How Do I Write This?

We all face our own mortality. Each of us knows that one day we will be called home, whether we acknowledge this fact in quiet moments of introspection, or whether the inevitability of it slaps us in the face, we know deep down that we will one day “shuffle of this mortal coil”.

As you all know Caveman and his dear departed wife Mary went through a long battle with cancer, one which Mary eventually lost. Through it Kent was a paragon of strength, an inspiration to those of us with whom he shared the story. His love for his wife was unshakeable, the depths of his moral, emotional and physical strength were limitless, and he restored mine and many others faith in humanity and hope for the human condition. He never cursed God, rather he turned to Him for comfort and solace. Although a recovering alcoholic he never allowed the horrors of watching his wife suffer and die serve as an excuse to drown his demons. He knew all too well that they can swim better than he could drink. And he always thanked us, his friends here on this site, for the support we gave him. It was we who needed to thank him; he reminded us all what a real man, a real husband, a real Christian, was.

Now…

well now God has decide that Kent’s troubles are not over. Like Job in the Old Testament, Kent must again face the terror of cancer, this time his own. He has been diagnosed with lung and liver cancer. He was recently admitted to the hospital after a fall, and as sometimes happen things didn’t look right. Then the test results came back.

Kent has seen where this will lead and has decided accordingly. He will not fight it. He will wait to go Home and be with his wife. In his own words;

Personally, knowing what I know, I think I will be following Mary home soon.  But I will not live waiting to die, don’t treat me that way, please.

I for one won’t Kent. I will celebrate that I was honored to have known a man such as you. And I will pray that you will face the last of your many challenges in life with the same courage and fortitude that you faced down all the rest.

“When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.” – Tecumseh

28 comments

  1. 1
    LC MuscleDaddy growls and barks:

    Fuck.

    What do you need, Cave?

    – MD

  2. 2
    Library Czar growls and barks:

    As always Caveman my prayers for you and your family.

    And he said ” My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness”

  3. 3
    irish19 growls and barks:

    “When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.” – Tecumseh

    A beautiful sentiment. Prayers headed your way as it’s all I can give right now.

  4. 4

    this week just keeps getting harder, I’ve refrained from saying anything about this as I just don’t have the words. First I lose a sweet and dear friend on Sunday to chronic liver and kidney failure, she was my sons best friends mother and we all were very close…..and now my brudda Cave.

    I will pray and pray hard, Buddy….tell me what you want me to pray for God to give you.

    my problems seem rather insignificant right now

  5. 5
    MikeG growls and barks:

    May God grant you his strength and grace during this time Caveman, and my you be in Heaven with your beloved Mary a half hour before the devil knows you’re dead.

  6. 6
    Fa Cube Itches growls and barks:

    To quote Charles Bukowski: “We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.”

  7. 7
    LC Sir Rurik, K.o.E. growls and barks:

    I was one proud and honored to be one of Caveman’s circle during that first testing time. I was having my own time of testing, and Cave and I found ourselves giving mutual encouragement and moral support. I think Cave gave the more of it. he and I became dear friends at a distance. Now, sadly enough, I am again at ground zero. I am amazed and inspired by the simple heroism and nobility with which he reported the news and has been dealing with reality. I can only hope that when my time comes I will do half so well.
    One of Shakespeare’s characters said We all owe heaven one death. No more no less. As a vet Caveman understands.
    Caveman loved his country, his wife Mary, and his honor, in no particular order. To borrow a quote from Solzhenitsyn, He is that one without whom the village cannot stand (Matryonni dvor).

    He has merited his RWE title of LC. He will be missed. And in the fullness of time I look forward to meeting him for a creat cup of whatever is used for coffee Beyond.

  8. 8
    Eric Praline growls and barks:

    Caveman and his family will be in my prayers.

  9. 9
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    Dammit, Kent…

    Not that cancer is ever right or less than horrible, but to see you visited by that demon twice just breaks my heart.

    You’ve always, for as long as I’ve known you, been a role model to me in everything you’ve done. A role model I have all too often failed to live up to, but still a goal that I have and will continue to strive for. Obviously your selfless, courageous stand with your beloved Mary right up to the very end stands out as a shining example of what I’m talking about, but that was just one thing among many.

    Your words of strength and wisdom, the fact that even in your very darkest hours you never, not once failed to muster some extra strength, where you got it from I don’t know, to stand up and reach out to when one of this community was in need, those are all additional examples of the man you are.

    Exactly at the moments in time when no man alive would have as much as raised an eyebrow if you were to say “sorry, I’m running on empty, I’ll have to pass this once” you would be there, first among all, to do whatever you could.

    I don’t know where we get such men as you from, but I’m honored to have known one.

