Meanwhile, Godzilla and Mothra Continue to NOT Appear

…but we’ll be damned if we’re going to be the last blog to report the Nuclear Zombie Apocalypse, whether it actually is going to happen or not because, well, WE NEED OUR CLICKS TO KEEP THE CRAZY AD MONEY ROLLING!

UPDATE: Just saw on Anderson Cooper that radiation levels in the middle of the core of wait, let us look it up so we’ll look more knowledgeable, Fuckushima Daiichi (did we mess up the spelling?) is higher than it was last Thursday, right after tea. MUST CREDIT THE ANTI-IDIOTARIAN ROTTWEILER!!!1!ELEVEN!!! Bury your kids, buy all the Potassium Iodide you can find and, did we mention that, we have a vendor of that critical, CRITICAL supply right on the sidebar.

UPDATE the Second: Oh wait, Anderson was fucking around with a Geiger counter and his wrist watch. But we really don’t know what the fuck we’re talking about, so please don’t quit clicking like a bunch of retarded, spastic hamsters on the link in your Favorites leading here because, you never know… Oh, and in the meantime, BUY SOME FUCKING POTASSIUM IODIDE BECAUSE WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

Update the Third: Or we might be. But best to be safe.

Update the Fourth: Did we just see one of the New Kids on the Block™ on TV stating that they have it on good authority that all of Japan is going to turn into a mushroom cloud tomorrow? Forget about what we said earlier. STOCK UP ON POTASSIUM IODIDE. And hit the tip jar. For the children.

Update the Fifth: It’s official. Or not. But if it is, remember that you saw it here first, right before all of us turn into irradiated zombies and, did we mention this?, tell all of your friends to go to at least 15 times a minute for their minute-by-minute updates on the impending Japanese Godzilla Holocaust.

Update the Sixth: Shit. We’re still here, aren’t we? Guess the world didn’t end after all. But hey, we never really said that it was going to, did we? We were just doing our Citizen Journalist™ best to keep you up to date even though we don’t know a neutrino from a hole in the ground.

Update the Seventh: Did you remember to buy a lot of potassium iodide? Don’t worry there’s plenty left. DON’T HESITATE, BUY TODAY! MUST CREDIT WWW.NICEDOGGIE.NET.

Update the Eighth: We’ll be back tomorrow with our regularly scheduled mocking of the hysterical, ignorant, main stream media who are SO unlike us.


  1. 1
    lc purple raider growls and barks:

    Oh wait, Anderson was fucking around with a Geiger counter and his wrist watch

    Which is one of the safer things he’s been fucking around with.

    And I’m more worried about Zion and Braidwood, but that’s just me.

  2. 2
    BC, Imperial Torturer growls and barks:

    You’re doin’ it wrong, Imperator! The site’s really address is, NOT :em04: :em93:

    Oh, and I eat way too much iodized salt, so I’m good to go and won’t be needin’ to stock up on the tablets. Mushrooms do sound tasty, wrapped up in a nice omelet. I’ve got some baby Bellas in the fridge, too… Man, all of this talk about nukular holocaust is makin’ me hungry…

  3. 3
    Elephant Man growls and barks:

    Meanwhile, Godzilla and Mothra Continue to NOT Appear

    I’m sure a meme that ” rel=”nofollow”>Bushzilla is to blame will be coming down the pike any day now….. :em69:

    Personally, I blame King-Obamorah. :em99:

  4. 4
    SoCalOilMan, K.o.E. growls and barks:

    Okay, I’ve looked and scrolled up and down the damn sidebars and I can’t find the potassium iodide vendor anywhere. You gotta help a guy out here, I’m desperate!!! Driving home from work this morning they announced that the radioactive plume has hit Kalifornia and it’s only 1000 times below the minimum limit.

    I haven’t found any potassium iodide anywhere around L.A.,…of course I haven’t looked. Oh, how I wish I was and ant and not a grasshopper. :em98: Until someone can get back to me I guess I’ll just eat tablespoons of iodized salt until the danger passes.

    Finally, yesterday evening, at least Fox News started to realize that hyping the Radioactive Death™ that that was going to be visited upon us was really freaking some people out and toned it down a bit.

  5. 5
    lc purple raider growls and barks:

    All of this seems to be pushing the more important news of what Kate Middleton is going to wear at the Royal wedding…

    I honestly did not know who Kate Middleton was until I looked it up.

    My Give-A-Shit meter pegged at zero.

    Braidwood is a lot closer than Fuckushima Daiichi.

