And Now For Some SchadenPr0n…

Sorry, we served up the last penis jokes for lunch yesterday, but at least this story, brought to our attention by LC Just Another Random Nut, GLOR, has quite a few dickheads in it, so we’re just going to throw it out there.

No, it’s not about 404Care for once. We can only point fingers and laugh at the three people who signed up for it for so long, you know. No, this is about a bunch of hippies and glowbull wormening “scientists” who decided to jump on a ship and sail to Antarctica to document how the actions of us Blasphemers Against the Most Holy Writ of Gore™ have turned that desolate, icy wasteland, er, pristine, natural habitat for the world’s most majestic species into a desolate… No, wait, that doesn’t work.

Aaaanyhoo… This Chris Turney character, a “climate scientist” (“high priest” is so much easier to type, you guys, and it means the exact same thing) and, coincidentally, the founder of a “clean carbon” scam called Carbonscape and thus absolutely NOT financially vested in the success of the whole Glowbull Wormening Cult Scheme, jumps on a boat with a bunch of fellow Jonestowners to go film sweating penguins spontaneously catching fire in the searing heat of Antarctica or something.

And then reality intrudes on their adventure.

In the shape of 15 feet of solid ice rudely imprisoning their ship and its complement of Climate Warriors where no ice was supposed to be found. Granted, not as bad as the idiot hippie jet skiers trying to go through the mythical Northwest Passage earlier this year and, also granted, not quite as frozen as those dimwits surely must be by now.

So they sent for help from some fellow communists, a ChiCom icebreaker, and that one got stuck in the ice as well. A fwench ship also made a rescue attempt but got diverted when the captain thought he heard a penguin yell at him in German and promptly surrendered.

Currently they’re waiting to be rescued by helicopter while their ship is being covered in inch after inch of global warmening, and we just can’t wait to find out what will happen to foil that attempt.

Irony. It just never works out well for Progressive Fascists, does it?

Thatisall.

51 comments

  1. 1
    Draven32 growls and barks:

    gigglesnort

  2. 2
    LC R6 growls and barks:

    All you unbeliebers (!?) just don’t understand!! This isn’t about Global Warming its about Gullible Whoring™.

  3. 3
    Terrapod growls and barks:

    Having seen RusCom helicopters up close in my line of work and counted the number that fall out of the skies, would not want to climb into one unless being shot at by ragheads or penguins as the case may be. What is even better is that this is the SUMMER of the Antipodes. I say they should stay put until the ice melts…..heh! :em01:

  4. 4
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    Was Al Gore on board giving a speech?

    Now, how many have heard of the Endurance and the Shackleford expedition?
    :em03:
    Now those were Real Men. (No women on that ship)
    :em01:
    Maybe the ice will crush the hull, the ship sinks and they all freeze to death in time for New Years?
    :em05:
    (Yes, I’m grouchy. I haven’t had my coffee yet and my wife has been ordered to report to work 4 hours ealy and won’t be home until after midnight)
    :em08:
    angrywebmaster recently posted..Seven kinds of criminal stupidityMy Profile

  5. 5
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    Oh, and speaking of my wife, I just asked her if she wanted to hear something funny. I told her about the ship with global warming kooks on it. Her response?

    “Good!”

    :em05: :em07:
    angrywebmaster recently posted..NSA bribes security companies for back doors?My Profile

  6. 6
    Just Another Random Nut, GLOR growls and barks:

    Penguins yelling at the French ship in German —> :em05: :em05: :em05:

    I didn’t see the update that they had to be airlifted out! And it’s high summer in Antarctica, too. Man oh man … the gift that just keeps on giving….
    Just Another Random Nut, GLOR recently posted..I really shouldn’t laugh.My Profile

  7. 7
    LC Gunsniper growls and barks:

    The question now is how many of these stranded warming cultists are going to finally admit they worship at the altar of a lie?

    I’m betting on zero.

  8. 8

    LC Gunsniper says:

    The question now is how many of these stranded warming cultists are going to finally admit they worship at the altar of a lie?

    I’m betting on zero.

