Not to pretend that these aren’t serious times, nor to minimize the importance of the fight before us but in all of our years of service, if there is one thing we did learn, it’s that no army marches on empty stomachs and shortage of silliness alone.
Oh sure, we’re disappointed, frightened, despairing, seeing our way of life disappearing all around us, but it’s not like we’re a bunch of rag-tag farmers armed with nothing but muskets and pitchforks facing the most advanced and numerous military force of our time, is it? We’re sure that George Washington would beg to differ, and we personally think that we could do a lot worse than to emulate him. Show of hands: Are we dead yet? Anybody already dead please tie a tag to your big toes for removal before you start stinking up the room. We’ve got work to do.
So let’s have a bit of silliness, Gangnam Style. Somebody, we believe it was LC and GLOR Tallulah, insisted that the Air Force had done a video too, so we went a-hunting. And she’s right. They did, and it’s not even half bad either, even though they’re a bunch of effeminate zoomie fucks (I keed, I keed because I love. G-d Bless Y’all!):
But we weren’t going to stop there, so we started hunting for other branches as well, and found out that even the lazy, ring-knocking fucks at the Point had made one too:
Not at all bad, if we do say so ourself, and we do. Go Army!
See what we did there? We put on a show to buck up the spirits of the troops and, at the same time, gave a shout out to the ones who will be instrumental in saving this nation.
Not to mention the ones who are the REAL reason that we have a nation to fight for in the FIRST place.
Are you going to whine and moan and piss yourself into a stupor and, in doing so, render their sacrifices meaningless? Of COURSE you’re not, because we’re AMERICANS, dammit!
We annoy the everloving fuck out of the rest of the world because we’re so annoyingly impossible to beat down, so freakishly optimistic, and His Imperial Majesty kind of likes it that way. We certainly don’t make any apologies for it, unlike a certain jug-eared, coke-snorting freak of nature we could mention (May Overdoses Be Upon Him). It’s in our nature. Yes, we’re allowed to feel down after a kick in the you-know-whats, who wouldn’t feel that way?, but we are most assuredly NOT allowed to stay in that pathetic state.
That’s what Frenchmen do, and we are NOT French.
We have seen, all of us, the numerous references to the Declaration of Independence plastered all over the Internets and the obvious parallels between the complaints of the colonials with what we have been facing under the regime of the Democrat leftist swine and their Führer over the last four years, and they’re all right on the fucking money.
What we HAVEN’T seen is enough people reminding us all of the very simple fact that our Founding Fathers didn’t stop at merely complaining and crying “woe is us!!!eleventy11!!!”
They took the fight to the enemy and, more importantly, they WON, which is the only reason that WE can all sit around belly-aching today. If they’d been crushed by Her Majesty’s army, we wouldn’t even be having this discussion, because it would be the status quo.
And now you want to tell ME that we can’t do the same? You want to tell ME that it’s “hopeless”, that “we’re doomed”, that “it’s the end of the world as we know it?”
I’m very glad that our predecessors who were facing the strongest navy in the world, a navy that had never lost a war and an army that had never lost an invasion to the point where the sun never set on their empire weren’t pissing themselves at the thought of going up against them, because these United States of America would have never existed with that kind of weenies populating them.
You think we have it bad? Oh yes, we surely do, this country is seriously fucked up at the moment, but if you want to hear about BAD, ask me or, even MORE so, my lovely sisters Natasha and Nicki whose native country went through almost 80 years of pure unadulterated hell yet somehow managed to get out from under it (with a generous assist from the Gipper, but that’s not the point). You think that ObamaCare is the end of the world as we know it and that it will never get better? YOU fucking try growing up in a country where nobody even REMEMBERS when it wasn’t the law of the land. And that’s just ONE example.
Are YOU going to curl up in a ball and die now because of last Tuesday? Are you? Seriously?
If so, then so be it.
WE aim to misbehave.