Your Bitter Tears, Jugears, They Sustain and Nourish Me

We guess somebody’s hope to disarm the unruly peasants was brutally dashed against the hard rocks of reality today.

Oh happy, happy joy joy.

Yes, we know full well that this won’t stop the Democrat ProgNazis any more than it’s stopped them before, they’ll be back, but we did so enjoy watching Commissar Petukh Obongo finally showing some emotion today, particularly because said emotions so clearly revealed his lack of a human soul.

Widdle O-Bam-Bam didn’t get his candy bar, so he decided to throw a hissy fit.

Let the schadenfreude begin:

A few months ago, in response to too many tragedies, including the shootings of a United States congresswoman, Gabby Giffords, who’s here today, and the murder of 20 innocent schoolchildren and their teachers, this country took up the cause of protecting more of our people from gun violence. Families that know unspeakable grief summoned the courage to petition their elected leaders, not just to honor the memory of their children but to protect the lives of all of our children.

By pushing legislation that would have prevented not one solitary single death of those children. M’kay. Carry on, Whiny McFuckstick.

A few minutes ago a minority in the United States Senate decided it wasn’t worth it. They blocked common-sense gun reforms,

Note for future reference: Any proposal by any politician containing the words “common sense” contains none of it.

even while these families looked on from the Senate gallery.

Because, dammit, they’re the only ones who should have a say in this! Law-abiding gun owners having their rights stripped away from them because of a crime they didn’t commit should just SHUT UP ALREADY!

By now it’s well- known that 90 percent of the American people support universal background checks that make it harder for a dangerous person to buy a gun.

No, it isn’t, Comrade Fucksicle. The only reason you might call it “well-known” is that you’ve been repeating the lie for so long that some people might actually believe it to be true, much like your ideological predecessor, Joseph Goebbels, said they would. One good rule of thumb is that if any politician feels compelled to wave around some “fact” every five minutes, there’s a really good chance that what he’s saying is utter bullcrap.

But, by all means, provide us with the full statistics and a link to your “poll.” And we mean cross-tabs, exact wording of the question, demographics of the responders, the whole nine yards. We’d be positively delighted to peruse that data and Fisk the ever loving shit out of it until it cried for its mama and shat its diaper.

Here’s a fact: You can’t get 90% of Americans to agree on anything. And that includes “is the Earth flat or round?”

Since, throughout all of this, nobody screaming about the “90%” figure have yet provided anybody with the full data set, we can only conclude that it’s bogus. If you word the question, just to start off at the easy end, as “do you believe that it should be more difficult for murderous, psychopathic animals to get a hold of a gun?”, then you’ll get a completely different response from the one you’d get to the more honest “do you believe that honest, law-abiding citizens should be subject to more restrictions on their right to defend themselves from violence based on deliberately vaguely worded laws that will be open to endless interpretation by scumbag ProgNazis who hate their fucking guts?”

We’re talking about convicted felons, people convicted of domestic violence, people with a severe mental illness.

…as well as people who have ever seen a psychologist for any reason, anybody who’s ever taken a Xanax because their lives were disrupted (by, for instance, having their elementary school kids gunned down by a psychopath who stole the guns he used from his mother right before murdering her as well), and anybody else that any given government might decide qualified for the “mentally unstable” label.

Ninety percent of Americans support that idea.

Yep. Five minute rule definitely in effect. Keep it up, Comrade Petukh.

Most Americans think that’s already the law. And a few minutes ago, 90 percent of Democrats in the Senate voted for that idea. But it’s not going to happen, because 90 percent of Republicans in the Senate just voted against that idea.

Actually, that is the law. Did it prevent the murder of the 20 kids whose corpses you’ve been furiously humping for weeks now? No? OK.

A majority of senators voted yes to protecting more of our citizens with smarter background checks.

“Smarter” as in “Soviet Union” smarter, where everybody disagreeing with the regime can be labeled insane and therefore less than human.

