Ain’t had one in awhile so when a friend sent this, figured what the fuck, can’t dance.

AK-47 vs. M-16/AR-15 vs. Mosin Nagant.

AK-It works though you have never cleaned it. Ever.
AR-You have $9 per ounce special non-detergent synthetic Teflon infused oil for cleaning.
MN-It was last cleaned in Berlin in 1945.

AK-You are able to hit the broad side of a barn from inside.
AR-You are able to hit the broad side of a barn from 600 meters.
MN-You can hit the farm from two counties over.

AK-Cheap mags are fun to buy.
AR-Cheap mags melt.
MN-What’s a mag?

AK-Your safety can be heard from 300 meters away.
AR-You can silently flip off the safety with your finger on the trigger.
MN-What’s a safety?

AK-When out of ammo your rifle will nominally pass as a club.
AR-When out of ammo, your rifle makes a great wiffle bat.
MN-When out of ammo, your rifle makes a supreme war club, pike, boat oar, tent pole, or firewood.

AK-Recoil is manageable, even fun.
AR-What’s recoil?
MN-Recoil is often used to relocate shoulders thrown out by the previous shot.

AK-Your sight adjustment goes to “10”, and you’ve never bothered moving it.
AR-Your sight adjustment is incremented in fractions of minute of angle.
MN-Your sight adjustment goes to 12 miles and you’ve actually tried it.

AK-Your rifle can be used by any two bit nation’s most illiterate conscripts to fight elite forces worldwide.
AR-Your rifle is used by elite forces worldwide to fight two bit nations’ most illiterate conscripts.
MN-Your rifle has fought against itself and won every time

AK-Your rifle comes with a cheap nylon sling.
AR-Your rifle has a 9 point stealth tactical suspension system.
MN-You rifle has dog collars.

AK-Your bayonet makes a good wire cutter.
AR-Your bayonet is actually a pretty good steak knife.
MN-Your bayonet is longer than your leg.

AK-You can put a .30″ hole through 12″ of oak, if you can hit it.
AR-You can put one hole in a paper target at 100 meters with 30 rounds.
MN-You can knock down everyone else’s target with the shock wave of your bullet going downrange.

AK-Your rifle won some revolutions.
AR-Your rifle won the Cold War.
MN-Your rifle won a pole vault event.

AK-You paid $350.
AR-You paid $900.
MN-You paid $59.95.

AK-You buy cheap ammo by the case.
AR-You lovingly reload precision crafted rounds one by one.
MN-You dig your ammo out of a farmer’s field in Ukraine and it works just fine.

AK-You can intimidate your foe with the bayonet mounted.
AR-You foes laugh when you mount your bayonet.
MN-You can bayonet your foe on the other side of the river without leaving the comfort of your hole.

AK-Service life, 50 years.
AR-Service life, 40 years.
MN-Service life, 100 years, and counting.

AK-It’s easier to buy a new rifle when you want to change cartridge sizes.
AR-You can change cartridge sizes with the push of a couple of pins and a new upper.
MN-You believe no real man would dare risk the ridicule of his friends by suggesting there is anything but 7.62x54r.

AK-You can repair your rifle with a big hammer and a swift kick.
AR-You can repair your rifle by taking it to a certified gunsmith, it’s under warranty!
MN-If your rifle breaks, you buy a new one.

AK-You consider it a badge of honor when you get your handguards burst into flames.
AR-You consider it a badge of honor when you shoot a sub-MOA 5 shot group.
MN-You consider it a badge of honor when you cycle 5 rounds without the aid of a 2×4.

AK-After a long day the range you relax by watching “Red Dawn”.
AR-After a long day at the range you relax by watching “Blackhawk Down”.
MN-After a long day at the range you relax by visiting the chiropractor.

AK-After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for a stiff shot of Vodka.
AR-After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for hotdogs and apple pie.
MN-After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for shishkabob.

AK-You can accessorize you rifle with a new muzzle brake or a nice stock set.
AR-Your rifle’s accessories are eight times more valuable than your rifle.
MN-Your rifle’s accessory is a small tin can with a funny lid, but it’s buried under an apartment building somewhere in Budapest.

AK-Your rifle’s finish is varnish and paint.
AR-Your rifle’s finish is Teflon and high tech polymers.
MN-Your rifle’s finish is low grade shellac, cosmoline and Olga’s toe nails.

AK-Your wife tolerates your autographed framed picture of Mikhail Kalashnikov.
AR-Your wife tolerates your autographed framed picture of Eugene Stoner.
MN-You’re not sure there WERE cameras to photograph Sergei Mosin.

