‘Tis to be seen. Just a shame...
Things that Really Annoy His Majesty, for Some Reason
Which we feel a compelling need to bother you with because well, we are the Emperor, and you’re undoubtedly dying to know.
First off: Could we all please get over the damn zombies already? Seriously. We’re begging you with tears in our eyes, threatening to kill every last motherfucking one of you if you fuck with us any further. “Night of the Living Dead”, while inarguably a masterpiece, was made in nineteen-fucking-sixty-EIGHT. What’s next up for revival? DISCO? Because if that’s the case, we’re pulling up the tent poles and moving back to frackin’ Coruscant, and that’s one depressing place. Too much damn traffic, for one thing.
Anyway, zombies. We can’t seem to fucking swing an irradiated cat around without hitting zombies. Books, movies, TV shows, computer games, they all have frackin’ zombies in them. It’s like whoever has the power to give the kill order or the thumbs up to a project in those areas always starts out by asking “yeah, but does it have zombies in it?”, and then proceed to kill it if the question is answered in the negative.
ENOUGH already! Does anybody, anywhere in charge of creative projects have an idea that does not involve mindless, rotted carcasses stumbling about like spastic lepers after a night full of boozing and taking roofies? Has anybody had an original idea in the last 5 G-d forsaken decades? Anyone? Bueller? This endless stream of “me too” predictable boilerplate crap is making us sick to our stomach and seriously considering if it wouldn’t be better to turn this planet into an asteroid belt. At least it wouldn’t have zombies. They’re everywhere! Pretty soon the Imperial Heirs are going to come home with the latest Mario Bros game featuring, wait for it, zombies, at which point their Wii is going to get thrown out of the Imperial Palace fast enough that it will achieve low orbit.
In the Department of Language, we have a few issues as well, and we’re not just talking about our own inability to complete a sentence without including enough cuss words to make a sailor blush and join a monastery.
For the very last time, it’s called “rein in”, not “reign in”, unless you’re going to start referring to Rudolf as the Red Nosed Reigndeer, in which case we’d like for you to report for your Imperial euthanasia right away. We’ll preside over it personally. Heck, we’ll administer the injection personally. While laughing maniacally and sipping on a fine Scotch.
Also, “baked in.” Stop it. Enough. It was cute the first three million times, but now it’s getting really, really bloody old. Everything is “baked in” or, “baked into”, which is apparently the extent to which creativity goes in the Blogosphere. Listen, it’s not that it’s not a perfectly good phrase, it is, but variety is the spice of life (and the name of a worthless fish wrap), so could you please at least try? What happened to “it’s obvious that”, “it logically follows” or “it goes without saying that?” Too many fucking letters, #TwitterGeneration? Speaking of which: Why is it that people show remarkable creativity when it comes to hate-raping the English language in order to get a Tweet below the magic 140 characters, yet when it comes to their hash tags, they can’t create one that is less than 20 characters in length? But we digress.
At any rate, the only thing we want to hear in connection with something being “baked in” from here on out is four and twenty blackbirds, and there had damn well better be pie involved!
And then there’s the refusal to use the tried and true “somebody like [X]” and instead using “an [X]” where [X] is a proper noun. Example: “A John McCain would be a terrible choice for president” instead of “somebody like John McCain would be a terrible choice for president.” Yes, we know we’ve harped on this before, but it still bugs the everloving shite out of us. There IS only one “John McCain”, and thank G-d for that, so to say “a John McCain” as if it’s some commodity that you can buy by the gross at your local grocery store doesn’t even begin to make sense.
“What’s a ‘gross?’” Shut up, Generation Illiterate and go search the Internet. It will keep you from posting barely literate nonsense for at least a few minutes.
“Where are you going to go for your vacation?”
“I haven’t decided yet, but I’m partial to an affordable destination like a Prague. Sure it’s European, but that’s already baked into my plans, and it will serve to reign in my expenditures while I’m there.”
Sound idiotic to you? Good, because so do you, so cut it the fuck out, you pre-malignant blastocytes upon the English language.
And get the FUCK off of our lawn!
Thatisall.
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38 Comments »
“From whence” needs to be buried right next to “should of”.
Word to your mother! That needed to be said.
Here’s another thing that needs to be said. If you’re a renegade who doesn’t play by the book, you can be said to flout the law. You can never be said to flaunt the law, because that means the exact bloody opposite to what is intended. I see this mistake everywhere. I see it on TV, in broadsheet newspapers and upscale magazines. What’s the fucking dealt? Flout, not flaunt. It’s not bloody difficult!
Also, disinterested and uninterested do not mean the same thing, and don’t even get me started on affect versus effect.
I taught myself how to make key lime pie last week. I can’t say that “baked in” was relevant, but baking was done and pie was definitely involved. At least for the short while before it was devoured (I had some happy colleagues the next day – what!? I needed guinea pigs
).
