Update from Roguetek

Which he asked me to post, so here goes:

Teresa has reached a point where we’re talking about hospice. She’s been losing weight steadily, with no end in sight. Hospice is being… hospice.

There are a pair of drugs she’s taking that are…slowing the cancer down, and they wont help her unless she stops taking them, as I understand. Apparently, being fully bedridden, and constantly losing weight isn’t sick enough…

My problem is after 3 years of constantly being on call, 24/7/365, my body simply.. isn’t healing up like it should. I’ve gained 100 pounds, I now have full blown diabetes, high blood pressure, and sleep apnea. I’m having to lift the wife in and out of bed, and my back and left arm are simply not holding up. I need a chance to refit and repair, but I don’t see it coming any time soon.

But we’re holding on. We have electricity, internet, hot water, air conditioning ( in the bedroom) and a working shower now. I’m gearing up to go clean out the storage at Oklahoma, and all of this is possible because of you guys.

You people gave my wife her final wish, and I wanted you to know that she’s enjoying it. Sure, it’s rough, and imperfect around the edges, and the bathroom ceiling leaks, but for her ( and me, but most importantly her) it’s -home-. I wish I could express my gratitude, but… I have no words, only tears. Thank you all, so very much.

You’re welcome, Roguetek, and you are in our prayers constantly.

Be well and concentrate on the good things. Leave your worries to G-d (easier said than done, I know) and know that we have your back.


  1. 1

    Amen, Misha. Amen Rogue.
    When you’ve married one, you know that Angels are real,,
    and a lot of them work at a hospice too.
    Those are some amazing people.
    We do so share your grief Bro’.

  2. 2

    Man, I hate cancer! With every fiber of my being!!!

    Hang in there, friend.

  3. 3
    LC Ogrrre growls and barks:

    It is difficult for me to read posts like these. It is always bad to lose a loved one, but it is so much worse to lose a loved one to fucking cancer! The ones whom you feel is your duty to protect, whom you love with all your heart, mind, and soul, and you can’t do a fucking thing about it. The ones whom you have known for most of your life, if not all your life, whom you remember as being full of life and love and laughter, and you have to watch them suffer and waste away. GODDAMN it!
    Rogue, you and Teresa have my sympathies and prayers and tears. My heart aches for the two of you. I really can’t say anymore right now guys. My allergies are acting up something fierce.

  4. 4
    LC Roguetek growls and barks:

    Actually, Hospice here is unable to help us, due to medicare rules. Unless she foregoes -all- life prolonging treatment, they can’t help us.

  5. 5

    LC Roguetek @ # 4: Yet we will continue to pray.

  6. 6
    LC Gregory growls and barks:

    Got your 6 on my knees, Rogue. Hang in there.

  7. 7
    Radical Redneck growls and barks:

    I’m so sorry Rogue.

    FWIW we all got your back. And you’re in all our prayers.

  8. 8
    The Irish Dragoness growls and barks:

    Our prayers are with you!

  9. 9
    Dr. Jeff growls and barks:

    Two years ago, I spent 9 days living with my mother in her hospice.

    As painful as losing someone close is, there’s a naturalness to it as well. Sometimes there is much to say for palliative care and making sure your loved one knows you are there. Holding her hand, last words, a spoonful of food, a sip of juice, a prayer, it all becomes very special and precious.

    At the time, it was nerve wracking and painful, but later, when it was all over, it felt very natural and wonderful. I know it sounds bizarre.

    Hang in.

  10. 10
    LC Roguetek growls and barks:

    she’s been in hospice all weekend. They’re using way too much morphine. She’s sleeping all the time, and -if- you can wake her up, she’s so fucked up she barely recognizes me. It’s like… she’s not there. There’s this thing in the bed with her face on it, but everything that’s…-her- is buried under a mountain of dope. I am not coping with this well.

    To add insult to injury, the hospice is a two hour drive, round trip. (30 miles one way. Google sez 40 minutes, but they fucking -lie- )

    I’m coping, but the depression is ugly. It’s hard to get out of bed in the morning, but I manage. While finances are (barely) holding together, I could really use some company, more than anything. The house is so very quiet.

  11. 11
    LC Grammar Czar, G.L.O.R. growls and barks:

    LC Roguetek says:

    They’re using way too much morphine.

    I think this may be a common practice with terminal patients. My aunt spent her last week or so in the hospital doped up with morphine. I believe it’s more for the convenience of the staff than it is for the comfort of the patient. Any chance your wife can self-medicate while she’s there? People who can/do generally use less morphine than most people would expect.

    Sending prayers for you both.

  12. 12
    Dr. Jeff growls and barks:

    In my mother’s case, she was hardly any less aware when she was given morphine, and she was certainly much more comfortable.

    I know there are huge differences from person to person, I can only tell you what I witnessed.

    The distance from your home to the hospice is obviously daunting, but you might want to consider staying with your wife. The time off of work that I spent with my mother at the end of her life cost me a good job, but I don’t regret a single minute of it.

    Afterwards, I found another job and was eventually rehired (with a raise) by the company that had let me go. I don’t know your circumstances, but staying with her is something I would recommend if at all possible.

    Hang in.

  13. 13
    LC LOBO growls and barks:

    And I am dealing with my Mom a thousand miles away. Dealing with the morons who run Illannoy.