News You Can’t Use: Dating Vegetarians
30% of Meat Eaters or, as they’re also known, “carnivores” or “individuals who understand the meaning of ‘omni’ in ‘omnivore’” or “humans using their bodies the way G-d designed them (or Nature, if you prefer)” won’t date a vegetarian, according to this study.
We’ll let Bill Quick have the first response since he’s the one we stole it from (and, besides, we like his responses. A lot):
Of course. Vegetarians tend to be either religious whackjobs, eco-nutcases, or just obsessively weird. The few minor exceptions to this rule aren’t worth the risk.
Undeniably true that. However, we will point out that we’ve met a few who didn’t fit any of the above categories. Not a lot, but they do exist. So it’s a matter of risk assessment, as Bill says.
And even if your vegetarian “possible” isn’t a screaming, fundamentalist nutjob, there still remains the practical side of it all. Do you forgo the joy of eating meat altogether, do you sneak off for the occasional side of bacon in the garage or do you spend the rest of your life having to cook separate dishes for your S.O.? The latter won’t necessarily work either, as you’d have to cook yours outside to avoid the “I can’t stand the smell of burning flesh” nagging.
No matter of what, it’s bound to put a bit of a strain on even the most open-minded of relationships.
Moreover: it’s not a matter of “both sides giving and taking”, as it’s always the carnivorous one who has to do the giving. You won’t find the vegetarian saying “OK, so I’ll eat a double bacon cheeseburger every other night of the week if you’ll eat tofu with me the rest of the time.” It is all give and no take for the meat eater, so it really oughtn’t come as a surprise to the morons behind that “study” that a lot of them said “fuck this noise, no way.”
Of course, there are exceptions. Or so they say:
Meat eater Joshua Bernstein has never been shy about his love for beef and pork, and used to wax poetically about it when he wrote a column for the New York Press. Even when he started dating Jenene Chesbrough, a vegetarian who now is his wife, he still let his love for meat shine through in his writing, often noting his partner’s distaste for his barbecue fetish.
But it all worked out!
How did they do it? We’re sure you’re dying to hear:
“Dating a vegetarian is not that much of a crimp on my carnivorous lifestyle and Jenene never judges my dietary choices,” he told TODAY.com.
Yeah, right, whatever. HOW DID YOU DO IT?
“Not eating meat just forces me to find more creative ways to cook flavorful and often healthier meals at home. In fact, about the only difference is that I don’t really cook flesh-based foods in the house.”
Oh? So Jenene never judges your dietary choices and it’s not that much of a crimp on your carnivorous lifestyle? You just flat out said that you quit eating meat, didn’t you? Or are we just not properly understanding the meaning of the word constellation “not eating meat” here? You want to know why she’s not “judging you” and your carnivorous lifestyle, Joshua?
BECAUSE YOU DON’T FUCKING HAVE ONE ANYMORE, THAT’S WHY. Unless one can be “not eating meat” and still be carnivorous, that is. Maybe we’re missing something here. English is our second language.
Far be it from us to judge your choices. We don’t know if you’re just in denial, if your penis is an “innie” instead of the more traditional “outie” or if you’re just a plain metrosexual wanker, but you certainly don’t understand logic very well.
Tosser.
Thatisall.
Categories: Idiotarians | 
Tags: | 
26 Comments »
I’ve actually dated several vegetarians, have vegetarian cousins and a vegetarian sister, and several more vegetarian friends. Literally never had an issue with it, and I never cut back my meat consumption one iota. With the exception of one of the ones I dated, they’re all pretty damn normal.
There actually are certain health benefits to being a vegetarian, though not worth the price as far as I’m concerned. And every one of those vegetarians I dated had a VERY nice silhouette. Almost as nice as mine.
Never meant to say that I didn’t like vegetarians. They’re just wrong (as defined by me, the Emperor of All of the Universe and thus infallible in my judgment), but plenty of people are wrong and I like a whole lot of them just fine anyway. If it weren’t for people who are wrong, who would I get into arguments with? And, more importantly, who would, in turn, give me the put downs, insults and disagreements that I so very much crave?
The ones I do dislike, however, are the ones who aren’t content with eating what they want but have to preachify at me all the time. You know which ones I mean. The ones who see it as their mission in life to gross me out while I’m eating with horror stories about what’s really in my food (and since I’m Army and have a medical background, trying to gross me out is a losing battle from the start), the ones who, instead of agreeing on a restaurant beforehand instead choose to spend the entire first half hour whining and bitching and moaning about the low number of vegetarian choices on the menu (here’s a hint, sugar pie: The time to grouse is when you learn that you might be going to Bubba’s Big House of Steak and BBQ, not after you’ve planted your bony arse at the table), the ones who just can’t let five minutes pass without reminding me of just how very superior their diet is to mine in every conceivable way, the ones who… You get the picture.
Fortunately, they’re fairly easy to avoid, which is what a lot of meat eaters apparently do, according to that study.
