Welcome to “Gun Safety With Uncle Joe”

Yes, we know that this is what you all have been waiting for. Our new self-appointed guru of responsible and safe firearms ownership, Joe “Choo-Choo” Biden, has once again decided to put some learnin’ to all of us unwashed, extremist, irresponsible, children-hating, murderous, violent (OK, we’ll stop here or we’ll never get to the meat of this post) gun owners who just don’t understand that we don’t know what we really need. Uncle Joe does, however.

As our very own Crunchie already done showed ya, we now know, thanks to Uncle Choo-Choo, that those AR-15s are just too damn inaccurate and hard to wield for the wimmenfolk and that they should instead resort to the much safer, controllable and accurate 12 gauge shotgun. Uncle Choo-Choo says so, so you know it must be true!

We’ve also learned from dear Ol’ Joe that discharging both barrels of a 12 gauge into the air and Bob knows what is the best and safest way to end a threat to your person. Not only does gravity not exist in the real universe that us right wing nutcases pretend to live in, so that buckshot is just going to keep going, harmlessly, through the ether until it hits the Sun or some other celestial body. No, that’s not all, there are also no consequences, legal or otherwise, to unleash a couple of blasts of buckshot willy-nilly into the air inside city limits. It’s not like the neighbors are going to call the cops or anything, nor are the cops likely to mind at all that you just created a local lead shower in the neighborhood when they respond at the scene. And, of course, not to forget that the absolute best way to defend yourself against an unknown threat is to effectively disarm yourself by unloading your weapon in any direction but that of the actual threat.

The murderer/burglar/rapist/child molester is going to politely wait until you reload before proceeding to murdering/burglaring/raping/child molesting.

Because the brightest mind in the country, next to His Holiness King Ogabe, of course, has just said so.

The lurking rapist is absolutely not going to take advantage of you laying defenseless on the ground with a dislocated shoulder and bone your shivering body to death because shut up!!!

Uncle Joe is looking out for you, ladies, and you’d damn well better appreciate it or you’re going to make him all manner of upset and make his hair plugs pop out!

Alright then, now that you’ve stopped laughing hysterically while rolling your eyes, here’s some more advice from Sage Old Joe:

Well, the way in which we measure it is—I think most scholars would say—is that as long as you have a weapon sufficient to be able to provide your self-defense,” Biden said. “I did one of these town-hall meetings on the Internet and one guy said, “Well, what happens when the end days come? What happens when there’s the earthquake? I live in California, and I have to protect myself.”

If you’re somewhere to the right of Josef Stalin and/or have a can of beans left in the pantry, you’d damn well better believe it, but we digress.

I said, “Well, you know, my shotgun will do better for you than your AR-15,

Care to put that to the test, Uncle Joe? OK, we don’t own an AR-15 because of our ridiculously low Imperial Stipend, but we’ll just make do with our even clunkier and more inaccurate PTR-91. You bring your trusty old 12 gauge side-by-side and we’ll see who comes out on top.

Now, as to your advice?

because you want to keep someone away from your house, just fire the shotgun through the door.”

Well fuck us repeatedly with a Moochelle Antoinette action figure, we just realize that all that time we spent studying that silly “gun safety” material that those trigger-happy, murdering extremists from the NRA keep sending us was utterly wasted! “Know your target?” What piffle! What utter rot! What complete poppycock! You hear a sound at the door you just go right ahead and unleash hell through that door. We’re sure that the loved ones of the Domino’s delivery guy that you have to scrape off your doorstep afterwards won’t mind one teensy tiny little bit.

It’s going to be a chore to deprogram all that “Eddie Eagle” nonsense that we’ve indoctrinated our Imperial Heirs with, but we’re up to it! Heaven forbid they should ever hesitate if the doorbell rings and fail to go grab the old Remington 870 and blow the front door right off of its hinges, not giving a solitary shadow of a fuck as to what might be on the other side.

Because Uncle Joe said so!

Most people can handle a shotgun a hell of a lot better than they can a semiautomatic weapon in terms of both their aim and in terms of their ability to deter people coming.

Just watch Crunchie’s video if you don’t believe us, particularly the last bit where that shoulder-killing monster of an AR-15 utterly demolishes the dainty little lady firing it with its Recoil of Doom™!

We can argue whether that’s true or not,

We certainly could, but we’re not in the habit of arguing with imbeciles like yourself, Joey Jackwagon. It’s not that we mind utterly humiliating Idiotarians, we thrive on it and there sure as Vulcan’s right nipple isn’t a shortage of them these days, it’s just that we appreciate a bit of a challenge, and you’re presenting exactly none.

but it is no argument that, for example, a shotgun could do the same job of protecting you.

No? Try it at 200 yards. Care to argue about that, you Bovine Buffoon? No, don’t take our Imperial Word for it. You set up 200 yards away from us with your 12 gauge, we’ll set up with Lyudmila, and we’ll settle which one does the better job of protecting us right then and there. What’s that? We like a challenge? That’s right. We did say that, didn’t we? Alright, make it 400 yards.

Yes, we know, we’re just toying with the retard now. We’ll stop, reluctantly.

That’s all for “Firearms Safety With Uncle Joe” for now, but we’re sure that the Drooling Dickwart™ will be back with more before long.

And we’ll be here, waiting for it. With a big arse grin on our face.

Thatisall.