144 last time I looked. For those who need a hand with this, go read the Lord of the Rings, it pops up really early. Actually reading the books as opposed to just watching the film will improve your literacy. Tolkien was a philologist.
I like zombies.
It’s vampires I hate. Fucking vampires all over the tv and book store.
And can we please stop ‘pouring over’ books? It’s ‘poring over’, you stupid, stupid fucks. The only pouring I want to see is some tasty Hop Devil into an imperial pint glass.
My pet peeve is “decimate”.
“The Colorado wildfires have decimated entire neighborhoods”.
Um, no. Entire neighborhoods were not reduced by one tenth (well, some may have been), they were utterly destroyed, therefor they were devastated.
I would like to see a John McCain baked in with a Barry Obongo as they circle the Sun in an attempt to reign in Glow Bull Worming. Throw in a couple of grosses of Dhimmi Congresswhores (and five Supreme Whores) and I’d be willing to pay upwards of 50% in taxes for a few years to finance the whole kitten kaboodle.
BC, Imperial Torturer recently posted..I bid you stand, and remember.
Now that the Grammar Nazi switch is on, it’s “different from“, not “different than“.
I too have reached zombie overload with the exception of Walking Dead. I began to wonder about the prevalence of zombie genre and have come to this conclusion, zombies are a nuetral / safe target. They aren’t viewed politically, racially, or sexually. There are no Zombie rights organization. Zombiemania is a byproduct of the over application of PC mentality.
sablegsd says:
What is it with them too? All have to have that deathly pallor and dark hair.
My personal favorite is ‘mute’ vs. ‘moot’. It makes my skin crawl when someone says “It’s a mute point’.
Along these lines, has anyone noticed a large increase in typos on traffic signs of late?. Especially the improper use of capitalization.
LC Jackboot IC/A recently posted..I bid you stand, and remember.
While we are still in grammar class, “clouds (or storms) over the majority of (political unit)”, such as “clouds over the majority of Oklahoma.” Hey, assholes! “Majority” indicates a count, such as a majority of voters, or a majority of jurors.
And, then there are those you use “you and I” even when using objective case. People! Something is done to you and me ! You and I do something to someone else. The Supreme Court fucked over you and me. You and I have a duty to convince the politicians to repeal Obamacare. If they refuse to do their duty, then you and I need to elect representatives who will do their duty.
If you can’t figure out which to use, drop “you and” out of the phrase. But, “you and I’ when using the objective case just grates on my ears.
This is the reason I’ll never be allowed to post stories on the “Rott. His Majesty would send it back dripping with red ink with the phrase that all junior staff
warriorsslaves hate to hear or see…“Did you bother to proofread this before you sent it to me?”The next person who says “whole ‘nother” should be sent to Detroit
Come back Grammar Hun. Thy people have need of thee. Their locutions are infected, polluted, perverted, and, ‘at the end of the day’, all too banal. Usage has decayed and become abusage. Oops. I am now a lexiconvict. No matter……O. K….. I’ll fix it. It matters not.
These things are allowed to happen. We live in a State which can only be described as a fuckoffracy.
Don’t even get me started. MY main pet peeves are: drug instead of dragged, hung instead of hanged; should of saw/should of went; your instead of you’re; and leaving out apostrophes when needed and adding them when not needed.
I could fill a book with the errors I’ve seen over the years.
Boryon says:
and all this time I thought he was English…..
I haven’t watched the Walking Dead for a long time, the series seems to be more focused on gross out than story and I lost interest.
As for zombies? They’re overrated and overexposed….they’ve become boring, as have ninjas. Give me samurais and Van Helsing any day
Jaybear, Colonel of Imperial Ancient Artillery says:
*groan* Throws a squid pie at Jaybear.
Ahh, samurai, men so hard they make flower arranging and poetry into firmly masculine arts. Random aside, when in Japan in 2007 I saw a bloke in a kimono, equipped with a katana (I forget if he had a wakizashi as well or not) outside Himeji Castle enticing a songbird to sit on his shoulder…
G.C.
I am currently reading The Writers Art, by James J. Kilpatrick. Copies in circulation at the time of his passing went for premium prices. It is back in print. $15 from Amazon and invaluable to people like us at any price. The chapter on crotchets takes a distant second to the pages of Norm Crosbyesque bilge from student’s history essays. ‘Tis so abominable it’s wonderful, due to amusement value. He should have called that medley Battle Star Syntactica. Buy the book and savor it. “During the Middle Ages most people were middle aged.” That’s true anytime. Call me when you can stop laughing.
Boryon says:
never disobey the man with the Kitana…..you might end up as filler in the squid pie.
Samurais, Kurosawa…..yeah, it seems like a good day to watch Ran.
BC, Imperial Torturer says:
Well, Meow!
FrankOK recently posted..A Republic, Madam – if you can keep it – oops.
That should be The Writer’s Art.
Another thing:has anyone else noticed the latest annoying habit?people thinking[sic]that if you have some kind of punctuation,you don’t need a space?