But by this continuing distortion of Senate rules,

You mean the supermajority rule that’s been in effect since time immemorial, the rule that is absolutely sacrosanct whenever Republicans hold the majority in the Senate?

a minority was able to block it from moving forward. I’m going to speak plainly and honestly about what’s happened here, because the American people are trying to figure out, how can something have 90 percent support and yet not happen?

Because we’re a Constitutional Republic and not a garden variety mob rule third world shithole?

We had a Democrat and a Republican — both gun owners, both fierce defenders of our second amendment with A grades from the NRA come together and work together to write a common-sense compromise on background checks. And I want to thank Joe Manchin and Pat Toomey for their courage in doing that. That was not easy given their traditional strong support for second amendment rights.

Should have been pretty easy for somebody who is a staunch defender of 2nd Amendment rights to propose something that did not, in the least bit, harm the 2nd Amendment rights that they were such staunch supporters of. Do we sense a slight logical disconnect here?

As they said, nobody could honestly claim that the package they put together infringed on our second amendment rights.

No? OK, using a term that you’re utterly unfamiliar with, “logic”, how would something that didn’t change anything at all make any difference at all? What’s the point? If it doesn’t in any shape, form or fashion change existing rights or, indeed, existing precedent, then why are we wasting time talking about it?

All it did was extend the same background check rules that already apply to guns purchased from a dealer to guns purchased at gun shows or over the Internet. So 60 percent of guns are already purchased through a background check system.

Newsflash, you fucking idiot: Those background checks are already in effect. Go ahead, try purchasing a gun over the Internet without ever having to go through a background check. But first waive your executive immunity. We’d love to see your ignorant, communist ass in prison orange.

This would have covered a lot of the guns that are currently outside that system.

Their legislation showed respect for gun owners, and it showed respect for the victims of gun violence.

And Gabby Giffords, by the way, is both. She’s a gun owner and a victim of gun violence.

She’s certainly the latter. And if she’s the former, we’d like to know if the guns she own were purchased by her hypocrite ProgNazi husband who likes to straw purchase guns that he’d like banned.

She is a Westerner and a moderate, and she supports these background checks.

A “Westerner?” What the everloving fuck is a “Westerner?” Please, define that to us.

In fact, even the NRA used to support expanded background checks. The current leader of the NRA used to support these background checks.

The current leader of the NRA used to support intrusive background checks that would allow any sitting government to decide, capriciously, who should and should not own guns based on vague definitions open to interpretation? News to us.

So while this compromise didn’t contain everything I wanted

No, it didn’t. Probably because your ProgNazi Democrat puppets don’t read German.

or everything that these families wanted,

20 families in a nation of 300 million who, apparently, should have the final say in everything as long as it pleases your Holy Self.

it did represent progress. It represented moderation and common sense. That’s why 90 percent of the American people supported it.

Yay! It’s a twofer! Five minutes and you repeat the 90% meme AND the common sense one.

Now we really know that you’re full of it.

But instead of supporting this compromise, the gun lobby and its allies willfully lied about the bill. They claimed that it would create some sort of “Big Brother” gun registry,

Which it inevitably would, or it wouldn’t have been so deliberately vague in stating that only the AG couldn’t create such an animal, leaving it wide open to “interpretation” that anybody else could.

This legislation in fact outlawed any registry, plain and simple, right there in the text. But that didn’t matter. And unfortunately, this pattern of spreading untruths about this legislation served a purpose, because those lies upset an intense minority of gun owners, and that in turn intimidated a lot of senators.

You mean those dastardly Senators actually started listening to their constituents, the ones who employed them? WHAT IS THIS COUNTRY COMING TO????

And I talked to several of these senators over the past few weeks, and they’re all good people.

Except they’re bloody cowards unwilling to sacrifice their honor, integrity and sinecures at the altar of your Immaculate Goodness, of course.

I know all of them were shocked by tragedies like Newtown.

Unlike conservatives, who were all popping the champagne corks and celebrating.

And I also understand that they come from states that are strongly pro-gun, and I have consistently said that there are regional differences when it comes to guns and that both sides have to listen to each other.

As long as its understood that, in the end, the listening has to stop if it interferes with your Divine Wisdom.

