Breaking News from the Imperial News Room !!
In a win for personal responsibility and liberty, New York Supreme Court Judge Milton Tingling has slapped down the NY Big Gulp ban.
And there was much hilarity and rejoicing in the Empire …er wait…huh? Wait, sorry this update to the story just in – correction.
Ahem, sorry, Most of the Empire yawned and was heard saying “Wha-Huh-where? New York City!??” Ahhh fuckin’ screw em man, they got the government they voted for.pass me that Big Gulp I’m thirsty”
Also anonymous sources quoted highly placed officials from the IHQ in Texas, home of the sweetest concoction known to man, Texas Sweet Tea, as saying, “I wish dos’ damn city slickahs liberals would try that stupid shit down round here!!”…Followed by the sound of several firearms being chambered with high caliber rounds.
G-damn Imperial copy writers I swear one of these days I really MUST hold mass executions.
Anyhow, to continue:
The city is “enjoined and permanently restrained from implementing or enforcing the new regulations,” New York Supreme Court Judge Milton Tingling decided Monday.
Mikey Bloomberg, the
RINO, Independent Democrat Prog-Nazi who foisted the ridiculous ban on sugary drinks - was last seen crying hysterically and holding his ass on after the judge bit it – nearly severing it.
In his ruling, Judge Tingling found the Board of Health’s mission is to protect New Yorkers by providing regulations that prevent and protect against diseases. Those powers, he argued, don’t include the authority to “limit or ban a legal item under the guise of ‘controlling chronic disease.’ “
In response to the Judges bitch-slap NYC Board of Health Members were unavailable for comment – many were reported to be sucking furiously on their binkys while curled in a fetal position clutching their blankeys and screaming about the “Meany old bad Judge who hurt our wittle fweewings”.
Judge Tingling also suggested that Mr. Bloomberg overstepped his powers by bringing the sugary drink rules before the Board of Health, which is solely appointed by him. The City Council, he wrote, is the legislative body “and it alone has the authority to legislate as the board seeks to do here.”
When asked for his opinion of the case, Judge Dred Rottweiler, of the Imperial High Kangaroo Court growled “That idiot Judge Tingling failed. He forgot to offer Nanny-Bitch Boy Bloomberg and his mindless psychopaths on the “Board of Health” their options for a blindfold and cigarettes before ordering executions by firing squad – cost of which is to be paid entirely by the Bloomberg Estate of .25 Imperial Shekels per bullet and One MIIIIIIILION dollars in toxic waste disposal fees to get rid of the feted malodorous liberal’s stinking carcasses. After of course they have hung from a lamppost for such time to serve as a reminder to all petty little tyrants of what happens when you “overstep your powers”.
And finally, Additional sources say, Moochell Obama, Bloomberg’s fellow Prog-Nazi traveler and
Healthy foods enforcement busy body favorite S&M Dominatrix reportedly was not pleased. Mrs. Obama was seen stalking around the West wing of the White House clad in full leather and brandishing a whip – on a cell phone with Bloomberg saying “Ohhhh Mikey…. Dear Mikey…. Dear, Dear Mikey…You’ve been SUCH a naughty boy, a very naughty bad boy indeed….” pResdient Obama reportedly has left suddenly for an emergency golf summit with Tiger Woods.
Film at 11.