Obama’s Big, Fat Greek Convention

…may actually end up at two tables near the kitchen at a local iHOP if the trends continue. But maybe he’ll finally have time to eat his waffle if that’s the case.

As if it’s not funny enough that Democrat Socialist Congress critters keep realizing, one after another, that oops, they had another appointment scheduled for Obam-Bam’s Big Day — but the Democrat Socialist Party is “doing just fine” and Obam-Bam is going to win in a landslide in November, ayup. It’s just that it’s such a given that, really, who needs to go to the Party Convention to nominate him? — it now looks as if the Greek Styrofoam Columns of 2012 are getting downgraded a bit (h/t Jim Treacher):

Democrats canceled a political convention kick-off event at the Charlotte Motor Speedway and will move the activities to Charlotte’s main business district, the convention’s host committee announced.

“While we regret having to move CarolinaFest away from our great partners at the Charlotte Motor Speedway and the City of Concord, we are thrilled with the opportunity that comes with hosting this event in Uptown Charlotte,”

“We’re thrilled, THRILLED we tell you that we have to move to a smaller venue, IT’S JUST WHAT WE ALWAYS WANTED!”

We’re getting a sense of deja vu here, what could it possibly be? Oh yes, we got it, let’s go back in time to our early teen years:

“Oh no, Aunt Martha, this lovely knitted sweater is really the best gift we could possibly imagine! It’s not like we could have found the room for that silly stereo that we, in a fit of temporary insanity, actually put on our wish list. This is SO much better!”

The move comes as party planners are grappling with a fundraising deficit of roughly $27 million, according to two people familiar with the matter who requested anonymity to discuss internal party politics.

Aw shucks. When you add the fact that this shortfall is more than 2/3 of their goal, it gets even funnier.

Murrey said that logistics, not costs, were behind the decision to cancel the Speedway event.

“In order to facilitate public caucus meetings — and to maximize accessibility, transportation, and proximity of all guests — we have decided that moving CarolinaFest 2012 to Uptown Charlotte is the best way to achieve that goal,”

Of course. Because you had absolutely no idea about the logistics issues with the original site that you’ve had your sights on since G-d knows when, nosirree! It just all came to you right when you only managed to raise less than 1/3 of what you were aiming for. Pure coincidence! Seriously, aunt Martha! This sweater is REALLY nice!

Dammit, our Schadenboner is beginning to get painful here, but we shouldn’t seek medical help unless it lasts for more than 4 hours, right?

Oh, and they’re shortening the convention from 4 to 3 days too. Which, again, is all about logistics or, as they put it “setting off a day to celebrate the Carolinas, Virginia and the South.” No, we’re not making this up. A REALLY lovely sweater, that one is!

In all fairness, and lackluster fundraising issue aside, it probably doesn’t make much sense to hold the convention at the original venue when your guests are dropping off the list faster than peasants during the Black Death.

But they’re really “doing just fine.” Don’t you read the polls published every day by the Ogabe Steno Pool media, according to which their LightBringer is going to beat that evil Mormon whose wife rides… HORSES, and beat him by at least double digits, if not triple digits if all the dead voters and illegals get to cast their votes again?

Since we’re busy kicking a fascist when he’s down while furiously stroking our aforementioned — let’s just not go there –, on top of the already desperate and creepy “send Ear Leader your wedding, birthday and anniversary gifts (not to mention your foreskins from your bris) campaign, they’ve now added a lovely “date night” with the Obam-Bams for a donation to the Progressive Utopia of Next Tuesday™. Heck, if you’re really lucky, you and your companion of your choice might get a foursome with Dumbo and the First Wookie!

Whoops. There goes the Schadenboner. Guess we won’t have to call the doctor anyway. Of course, we also won’t be able to have actual sex for at least 8 months, but we guess that’s the price you have to pay some times.

Are you done gagging yet? Because there’s more! It appears that soliciting prostitution time with the Junta members is the next big thing for the National Socialist Democrat Workers’ Party. Guess who you can also win a dinner with if you send some shekels to the NSDWP? You’re not going to believe it and please, don’t all rush to the link at once or you’ll crash the steam driven servers the NSDWP have to use these days (because of LOGISTICS, dammit!). No, you’ll never guess it, so here comes:

Debbie Downer Wasserbrain-Schultze!

Hey! Where did everybody go! Come BACK here! If you don’t, we’re going to enter donations in YOUR NAMES!