  6. 6
    LC HJ Caveman82952 growls and barks:

    I am appalled and dismayed by the ignorance displayed by the American public and the panic fomented by the mainstream media. I had to walk away, couldn’t stomach watching the news any more.
    Why, you may ask?
    This radiation scare, folks panicking over potassium iodine pills.
    God help us if a true disaster hits, seems the average American couldn’t boil water in hell.
    You guys ever heard of iodized salt? The only kind I buy.
    A ground burst thermonuclear explosion in Japan would not release enough radiation to severely change life here. This bullshit I’m seeing on the media infuriates me. I used to wear a radiation badge, if it turned black you were dead. So keep an eye on it, if it darkens, change your locale pronto. I’m talking millions of times the dose you could get from this scare. Any of these fools ever hear of inverse square laws, both in regard to distance and time? ?
    Oddly enough, I bought a supply of potassium iodine pills severial years case of a local nuclear accident or EMP detonation. Treatment is then necessary, if only to prevent the accumulation of radioactive iodine in your thyroid gland. The young are far more vulnerable, a guy my age, no.
    My wife has had hundreds of times the radiation this scare could possibly send this way. As have I, being with her on many occasions, as her treatments took place.
    People watch too many B grade monster movies, say five thousand pound crabs and such.
    So what am I going to do about this radiation scare?
    Not a damned thing.
    Chicken Little morons!

  7. 7
    SoCalOilMan, K.o.E. growls and barks:

    lc purple raider says:

    I honestly did not know who Kate Middleton was until I looked it up.

    The dress she isn’t going to be wearing, the one that drew the attention of the Prince, is easy to guess being she just sold it for $125,871 (I beleive it cost $30 to make).

  8. 8
    Library Czar growls and barks:

    I still don’t know who Kate Middleton is. But I am shocked, shocked I say that the Emperor watches Anderson Cooper. I can provide ECT if needed to cure you.

  9. 9
    FrJim, Imperial Chaplain growls and barks:

    Imagine how surprised I am to learn that the Lamestream Media is hyping an incident to improve their ratings.

    Why, that’s never happened before, eh?

    :em38: :em38: :em38:


  10. 10
    AyUaxe growls and barks:

    Heard a major network news reporter (wasn’t paying enough attention to know which one–definitely not AC–don’t do CNselloutN at all) say the Fuckdshitter reactors had to be cooled or they would EXPLODE!!! After a brief chuckle, hit the off switch and fired up The Deer Hunter. Visited Bethlehem PA recently and saw deer grazing on the new sprouts right by the roads on Lehigh U’s “mountain” campus–beautiful. Couldn’t help but think of “one shot.” Had forgotten that the movie ends with all the friends reunited, singing “God Bless America.” God bless the good people of Japan, too. May they know comfort and success in their recovery. And may all those who lie, hype, and disparage the truth for gain find themselves experiencing, perhaps in hell, the fictional catastrophes they dreamed and screamed of.

  11. 11
    Elephant Man growls and barks:

    Here’s an in-depth explanation of what’s going on with those reactors in Japan.

    I now present… Nuclear Boy! :em93:

    (Hat tip to various posters at The Blogmocracy)

  12. 12
    Cricket growls and barks:

    Well, if Mothra and Godzilla are not going to save Japan, then I am going to quit watching the news. That was the only reason I was breathlessly glued to the screen, was to wait for them, and possibly get their autograph or wingprint or impression…whatever.

    Anyway, all mocking aside, I do have a question here. The element they are concerned about isn’t radioactive iodine, it is radioactive cesium. Aside from being a different element, wouldn’t radioactive cesium have a different impact than the iodine? And would potassium iodine be enough?

  13. 13
    LC Ogrrre growls and barks:

    Yer Majesty, you’re looking at this all wrong. Never let a crisis go to waste. Hey, we’re all evil capitalists here, and you, Yer Majesty, are the most evil. So, buy up a couple of hundred cases of drinking water in the 1/2 liter size, have someone print labels for the bottles saying “Lightwater. Used by reactor operators to help control nuclear reactors”, have some illegal aliens at less than minimum wage remove the original labels and put on the new labels. Then, get some bottles of activated charcoal tablets (some reactors use graphite in their control rods, yes? And, graphite is carbon, yes? So is charcoal.) and some bottles of kelp tablets (seaweed has iodine), put a couple of each tablet in little glassine bags like the vitamin packs at your local Stop-N-Rob, and sell them as Radiation Treatment Kits. We (the Rottweiler Empire) can make a bundle off of the foolish panic mongers! :em93:

  14. 14
    Terrapod growls and barks:

    Living exactly in the centerpoint 10 miles from two different Nuke plants, whose operators I have sat at the local bars with getting plastered (pre family man that is) their educashun level, drinking capacity and overall attitudes led me to stock Potassium Iodide pills quite a few years ago. Now if all those idiot sirens that are tested every first tuesday of the month at 1PM sharp (give or take 5 minutes) actually get triggered by a real emergency, say, within the first 10 minutes of a real explosive release of radioactive particles riding on dust, then yes, they will have some use. Otherwise, why worry. :em03:

  15. 15
    LC HJ Caveman82952 growls and barks:

    I have three packages of potassium iodine tablets, for a total of thirty tablets.
    I cwrtainly need the money, putting it mildly…
    So ladies and gentlemen…
    What am I bid……?

  16. 16
    SoCalOilMan, K.o.E. growls and barks:

    Okay Cave…3 packs of 30 = 90 tabs times the fear factor I feel right at this moment…I’ll open the bid at…let me think…if you drive down and give them to me, I’ll by you dinner.

  17. 17
    SoCalOilMan, K.o.E. growls and barks:

    Crap!!! even when I’m given the answer of an equation I can still screw up a deal. (30 tabs total, I got it :em41: )

    But to show good faith…same deal for your stash on hand plus I’ll throw in dinner for any beautiful, strong willed lady you know that might like steak or seafood, her choice.

  18. 18
    LC Subotai Bahadur, Lord Pao An growls and barks:

    I admit that I frequently recommend that friends buy a stockpile of potassium iodide tablets sufficient to protect their loved ones for 2 weeks. No, I have no fear of any effects from Fukushima I’s 6 reactors and storage ponds; at least in this country. I have family in Japan [safe so far in S. Honshu] so I do watch that. Oh, by the way, Fukushima II’s 4 reactors that were widely publicized as being at risk of meltdown for the first few days were made totally safe several days ago. That was not exactly headlined by the MFM.

    For those who only get news from panicked empty suits:

    Fukushima I has 6 reactors. #’s 4,5, and 6 were shut down for scheduled maintenance before the quake. Their problems are the fuel rods in the storage ponds. At least one caught fire when it dried out releasing radioactive particles, but they seem to have gotten water into the ponds again. This morning, they got power to the complex, and will start running the pumps on reactor 2 tomorrow, followed by 1, 3, and 4 [to #4’s ponds].

    What they are dealing with is decay heat, because all reactors were shut down after the quake and before the tsunami. The decay heat is subsiding to cool shutdown levels. Once they have the pumps running, then they can keep things on hold indefinitely until they have time to go in and clean everything out. Once the heat generated by decay products is controlled by cooling pumps, no more venting will be needed and no more radiation will be released.

    My worry is about what I think is going to be the inevitable nuclear weapon detonation [warhead or dirty bomb] set off by Muslim terrorists inside our borders. For political reasons, neither party really wants to secure our country, and we do have enemies who will take advantage of that. So, if you or yours live near anyplace large enough to be a target, it is just a matter of insurance.

    That said, if you don’t have a supply now ; wait a couple of months. Buying online, normally it is not that expensive. Now, with the panic set up by both the regime and a news media that can be outwitted by a Planaria worm [the worm has far more knowledge of nuclear physics than a talking head]; the price has been bid up to ridiculous levels. Wait for it.

    LC Subotai Bahadur, Lord Pao An

  19. 19
    DarthBane growls and barks:

    Want to see something hysterically funny?

    Watch the libs at this site trying to mock Ann Coulter for her column yesterday and then compound their stupidity when I start arguing with them as ‘Conan’:

  20. 20
    GamerFromJump growls and barks:

    Beck had a video where he noted what the Japanese weren’t doing; namely, they weren’t looting or howling for the government to come save them.

    I would note that they weren’t attacking people who come to help, unlike some people we could name.

  21. 21

    Okay, I’m pissed. The plume hit my beloved People’s Republic of Kalifornia yesterday, and nothing. I was hoping to at least wake up with superpowers like Reed Richards (Mr. Fantastic) from the Fantastic Four.

    Oh, and guess what I was going to stretch to ridiculous lengths first.

  22. 22
    AgTiger growls and barks:

    XKCD posted a nice visual block-chart showing the relevant radiation dosages one gets from different sources. It shows how ridiculous the media’s hysterical claims are.

    Radiation Dose Chart

  23. 23
    LC HJ Caveman82952 growls and barks:

    Thank You, AgTiger…., I am sharing that link with some chicken littles out here in Kalifornia. If nothing else, maybe they will STFU! I’ve wearied of them. Funny thing is, here in the Central Valley, folks don’t give a shit, this is farm country. We have more pressing concerns.

  24. 24
    Tallulah growls and barks:

    This is incredible: a video taken aboard a Japanese Coast Guard ship, 3 miles out to sea, as they steamed straight toward, and over, two of the oncoming tsunami waves. You can hear the crew saying [basically], “Oh, shit,” in Japanese.

    These things are monsters. And remember, the camera flattens the apparent height of waves.

  25. 25
    LC Jackboot IC/A growls and barks:

    Hey Hey HEY– Just cause y’all got some learning over here, doesn’t mean that suddenly you’re smarter than (a brief moment for our sponsor “Kay Iodide’s Little Tablets- The Hottest Chicks To Invade Your Thyroid In Years”)…. Now back to our program, “The perfectly coiffed Midiots and the drooling retards that believe them”. Why I bet The 360 Bunch (whatever the hell that means) can’t even read the simple log scale on any sort of rad detector.

    Just don’t forget my lessons of only a few days ago. Even if Subotai thinks he can one-up me somehow. :em93:

    Oh and by the way- They aren’t ‘geiger counters’. Some are radiation measuring instruments that use Geiger-Muller tubes to detect gamma or beta radiation. They sure don’t measure geigers or their cute offspring. The units they read are in Roentgens/hr, Rads/hr or Rem/hr if we’re measuring doses for humans. Other detectors using different principles are used for Neutron and Alpha radiation emissions. That’s a lesson for another day. :em95: