Listen, we know that a bunch of “important” voices on the right are tripping over themselves to avoid even as much as hinting at there possibly having been some shenanigans going on because, you know, let’s not be “crazy” here and let’s all be gracious losers and blah, blah, flippity-blech.
You know what they say about nice guys and their usual placement in a race? Yes, you do.
And we have to admit that there is an amazing correlation between the level of “nicety” on the part of the GOP and their losses. The “nicer” they get, the more likely they are to lose. Funny, that, but that’s not what we’re talking about.
What we’re talking about is that when every single traditional indicator of who’s going to win a close election, turnout, enthusiasm, economic indicators, incumbency, independent break, you name it, happen to point in the wrong direction, you have to at least lift an eyebrow. We’re not talking about just one or two of them, there IS a first time for everything, and there’s a reason why we call them “indicators” and not “indisputable predictors”, that reason being a correlation less than 100%, known to us math geeks as “certainty.”
But for ALL of them to be wrong? At the same time? Give us a break.
The wet panty “pragmatists” on the alleged Right can howl and moan about how this proves that this entire nation made a giant leap to the left in a few years where previous shifts have taken decades all they want, but we’re not buying any of it.
But that’s a minor factor, really, although it IS one that cannot be discounted. It ought to make you at least sit up and pay attention, but that won’t buy you a gig at a paying website or a guest appearance on a major network and, alas, a lot of “conservatives” are still whores, they’re just bickering about the price.
No, what really got His Majesty’s attention is the sheer number of districts in the country that had a turnout of 100% and, in some cases, even more than that. If you had a brain, you would know that a turnout of above 100% is automatic proof of fraud, but then again, that would require that you knew math. To those of us who count chemistry among our specialties, that’s as absurd as reporting a negative concentration of something, meaning “less than nothing is in there.” Turnout of above 100% means “more than everything is in there.”
If you can’t immediately see how that makes less than no sense, then kindly go away and kill yourselves, because you’re too fucking dumb to be stealing oxygen from lifeforms more useful to mankind. Such as bacteria.
But let’s be kind here and say that those 100%+ turnouts were just due to innocent errors in math, paperwork errors, counting errors, you name it errors. We’re going beyond reasonable here to even accept that because we’re already past the point where logic has said “fuck it all, I’m going on a bender for the next four years with a giant LSD-covered dildo up my arse.”
On a national level, we can usually, if it’s a really contentious election year, get up to what, 30% participation? Granted, there are areas where people are more fired up than in other areas, but we’d like to posit here that you couldn’t get even 100% turnout in the middle of an inner city slum if you announced a block party with all you can eat and drink and free performances by the top ten artists on Billboard’s Top 50.
Yet we’re supposed to believe that this happened just because of an election with an incompetent clownshit like the BlightBringer on the ticket who has accomplished absolutely NOTHING in four years AND that all of those suddenly invigorated voters all, or almost all of them, it’s between 99 and 100%, voted for that one candidate?
Don’t even bother trying to argue your case there, because you’ll only make yourselves look even sillier.
We get it, fellow conservatives, true ones and not quite so true ones, you don’t want to be “sore losers” and, more importantly, you don’t want to lose your faith in our electoral system because if we can’t even trust our elections, then what’s left? We get it. We don’t like it either. Nobody likes to face unpleasant truths, no matter how true they are, but the only thing you get out of refusing to accept reality is that you’ll find reality’s 6 inch wide barbed wire cock buried so far up your rectum that your tonsils are burning.
Could Hugo Chavez Ogabe had won in a fair election? Maybe, we don’t know. We don’t think so, but that doesn’t give us any sort of proof that he couldn’t have.
We just don’t know, and we won’t ever know now, so that’s irrelevant now.
What we DO know is that nothing matters until we’ve found a way to fix our election system so it can’t be tampered with. No amount of Kristol/Rove/Frum pandering is going to help us there because we’ll just face more of the same, so we have to fix that. And if we can’t fix that, if nobody can come up with the courage to acknowledge that problem and propose a solution that will fix it fairly, then we’re left with this:
The ballot box is broken, which leaves us with only one box left.
We don’t want that, nobody wants that, but it’s the brutal truth. We can either face it or ignore it and be buried.
If it comes to that, then remember your oath. But let’s try to do everything we can to avoid it coming to that, because it won’t be pretty.
We know where we’ll be if that’s the case. Dead, most likely, but with an honor guard. But we don’t much cherish the thought of being dead, so we’d much prefer to go the other route. But if nobody else wants to, then so be it.
The only thing worse than being dead is being dishonored.