His Imperial Majesty is sensing a trend here and, if anything, we’re a giver, so here are a few additional suggestions for this gold mine that the NSDWP are digging into:

“A Lovely Day at the Spa with Barney “Velvet Gums” Frank”

“A Night at the Ballet with Rahm “Tu Tu” Emmanuel”

“A Three Day Honeymoon on a Desert Island with Nancy “Stretch” Pelosi”

“An Enchanting Weekend Retreat at a Motel 8 with Bill “Humidor” Clinton (contraception, ice packs and subsequent therapy sessions INCLUDED!)”

Feel free to add your own in the comments.

Seriously, though, and just to prove that we really only have the best interests of Ear Leader and his party in mind, they’re doing it all wrong. What they SHOULD be doing is to put up a giant ad stating that anybody who HASN’T donated by, say, September 1, will be entered into the sweepstakes for a combo package of All of the Above.

THAT would get the gelt flowing in. We guaran-damn-tee it.

Thatisall.

17 comments

  1. 1
    LC Proud Infidel growls and barks:

    FIIIRRRST!!! Ijust wonder WTF happened to all the money that B. Hussein 0bama has been grubbing for while running around the country via Air Force One?

  2. 2
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    LC Proud Infidel says:

    Ijust wonder WTF happened to all the money that B. Hussein 0bama has been grubbing for while running around the country via Air Force One?

    That Wagyu beef and Moochelle’s Ringling Barnum and Bailey’s dresses won’t just pay for themselves, you know!
    Emperor Misha I recently posted..Darrell Issa Bitch Slaps, Eviscerates, Slices, Dices and Cooks Ogabe’s Bacon in a WokMy Profile

  3. 3
    single stack growls and barks:

    The Dhimmiturds are calling their nominating convention CarolinaFest? Seriously?
    What musical acts are they booking? Listen for the announcement over the PA warning about the electric koolaid going around.

  4. 4
    Draven32 growls and barks:

    Real reason for booking a smaller venue:

    they don’t want to have to hide that a venue that size would be mostly empty.

  5. 5
    T growls and barks:

    Awlright, Misha – I’m normally in your corner – but
    “A Three Day Honeymoon on a Desert Island with Nancy “Stretch” Pelosi” – WHAT THE FUCK, MAN!!??!! :em06:

    That mental image is enough to … oh, hell, even I can’t describe it. Hell, the DOG just ran away and covered his eyes with his paws and is whimpering in the corner. Be honest – could YOU listen to that screach for more than about 4 seconds without picking up the nearest solid object to silence it? I’d listen to the “nails on the blackboard” concerto, followed by the screeching cats and hymns from a boiler room continuously – AND LIKE IT!

    Man, don’t give us mental images like that… that’s just cruel. (even by the local standards!!)

    obama delenda est

  6. 6
    LC Ogrrre growls and barks:

    T, I fear His Royal Vileness has been bar hopping with BC and Radical Redneck lately. At least is sure reads like it. I suppose it is a good thing I haven’t eaten breakfast yet, because I wuold have lost it reading that. As it is, may I just say, dry heaves hurt!
    BTW, Yer Foulness, Claire McCaskill of MO has decided to bail on the convention. It seems her numbers in Missourri aren’t looking too good, so she doesn’t need the toxicity of being in the presence of Teh Won. That makes at least nine. Michelle Malkin has the list of those who, so far, have jumped ship on Il Douche.

  7. 7
    Bones growls and barks:

    I will take the three day honeymoon with “stretch”, as long as I get to bring a fishing pole and a knife. I could spend 2.8 happy days fishing, sunning and just enjoying the quite. I only need strech for cut-bait.

  8. 8
    ohio right wing nut growls and barks:

    T says:

    I’d listen to the “nails on the blackboard” concerto, followed by the screeching cats and hymns from a boiler room continuously – AND LIKE IT!

    You forgot the fork scraping across fine china :em08:

  9. 9
    Lady H growls and barks:

    I wonder who was the Democrat “genius” who thought that the Charlotte Motor Speedway was a great idea?