AK-Late at night you sometimes have to fight the urge to hold your rifle over your head and shout “Wolverines!”
AR-Late at night you sometimes have to fight the urge to clear your house, slicing the pie from room to room.
MN-Late at night, you sometimes have to fight the urge to dig trench in the the yard to sleep in.

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By LC 0311 Sir Crunchie I.M.H., K.o.E.

Former USMC infantryman, proud father of a current USMC infantryman and two Princesses who know what that means. Currently an NRA law enforcement firearms instructor, radar instructor, CPR instructor, a few others but you get the point. Catholic, conservative, heterosexual, gun owner, anything I can do to piss off liberals.

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LC Ogrrre - Imperial Heartless Bastard
Member

Now, that there’s funny! Or accurate. Or funny and accurate?

LC Ogrrre - Imperial Heartless Bastard
Member

Tried to put a photo of my little family(all 8 of them in 6 different calibers) in my post. couldn’t figure out how to do that. Some help, here, Crunchie?

Library Czar
Guest
Library Czar
June 3, 2012 12:22

I’ll take the MN, thank you very much.

Orion
Member
June 3, 2012 12:40

I’m STILL laughing at this Crunchie.

And I’ll STILL take my M4. AK’s suck and I like my shoulders intact now that I got it fixed.

Orion

single stack
Member
single stack
June 3, 2012 12:56

I don’t get the whole Mosins kick hard thing. It’s very close to a .308. Even with 192 grain bullets (which are intended for machine guns and Drags) it has less recoil than my 10 pound 30-06 M700. The first time I ever fired a Mosin Nagant there were several guys at the range that had each just bought one… Read more »

LC HJ Caveman82952
Guest
LC HJ Caveman82952
June 3, 2012 12:57

You said it all Crunchie…as fondas I am of Natasha,the fence post, she can and does beat the shit out of you……..but one cannot help but whistle as she punched a hole through a half inch steel plate at fifty feet……

single stack
Member
single stack
June 3, 2012 13:16

Oh yeah, I don’t like AKs much, ARs suck almost as much as their fanboys, and the Mosin is a lot of fun for dinging poppers at 300 yards :). I have all three. After putting a few hundred rounds through them when I first got them the first two are safe queens. When the balloon goes up the rifles… Read more »

SeafarerChief
Member
SeafarerChief
June 3, 2012 13:49

:em05:

Mattexian
Member
June 3, 2012 13:58

Went to the range with a buddy couple of weeks ago, shot his 10/22, Mini-14, and M-N, and my AK and SKS. Compared with the Mini-14 (in .223) and AK and SKS, the M-N *definitely* has a kick! I had already softened up my shoulder with the metal folding stock of my AK, then shot his M-N, which went like… Read more »

Orion
Member
June 3, 2012 14:20

@Single Stack:
Blasphemer! Thou shalt be cast out as unclean!!

Speaking ill of my lovely little M4. If I lived in San Francisco, I’d have married her. Still pisses me off they made me turn her in after we got back from al Asad, and then farmed her out to some uncouth bastich. Same with my IOTV.

Orion

FrankOK
Member
June 3, 2012 15:18

No interest in a Nagant but plan eventually to acquire a Dragunov to round out the arsenal. Favorite toy lately has been an AR lower mated to a 7.62X39 upper – shoots .308 projos (up to 150 grain) rather accurately and tends to have a quick calming effect on the most irritated piggy. For the ongoing need within to make… Read more »

LC Ogrrre - Imperial Heartless Bastard
Member


Thank you for that tip, Sir Crunchie! Here are my kids. Some are friendly, some are mean, viscious little bastards! :em01:

LC Ogrrre - Imperial Heartless Bastard
Member

ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGH! It didn’t work! :em08:

Cortillaen
Member
June 3, 2012 16:54

Since this is nominally an open thread, and in keeping with things that terrify libs, I present this image to you all (in case that didn’t work: bit.ly/KZ2Ltz). Various versions of that available here: http://patriotdepot.com/andrew-breitbart-fight-prints/

LC Sir Clambake, Imperial Black Ops Technician, K.o.E.
Member

I don’t even own an M-4gery. Found one I might get eventually, but nothing pressing. Figure I can get a real one from somebody that doesn’t need it anymore with either my AK or my M-N.

LC PrimEviL
Member
LC PrimEviL
June 3, 2012 18:46

Thanks for the chuckle, Crunch. As to carry choices, I’ll agree with Single Stack on the M1 Garand/ SKS combo.