    We don’t belong here on Earth, this is not our true home. Yes, we do have a purpose here, but once that purpose is filled we will graduate and be allowed to go where we truly belong, where we were born to be. I’d like to think that at least part of your purpose has been to show those of us who struggle with the concept how we should live, how we can all choose to live, no matter what life may throw at us. If I’m right, then I doubt that any would disagree with me that you’ve graduated summa cum laude.

    And while you’re still with us, it of course goes without saying that all that I can do is at your disposal. This site, my prayers, everything that is within my powers to do for you.

    And when you’re not, and may that day be long off, I will carry on in my heart what you’ve taught me and I will pray that when my time comes, I’ll have earned the honor of joining you. Because if I can’t be where you’re going, with you, then I haven’t much use for eternity.

    G-d bless you, my friend, my brother, as you have blessed me and the rest of us, may He grant you strength and freedom from pain, and may He welcome you with open arms.

    We will meet again.

    Your devoted friend,

    Misha
    Emperor Misha I recently posted..How Do I Write This? My Profile

  10. 10

    Even the most devoted Christians will find themselves asking at times like this, “Why?”. We think and rationalize with minds that cannot see or understand the future. We try to grasp answers that we were never meant to comprehend while in this human form.

    As much as it pains me to hear this news Cave. I pray the Lord will give you the strength to climb this last mountain, and when you reach the summit, you will look out with a mind and heart full of the understanding of what He had planned for you.

  11. 11
    nealinnevada growls and barks:

    Caveman, you are an inspiration to us…my thoughts and prayers are with you bud.

  12. 12
    Radical Redneck growls and barks:

    Son of a Bitch Life just ain’t fair! :-(

  13. 13
    Igor, Imperial Booby growls and barks:

    Caveman, know that each and every one of us will be by your side until you are Called Home. You have our support, our prayers. When you finally do get to go Home, give our regards to Mary. May your suffering be short, especially in light of all those that love you and wish you the best on this final journey.

    In the meantime, we will support you as best as we can!

    Et Lux Aeterna.

  14. 14

    Cave – let me know if there is anything I can do – anything. If it’s within my ability I will do it.

    There’s no easy way to say anything meaningful when faced with what you are – I know – been there. Words ring hollow in one’s ears – or perhaps they are just muted because you’re focused like a laser on the battle ahead.

    So if you need any thing or just someone to talk it all out with by all means do not even think twice – Crunch has my contact info.
    LC IB CiSSnarl5.7 Imperial Foreign War Correspondant recently posted..Tone deaf arroganceMy Profile

  15. 15
    LC/IB PrimEviL growls and barks:

    Damn, Caveman. Well, just damn. Words fail.
    LC/IB PrimEviL recently posted..Deer Educates FarmerMy Profile

  16. 16
    Boryon growls and barks:

    There is much I could say, but so much of it is irrelevant. It is your choice sir, and you have my blessings (for whatever they are worth).

    If there is anything this Brit can do for you, feel free to ask, either on this thread or via email (Misha has my address).

  17. 17
    LC HJ Caveman82952 growls and barks:

    Don’t get me wrong, I intend to fight. But I will not do what Mary did. It just depends on what I hear. I hate fucking biopsies. But I do have some pain killers….after being used as a pin cushion. I will probably get two…yucko. I am not idle……already spoken with a realtor, also a friend, about short sale options. My concerns are with my daughter.
    People here and in town have been so wonderful and kind, I feel greatly humbled. I truly do.
    But one thing to remember, always remember……
    Your selfless actions often spur others to the same behavior. It has happened to me. Not always, to be sure, but quite often. Never forsake yourself…ever.

  18. 18

    Whatever path you choose, Kent, know that we will right beside you. You have never left my prayers, but my heart weeps at the thought of changing the topic of them.

    God bless and keep you, sir.
    LC Aggie Sith, a goddess, only different, G.G.O.R. recently posted..Salute!!My Profile

  19. 19
    LC TerribleTroy growls and barks:

    I’m no good with words.

    Carry on my wayward son
    There’ll be peace when you are done
    Lay your weary had to rest
    Don’t you cry no more.

    If you are called, take your rightful place amongst the other guardian angels, until such time, just keep on being you

  20. 20
    LC Ogrrre growls and barks:

    Aw, damn, Kent! I hate that disease with the burning hatred of a thousand super-novae. I hope and pray that they caught it in time. Whether they did or not, I pray God gives you the strength and inner peace to continue on.
    I know some will ask why God does this to people. He doesn’t do this to people. He did not cause The Fall, and The Fall is the reason we have all the ills of today’s world. Keep your faith Kent, and may your fight be successful.