    Hey Sire, I only live one hour away from Charlotte? Any orders you want to give me? ;)
    Lady H recently posted..New HomeMy Profile

  10. 10

    I love the smell of desperation in the morning,, it smells like,, victory.
    Y’wanna’ know what’s buggin’ BS today? He’s pissin’ his panderloafers about being out-funded.
    ‘Got this in the mail this morning:

    Cheap –
    I will be the first president in modern history to be outspent in his re-election campaign, if things continue as they have so far.
    I’m not just talking about the super PACs and anonymous outside groups — I’m talking about the Romney campaign itself. Those outside groups just add even more to the underlying problem.
    The Romney campaign raises more than we do, and the math isn’t hard to understand: Through the primaries, we raised almost three-quarters of our money from donors giving less than $1,000, while Mitt Romney’s campaign raised more than three-quarters of its money from individuals giving $1,000 or more.
    And, again, that’s not including the massive outside spending by super PACs and front groups funneling up to an additional billion dollars into ads trashing me, you, and everything we believe in.
    We can be outspent and still win — but we can’t be outspent 10 to 1 and still win.
    More than 2.2 million Americans have already chipped in for us, and I’m so grateful for it. As we face this week’s fundraising deadline, donate $3 or more today.
    Every donation you make today automatically enters you to join Michelle and me for one of the last grassroots dinners of this campaign — today is your last chance to get your name in.
    These dinners represent how we do things differently. My opponent spent this past weekend at a secretive retreat for the biggest donors to both his campaign and the super PACs that support him.
    I’ve got other responsibilities I’m attending to.
    Donate today to stand for our kind of politics:
    LINK REDACTED
    Thank you,
    Barack

    S’cuse me? “Other responsibilities to attend to?”
    As in,, flyin’ around fellating foreign voters for money on OUR tab?
    Certainly, we could NEVER consider complying with legal process any kind of ‘responsibility’…

  11. 11
    VonZorch Imperial Researcher growls and barks:

    Emperor Misha I says:

    LC Proud Infidel says:
    Ijust

    wonder WTF happened to all the money that B. Hussein 0bama has been grubbing for while running around the country via Air Force One?

    That Wagyu beef and Moochelle’s Ringling Barnum and Bailey’s dresses won’t just pay for themselves, you know!
    Emperor Misha I recently posted..Darrell Issa Bitch Slaps, Eviscerates, Slices, Dices and Cooks Ogabe’s Bacon in a Wok

    I was thinking the traditional repository of tyrants ill gotten gains, numbered accounts in Lichtenstein or the Cayman Islands. The Bahamas is too close and Switzerland isn’t reliable for security any more.

  12. 12
    LC Sir Rurik, K.o.E. growls and barks:

    Sire,

    …may actually end up at two tables near the kitchen at a local iHOP if the trends continue.

    Historic precedent suggests a Beer Hall might be more traditional for planning his upcoming campaign.

    ohio right wing nut @ #8:

    You forgot the fork scraping across fine china

    Sorry, no can do. All forks have been collected by Secret Service. :em05:

  13. 13
    Draven32 growls and barks:

    Lady H says:

    I wonder who was the Democrat “genius” who thought that the Charlotte Motor Speedway was a great idea?
    Hey Sire, I only live one hour away from Charlotte? Any orders you want to give me?
    Lady H recently posted..New Home

    A fire mission? I am kidding, of course, mr. carnivore.

  14. 14
    LC Ogrrre growls and barks:

    Romney’s campaign raised more than three-quarters of its money from individuals giving $1,000 or more.

    And, we won’t mention all the donations by banks and corporations and unions. Nor will we mention those $25,000, $30.000, and $50,000 per plate dinners Barry and the First Wookie have been attending. It does make me wonder if all his foreign contributers aren’t giving this time around. Hey, Barry, did you forget to disable the software that keeps foreigners from contributing to your campaign like you did in 2008?
    Face it, Boy Blunder, many of the people who gave to you last time just aren’t that into you this time around. Perhaps their repressed racism is asserting itself again. What a douche!

  15. 15
    Mattexian growls and barks:

    Draven32 says:

    Real reason for booking a smaller venue:

    they don’t want to have to hide that a venue that size would be mostly empty.

    I was thinking it along the same lines of that joke about getting a girlfriend with small hands (to make your d**k look bigger!) :em05:
    Mattexian recently posted..National Ammo Day, 2011!My Profile

  16. 16
    ohio right wing nut growls and barks:

    Mattexian @ #:

    It’s ok..we can say DICK, we have The Emperors permission, along with fuck, cunt, piss, shit, ass and a whole list of other more colorful words

    :em01:

  17. 17
    irish19 growls and barks:

    LC Sir Rurik, K.o.E. @ #:

    All forks have been collected by Secret Service.

    Nice touch.