In Other, Utterly Stupid News, Sorority Girl With Amazing Skills in Creative Profanity Resigns Due to Media Hoopla

We thought about fisking her angry email that her sisters weren’t putting out enough for the Sigma Nus. Not because we really care what they’re doing but because we like fisking idiots. Anti-Idiotarian and all that. Then we thought about posting about it because the girl truly does have an amazing way with words. Specifically words of the “creative cussing” variety, something that His Imperial Majesty has a soft spot the size of a football field for. You can read the whole outrageously outrageous email here, and you should because it truly is a thing of beauty, even if you care as little about the subject matter that got her fired up as we do. “Cunt punt” is one of our favorites now and will immediately go into the Encyclopedia Imperia. Not bad for a sorority chick. We salute you :)

And then we promptly forgot.

But the rest of the world didn’t. Hoo boy did the media go apeshit over this silly teenager’s profanity-laden email to the point where she apparently felt it necessary, or more likely somebody else felt it necessary, for her to resign from the sorority.

And so the story is now about how she has irrevocably “branded”, “stigmatized” and “tattooed” herself for life because The Internet Is Forever and all that.

“The Internet is forever,” Fertik added. “Unfortunately for her, her ‘online tattoo’ will stick with her for a long, long time—and it will likely color how peers, future employers, grad school admissions officers, etc., regard her as a person. She’s going to have to work very hard to show that she’s taken this experience and used it to grow into a more mature, thoughtful, tolerant and compassionate person.”

Oh give us a fucking break, you pointy-headed “deep thinker” taking yourself entirely too seriously.

She’s a teen (we presume, and if not then only barely out of her teen years) girl awash in confusing hormonal impulses trying to figure out What’s Important In Life™ and What The Meaning Of It All Is™ (42, dear, there’s your answer) who got really, really passionate about what she thought was important right now and wrote an email that is as funny as it is impressive in its complete rejection of decorum, sticking to expletives that actually exist and, well, grammar.

She’ll grow out of it and, in the meantime, she will have at least proven that she has a creative bone in her body. Several, we’d say.

Anybody who would hold that email against her or suggest that it encompasses anything that she’s actually all about in, say, 10 years is the one who has a problem. Not her.

And His Imperial Majesty says this as a stodgy, wet blanket, rigidly socially conservative bore who, by the definition of the left, has no sense of humor whatsoever.

Heck, girl. You polish your writing off a bit, and really only a bit, and you can come write for us if you’re interested. The pay and benefits are great. Or so we say. Enjoy being young and full of spunk. You only get to do so once, so make the most of it. “Growing up” comes later, if at all. No hurry.

(Thanks to LC and IB Ace who, as he is wont to do, has a lot more to say about it).

18 comments

  1. 1
    LC Gladiator growls and barks:

    Here’s the full email (with the author’s name changed):

    If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you’re sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.

    For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been FUCKING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I’ve been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking BORING. If you’re reading this right now and saying to yourself “But oh em gee Julia, I’ve been having so much fun with my sisters this week!”, then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don’t have to fucking find you on campus to do it myself.

    I do not give a flying fuck, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the greek community, and that’s not fucking possible if you’re going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON’T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you’re an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people fucking retarded? That’s not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you’re mentally slow so I can make sure you don’t go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said “Yeah we’re gonna invite Zeta over”, would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn’t, so WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN’T be post gaming at other frats, I don’t give a FUCK if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON’T GO. YOU. DON’T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do fucking NOT convince other girls to leave with you.

    “But Julia!”, you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, “I’ve been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn’t that count for something?” NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN’T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW FUCKING WHY?!! IT DOESN’T COUNT BECAUSE YOU’VE BEEN FUCKING UP AT SOBER FUCKING EVENTS TOO. I’ve not only gotten texts about people being fucking WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like “durr what’s kickball?” is not fucking funny), but I’ve gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!! I don’t give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND? Or are you just so fucking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it’s time someone told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR FUCKING MATCHUP. I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don’t give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.

    “Ohhh Julia, I’m now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad”. Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you’re a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you:

    DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT’S EVENT.

    I’m not fucking kidding. Don’t go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I’ve mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you’re unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not fucking awkward than 80 that are fucking faggots. If you are one of the people that have told me “Oh nooo boo hoo I can’t talk to boys I’m too sober”, then I pity you because I don’t know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don’t fucking show up unless you’re going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to fucking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight’s event, I will tell you to leave even if you’re sober. I’m not even kidding. Try me.

