Duct tape in short supply after PA Biker Rally

*** Folks, After some more review,  It appears the below linked blog article is satire, sorry if I caused confusion – it’s still a funny read tho…***

 

I must admit, I am having a bit of difficulty writing this.

It’s hard to type on these new laptops with the back lit keyboards – the tears of laughter make the home keys double – and some times treble until you end up typing in a language that never existed ….

Alas, I will simply put up the link here – at least until such time I gain control of my motor functions once more. Go read, keyboard covers required and spew alert is in effect: you have been warned. …

PETA Crashes biker rally in PA (H/T and full credit to the blog at fromthetrenchesworldreport.com)

Back? Good…Okay –  I think *snort* I’ve got *giggle* myself under at least some bit of con -*gufffaw* -trol here.

 

what a wonderful coming together of two diverse groups!

Indeed! It simply warms the cockles of my heart to see such ‘diversity’ amidst the denizens of this wonderful Empire.

PETA usually protests women wearing fur rather than bikers wearing leather. Sounds to me like the old saying, “you mess with the bull, and you get the horns”.

Yep. I’ve noticed that too….Effeminate metrosexual Nancy boys and gender confused dykes with daddy issues generally pick on those that can’t mount a solid defense – but somehow these three morons got their dander up – too many doses of whatever happy pill they take to keep from collapsing into weeping puddles of humanity I suppose – and – paid the full price of admission.

 

Local and state police scoured the hills outside rural Johnstown, Pennsylvania, after reports of three animal rights activists going missing after attempting to protest the wearing of leather at a large motorcycle gang rally this weekend. Two others, previously reported missing, were discovered by fast food workers “duct taped inside fast food restaurant dumpsters,” according to police officials.

“Tha’ right there is funny. I don’t care who you are!” – to quote Larry the cable guy. In all seriousness – did these PETA folks really expect to be greeted with open arms and hugs at a – biker rally? Really? I’m about as far away politically and ideologically from PETA as any person walking the face of the planet – and I wouldn’t attempt to show up at a biker rally uninvited. That’s a real good way to get yourself into a whole heap of trouble with some folks perhaps sporting  pretty impressive resumes from places like Fulsome and Riker’s….You. Just.Can’t. Fix. Stupid.

“Something just went wrong,” said a still visibly shaken organizer of the protest. “Something just went horribly, horribly, wrong.”

I object. In the normal course of human events…..to quote the founders…. things went exactly according to the forces that guide the cosmos.

You see my little activist you and your ilk have made a terrible assumption – that “violence is never the answer”. We’ll ignore the glaring hypocrisy of  wanton acts of violence that YOU commit to further your addle brained agendas here.

Furthermore, doubling down on stupid, you wrongly assume that everyone  SHOULD think “FWEEL” like you do, that your misguided sense of how the world works or – should work according to of course, you – has somehow given you a license to be an complete and utter irritant to other humans. Her’s a bit of advice for the future twinkle toes….Some of those humans may react in ways you just don’t understand because well – simply put?  You’re a fucking pussy.

The organizer said a group of concerned animal rights activists, “growing tired of throwing fake blood and shouting profanities at older women wearing leather or fur coats,” decided to protest the annual motorcycle club event “in a hope to show them our outrage at their wanton use of leather in their clothing and motor bike seats.”

The oh so brave animal rights clownshoes ….picking on old ladies…class act indeed. Anyhell, How’d that work out for your Nancy? Not so well it looks like. There’s an old saying here that bears some relevance to this discussion – “choose your battles wisely” Ever heard that old saw? I guess not.

In fact,” said the organizer, “motorcycle gangs are one of the biggest abusers of wearing leather, and we decided it was high time that we let them know that we disagree with them using it, ergo, they should stop.”

And duct tape…You forgot the abuse of duct tape. I’d also charge here they seem to have a habit of ‘abusing’ idiotic PETA protesters….you REALLY should have taken the time to consider that and thought of it before you engaged here…jus’ saying.

According to witnesses, protesters arrived at the event in a vintage 1960?s era Volkswagen van and began to pelt the gang members with balloons filled with red colored water, simulating blood, and shouting “you’re murderers” to passersby. This, evidently, is when the brouhaha began.