On the other hand, I’ve met lots of vegetarians who aren’t anything like that. Most recently one I worked with for years who was the most pleasant person you’re ever likely to meet, who never ever once preached about what one should and should not eat. She was a pleasure to be around and, since we both knew what kinds of food the other person preferred, we always ended up going to restaurants that catered to both of us on the occasions that we had lunch together. Indian restaurants are particularly good in that respect. Damn, did I eat a lot of curried lamb in those days
Emperor Misha I recently posted..News You Can’t Use: Dating Vegetarians
When the wife and I eat out we almost always go for the vegetarian menu. A few years back we starting buying locally produced meat, minus the hormones and steroids. I know the farmers that produce it, and honestly mega-market meat tastes not quite right now.
I think Bill is conflating “vegetarian” with “vegan”. Militant vegans are the true Screwy Louies.
I worked with a young man who was vegetarian for religious reasons-he was a Hindoo, and was the embodiment of a polite pagan. As a group we ate where we wanted, and he always found something on the menu to eat- even if it was only fries or rice. And he never complained or even made comment about what he was eating. I had a good deal of respect for him, for that.
OTOH, to the militant whackjob vegan/vegetarian types. I have only this to offer: Vegetarian. It’s what’s for dinner.
og recently posted..Hot!
My son is vegetarian (not vegan). He finds it nigh on impossible to feed his two preschoolers in conformity to his dietary choice, so he feeds them some meats. He’s Libertarian and definitely not wacko. And a good sense of humor. He’s glad there’s no meat needed to make beer.
I think I know of at least one vegetarian no one here would mind dating. (If she were available)
Mythbusters Kari Byron.
There just something about a cute red head who will work with meat she won’t eat and giggles like a little school girl when she blows the engine block out of a car with an M82 Barrett .50 or chops down a tree with a Dillion minigun in a sundress and boots and a great big grin.
She did state that when she was pregnant she had cravings for beef. She wasn’t able to cook it so her husband made up a stew for her. She plowed right through it.
angrywebmaster recently posted..Blow back on Roberts decision increases
I have first hand knowlege to the exception to the rule. You wouldn’t know of the behavior unless you ate at her home, where she does prepare meat for meals fo her SO. But, by and large the self identified “vegans” are pains in the ass. The whiny restaurant routine is the one that pisses me off. It is either about getting attention or having a tantrum cause the world doesn’t conform to the individuals wants.
One thing has always confused me: If you aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they filled with meat?
Vegetarian: A Cherokee term meaning “lousy hunter/fisherman”
Q: How many vegans does it take to make a salad?
A: Just one, if you slice ‘em thin enough. But, it would be a chicken salad.
I’m a vegetarian inbetween meals.
Muzzy – Imperial Ignorant Slut @ #:12
What? You don’t keep bacon cooked up in the fridge for a snack?
Q: How can you tell who the vegan is at the dinner party?
A: Don’t worry. They’ll tell you.
I was asked to try a vegetarian diet. I couldn’t eat a whole one at a sitting. And cannibal bags were not provided.
Just pointing out once again that Hitler was a non-smoking vegetarian.
Guess that means I lose the argument, huh?
I started trying a reduced carbohydrate/increased fat diet in January and since I began losing weight effortlessly I’ll admit to growing somewhat more– preachy in recent months. I could have been a particular asshole when I visited my vegetarian cousin for the weekend, whining about the granola he served for breakfast on Saturday, the pancakes on Sunday, and so forth. But I ate the damn pancakes. And they were yummy. I’ll live.
LC George, Apocryphal Prophet recently posted..The obligatory Memorial Day post, 2012
rickn8or says:
Godwins Law does not apply to light humor.
VAconservative says:
Hopefully he knows exactly what he’s doing with that because vegetarian/vegan diets can be very bad for children
Vegetables are what food eats.
LC Draco recently posted..MGRS Tools recognized by Commanding General of the 75th Division
I could be a vegetarian. Pizza doesn’t need meat. Vegetarian lasagna is simply divine. I’d miss the hamboigahs and turkey sandwiches, but I’d survive.
TheRoyalFamily says:
BLASPHEMER!!!11!!
I think you need sent to the Imperial Game Room for re-education, Everything needs meat, including breakfast cereal.
Vegetarians are just predators who prey on creatures that can’t run away.
LC Alric @ #:
Dammit, you beat me to it. That always gets a chuckle from the kids when I’m subbing, occasionally even a guffaw.
EPIC Carnivore pic
My grandfather ate bacon every morning for most of his life. When his doctor gave him the choice of living longer and quitting bacon… he simply stated that without greasy, fatty food… there wasn’t much reason to live anyway.
LC Xealot @ #:25
My great-grandfather, the Yugoslavian brick layer, used to take the homemade bread great grandma made everyday and sop up the bacon grease out of the pan with it at breakfast…but he did die at a very young age of 97.
But then again, he didn’t sit behind a desk all day, “8 for 8 or you’re out the gate” was what he used to tell my mom that the foremans used to say to their workers.