Fa Cube Itches
Member
Fa Cube Itches
June 3, 2012 19:24

Mattexian @ #:

You should try a 45-70 Gov’t rifle, then. It’s always fun to order ammunition online and see the little tag at the bottom that says – “Customers who ordered this product also ordered: Recoil Pad”

LC BU1 IMotBP
Member
LC BU1 IMotBP
June 3, 2012 21:23

Okay, funny as hell, and I certainly laughed my ass off (Actually, I may cut and paste this just to have around when I really need a pick me up). But, my question is, why does the AK has such a horrible reputation for accuracy? I know, I know… people say they are loose as all get out and that… Read more »

Slightly to the right of Gingis Khan
Member
Slightly to the right of Gingis Khan
June 3, 2012 23:55

This post has got me thinking of the old Mosin that has been sitting in the safe un-loved for a couple of years. So I just ordered a Timney trigger, bent bolt, and a scope and mount combo. I’m gonna spend some time and see what I can get out of the old girl. My lovely bride really hates you… Read more »

LC Xystus
Member
June 4, 2012 01:58

single stack The first time I ever fired a Mosin Nagant… One guy offered to let me shoot his and as I was loading it he warned be about the recoil. Everyone agreed that it is vicious. After firing five rounds(and deciding that I was going to get one) I said, “That was fun. So where’s the rifle with the… Read more »

Draven32
Member
Draven32
June 4, 2012 02:30

smoking breech? sounds like cosmo in the chamber.

single stack
Member
single stack
June 4, 2012 07:58

A word of warning regarding Mosins. It is absolutely essential to wear glasses when shooting them. Pierced primers are a very real hazard. When it happens the gas comes back through the bolt and exits around the end of the firing pin in the center of the cocking piece. (it looks like a screwdriver slot) It has happened to me… Read more »

Draven32
Member
Draven32
June 4, 2012 10:48

If you’re getting pierced primers on a Mosin then you need to check firing pin protrusion. There’s a handy gauge cut into the side of the disassembly tool.

LC MosinFiend
Member
LC MosinFiend
June 4, 2012 11:47

Just got a Mosin-Nagant a few months ago. Not bad of a rifle for the price. I don’t get the complaints about recoil either…it’s about the same as a 30.06 rifle. The short stock and steel butt plate might make the recoil feel harsher to some folks, I suppose. (BTW, if we’re talking assault rifles…it’s AR-15/M16 for me all the… Read more »

LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech, Imperial Photographer, K.o.E.
Member

LC Xystus says: single stack Reminds me of RottFest ’08. Someone handed me a M-N (I need the hyphen, otherwise I tend to read it as “Minnesota”) & a pistol wrap for a pad. Fired just two rounds & didn’t feel the kick was excessive, but the smoking breech was interesting. I believe that was my old braut-stabber. Y’know,, that… Read more »

single stack
Member
single stack
June 4, 2012 15:29

Draven32 @ #: I check it every time I clean the bolt. Of the pierced primers I know about the firing pin was gauged every time and all were in spec. It’s not a common occurrence but it does happen. I only know of a few instances of pierced primers out of hundreds of rounds fired. I just want to… Read more »

Igor, Imperial Booby
Member
Igor, Imperial Booby
June 4, 2012 17:16

I must be out of it. I’m happy with my little iron sight .303. I might upgrade it with a scope if I’m feeling rich. :em03:

LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech, Imperial Photographer, K.o.E.
Member

Igor, Imperial Booby @ #:
In the trench wars, some Tommys found that they could pull the bullet, re-seat it backwards and punch nasty holes in the steel plate covers enemy observers were feeling all cozy behind.

LC TerribleTroy
Member
LC TerribleTroy
June 5, 2012 08:17

POP QUIZ.

What’s the best gun in the world

The one that goes bang when you want it to.

What’s the loudest sound in the world?

A click when you’re expecting a bang.

WayneB
Member
WayneB
June 5, 2012 14:21

Oh, my. That’s some of the funniest shit I’ve read in ages! I had to work hard to keep from spraying the monitor and from being carted off to the loony bin for maniacal laughter!

:em05:

Bitter Clinger
Member
Bitter Clinger
June 5, 2012 20:36

FrankOK says:

My stepson, however (bless his pointed little head), will understand these comparisons and will most certainly enjoy them as did I.

Oh I most certainly do. Got all three and love ’em all to pieces :em01:

LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech, Imperial Photographer, K.o.E.
Member