With Friends Like the “Right” Wing Blogosphere, Who Needs Enemies?

Now that the circular firing squad has commenced firing for effect, it’s quite clear that Akin’s candidacy is quite dead, no matter what he actually said, and quite a few people exclaiming about it quite obviously either suffer from severe impressive aphasia or never watched the interview to begin with. We’re not talking about the predictably outrageously outraged lefties here either, we’re sad to say. Sad but not at all surprised. We’ve seen it before, after all.

To wit, these seems to be the reasons why Akin is a witch and must be burned, according to the already settled Narrative™:

1) He thinks that women are lying through their teeth when they claim that they’ve been raped. He never said that. He actually was trying to make a medical distinction between forced, violent rape and other kinds. His thought crime here was that he was a blubberhead and chose the qualifier “legitimate” (as if there is any sort of rape that isn’t ILlegitimate, sheesh!) and it’s not as if anybody anywhere in the whole history of mankind ever picked a dumb word while trying to make a legitimate (example of proper usage there) point.

2) He believes that there’s some sort of magical body defense that prevents a rapist’s sperm from impregnating the victim. No, that’s actually being stated by people who aren’t bona fide, card-carrying Idiotarians. Allahpundit of Hot Air:

Want to bet the future of repealing ObamaCare on Akin’s ability to not only recover from his theory of the female body’s magical defenses against rape-sperm

We don’t get to say this very often to you, Allahpundit, because you’re a pretty smart person, but just DO shut the fuck right up, will you? Your utter ignorance is hanging out.

There’s nothing “magical” about that particular body defense (it’s actually not so much a “defense” as a “reaction to trauma”, but we don’t want to confuse you further with big words beyond your very limited comprehension), it’s actually quite well known to people whose knowledge of biology goes beyond fapping their puds to back issues of the National Geographic. And it isn’t a 100% effective defense either, as Akin himself pointed out in the interview, but it’s still there. We tried to go into the basics of the “whys” and “hows” in our previous post, right down on the crayons and visual aids stage, but obviously it’s still too hard a concept to grasp for some individuals.

We’ve actually done some digging around since we knew that idiots who knew nothing of what they were talking about would be incapable of resisting the temptation to rattle on and on anyway, and we found that the most “optimistic”, depending on how you view it, of studies showed an incidence of 5% of rapes resulting in viable pregnancies. And those are from studies that had an agenda, the agenda being to make rape-induced pregnancies appear as prevalent as possible in order to support he “abortion on demand for any reason” argument wielded by the pro-infanticidal elements of society. But we’ll let it stand, even though we know it’s utter bull.

Let us put it this way: That number is obviously smaller than the likelihood of pregnancy resulting from consensual sex between fertile individuals trying to have children, because if 5% was the best we could hope for when trying to have ’em, then mankind would be either extinct or having to rut like rabbits from the moment they hit puberty in order to stay at maintenance levels. Ergo the likelihood of becoming pregnant as a result of forcible rape is lower than as a result of consensual intercourse. Simple enough for you, Allahpundit?

See how easy that was? Even without having to go through the tedium of cracking open “Biology for Complete Retards” or performing a simple Google search you, too, can reach the same conclusion through the application of simple logic. It’s amazing how that works.

But most of all: Quit putting words into people’s mouthes. Putting stuff into people’s mouthes against their will is, we believe, “legitimate rape” in most states.

But we do go on, don’t we? Finally, reason number

3) Akin doesn’t believe that abortion is justified in cases of rape since the unborn child didn’t do anything wrong. That, at least, is an honest objection. We personally disagree with that objection, but that doesn’t make it less of an honest, true to Bob, objection. We can respect that as an opinion, because he actually did say that.

Heck, His Imperial Majesty has even suggested in the past that OK, so we overturn Roe v. Wade and leave it to the States where it belongs, but we make an exception for cases of rape just as we have made exceptions for medical necessity as in “life of the mother.” It would still cut the number of infanticides in this nation by about 99.999%, so we’ll take it. But for some odd reason that isn’t enough of a deal to the pro-abortion side. We’re giving them everything they want, ferchrissakes! They get exceptions for every single one of their banner arguments, yet they won’t take it? It’s almost as if they’re completely dishonest in their attempts to keep infanticide easy, free and frequent. All we’re asking for is eliminating it in cases of “oh shit, that’s damn inconvenient and I couldn’t afford the free rubbers/pills handed out at Planned Infanticide like fucking candy, so let’s blend and vacuum the damn ‘clump of cells'”.

But we digress.