12 comments

  1. 1
    Markward growls and barks:

    ” just fire the shotgun through the door.”

    Isn’t there a person from South Africa who is using it in his defense of one dead girlfriend?

  2. 2
    LC Xystus growls and barks:

    Yeah, that’s pathetic.

  3. 3
    lessthantolerant growls and barks:

    I sent the video to Fox news and several local tv stations, this needs to be seen by more than 1.3m utube viewers!

  4. 4

    What happens after the Gun Grab of 2013 ?

    Joe and Jill went up the hill to fetch some taxpayer dollars.

    Joe fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumblin’ after.

    That’s the MSM version.

    The real story as uncovered by the Imperial Foreign War Correspondent is:

    Joe was driving to Capitol Hill and took a wrong turn into the hood – where he was stopped by some ‘disadvantage yutes”, After removing Joe from the car and pistol whipping him with a 9mm Pistol holding 15 rounds, His car was hijacked, and Jill was later found in a city park, raped, beaten and left for dead under a call box with a whistle shoved up her ass.

    Anonymous police sources who were not authorized to speak to the press, said Jill appeared to attempt to fight back and fired one round from a double barreled .12 gauge shot gun blowing a hole in the roof of Joe’s Luxury SUV. The shot gun has not been found. Sources also confirmed that Jill faces several felony charges for attempted murder, hate crimes, and the discharging of a weapon inside Washington D.C. but would likely be allowed to plea bargain them to misdemeanors due to “extenuating circumstances”.

    Joe is being treated for a badly fractured skull. The best team of neurosurgeons in the country assembled to fix Joe’s Crown. One has marveled at the fact Joe is still alive – saying “it’s a miracle, thank goodness Joe has no brain- otherwise we don’t think he would have been able to be saved.” No word as of press time if the worlds famous hair plugs were able to be saved.

    Metro D.C. Police have no leads, but the Dunkin’ Donuts at Dupont Circle is a flurry of activity as they search for information and fresh coffee.

    Asked about the crisis surrounding his VP and the fact an illegal gun was used despite his recent help in banning those types of weapons – Obama said “If I had an Uncle he’d look – Shut-up RACIST!”

    Published 28 Feb 2013 A.I.R Press
    LC IB CiSSnarl5.7 Imperial Foreign War Correspondant recently posted..GOP? What GOP?My Profile

  5. 5
    HempRopeAndStreetlight growls and barks:

    Rome burns, while we are lead by fools, charlatans, and villains \.

    What could possibly go wrong…

    Got preps?

  6. 6
    Spin Drift growls and barks:

    Self defense has always been a matter of degrees. To wit this is my degree of seperation response:

    Me:

    1000 to 200 yds: Sub MOA 30-06 M70 and Steyr Mannlicher
    500 to 50 yds: AR-15 5.56 NATO
    100 to 1 yds: 12 ga tactical pump, slugs, 3″ double ought, #4 turkey loads for inside the house
    15 yds to 1 inch: 1911 Gold Cup .45 ACP Holow point, FMJ and Paul Lusk damascus bladed pig sticker
    38 Special Airweight back-up, +P’s

    Spousal unit and pretty daughter:

    800 to 200 yds: Sub 1/2 MOA 25-06 M70 (the kid can shoot)
    500 to 50 yds: AR-15 5.56 NATO
    100 to groing kicking distance: 12 ga testical pump, Winchester defense slugs, 2 3/4 double ought, #2 steel duck loads
    15 yds to 1 inch: 9mm auto, 115 gr hollow points, Kabar and rusty spoon (the wife likes to work in close)
    22LR back-up
    Section of land to bury the bodies.

    Woe be to the individual who comes to our abode looking to do us evil.

    Molon Labe

    Hold Fast!

    Spin Drift

  7. 7

    How can anybody be that stupid and remember to breathe? :em03:
    LC cmblake6, Imperial Black Ops Technician recently posted..Listening to the news this morningMy Profile

  8. 8
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  10. 10
    LC Mike in Chi growls and barks:

    LC cmblake6, Imperial Black Ops Technician says:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAHGVK1AtnQ
    LC cmblake6, Imperial Black Ops Technician recently posted..As I just said over at The Rott

    Even better.

  11. 11
    LC Sir Rurik, K.o.E. growls and barks:

    This reminds me of something I remember from thje old days, something ChooChoo Joe Who Needs plugging Plugs, has forgotten. About the origins of the AR-15, aka M-16, aka 5.56. I wanted to go to war with a manly rifle. a 7.62 M-14A1, but the Pentagone insisted that we all use the M-16. One of the reasons it was chosen as the new, fashionable popper was its lighter weight made it far more user-friendly to our smaller-framed Vietnamese allies, and to our own soon-to-be women folk warriors. And now they tell us that wimmins can’t handle it? I wants me money back and me beloved M-14. :em08: Or maybe an M-79 for home defense, (they’d like that ‘cuz is single shot) cannister rounds for home invaders, and standard 40mm for loud parties down the block.

  12. 12

    LC Mike in Chi @ # 10: Okay, yeah, that one is better. I’ll buy that. I was going for the ORIGINAL Jimi, initially, but when I saw ZZ Top doing it that had to be the one for me. Loved yours too, though.
    LC cmblake6, Imperial Black Ops Technician recently posted..As I just said over at The RottMy Profile