You just can’t cant make this shit up folks. I gotta give the PETA trolls at least a “B” on this assignment – that took pure balls. You so much sneeze on some folks Harley…. let alone splash water filled with red dyes in it ….and you’re liable to find yourself counting your fucking teeth- hoping against all odds that you can find them all and high tail it to the dentist in time to have them successfully placed back in your jaws…assuming of course your jaws are in fact still intact, which there’s a 99.999 % possibility it won’t be. Balls or abject fucking stupidity here??? ….you make the call.

“They peed on me!!!” charged one activist. “They grabbed me, said I looked like I was French, started calling me ‘La Trene’ and duct taped me to a tree so they could pee on me all day!”

Oh come on buck up me fine activist!! …it’s just a little yellow water, albeit heavily beer and whiskey scented water- why heck, it’s pretty much just like the red water you were so happily just a few seconds ago bombing 30,000.00 dollar Harley’s with dontcha’ know…where’s your sense of humor !?!? Damn it. French – La Trene – My sides are just KILLING me from laughing here. And oh – it’s “Latrine” but the witty bikers certainly DO get a nod for outstanding sarcasm in the performance of duties as ruled by the cosmos.

Still others claimed they were forced to eat hamburgers and hot dogs under duress. Those who resisted were allegedly held down while several bikers “farted on their heads.”

In the grand scheme of things – I’d say you got off lucky. People have tried to crash Biker rallies before and got themselves dead in the process…and they were Bikers. You’re not. Permit me to form a word picture here ….

You PETA folks are sort of like – well like I said before, pussies. But aside from that fact, you’re akin to demented little toddlers peddling around furiously on your tricycles incessantly  ringing an annoying little bell until even the most patient of souls wants to scream and drive sharp instruments into their inner ears.

Bikers are – well Bikers, they don’t ride the same things you do. They ride 200 HP Beasts, affectionately called Hogs…. that tend to be loud and fast, much faster in fact,  than you can ever hope to accomplish on a tricycle. Do you see the problem here? No?

Well lets go further….you tried – no actually you DEMANDED  to ride your tricycle and ring your bell on the street. You got run the fuck over by a ‘Hog’. NOW do you understand the problem here? Yes? Wonderful!! Next time…stay on the sidewalk.

Police officials declined comments on any leads or arrests due to the ongoing nature of the investigation; however, organizers for the motorcycle club rally expressed “surprise” at the allegations.

How about that…I’m thinking here….Cops ain’t about to start a damn riot with a few hundred leather clad bikers trying to save a couple PETA folks…think about that next time you start poking  sticks at the rattlesnake PETA.

“That’s preposterous,”said one high-ranking member of the biker organizing committee. “We were having a party, and these people showed up and were very rude to us. They threw things at us, called us names, and tried to ruin the entire event. So, what did we do? We invited them to the party!

What could be more friendly than that? You know, just because we are all members of motorcycle clubs does not mean we do not care about inclusiveness. Personally, I think it shows a lack of character for them to be saying such nasty things about us after we bent over backwards to make them feel welcome.”

Spoken as only a true Biker could – without busting out in gales of laughter of course. I’m not sure duct taping someone in a tree 15 feet in the air actually qualifies as an “invite” Mongo….but hey man it’s your party – I got NO dog in the fight of course, I’m a bit wiser than – well –  PETA folks. Well spoken & well played  indeed….Carry on.

When confronted with the allegations of force-feeding the activist’s meat, using them as ad hoc latrines, leaving them incapacitated in fast food restaurant dumpsters, and ‘farting on their heads,’ the organizer declined to comment in detail. “That’s just our secret hand shake,” assured the organizer.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA…SECRET …..HANDSHAKE…*GASP* STOP IT, YOU’RE KILLING ME HERE!!

Again – Consider yourself lucky PETA pussies. This could have turned out worse. Much worse. As in “Three People are found in shallow graves with PETA Signs crammed sideways up their asses” jus’ saying.

“From the trenches” Author wraps up his essay with this :

“Something just went wrong,” said a still visibly shaken organizer of the protest. “Something just went horribly, horribly, wrong.”

Yes, it did. What went wrong is that, at some point in your life, you became horribly, horribly stupid.

Yep. And like I said – You can’t fix stupid, these people were very, very lucky that a little hazing and a good case of duct tape rash is all they got….

 

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Special EdVeeshirCaveChildEmperor Misha ILC Xystus Recent comment authors
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LC Roguetek
LC Roguetek

A classic failure in the victim selection process.