But the fact is, most of these senators could not offer any good reason why we wouldn’t want to make it harder for criminals and those with severe mental illnesses to buy a gun. There were no coherent arguments as to why we wouldn’t do this. It came down to politics. They worried that that vocal minority of gun-owners would come after them in future elections. They worried that the gun lobby would spend a lot of money and paint them as anti-Second Amendment. And obviously a lot of Republicans had that fear, but Democrats had that fear, too. And so they caved to the pressure, and they started looking for an excuse, any excuse, to vote no.

Listening to their damn constituents, realizing that they had to face re-election where you did not. COWARDS!!!!

One common argument I heard was that this legislation wouldn’t prevent all future massacres.

It wouldn’t even have prevented one single one of the previous massacres.And that’s true.

As I said from the start, no single piece of legislation can stop every act of violence and evil.

Which is why we must pass more and more legislation. Sure, it won’t work, it won’t even make a damn difference other than to make life even more miserable for people who have never, nor would ever hurt a fly, but we surely have to pass some so we can find out what’s in it!

We learned that tragically just two days ago. But if action by Congress could have saved one person, one child, a few hundred, a few thousand; if it could’ve prevented those people from losing their lives to gun violence in the future while preserving our Second Amendment rights, we had an obligation to try. And this legislation met that test. And too many senators failed theirs.

Which it couldn’t have, and wouldn’t have. Stealing your mom’s weapons and murdering her is already against the law.

And your point? Other than the one on top of your head which we don’t hold against you, being the illegitimate child of a Nigerian Kenyan booze hound who was so incompetent that it took him two tries to kill himself in a drunk driving accident.

I’ve heard some say that blocking this step would be a victory. And my question is, a victory for who?

A victory for what?

The right to keep and bear arms? You know, the one enshrined in our Constitution that you were sworn to uphold and defend?

All that happened today was the preservation of the loophole that lets dangerous criminals buy guns without a background check.

Because we all know that dangerous criminals are known for submitting themselves to a background check that they know they’ll fail. If only Adam Lanza had had Toomey-Manchin to help his troubled mind, he would have immediately called the NICS database to make sure that he wasn’t committing a crime by stealing his mother’s guns and murdering her.

“What’s that, Mr. Federal Agent? I can’t shoot my mother in the face and steal her guns, then go murder 20 kids because I once took Paxil? Well golly gee, I’m so happy you told me that. I guess I’ll just go knit a sweater instead then.

“That didn’t make our kids safer. Victory for not doing something that 90 percent of Americans, 80 percent of Republicans, the vast majority of your constituents wanted to get done? It begs the question, who are we here to represent?

“If not me, ME, ME and my agenda? What is WRONG with you people? Do you not understand that I’m the Second Coming? That I am Christ the Redeemer, your Lord and Master?”

I’ve heard folks say that having the families of victims lobby for this legislation was somehow misplaced. A prop, somebody called them. Emotional blackmail, some outlets said.

Actually, we’re pretty much used to that. All politicians, being lower than whale shit, resort to that whenever they feel it serves their purpose.

It’s when they don’t bother to take the bloody shirt off the dead child before waving it around that we get squeamish. Also, after several weeks of furious pedo-necrophilia, it gets kind of gross. There’s only so much that modern embalming techniques can do, after all.Are they serious?

Do we really think that thousands of families whose lives have been shattered by gun violence don’t have a right to weigh in on this issue? Do we think their — their emotions, their loss is not relevant to this debate?

Of course they do. They have the exact same rights to weigh in as everybody else in this country. THAT’S where you seem to don’t quite understand how free societies work. As horrid as their plight is, and His Imperial Majesty can’t even begin to imagine what those poor parents are going through, it doesn’t get them an automatic veto over what millions upon millions of their fellow citizens think.

So all in all, this was a pretty shameful day for Washington.

When was the last day that wasn’t the case? Washington DC is what we keep around to make sure that, no matter how venal, self-serving, opportunistic and worthless we might act in our daily lives, we can always find comfort in the phrase that “at least we’re not politicians.”