    No bet. But I don’t care who you are, that shit’s funny right there!
    LC cmblake6, Imperial Black Ops Technician recently posted..You heard about this, yes?My Profile

  9. 9

    I’ve got tears running down my face – tears of mirth and joy!

    This is schadenfreudelicious!

    Just Another Random Nut, GLOR says:

    Penguins yelling at the French ship in German —>
    I didn’t see the update that they had to be airlifted out! And it’s high summer in Antarctica, too. Man oh man … the gift that just keeps on giving….
    Just Another Random Nut, GLOR recently posted..I really shouldn’t laugh.

    I second that! *giggling*
    LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch recently posted..2013 – the year of changeMy Profile

  10. 10
    Just Another Random Nut, GLOR growls and barks:

    LC Gunsniper @ #7:

    You can lead a liberal to reality but you can’t make them think.
    Just Another Random Nut, GLOR recently posted..I really shouldn’t laugh.My Profile

  11. 11
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    LC Gunsniper @ #:

    The question now is how many of these stranded warming cultists are going to finally admit they worship at the altar of a lie?

    They would rather be eaten by flaming penguins then admit their God, Al Gore was a false prohphet out to make a buck for himself.
    angrywebmaster recently posted..Meet the new Nazi’s of the Ivy LeagueMy Profile

  12. 12
    LC R6 growls and barks:

    The question now is how many of these stranded warming cultists are going to finally admit they worship at the altar of a lie?

    What!? Admit to what? That the GW deniers have spread enough propaganda to make the world believe that their ship is stuck in ice in the middle of summer in the sweltering antarctic?

    There’s nothing to admit here!! Oh contrare, this simply proves that they must be ever more vigilant in overcoming the nasty, false and dangerous propaganda of the deniers before we all free….. die from heat exhastion!

  13. 13

    angrywebmaster says:

    LC Gunsniper @ #:
    The question now is how many of these stranded warming cultists are going to finally admit they worship at the altar of a lie?
    They would rather be eaten by flaming penguins then admit their God, Al Gore was a false prohphet out to make a buck for himself.
    angrywebmaster recently posted..Meet the new Nazi’s of the Ivy League

    By the very definition and nature of a “cult,” they would rather kill themselves in a mass suicide pact than admit any such thing. Although, flaming carnivore penguins would be way more fun!
    LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch recently posted..2013 – the year of changeMy Profile

  14. 14
    Just Another Random Nut, GLOR growls and barks:

    Flaming carnivore penguins should be the new symbol of global warming, but I don’t have the Photoshop skillz.
    Just Another Random Nut, GLOR recently posted..I really shouldn’t laugh.My Profile

  15. 15
    Princess Natasha, Vlad Putin's Bastard War-Child growls and barks:

    Flaming carnivore penguins vs ManBearPig
    :em01:

  16. 16
    LC Ohio Right Wing Nut growls and barks:

    A fwench ship also made a rescue attempt but got diverted when the captain thought he heard a penguin yell at him in German and promptly surrendered.

    I laughed a little too hard at this

  17. 17

    Just Another Random Nut, GLOR says:

    Flaming carnivore penguins should be the new symbol of global warming, but I don’t have the Photoshop skillz.
    Just Another Random Nut, GLOR recently posted..I really shouldn’t laugh.

    Oh, BC!!! Where art thou?

    Princess Natasha, Vlad Putin’s Bastard War-Child says:

    Flaming carnivore penguins vs ManBearPig

    In a tub of lime Jello?
    LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch recently posted..2013 – the year of changeMy Profile

  18. 18
    Orion growls and barks:

    Guys, it’s NOT Global Warming any more! Like any cult when their predictions come false, they changed it.
    To Global Climate Chaos!

    See, this is just PROOF of Global Climate Chaos! I mean, seriously! Heavy ice in summer! CLEARLY that is more PROOF of Man-Caused Global Climate Chaos! And only giving millions and millions of dollars to folks like these will be enough to save mankind from our DOOM! Well, that and more and more power to the government.

    Act now before it’s too late!

    G L O B A L C L I M A T E C H A O S!!! DOOOOOM!