  21. 21
    LC HJ Caveman82952 growls and barks:

    What proves so difficult is getting all your damn ducks in a row…..after you find them. I will be seeing ASAP the same cancer specialist my wife saw, Dr. Peria, (SP)? a real nice gal with credentials covering thirty feet of wall. Most of the little pains are gone, I expect my fractured scapula and ribs to heal in time, all this on my right side.
    Yet the cancers are on my left….that does not hurt. Some shortness of breath, not critical. I am hiring a gardener, feeling much like I lost my manhood. Shortness of breath the reason.
    Go figure….
    But I want to know what I’m fighting, cancer will earn this one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  22. 22
    BigDogg - Imperial Thread Killer (ITK) growls and barks:

    Kent,

    I dropped into lurker mode a few weeks ago, but when I saw this my heart sank. You have so inspired me with your bravery, loyalty and devotion during Mary’s fight. Your writings have been more eloquent than any others I’ve read in a long while. It saddens me to the core to lose you as a kindred spirit on this earth … but my heart rejoices for you at the prospect of your reunion with Mary and eternity with the Almighty. You will be in my prayers constantly. Though I’ve never met you, I love you as a brother in Christ – and I look forward to the day we meet on the other side. I will give you an “Unga-Bunga” in honor of your Caveman title.

    Until then, fight like hell and take no prisoners! :em01:

  23. 23
    LC HJ Caveman82952 growls and barks:

    The same BigDogg, the same. We will have a lot of fun in the end……..well, after it anyway. Should I be called, then rotties will be mentioned by me directly, and what they are…..

  24. 24
    LC Jackboot IC/A growls and barks:

    It was with a heavy heart that I knew from the beginning when the testing started, what this Man among Men was likely facing. Like so many of us here, we can’t help but laugh at ourselves, me especially, speaking with this man and being within the aura that all of us who know him feel and feeling sorry for our own plights. His quiet calm, gentleness, nearly to a fault and love for his fellow man, have brought tears to these old eyes more than once. I can only offer prayers to my L-rd and Savior that a very, very special place be prepared at His table for this man, as we are promised.

    Kent my friend, we selfish humans want you here with us, but we DO know that our G-d has unfinished business for you in His House, our True Home with Him in paradise. For yes we are but strangers in a strange land, very far, yet infinitely close to our True Home.

    Rest, fine and good man, you’ve done your duty and the reward that all of faith understand is nigh.

    Emperor Misha I says:

    I don’t know where we get such men as you from, but I’m honored to have known one.

    I know my Brother, only in a place known as the United States of America, where not only men like these are to found, but found in their tens of thousands and all creating, nurturing and teaching the next generation to take their place alongside their forebears.
    LC Jackboot IC/A recently posted..Just a ThoughtMy Profile

  25. 25
    LC Jackboot IC/A growls and barks:

    LC HJ Caveman82952 says:

    Don’t get me wrong, I intend to fight.

    And fight you will, as we all know and when that fight comes to it’s conclusion you will have earned that respite and more. Mary awaits and there will be no more tears and pain.
    LC Jackboot IC/A recently posted..Just a ThoughtMy Profile

  26. 26

    Damn, brother. I suck at checking email, so if you sent me the heads up I missed it. I am sorry to hear this, you can have no idea how much. This is so wrong…

  27. 27
    twoheadsmania growls and barks:

    I don’t know you…but praise you for the strength in your story which I have heard. A family member close battles on against the dreaded C as I speak…I can’t imagine the pain…but I fear that the afterlife may be more peaceful than this maddening world which we inhabit.

  28. 28
    LC HJ Caveman82952 growls and barks:

    Crunchie………, Thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing my epitaph…..
    But I realized something. I now have seen this and am seeing it from all angles. Perhaps I can be of assistance to my fellows………my time may be short, it may not. Most aggravating.
    Explaining my shotgun approach. My attorney was sad and he is a Christian man, a strong one. He knows and will do everything In his power. He knows a lot of stuff I don’t. Quite a lot.
    My cancer does not hurt, most of not all of the little bruises and aches are gone. Almost all of my pain is the knot o broken bone and hardening tissue on the right side. I’d be in a nuthouse now if it were not for the powerful pain killer. I am at eighty percent maximum now. I will not go beyond a hundred, for vikes and such are not known to facilitate breathing. And I do feel it.
    Essentially taking six 1000′s of vikes per day. And my Tylenol and Motrin.
    So it isn’t the cancer at this point. I will make sure the doctor knows. I possible, deal with this first. Cut it out, burn it out, whatever. For you do reach a point where you simply don’t care, you simply want it handled.
    I am avoiding physical labor now, this is no game. I hired a gardener.
    It felt kinda sad, putting Spunky back in the back garage. I actually spoke as I got out……plugged in the trickle charger.
    I may never drive you again, Spunkers, thanks for all the good rides and good times.
    You are armed for bear mechanically, look virtually immaculate inside, needs a bit out.
    Be a good car for Erin…….
    I want to have as much going now as I can, for I may not be alive to see it through.
    Anyway, I will be posting from time to time, mentioning how I feel, what I have been told, etc.
    I still need to get some things done next week…..