    And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don’t give a fuck. Go fuck yourself.

  2. 2
    LC Gladiator growls and barks:

    oh yeah, FOIST!

  3. 3
    LC TerribleTroy growls and barks:

    Alright, Alright….who in the fuck let LC Nikki into a Sorority?

    “Cunt Punt” heh heh…. almost as good as “cuntmuffin” and “twatmold.”

  4. 4
    Fa Cube Itches growls and barks:

    “Enjoy being young and full of spunk. “

    No pun intended, obviously; though for a sororstitute, particularly of the Delta Grande subspecies, she is eminently hittable.

  5. 5
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    Fa Cube Itches says:

    No pun intended, obviously; though for a sororstitute, particularly of the Delta Grande subspecies, she is eminently hittable.

    No argument there. She is. And she’s a damn sight more interesting, and not because of her looks, than the majority of her cohort.

    I wish her well. She’ll get over her awkward phase, just as I got over mine, but she’ll still have the spunk.

    I mean, seriously. She’s barely out of her teens if she’s even that and she’s already an Internet Meme and not in a bad way. Pretty impressive.

    That being said, had I had a daughter and had said daughter been a member of that sorority, I’d have given Miss Cunt Punt a good piece of my mind. Once I’d stopped laughing inside, that is. :)
    Emperor Misha I recently posted..In Other, Utterly Stupid News, Sorority Girl With Amazing Skills in Creative Profanity Resigns Due to Media HooplaMy Profile

  6. 6
    bruce growls and barks:

    she left out shit fuck!

  7. 7
    LC Sir Rurik, K.o.E. growls and barks:

    Somebody offer her a Pledge to the Rottweiler. We can hold initiation at the next Rottfest! :em01:

  8. 8
  9. 9
    Nate growls and barks:

    I understand MSNBC is holding a position open for her; her slot (coughcoughcough) is right between Ed ‘Sergeant’ Schulz and Rachel Madcow.

  10. 10
    Tango9 growls and barks:

    as everyone who’s ever worn a uniform knows, a well placed, clever, thoughtful, profanity-laced tirade from an instructor is better than 10,000 power point slides and additionally, provides for great stories for the remainder of your life.

  11. 11
    LC SecondMouse growls and barks:

    She has a lucrative career ahead of her as a scriptwriter for Quentin Tarantino.

  12. 12
    LC Gladiator growls and barks:

    DGs reply;

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ml4C-MYfOXI

  13. 13
    Tango9 growls and barks:

    LC Gladiator says:

    DGs reply;
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ml4C-MYfOXI

    dude. I watched that and killed 20 puppies, lit 12 kittens on fire and clubbed a baby bunny. Never post links again. ever.

    “If I didn’t have a women in Africa exam tomorrow…” <the fuck??

  14. 14

    Cunt-punt has been around the biker community since at least the mid ’80s.
    Recipients were usually either rowdy drunks or one-nighters that just didn’t get the message that “it’s morning,,
    you must go”.
    “Freakin’ NOW!”.

  15. 15
    LC LOBO growls and barks:

    Fa Cube Itches @ #:

    No pun intended, obviously; though for a sororstitute, particularly of the Delta Grande subspecies, she is eminently hittable.

    Meh. Barely average. Then again, I stay away from those places of “higher learning” due to the fact that they are overrun with leftists.

    Tango9 says:

    LC Gladiator says:

    DGs reply;
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ml4C-MYfOXI

    dude. I watched that and killed 20 puppies, lit 12 kittens on fire and clubbed a baby bunny. Never post links again. ever.

    “If I didn’t have a women in Africa exam tomorrow…” <the fuck??

    Fry up some eggs and we’ll call it breakfast. :em01:

  16. 16
    Lady H growls and barks:

    Thank you, Lord, I was never a sorority girl.
    Lady H recently posted..New HomeMy Profile

  17. 17
    Lady H growls and barks:

    Sire,

    I have to ask….you must have been impressed with her creative use of profanity that probably even rivals your own? :em05:
    Lady H recently posted..New HomeMy Profile

  18. 18
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    Lady H says:

    I have to ask….you must have been impressed with her creative use of profanity that probably even rivals your own? :em05:

    I wouldn’t go quite that far, Milady, but some respect is certainly in order and she did tickle my funny bone ;)
    Emperor Misha I recently posted..Now Here’s a Video That We Can’t Get Enough of WatchingMy Profile