Great Moments in Corporate Damage Control

Since we’ve nothing better to do than to spend our Labor Day trying to catch up on stuff we don’t normally have time for catching up on — Happy Labor Day, by the way! — we just learned that apparently Nickelodeon is a bunch of retarded fuckwits who don’t know when to fold ‘em.

You see, they have this clownshoe named Jason Biggs voicing one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for them (yes, we know, who gives a shit? Anybody with rug rats in the house, that’s who, and we have two of them) and said Biggs and his equally daft twat of a wife like to let their Stoopid hang out on Twitter in quite spectacular ways. Which lots of people do, but theirs is a very Speshul Kind of Teh Stoopid™, the kind that could result in them having pairs of visitors wearing suits showing up unannounced.

Their problem, right? Sure it is, we’re with you on that one too, but then Nickelodeon had to go off the deep end and promote the everloving shit out of his Twitter feed (and, by extension, his wife’s as the two of them can’t seem to resist re-tweeting every single rancid brain turd that the other one strains out of his/her brain group housing) which some “prudes” such as our Imperial Self might consider inappropriate since Nickelodeon’s target demographic is almost exclusively, you know, children.

Yes, we know, you’re still not quite getting what could get your Emperor’s blood pressure up about a couple of cunts tweeting. We’re glad you asked:

If your sweater has buttons and buckles on it, you are very good at sucking dick. #TheBachelorette

My wife @jennyandteets having sexual relations w my sister. Normal? #weekendfun

With picture of one of the two pretending to be munching on the other’s boobs.

Just got emailed another birth announcement. Damn, there are a lot of Jewgly kids in Hollywood.

I’d totes dip a pinky or two in Paul Ryan’s wife’s bleached asshole (she obvs bleaches her asshole). #RNC—

And from his lovely wife:

My husband is nominated for a Teen Choice award which means tons of eighth grader pussy!;0 Please make sure your kids vote!!

Let’s see: General profanity, borderline incest, anti-Semitism, rape and pedophilia. Did we miss anything?

And all of this on a Twitter feed that Nickelodeon is promoting the FUCK out of.

To kids.

Yeah. That’s not going to work out too well, is it?

Did Roman Polanski take them over?

Anyway, needless to say, Nickelodeon is getting righteously bombarded with angry tweets, calls and emails and have been for days, but didn’t see fit to respond until recently, using the tried and true CTRL+V method of “replying”:

We understand your concern and are working on addressing this issue.

Translation: “We’re not going to do or say anything in hopes that this will all go away in a day or two. Oh, and fuck you too.”

We mean, what “work” is needed to “address this issue?” Unless they’re gathering up the stakes, rope, jars of honey and trying to find a suitable anthill, that is.

Ahem: Nickelodeon? “Damage Control?”


There. Much better now.



  1. 1
    watchyerlane growls and barks:

    The dude screwed a pie. THat’s all you need to know.

  2. 2
    LC LOBO growls and barks:

    And these are the people that we’re told to “idolize”. Fuck. That. Shit. Fuckers like this need to have some brain housing remodeling done.

  3. 3
    LC Gunsniper growls and barks:

    Aflac immediately canned Gilbert Gottfried from his voiceover gig for jokes about the Japanese tsunami.

  4. 4
    LC Gunsniper growls and barks:

    Aflac immediately canned Gilbert Gottfried from his voiceover gig for jokes about the Japanese tsunami. I guess Nickelodeon can’t be bothered to the right thing.

  5. 5
    LC HJ Caveman82952 growls and barks:

    I’m not a twit.

  6. 6
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    You guys have fire ants down there in the land known as Texas don’t you? I hear they are really not nice little bugs.