LC Timberwolf - Keeper of the Imperial Malinois
LC Timberwolf - Keeper of the Imperial Malinois

I saw that when it first appeared, and it’s even funnier now. 😀 OK, I wanna correct ya on sumthin’ here. Pretty much any cool person is welcome at most any biker rally. We won’t beat anyone’s ass and hang ’em upside down from a street sign unless they’re really askin’ for it. We’re basically friendly people and prefer titties… Read more »

LC Roguetek
LC Roguetek

Don’t be fooled. He’s lying. We hate you all, and if you show up, we’re going to beat you stupid, and take your money.

LC Xystus
LC Xystus

I thought it read like satire anyway.

LC Roguetek
LC Roguetek

oh, it’s satire. For me, as second generation ‘scooter trash’, watching this new fad with being a ‘biker’ is somewhat ironic. There’s a t-shirt making the rounds in the biker community. “You used to hate us, now you want to -be- us.” And it’s horribly true. Gods of the Road save me from the ‘want-to-bees’ that infest harley dealerships, rallys,… Read more »

Emperor Misha I
Emperor Misha I

LC Roguetek says: There’s a t-shirt making the rounds in the biker community. “You used to hate us, now you want to -be- us.” That’s not necessarily a bad thing through and through, though. Although I agree with you that the Meghan McCains of this world who like to think that their street cred gets improved by saying “I once… Read more »

Emperor Misha I
Emperor Misha I

Oh, and for the record, I like SoA. As a SHOW. It’s hugely entertaining. As a documentary, which is how some idiots seem to see it? Don’t make me laugh. It’s just a show.

LC Roguetek
LC Roguetek

I can’t stand the show. It’s just too goddamn stupid. My wife loved it, so I had to watch it, and be aware of it., so I have pages of ranting about how stupid it is.

Hate. It.

Almost as bad as I hate liberals.

LC Xystus
LC Xystus

Maybe we should have a “Sons of Monarchy” T-shirt. The Empire & all that.

I remember when that first came out. Dad sent me the link and laughed like hell.

It still is funny.

LC Timberwolf - Keeper of the Imperial Malinois
LC Timberwolf - Keeper of the Imperial Malinois

Rogue, ya done fucked up my plan, now I’ll have to figure out another way to get beer money aside from rolling the rubes at the next bikefest. You’re ‘sposed ta be workin’ WITH me here! 😀 I’ve been riding Harleys over 40 years, and I used to get pissed at the wannabes. Anymore, they’re everywhere, but they stick to… Read more »

Emperor Misha I
Emperor Misha I

LC Timberwolf – Keeper of the Imperial Malinois says: But, there’s a VAST difference between being a BIKER and someone who merely owns a bike. One of my shirts says, “20 Grand and a T-Shirt Don’t Make You a Biker!” Damn straight. And I’m not a biker, I’ve just grown up around the lifestyle enough to at least think that… Read more »

LC Timberwolf - Keeper of the Imperial Malinois
LC Timberwolf - Keeper of the Imperial Malinois

Hi, Misha. Oh, don’t get me wrong, there IS a certain “warm ‘n fuzzy” derived from seeing a newbie on his first scoot! I think I have to qualify my derision. It’s those that buy into the mystical HD legend and all it entails (of which a helluva lot is true), and then proceed to undergo some Jekyll and Hyde… Read more »

Veeshir
Veeshir

Oh Emperor, did you see the show on History Channel callled Vikings? Aside from the Viking woman killing her clansman for rape, what did you think about that show? IMO, they surely made some of them much more touchy-feely and 21st century, but it seemed pretty realistic otherwise. Oh, and I got taken in by that too even though I… Read more »

Special Ed
Special Ed

Two things: 1. Don’t be fooled. He’s lying. We hate you all, and if you show up, we’re going to beat you, sStupid, and take your money. Fixed it ferya. Punctuation saves lives! and B: The whole “Viking” deal started as a rite of passage for young men in the northern Eurasian region. They would be taken apart from the… Read more »

Emperor Misha I
Emperor Misha I

Veeshir says: Oh Emperor, did you see the show on History Channel callled Vikings? Aside from the Viking woman killing her clansman for rape, what did you think about that show? Can’t say as I have watched that show, but now I guess I’m going to have to look it up, Veesh. Actually, the bit you mention about a Viking… Read more »

Veeshir
Veeshir

It was an Other, they were invading a village and one of the men found a woman he wanted. As he was raping her, Our Hero’s Wife came in and killed him. Our Hero was a little too 21st century touchy-feely, for instance, he found a priest and instead of killing him, he made him a “slave” (scare quotes most… Read more »