC Gunsniper says:

The question now is how many of these stranded warming cultists are going to finally admit they worship at the altar of a lie?

I’m betting on zero.

No bet. But I don’t care who you are, that shit’s funny right there!

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
Member

I’ve got tears running down my face – tears of mirth and joy! This is schadenfreudelicious! Just Another Random Nut, GLOR says: Penguins yelling at the French ship in German —> I didn’t see the update that they had to be airlifted out! And it’s high summer in Antarctica, too. Man oh man … the gift that just keeps on… Read more »

Just Another Random Nut, GLOR
Member
Just Another Random Nut, GLOR
December 31, 2013 08:20

LC Gunsniper @ #7:

You can lead a liberal to reality but you can’t make them think.

angrywebmaster
Member
December 31, 2013 08:25

LC Gunsniper @ #:

The question now is how many of these stranded warming cultists are going to finally admit they worship at the altar of a lie?

They would rather be eaten by flaming penguins then admit their God, Al Gore was a false prohphet out to make a buck for himself.

LC R6
Member
LC R6
December 31, 2013 08:36

The question now is how many of these stranded warming cultists are going to finally admit they worship at the altar of a lie? What!? Admit to what? That the GW deniers have spread enough propaganda to make the world believe that their ship is stuck in ice in the middle of summer in the sweltering antarctic? There’s nothing to… Read more »

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
Member

angrywebmaster says: LC Gunsniper @ #: The question now is how many of these stranded warming cultists are going to finally admit they worship at the altar of a lie? They would rather be eaten by flaming penguins then admit their God, Al Gore was a false prohphet out to make a buck for himself. angrywebmaster recently posted..Meet the new… Read more »

Just Another Random Nut, GLOR
Member
Just Another Random Nut, GLOR
December 31, 2013 08:46

Flaming carnivore penguins should be the new symbol of global warming, but I don’t have the Photoshop skillz.

Princess Natasha, Imperial Koch-monger
Member
Princess Natasha, Imperial Koch-monger
December 31, 2013 08:49

Flaming carnivore penguins vs ManBearPig
:em01:

LC Ohio Right Wing Nut
Member
LC Ohio Right Wing Nut
December 31, 2013 08:50

A fwench ship also made a rescue attempt but got diverted when the captain thought he heard a penguin yell at him in German and promptly surrendered.

I laughed a little too hard at this

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
Member

Just Another Random Nut, GLOR says:

Flaming carnivore penguins should be the new symbol of global warming, but I don’t have the Photoshop skillz.
Just Another Random Nut, GLOR recently posted..I really shouldn’t laugh.

Oh, BC!!! Where art thou?

Princess Natasha, Vlad Putin’s Bastard War-Child says:

Flaming carnivore penguins vs ManBearPig

In a tub of lime Jello?

Orion
Member
December 31, 2013 09:25

Guys, it’s NOT Global Warming any more! Like any cult when their predictions come false, they changed it. To Global Climate Chaos! See, this is just PROOF of Global Climate Chaos! I mean, seriously! Heavy ice in summer! CLEARLY that is more PROOF of Man-Caused Global Climate Chaos! And only giving millions and millions of dollars to folks like these… Read more »

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
Member

Orion @ #:
Stop it! You’re ruining my flaming, carnivorous penguin fantasy!

:em05:

LC R6
Member
LC R6
December 31, 2013 09:36

huh. I gurgled “flaming penguin” and this came up:

comment image

I think this should be the new logo for all liberal memes. At least we’ll have eye candy.

LC SecondMouse
Member
December 31, 2013 09:46

These hapless priests of the AGW religion find themselves in a hilarious situation. They have dedicated themselves to warning us all that humans will destroy the world by warming it up, and yet they now discover they need much more of this warming in order to return to safety.

Priceless. Progressives: masters of weapons-grade accidental irony.

LC R6
Member
LC R6
December 31, 2013 09:47

And these:

comment image

comment image

comment image

AND THEN THERE IS THIS!!!!!!:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=flaming%20penguin

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
Member

LC R6 says:

And these:
comment image
comment image
comment image
AND THEN THERE IS THIS!!!!!!:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=flaming%20penguin

What it needs is a penguin in flames, with AlBore’s severed head dripping blood out of its mouth.

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
Member

Oh, and the Urban Dictionary definition!?!?!?!? :em06:

angrywebmaster
Member
December 31, 2013 10:17

LC R6 @ #:comment image

comment image

comment image

AND THEN THERE IS THIS!!!!!!:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=flaming%20penguin

All well and good, but we are looking for flaming CARNIVOROUS penguins. :em07:

Princess Natasha, Imperial Koch-monger
Member
Princess Natasha, Imperial Koch-monger
December 31, 2013 10:30

But where are their TITS? They need more TITS!! :em05:

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
Member

Princess Natasha, Vlad Putin’s Bastard War-Child says:

But where are their TITS? They need more TITS!!

Flaming, carnivorous penguins with tits?

This is definitely a job for BC.

Princess Natasha, Imperial Koch-monger
Member
Princess Natasha, Imperial Koch-monger
December 31, 2013 11:04

And, of course….

PENIS!!!!!!

