So, that massive early voter turnout advantage that the BlightBringer’s campaign (and Nate Silver, but we repeat ourself) is constantly babbling about to shore up their troops?
Yeah, about that.
Romney up 52-45 among early voters? Excuse us, but wasn’t that the impregnable bulwark of insuperable superiority behind which the Obungles Junta was going to hide, safe in the knowledge that no matter how much that horrible Big Bird killing Romney with his Binders Full of Women might befuddle, suppress and possibly sacrifice to his secret Mormon gods other voters in the last week before they vote, he would never, EVER overcome it?
The levee, 40 feet high, made up of purest, reinforced Unobtainium, against which not even the most vicious of storm surges would amount to more than a splash of water, the walls of Constantinople, never to be breached by the barbarian hordes, the fortress of Berlin, the… OK, stop us, we’re enjoying ourself too much and we’re like to go on for hours unless you do.
The reactions are delicious, as always:
For the past several weeks, the 60-year-old San Francisco resident has frequently bolted awake in the middle of the night, in “a panic attack,” she said. She darts for her computer and checks the latest polls. Some days she’s so distraught that she can’t exercise.
Every morning, she gets e-mails from friends who’ve been just as sleepless. Most are so tense, they can croak out only a few words. “Very anxious.” “Worried.”
“Nothing more needs to be said,” said Edelman, a retired educational administrator.
Which means “overpaid useless fuck who shuffles papers all day long and contributes nothing at all towards the goal of actually educating anybody.”
There is much more, so much more at that link and if you enjoy 7 hour Schadenboners as much as we do, you’re muchly encouraged to go read it all. Pure, delicious, salty tears of desperation in amounts that will make your cup run over.
Nate Silver, having read this post, immediately changed Obama’s chances of winning re-election upwards to 349% with a margin of error of 0.00000002. His employer, the New York Obama Times, would have given him a raise, but their stocks just dropped, unexpectedly, another 87%.
In other news, the BLS, that’s “B.S.” with the word “Labor” put in there, have suddenly decided that maybe they’ll have time to publish the latest jobs numbers on schedule, prior to the election, after all, after having initially floated the idea that they might, due to inclement weather, have to delay them until after the totally coincidental date of November 6, something they’ve never done before. But, then again, rain is really, you know, nasty. Some conservatives are whooping with joy at this, but His Imperial Majesty tends to believe that it’s only because they’ve figured out to cook the October numbers even worse than they cooked the September numbers by forgetting the entire state of California, which brought the “unemployment rate” (quote marks very intentional) down to the wildly successful “7.8%” that we’ve been laughing about for a month now.
So we’re more expecting them to come up with some shenanigans that will push it down even further. Like deciding that all of the blue states now fall into the same category that they’ve decided that unemployed people who have utterly given up on ever finding a job fall into, which is to say the “not really persons” category, thus leaving the unemployment rate at -4%. They may even have talked to Nate Silver, in which case it will be more like -6,000%
But we’d be happy to be proven wrong.
In foreign policy, we learn that the Benghazi Massacre is getting worse and worse for resident “Present” as more and more details come out. But not to worry, resident “I’m Right Behind You, WAAAAY Behind You!” has promised time and time again that he WILL get to the bottom of this and find out who, exactly, countermanded his very clear order to “do everything necessary to ensure the safety of our people” the very second he was informed of the attack. It’s just that he can’t possibly get to the bottom of it until after the election.
Which sort of doesn’t fit with the initial story, the story that lasted for about 6 weeks, that he didn’t know a thing about what happened except for the crystal clear fact that it was all because of a YouTube video that nobody had seen until it wasn’t. Or something. But don’t you dare question that because racist!
All that we can say about that is that His Imperial Majesty stopped giving a royal shit about explanations when he learned that:
A) He knew that the attack was going on because that’s how Flash Traffic protocols work.
B) Two heroes went in to do what they could in spite of being told three times to stand down and do nothing.
C) We had plenty of assets in the area that could have intervened well within the time frame of the actual attack, which lasted 7 hours.
D) Those assets were not used and were, in fact, ordered NOT to be used.
E) As a result, four American citizens were needlessly slaughtered.
At that point, it doesn’t really matter who the fuck the jugeared fuckhead chooses to blame it on, it’s a massive fail on his part. It’s dereliction of duty and treason. If our people out there putting their arses on the line for this nation can’t even count on their Commander-in-Chief to watch their six with everything he’s got at his disposal, then the details don’t matter one tiny little fuck. Shit. Not. Given. We don’t expect our C-in-C to be Superman, we don’t expect him to always keep our boys and girls safe, but if we can’t even count on him to fucking TRY, to at least use what he’s got and not order them to NOT try, then he’s the most useless of fucks that ever stole oxygen and he needs to be tried for treason.
We have four dead there, two of which died defying orders to be cowards who died after gunning down 60 tangos, who were left dangling in the wind because their C-in-C didn’t want his “Arab Spring” fantasy to be disturbed and, besides, he had a big fundraiser in Vegas with Beyonce the next day and a man needs his sleep, don’t you know?
That’s all we need to know. Let others fuck around deflecting blame and investigate what “really happened”. We already know what happened. We lost four good men because of a fucking traitor who ought to be hanged by the neck until dead after a proper trial. End of fucking story.