    Orion

  19. 19

    Orion @ #:
    Stop it! You’re ruining my flaming, carnivorous penguin fantasy!

    :em05:
    LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch recently posted..2013 – the year of changeMy Profile

  20. 20
    LC R6 growls and barks:

    huh. I gurgled “flaming penguin” and this came up:

    http://th00.deviantart.net/fs28/200H/f/2009/246/4/4/Plastikstars_Portrait_by_Andreotty.jpg

    I think this should be the new logo for all liberal memes. At least we’ll have eye candy.

  21. 21
    LC SecondMouse growls and barks:

    These hapless priests of the AGW religion find themselves in a hilarious situation. They have dedicated themselves to warning us all that humans will destroy the world by warming it up, and yet they now discover they need much more of this warming in order to return to safety.

    Priceless. Progressives: masters of weapons-grade accidental irony.

  22. 22
  23. 23
  24. 24

    Oh, and the Urban Dictionary definition!?!?!?!? :em06:
    LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch recently posted..Foreign Enemies and TraitorsMy Profile

  25. 25
  26. 26
    Princess Natasha, Vlad Putin's Bastard War-Child growls and barks:

    But where are their TITS? They need more TITS!! :em05:

  27. 27

    Princess Natasha, Vlad Putin’s Bastard War-Child says:

    But where are their TITS? They need more TITS!!

    Flaming, carnivorous penguins with tits?

    This is definitely a job for BC.
    LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch recently posted..Foreign Enemies and TraitorsMy Profile

  28. 28
    Princess Natasha, Vlad Putin's Bastard War-Child growls and barks:

    And, of course….

    PENIS!!!!!!

    :em07:

  29. 29
    KArnold growls and barks:

    Flaming Penguin?

    Sure. Start with about four pounds of penguin, medium rare. In a saucepan, mix a cup and a half of brandy, half a cup of brown sugar, add orange zest to taste, and then heat over a medium flame until vapors begin to rise. Ignite the vapors, and carefully pour over the penguin. Voila, Flaming Penguin. Anything served flambe is always a crowd-pleaser.

    Tastes just like chicken.

  30. 30
    Terrapod growls and barks:

    Erm, sort of more like FISHY chicken :em05:

  31. 31
    KArnold growls and barks:

    I thought all endangered species tasted like chicken, except the Spotted Owl, which tastes more like duck.

    Or so I’m told…

    But trust me, the brandy-and-orange cuts through all that fishiness. And as an added delight, telling this sends all my lefty friends into spasms and makes their heads spin. It’s like dinner and a show.

  32. 32
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    As the google is strong in me, I found the true recipes:

    Roast Penguin
    Ingredients:

    Penguin breasts

    Butter

    Beef suet

    Dried onions

    Flour

    Gravy granules

    Salt and pepper to taste
    Method:

    Season the penguin breasts well with salt and pepper and dip each piece in melted butter. Roll in flour and fry in beef suet to seal the meat, turning once. When each side is crisp, place in baking tray and pour over the fat from the frying pan. Sprinkle with dried onion and cook in the oven on medium heat until tender. For the gravy – stir a teaspoon of flour into the cooking fat then add a spoon-full of gravy granules and sufficient water or stock to thicken.

    Or…

    Escallops of Penguin
    Ingredients:

    Penguin breasts

    Dried onions

    Milk

    Batter mix

    Flour

    Beef suet

    1 tin of condensed mushroom soup

    Salt and pepper to taste
    Method:

    Cut the penguin breasts into thin slices and soak in milk for about two hours. Pat dry, season with salt and pepper and flour the penguin escallops. Mix the onions into the batter. Dip the meat in the batter and deep fat fry. Pour the heated soup over the battered penguin as a sauce.

    And then there is…

    Sautéed Penguin
    Ingredients:

    Penguin breasts

    1 cup of dried onions

    1 tin tomatoes

    1 tin tomato soup

    4oz. butter

    Mixed herbs

    Salt and pepper to taste
    Method:

    Cut the penguin breasts into small pieces and fry in the butter until brown then add the onion. Drain the tomatoes and mash half the tin into a purée, then stir into the meat and onion mixture. Add salt and pepper and some mixed herbs and the tomato soup. Simmer until the meat is tender and the sauce had thickened.

    N.B. The meat of young shags, seals and penguins makes excellent eating, but in the natural state is rather too highly flavoured to be palatable. It should therefore be washed thoroughly and hung in the fresh air for a few days (in the case of shags, a couple of weeks), before cooking. The meat is further improved by blanching. Remove all blubber before cooking and replace the fat with beef suet when cooking.

    :em01:
    :em05:
    angrywebmaster recently posted..Seven kinds of criminal stupidityMy Profile

  33. 33
    NR Pax growls and barks:

    It won’t change their minds. The presence of the ice will prove the “need for a dialogue about climate change.”

  34. 34

    OK, BC –

    This is what we need.

    A penguin, sporting both tits and dick, in flames, with the severed head of AlBore in his mouth, dripping blood.

    Go forth and Photoshop, my friend!
    LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch recently posted..Fox’s new comedy – a study in screwupperyMy Profile

  35. 35
    LC R6 growls and barks:

    Princess Natasha, Vlad Putin’s Bastard War-Child @ #:

    Well, not exactly a penguin, but maybe with a little photo shop on the head?

  36. 36

    NR Pax says:

    It won’t change their minds. The presence of the ice will prove the “need for a dialogue about climate change.”

    right, anytime they are proven wrong they just change the name of the impending crisis…..global cooling/global warming/cilmate change….just give it a different name to sell to the gullible useful idiots. Kinda like calling abortion “choice”

  37. 37
    LC R6 growls and barks:

    And BTW can someone tell the disingenuous, pathetic, lying, anti-American, know-it-all, constantly dying lunatic that the edit button doesn’t work?

    Thanks.

  38. 38
    Retired Spook growls and barks:

    Proof, as if we needed it, that G-d does, indeed, have a sense of humor!

  39. 39
    Igor, Imperial Booby growls and barks:

    Thanks for the laughs, fellow Rotties. Freakin’ hilarous! BC, Where Art Thou in our time of need??

    :em01: :em03: :em01:

  40. 40
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    Retired Spook @ #:

    Proof, as if we needed it, that G-d does, indeed, have a sense of humor!

    Not quite yet. for the true sense of humor that G-d has, the honey tank on the holy RV would spring a leak right over that ship.
    :em01:
    Anyone for seal brains on toast?
    :em06:
    angrywebmaster recently posted..Antarctic Global Warming has gone coldMy Profile

  41. 41

    A fwench ship also made a rescue attempt but got diverted when the captain thought he heard a penguin yell at him in German and promptly surrendered.

    :em05:

    You should write for Letterman, maybe he’d actually be funny then.
    LC IB CiSSnarl5.7 Imperial Foreign War Correspondent recently posted..And Now For Some SchadenPr0n…My Profile

  42. 42
    LC hilljohnny growls and barks:

    I am eagerly awaiting the reports of cannibalism breaking out on the ship. :em01:

  43. 43

    LC hilljohnny says:

    I am eagerly awaiting the reports of cannibalism breaking out on the ship.

    they’re probably all vegans, so they’ll starve to death most likely

  44. 44
    LC/IB PrimEviL growls and barks:

    angrywebmaster @ #:32
    Battered penguin? Ohhh nooeees! Oh, the humanity! What beast would batter a poor defenseless
    little penguin? Is there no mercy in this world? :em05:
    LC/IB PrimEviL recently posted..Just a RantMy Profile

  45. 45
    LC Ohio Right Wing Nut growls and barks:

    LC/IB PrimEviL @ #:
    Penguin in a nice beer batter is pretty tasty :em01:

  46. 46
    Tallulah growls and barks:

    The Ship of Fools, innit?

    Okay, this is OT, but EPIC. (By the way: Section 1311- H1B of Ovomitcare gives the Secy of HHS blanket authority to DICTATE to PRIVATE INSURANCE COMPANIES what they are ALLOWED to reimburse doctors and hospitals for — so private insurance customer/patients won’t be ALLOWED to get better care than the Ovomitcare victims, even if they PAY for it.)

    But back to the EPIC:

    ME and my family! We are victims of Obamacare. I have 7 children who had insurance and who are going to lose it.

    Twelve years ago I quit my nursing job and started a small business. We struggled without insurance and had major expenses which we paid. Finally, we were able to purchase a group insurance policy. We have continued to pay for that insurance despite the fact it has skyrocketed in price.

    Since October 1 I have spent over 50 hours navigating that terrible website and over 40 hours on the phone. I was able to complete the application and it was trying to force my children onto Medicaid. I had to make a change in the application that required the Advanced Resolution Center’s help. After my initial request I was promised a call back within “48 hours.” I’m on day 44 and 6 escalations later!

    The website was supposed to be fixed on November 30 but for the first 8 days of December I couldn’t even log on. On 9 December I was able to delete my old application and start over to fix the error on my first application.

    While filling out the application yesterday I answered all the income questions (over 40 pages) but saw something I wanted to edit so I clicked the edit button. There is a glitch that forces you to answer all 40 pages again. Just as I was about to finish my 80th page of income answers the website gave me an error code and logged me out. None of my answers were saved!

    I logged back in and for the third time answered that all 7 of my kids are not going to make any money this year. They have 3 pages that ask this same question. At this point I had answered the no income question 63 times on my 7 children! The other page is a question about whether my children paid ALIMONY. At this point I answered that question 21 times.

    I finally got to the end of the application and noticed the website had changed my answer on filing a tax return from a joint return to not filing a return. I hit the edit button which deleted all my answers. The website then prompted me to answer questions about my dependents but a glitch would not let me do this so after another extended call to the 1-800# I was forced to delete my 2nd completed application.

    Stupid me decided to try again and I did the whole process and got to the end and the thing glitched again and said we were not filing a return AGAIN. An hour long call to the 1800# and guess what: completed application #3 was DELETED!

    I am a true sucker so I tried again this morning. I made it through the application in about 75 minutes and got my eligibility. My wife and I along with our 2 year old son could purchase a policy but our 8,9, 11, 12,14 and 14 year old children would not be able to purchase insurance. Application #4 got deleted. I am done trying!

    I don’t know what we are going to do! We had insurance and Obama took it from us. I didn’t vote for Obama and did not support Obamacare. I knew Obamacare would fail but I truly did not want Obamacare to fail. Only an idiot would want it to fail when its failure would mean havoc and no insurance for my children.

    We had insurance and Obama took it away. We have tried everything to get new insurance. The president has placed my family in an untenable position. This Obamacare nightmare reminds me of another collectivization attempt; in 1932 Stalin confiscated the farms of Ukraine. He issued impossible quotas and starved 10,000,000 to death in the Holodomor. The parallels of robbing families and children of such a basic necessity is terrifying!

    The thing that frightens me most is the moral impunity by which the president and his supporters are operating. They are spewing outright lies and destroying people’s lives. They claim the moral high ground and sanctimoniously prance around while stealing a basic necessity from my children. These people are a bunch of amoral monsters!

    This is why the victims of Obamacare should be your man of the year!

  47. 47
    HempRopeAndStreetlight growls and barks:

    Where are the carnivorous man-eating were-penguins when you need ‘em…

  48. 48
    Radical Redneck growls and barks:

    Glaedelig Jul Misha! :em01:

  49. 49
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    Radical Redneck says:

    Glaedelig Jul Misha! :em01:

    Tusind tak, Radical, og i lige maade!
    Emperor Misha I recently posted..The Continuing Adventures of the ClitanicMy Profile

  50. 50
    Orion growls and barks:

    I see BC is back, but I have yet to see any flaming, carnivorous hermaphroditic mammalian penguins, neither with nor without Al Gore’s severed head in their beaks!

    I feel cheated.

    Orion

  51. 51
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    Orion @ #:

    I feel cheated.

    Feeling cheated? The offices of Scamem, Screwem & Rapem can help! Call now for your free consultation.
    :em05:
    angrywebmaster recently posted..The latest from the Church of Global WarmingMy Profile