And another thing: as a longtime book editor, I must protest against the slovenly habit of lowercasing Verbs in titles. “Part of speech” rules: length of word is secondary. Ergo: Be, Is, Am, etc., should be Capitalized.
I have a whole menagerie of pet peeves; I won’t bore you with the rest of them.
“Pleaded guilty” instead of “pled guilty.”
Also “deadly shooting.”
I don’t think there’s been such a thing as a healthy one.
LC Light29ID says:
You know, it’s not that I have a problem with the occasional typo, nor the misspelling of a word here and there or a funny choice of words, I’m guilty of all of those myself on occasion, it’s the “here’s this catch phrase or idiom or some such that everybody is using, so let’s use it until the dead horse has been reduced to atoms” thing going on, such as the “a/an [X]” pestilence upon the English language.
Posting on the Rott? Are you saying that you’re offering your services? Keep talking, I’m listening…
Emperor Misha I recently posted..Happy Fourth of July!
This one is a favorite peeve of mine, especially here in Texas …
It is a bedroom suite, pronounced just like sweet, not like suit. It’s the same word whether it refers to a suite of offices or a suite of furniture.
Thatisall.
YES!! Vampires are my pet peeve too. They’re in every work of fiction, especially romance novels.
It’s that fucking “Twilight” series that started it, I think. Teenage girls swoon over “romantic” vampires. Tell me, what is romantic about someone (or some thing) biting your throat and sucking out your blood? I mean, I know that it’s symbolism or a metaphor for sex, but still, fangs dripping blood.
I KNOW Bram Stoker did not intend a vampire to be a romantic hero. Look who he based it on: Vlad the Impaler, a crazy Romanian/Transylvanian/Hungarian madman who loved to slaughter people.
I just don’t get it. And I know I don’t like it.
I would say that there might be the need for an authentic pirate movie… However, even though I do dearly love pirates (the classical variety, not the Somoli dipshits), I am afraid that a realistic movie about them would completely destroy their romaticism.
And another thing that galls my shaft is the tactical fad. I’ll really be glad when that douchebag fashion runs its course. Whether or not a gun and equipment are tactical depends on how you use them, not how much crap you can attach to your gun and hang on yourself.
SWAT twats take note; going to the range in black t shirts and 511 Tactical pants on a sunny, 95 degree, 90% humidity day isn’t tactical. Dressing for conditions is.
rickn8or @ #:
Yeah. That “deadly shooting” started a violent rampage. In this neighborhood we prefer them a little more sedate. Just sayin’.
rickn8or:
But a shooting is not by definition deadly. What bothers me, however, is that they’re typically perpetrated by an “armed gunman.”
Back to His Majesty’s original topic: yes, zombies are a stupid subject, & we don’t need any more such shows. For his Imperial (dis)pleasure, however, I offer this, which I found this afternoon. Only read the first page, though, not wanting to waste time on zombies.
eeeh, dunno.
this thread needs more zombie.
rickn8or says:
Depends on whether you are the shooter or the shootee, I guess.
A sample of my pet peeves:
ATM Machine
The plural of “forum” is “fora”
The relationship is not “mentor/mentee”, but “mentor/protege”.
I’ve spun myself up a bit now
“I haven’t decided yet, but I’m partial to an affordable destination like a Prague. Sure it’s European, but that’s already baked into my plans, and it will serve to reign in my expenditures while I’m there.”
You forgot to mention that there are plenty of zombies in Prague, dough nun ov dem no know grammer or schpeling.
Sorry, Folks – Gotta disagree on one thread…
As fas as a “deadly” shooting – vs. a “healthy” one –
It all depends on one point:
Did the shootee need killin’ ?? just sayin…
obama delenda est
Funny…in a weird way… I was shouting that phrase – absolutely verbatim – at the TV the other night as some talking heads were discussing the Democratic Left in general and Obamacare in particular…
…what a strange coincidence.
– MD
rickn8or @ #22:
Trayvon Martin is a recent one I might suggest.
And LC Xystus, I am a gunman. I have one or more guns with which I practice, and am prepared to use for serious purpose if necessary or sufficiently pissed, and have a CCW permit. Therefore I am a gunman. But tomorrow of necessity I must leave my weaponry at home. I will be an unarmed gunman, at least for a while. hoping soon to resume being an armed gunman.
LC Sir Rurik, K.o.Equibbles:
As such you won’t be shooting anyone, of course. Yet the mediacs must tell us that such incidents are indeed perpetrated by armed gunmen
LC Xystus says:
Thanks for reminding us of that one!
We mean, what the fuck IS an “unarmed gunman?”
Emperor Misha I recently posted..OK, Yes, But Do We Have to Take Him Back?
Emperor Misha I says:
The answer to that is a nervous gunman, and tomorrow morning, an unhappy, and undressed-feeling LC Sir Rurik, K.of E. I have to stand Flag line for a departing detachment of troops, and since high-ranking muckety-muck politicians will be there too, I do not think firearms will be welcome.