The thing is that it all doesn’t matter. His words have been twisted with the over-eager help of “right” wing bloggers only too happy to sacrifice somebody else on the altar of appeasing the liberal anger gods in order to placate their wrath so they’ll like us more and the Narrative™ has been established. You can’t fight a liberal Narrative™ when your “own” side is running interference for the enemy in hopes of favorable reviews on the Daily Kos.

Akin is done. He needs to withdraw in order to save our nation from the consequences of the Narrative™ and there’s no arguing that no matter how much His Imperial Majesty personally disagrees with said Narrative™ and positively loathes the fact that our so-called own side helped establish it. Once again the “right” ceded the battlefield to the left and now the damage has been done.

But what we could do without is the outraged outrageous outrage from that very same “right” now that it looks like he might refuse to withdraw after all, howling indignantly that it’s HIS fault that his ship is sinking after they put a hundred holes in the hull below the waterline.

What was that thing we heard about Akin right after Media Matters, Daily Kos, Huffington Post and Hot Air (but we repeat ourself) started hyperventilating?

“Blaming the victim?”

Oh yes, that’s it.

You’re doing a fine job on that account, “right wing” blogosphere, a really fine job.

Never surrender, never yield ground, not one step backwards.

Much harder in practice than it is in theory, isn’t it, you feckless wankers?

Fuck you.



  1. 1
    Templar_Knight growls and barks:

    I was going to comment on Ann Coulter making a statement along the lines of “if Akin loved his country he would step aside”, but her message board is currently hovering in no-link-limbo at the moment. I wonder if she is having sudden bursts of dementia. Her strange love for Mitt and Christie are just out of character for someone who is supposed to be a conservative hero such as herself, but this takes it to another level. Youd think she and others like her would try to defend the guy. Not like hes the only person to ever say something dumb or not well thought out. If Biden had said this, the only people talking about it would be conservatives and it would be considered not news worthy by the douchebags in the media. Not like hes bob beckel dropping f-bombs on hannity or biden telling blacks that they will all be put back in chains. Double standard du jour.

    …and my foist foist.

  2. 2
    Elephant Man growls and barks:

    It seems that Akins is still leading McCaskill in at least this poll.

    After what happened, I don’t know if Missourians are forgiving or if McCaskill is so horrendous that the “narrative” wouldn’t help her no matter what kind of gaffes fly out of her opponent’s mouth.

    Poll: Akin still leads McCaskill after ‘legitimate rape’ comment

  3. 3
    LC Grammar Czar, G.L.O.R. growls and barks:

    I don’t believe that he should withdraw. If he truly believes what he says, then he should stand firm and tall, and stick to his convictions. Let the voters decide. We already have far too many “squishy” politicians.

  4. 4
    LC SecondMouse growls and barks:

    I would hope that the pundits and opinion leaders of every stripe on the right would understand the gravity of the current situation, and respond by doing a few things:

    1. Calling out the opposition for actions and positions harmful to the nation, wherever they arise (this they do pretty well already).

    2. Help to drive the GOP toward a narrow focus on the most critical issues – the very poor state of the economy, high joblessness and huge and growing government debt (we are sucking at this right now, which allows the opposition to set the agenda).

    3. Pulling everyone back to our agenda from time to time, and hammering on the message between now and November.

    No one wants to be burning their furniture for warmth in a few years, and I believe there are enough voting Americans that get the fact that our current economic state of affairs will take us places we do not want to go unless we do something about it.

  5. 5
    Fa Cube Itches growls and barks:

    Motto of the Left: “No enemies to the Left”

    Motto of the Right: well, I don’t know that pissing yourself and running away screaming while unloading everything you’ve got at your neighbor reallly counts as a motto, so it would have to be distilled down to “No allies to the Right”

  6. 6
    Chuck growls and barks:

    For everyone calling on him to step down i have one name to remind you of – Jack Ryan (the man who gave us Senator Barack Obama). If he leaves the race the Dems will win. Does anyone recall a single election where a Republican dropped out for any reason and his replacement went on to win? If the Dems beat Akin because of this, than so be it, but to argue that him dropping out improves the Republicans chances is disingenuous in the extreme.

  7. 7
    Iacobus growls and barks:

    At this point, it’s not going to matter in any way if Akin drops or not.

    You see, he committed an act of heresy against the Church of Liberalism and Must Pay™, apologies be damned. They are going to hammer this (pretty fucking stupid) issue all the way up until election day because they have nothing else to go on but the gaffe of a Republican. In the meantime, they’re going to try to pin this issue on every Republican (or conservative); as if we all think like Akin does.

    So you know what I say? Fuck ’em. I couldn’t stand liberals then; I can’t stand liberals now.

  8. 8
    bruce growls and barks:

    how can he talk so stupid and still put his shoe on the correct foot?

  9. 9