    Oh, by the by. I am under the impression you need a “The Stupid! It Burns!” Graphic. If I may be so bold:

    I stole it from somewhere and I see no reason you can’t “requisition” either. :em05:
    angrywebmaster recently posted..Eastwood versus the Empty ChairMy Profile

  7. 7
    Cougar1978 growls and barks:

    Well, I saw Jaw & Silent Bob Strike back….and recall Biggs being arrested by studio security in the movie, and he protests, “Hey, I’m not an intruder! I’m Jason Biggs! I’m The Pie F#cker! I’m The Pie F#cker!”
    And a security guard quips, “Yeah, but in prison, he’ll be the pie!”

    Jason Biggs is a sickening soul. I say drop him. Make sure he’s nowhere near Twitter or impressionable kids…..but Viacom who owns Nickelodeon is a bunch of libtards.

    Wait for hell to freeze over before they dump him…..

    Although, NPR did oust Juan Williams for ‘race baiting.’ There is hope.

  8. 8
    LC Ogrrre growls and barks:

    Dear Nickelodeon Dumabasses:
    Your “We underestand your concern and are working on addressing the issue” dog don’t hunt. You don’t need to “work” to address this issue at all: just fire his suxually deviant ass. Acknowledge that Jason and his main twat have freedom of speech, and they are free to exercise that freedom. Also inform J&mt that, though they have freedom of speech, they do not have freedom from the consequences of exercising that freedom, and when their exercise interferes with your corporate bottom line, then it is time for a parting of the ways.
    See how simple and easy that is? And, you don’t have to do a lot of “work” to address the issue. :em08:

  9. 9
    The Irish Dragoness growls and barks:

    And this would be why the Irish Dragon and I will be screening Irish Dragon Jr.’s shows and computer usage very, very carefully. Lots of Veggie Tales I imagine…though I detest that Hairbrush song…just sticks in your head and won’t leave. Thankfully it will be a couple years before he watches anything.

  10. 10
    Cannon Fodder growls and barks:

    Sounds like time for the protests to start hitting Nickelodeon sponsors!

  11. 11
    LC SecondMouse growls and barks:

    There is a pretty significant movement underway on Twitter to pressure Nickelodeon to own or disown this clown and his reprehensible behavior. I would not be surprised if they keep the pressure on for quite awhile, perhaps until the network is forced to act. Several of the folks I follow have taken to tweeting to a large number of Nickelodeon sponsors with questions about their support for Biggs and his statements.

    Time for actions to have consequences. Time for Biggs and his uncouth wife to be living in a van down by the river.

  12. 12
    LC George, Apocryphal Prophet growls and barks:

    I used to enjoy that channel in the ’90s.
    LC George, Apocryphal Prophet recently posted..The obligatory Memorial Day post, 2012My Profile

  13. 13
    LC Light29ID growls and barks:

    I once worked for a Colonel that hated computers. One I asked why he despised them so much since we were able to get work done 10 times faster. He said that was the fucking problem. If you said or did something stupid before computers you had hour’s even days to get it back, fix it and no one was the wiser. Now you send it and within nanoseconds the whole fucking Marine Corps knows you’re a fucking idiot.

  14. 14
    Boryon growls and barks:

    Bah, screw Nickelodeon. I introduce my friends’ kids to Studio Ghibli.

    (For those with kids, the films start being suitable from about 4 years old with “My Neighbour Totoro” and “Ponyo” but some are definitely for older kids, most notably “Princess Mononoke” (teenagers) and “Graveyard of the Fireflies” (I’m not sure what age this one is targeted at – it’s depressing!)).

  15. 15
    TheRoyalFamily growls and barks:

    Boryon says:

    “Graveyard of the Fireflies” (I’m not sure what age this one is targeted at – it’s depressing!)).

    It’s aimed at Japanese kids/teenagers of the 80′s, with the intent to get them to respect their elders (because kids these days).

  16. 16
    Boryon growls and barks:

    TheRoyalFamily says:

    Boryon says:

    “Graveyard of the Fireflies” (I’m not sure what age this one is targeted at – it’s depressing!)).

    It’s aimed at Japanese kids/teenagers of the 80?s, with the intent to get them to respect their elders (because kids these days).

    That explains a few things about that film. At some point I will return to it and finish watching it…