It’s the one way in which you parasites serve a useful purpose: You remind us that no matter what we do, we could still be worse human beings. We could be politicians.

But this effort is not over. I want to make it clear to the American people: We can still bring about meaningful changes that reduce gun violence so long as the American people don’t give up on it.

It would be helpful if you’d focus on the word “meaningful” for a change, but you useless syphilitic leeches don’t even know what the word means, so we’re not hopeful.

Even without Congress, my administration will keep doing everything it can to protect more of our communities.

Fuck the law. Fuck the Constitution. I’m gon’ do what I want, nomsayin’? We already knew that, you despotic piece of shit. And you’re about to reap the whirlwind.

We’re going to address the barriers that prevent states from participating in the existing background check system. We’re going to give law enforcement more information about lost and stolen guns so it can do its job.

In other words: You’re going to do what you’ve been doing for more than four years now. You’re going to disregard the Constitution, you’re going to disregard the law, and you’re going to terrorize, murder and mutilate anybody you want to as long as it advances your cause, just like your AG knowingly and willfully murdered hundreds of innocents in Fast and Furious to advance your agenda.

We already knew that. That’s no surprise. Just know that we’re keeping score and you WILL pay the price.

We’re going to help to put in place emergency plans to protect our children in their schools.

You’re going to eliminate “Shoot All You Want” gun free zones? Of course you’re not, you pig.

But we can do more if Congress gets its act together. And if this Congress refuses to listen to the American people and pass common-sense gun legislation, then the real impact is going to have to come from the voters.

Trust us: the LAST thing you want is impact from voters. You’re already skating on very, very thin ice, you piece of worthless shit.

To all the people who supported this legislation, law enforcement and responsible gun owners, Democrats and Republicans, urban moms, rural hunters, whoever you are, you need to let your representatives in Congress know that you are disappointed and that if they don’t act this time, you will remember come election time.

And to all of you treasonous fuckwits who betrayed your oath, Toomey and McTraitor, we’re looking at you, we’ll remember too.

when Newtown happened, I met with these families and I spoke to the community, and I said something must be different right now.

Once you’d pulled your cock out of those murdered kids, that is.

And I’m assuming that the emotions that we’ve all felt since Newtown, the emotions that we’ve all felt since Tucson and Aurora and Chicago,

Odd, though. You never displayed any sort of emotion after those murders. Of course that was before your re-election campaign, but we’re sure that’s just coincidence.

You’re a despicable cocksucker, but bring it.

We can’t get rid of you soon enough.


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LC Xystus
LC Xystus
April 18, 2013 00:55


SoCalOilMan, K.o.E.
SoCalOilMan, K.o.E.
April 18, 2013 03:36

Welcome back, my Emperor.

LC hilljohnny
LC hilljohnny
April 18, 2013 03:48

A “Westerner?” What the everloving fuck is a “Westerner?”

must be someone who lives near the left coast these days.

LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech, Imperial Photographer, K.o.E.
LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech, Imperial Photographer, K.o.E.
April 18, 2013 05:34

Spew alert. To the wide majority of NRA households who supported this legislation, you need to let your leadership and lobbyists in Washington know they didn’t represent your views on this one. T.Leary never explored such nether regions of imagination during his wildest hullabalootions. Has anybody here met any of these pro-restriction/ban/registration NRA folks? ‘Being allergic to bloody noses, m’self,,… Read more »

April 18, 2013 06:33

Remember the not so old grass roots campaigns such as mailing politicos tea bags and such. Perhaps we should all mail the president a tissue.

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
April 18, 2013 07:26

I knew you were going to write on this, Mish, so I’m glad I waited until this morning. I seriously thought about fisking it last night, but was too tired. You said exactly what I would have said, but more eloquently. Ergo, I chose to focus on the hypocrisy. And frankly, I don’t need a goddamn lecture about my lack… Read more »

April 18, 2013 07:26

Hey Barry, call 1-800-WHAA! :em05:

And fuck you, you communistic bastard!


LC TerribleTroy
LC TerribleTroy
April 18, 2013 07:30

Anytime one of these fucking traitors spout that “90%” stat the only response should be to ask for the source of the stat. I hope someone asks Carney to identify the pResidents source. The statement that 90% wanted something, but were unable to get it in our political structure, defies LOGIC. Am I to believe that 90% of those that… Read more »

April 18, 2013 08:07

A wounded, cornered animal is second only to mother protecting her cubs. This isn’t over by a long shot and the ProgNazis aren’t going to let a few Senators derail their goal of turning us into a emasculated version of Zimbabwe. Look for ammo to skyrocket again and limits on purchases. Taxes will also go on both weapons and ammo.… Read more »

BigDogg - Imperial Thread Killer (ITK)
BigDogg - Imperial Thread Killer (ITK)
April 18, 2013 08:45

Don’t enjoy the salty tears for too long folks … I’m sure an executive order has the ink drying as we type.

And … a philosophical question … if a liar accuses you of lying, doesn’t that mean you’re truthful?

LC Sir Clambake, Imperial Black Ops Technician, K.o.E.
LC Sir Clambake, Imperial Black Ops Technician, K.o.E.
April 18, 2013 10:17

Linked! ODG are you on fire or what, Sire? This was freaking incredible! And what, btw, am I doing wrong that I’m not showing up on many of the “other sites that have referenced this” banner? Sometimes it does, others not?

LC Spare Parts
LC Spare Parts
April 18, 2013 10:19

Uncle Wayne should conduct an informal poll on this one. If it’s even .00009% in favor, I’d be amazed. :em05:

Imperial Grammar Nazi, G.L.O.R
Imperial Grammar Nazi, G.L.O.R
April 18, 2013 10:20

A “Westerner?” What the everloving fuck is a “Westerner?” Please, define that to us. I’m thinking he’s referring to all of us out here in the “wild, wild west.” You know, those of us with a six-shooter on each hip, ready and willing to shoot whatever moves… BigDogg – Imperial Thread Killer (ITK) says: I’m sure an executive order has… Read more »

April 18, 2013 10:36

Conan! What is greatest in life?

LC Sir Clambake, Imperial Black Ops Technician, K.o.E.
LC Sir Clambake, Imperial Black Ops Technician, K.o.E.
April 18, 2013 11:03

HempRopeAndStreetlight says:

Conan! What is greatest in life?

Our next task.

April 18, 2013 11:40

Even without Congress, my administration will keep doing everything it can to protect more of our communities.

I think there’s a message in there. He is stating quite clearly what he intends to do with our government.

April 18, 2013 12:09

Nigerian works for me.

Igor, Imperial Booby
Igor, Imperial Booby
April 18, 2013 13:09

Don’cha just love it?!? Our Karma just ran over his Dogma.

Poor widdle Barry can now go sit in a corner and suck his widdle thumb and play with himself…

Jaybear, Colonel of Imperial Ancient Artillery
Jaybear, Colonel of Imperial Ancient Artillery
April 18, 2013 13:18

would that he would show the same level of anger towards the killers of Americans in Benghazi and Boston and Afghanistan and Iraq……

Jaybear, Colonel of Imperial Ancient Artillery
Jaybear, Colonel of Imperial Ancient Artillery
April 18, 2013 13:24

Jaybear, Colonel of Imperial Ancient Artillery says:

would that he would show the same level of anger towards the killers of Americans in Benghazi and Boston and Afghanistan and Iraq……

Oh yeah, and Fort Hood…..he didn’t get mad about that either

April 18, 2013 13:39

More bad news:

U.S. Hastily Deporting Saudi “Person of Interest” in Boston Bombings:

Man is a member of the Al-Harbi clan, which has extensive ties to Al Qaida.

LC Xystus
LC Xystus
April 18, 2013 14:01

Today’s Limbachian take on der Fubar’s debacle is that he actually would’ve preferred it to fail in the House afterwards, so he could blame the GOP in preparation for recapturing it in the next election.


But instead of supporting this compromise, the gun lobby and its allies willfully lied about the bill.

The Liar-In-Chief is also a big-time projectionist.

April 18, 2013 14:06

when i went to school we never had crazies shooting up the schools because the teachers were armed and the crazies locked up.then along came the communist teachers union which ended armed teachers while ted,the swimmer,kennedy and the aclu main streamed all the crazies on to the streets where we see them today when they are not freeking out and… Read more »

April 18, 2013 14:20

Well written Misha.. Still got it after all this time, I see.

LC IB CiSSnarl5.7 Imperial Foreign War Correspondent
LC IB CiSSnarl5.7 Imperial Foreign War Correspondent
April 18, 2013 14:40

And the hits, they just keep coming ….here’s a round up of votes on 9 proposed amendments so far: Link to source Ahhhh the sound of teeth gnashing, and rending of yards of expensive clothes as the staff at the Washington Compost wail in anguish is ….soothing sweetness to my ears. 7 failed – 2 passed. Background checks failed, 54-46… Read more »

LC & IB RightWingRocker
LC & IB RightWingRocker
April 18, 2013 14:42

Said only as His Majesty can. Here’s my take. A little more calm, but you get the picture … Remember what the REAL purpose of these legislative shithouse visits is: to disarm the People so that law-abiding citizens won’t have the firepower to fight back against their shenanigans. The first thing tyrants do is disarm the people. Then they eliminate… Read more »

LC IB CiSSnarl5.7 Imperial Foreign War Correspondent
LC IB CiSSnarl5.7 Imperial Foreign War Correspondent
April 18, 2013 14:46

Would an admin be so kind as to rescue my latest drivel from the evil spam filter!?! :em04:

[Done. -Venomous]

VonZorch Imperial Researcher
VonZorch Imperial Researcher
April 18, 2013 15:44

Oh happy, happy joy joy.

Indeed. :em01:

April 18, 2013 16:06

Well, since they can’t get your modern firearms, they’re going for the old stuff now.

Senator to propose bill regulating black powder in wake of Boston Massacre

Frank Lautenberg needs to be taken to the nearest dog track…and abandoned there/ :em07:

April 18, 2013 17:51

Frank “Night of the Living Dead” Lautenberg can always be depended upon to carry the banner for the over-the-top gun (owner) control crowd’s most ridiculous legislative proposals.

What next Frank? Make possession of sulfur, charcoal and potassium nitrate Constructive Possession of black powder?

Jaybear, Colonel of Imperial Ancient Artillery
Jaybear, Colonel of Imperial Ancient Artillery
April 18, 2013 20:36

Library Czar @ #:

I always thought this was where that bastard was headed…..the whole “put it through the legislative process” was nothing but a dog and pony show, he knew that nothing substantial would get through but it made for good theatrics. He intended to do this by decree all along.

LC SecondMouse
LC SecondMouse
April 18, 2013 20:56

LC hilljohnny says:

A “Westerner?” What the everloving fuck is a “Westerner?”
must be someone who lives near the left coast these days.

It is a term no American would use in this way, which explains why we heard Obama say it. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was being artfully trolled by his own speechwriter.

LC Gladiator
LC Gladiator
April 18, 2013 21:10

Biden: ‘The President Is Already Lining Up Some Additional Executive Actions’ for Guns 2:44 PM, Apr 18, 2013 • By DANIEL HALPER Joe Biden says the president of the United States is preparing to take “executive actions” to deal with guns. BuzzFeed reports: Vice President Biden told White House allies in the gun control fight Thursday that President Obama will… Read more »

April 19, 2013 00:09

Chocolate Jebus was my favorite for a long time. I now have a new fave. Whiny McFuckstick. Too funny!!!

LC FX Phillips
LC FX Phillips
April 19, 2013 04:54

LC TerribleTroy @ #:10 Anytime one of these fucking traitors spout that “90%” stat the only response should be to ask for the source of the stat. I hope someone asks Carney to identify the pResidents source. </blockquote. That's a left over meme from the time before "Fast and Furious" when the junta claimed that 90% of the guns used… Read more »