:em07:

Qoheleth
Member
Qoheleth
December 31, 2013 11:10

Flaming Penguin? Sure. Start with about four pounds of penguin, medium rare. In a saucepan, mix a cup and a half of brandy, half a cup of brown sugar, add orange zest to taste, and then heat over a medium flame until vapors begin to rise. Ignite the vapors, and carefully pour over the penguin. Voila, Flaming Penguin. Anything served… Read more »

Terrapod
Editor
December 31, 2013 11:17

Erm, sort of more like FISHY chicken :em05:

Qoheleth
Member
Qoheleth
December 31, 2013 11:24

I thought all endangered species tasted like chicken, except the Spotted Owl, which tastes more like duck.

Or so I’m told…

But trust me, the brandy-and-orange cuts through all that fishiness. And as an added delight, telling this sends all my lefty friends into spasms and makes their heads spin. It’s like dinner and a show.

angrywebmaster
Member
December 31, 2013 11:44

As the google is strong in me, I found the true recipes: Roast Penguin Ingredients: Penguin breasts Butter Beef suet Dried onions Flour Gravy granules Salt and pepper to taste Method: Season the penguin breasts well with salt and pepper and dip each piece in melted butter. Roll in flour and fry in beef suet to seal the meat, turning… Read more »

NR Pax
Member
NR Pax
December 31, 2013 12:00

It won’t change their minds. The presence of the ice will prove the “need for a dialogue about climate change.”

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
Member

OK, BC –

This is what we need.

A penguin, sporting both tits and dick, in flames, with the severed head of AlBore in his mouth, dripping blood.

Go forth and Photoshop, my friend!

LC R6
Member
LC R6
December 31, 2013 12:32

Princess Natasha, Vlad Putin’s Bastard War-Child @ #:

Well, not exactly a penguin, but maybe with a little photo shop on the head?

Jaybear, Colonel of Imperial Ancient Artillery
Member

NR Pax says:

It won’t change their minds. The presence of the ice will prove the “need for a dialogue about climate change.”

right, anytime they are proven wrong they just change the name of the impending crisis…..global cooling/global warming/cilmate change….just give it a different name to sell to the gullible useful idiots. Kinda like calling abortion “choice”

LC R6
Member
LC R6
December 31, 2013 12:36

And BTW can someone tell the disingenuous, pathetic, lying, anti-American, know-it-all, constantly dying lunatic that the edit button doesn’t work?

Thanks.

Retired Spook
Guest
Retired Spook
December 31, 2013 13:10

Proof, as if we needed it, that G-d does, indeed, have a sense of humor!

Igor, Imperial Booby
Member
Igor, Imperial Booby
December 31, 2013 13:17

Thanks for the laughs, fellow Rotties. Freakin’ hilarous! BC, Where Art Thou in our time of need??

:em01: :em03: :em01:

angrywebmaster
Member
December 31, 2013 13:18

Retired Spook @ #:

Proof, as if we needed it, that G-d does, indeed, have a sense of humor!

Not quite yet. for the true sense of humor that G-d has, the honey tank on the holy RV would spring a leak right over that ship.
:em01:
Anyone for seal brains on toast?
:em06:

LC IB CiSSnarl5.7 Imperial Foreign War Correspondent
Member

A fwench ship also made a rescue attempt but got diverted when the captain thought he heard a penguin yell at him in German and promptly surrendered.

:em05:

You should write for Letterman, maybe he’d actually be funny then.

LC hilljohnny
Member
LC hilljohnny
December 31, 2013 16:13

I am eagerly awaiting the reports of cannibalism breaking out on the ship. :em01:

Jaybear, Colonel of Imperial Ancient Artillery
Member

LC hilljohnny says:

I am eagerly awaiting the reports of cannibalism breaking out on the ship.

they’re probably all vegans, so they’ll starve to death most likely

LC PrimEviL
Member
LC PrimEviL
December 31, 2013 16:42

angrywebmaster @ #:32
Battered penguin? Ohhh nooeees! Oh, the humanity! What beast would batter a poor defenseless
little penguin? Is there no mercy in this world? :em05:

LC Ohio Right Wing Nut
Member
LC Ohio Right Wing Nut
December 31, 2013 20:52

LC/IB PrimEviL @ #:
Penguin in a nice beer batter is pretty tasty :em01:

Tallulah
Member
Tallulah
January 1, 2014 04:39

The Ship of Fools, innit? Okay, this is OT, but EPIC. (By the way: Section 1311- H1B of Ovomitcare gives the Secy of HHS blanket authority to DICTATE to PRIVATE INSURANCE COMPANIES what they are ALLOWED to reimburse doctors and hospitals for — so private insurance customer/patients won’t be ALLOWED to get better care than the Ovomitcare victims, even if… Read more »

HempRopeAndStreetlight
Member
HempRopeAndStreetlight
January 1, 2014 19:22

Where are the carnivorous man-eating were-penguins when you need ’em…

Radical Redneck
Member
Radical Redneck
January 1, 2014 22:49

Glaedelig Jul Misha! :em01:

Orion
Member
January 2, 2014 17:26

I see BC is back, but I have yet to see any flaming, carnivorous hermaphroditic mammalian penguins, neither with nor without Al Gore’s severed head in their beaks!

I feel cheated.

Orion

angrywebmaster
Member
January 2, 2014 17:55

Orion @ #:

I feel cheated.

Feeling cheated? The offices of Scamem, Screwem & Rapem can help! Call now for your free consultation.
:em05: