Fauxcahontas Suddenly Remembers Lying to Harvard About her Heritage

Listen, faux squaw, you can quit digging now, m’kay?

Although if you insist on breaking out the backhoe, by all means be our guest. We enjoy the laugh.

Democratic Senate candidate Elizabeth Warren acknowledged for the first time late Wednesday night that she told Harvard University and the University of Pennsylvania that she was Native American, but she continued to insist that race played no role in her recruitment.

“At some point after I was hired by them, I . . . provided that information to the University of Pennsylvania and Harvard,’’ she said in a statement issued by her campaign.

OK, we’re trying to keep track here. So originally she did check off the “American Indian” box when she applied, which would have been prior to her hiring, but that she most definitely DIDN’T do so to get a leg up in the hiring process. Yes, we know, we’re still laughing our Imperial Arse off over that one. And now she didn’t check it off but provided the lie at some later point in time after being hired because, well, clearly that means she wasn’t gaming the system, right?

We mean, she pretty much had to admit to having provided Haaaahvuhd with the info since they themselves were later bragging publicly about having an Honest to Bob American Indian on the faculty, somebody had to have told them, unless she was trying to claim that it was Haaaahvuhd who made the whole shit up which might, understandably, make Haaaahvuhd “testy.”

And then, because we clearly remember this, there’s this whole thing about how she called herself an Injun because she desperately wanted to hook up with people who were “like her” (as long as it didn’t actually involve attending any of the widely publicized meetings of Native Americans on campus, that is), so now we’re to believe that she never said a word about her heritage until she was hired, then told Haaaahvuhd about it because she wanted to make contact with others “like her” and then she proceeded to do Jack diddly fucking squat to make that happen.

Right. Sure. Of course. It’s all so bloody clear to us now, Elizabeth Fauxcahontas Shitting Bull Warren. Your Spirit Journey through Academe is truly a fascinating one, we must admit.

If you’re studying “Most Laughably Obvious Made Up Sea Stories in the History of the United States”, that is.

And then she adds, just because that hole she’s in apparently needs a few feet of additional depth:

“My Native American heritage is part of who I am, I’m proud of it and I have been open about it.’’


So proud of it, in fact, that you’ve utterly failed, deliberately so, to explore, examine and confirm it, and so open about it that your story has changed more times over the past two weeks than the readout on my digital alarm clock.

Keep it up, Dances With Bullshit, keep it up. You’re EPICALLY hilarious!



  1. 1
    BrendaK growls and barks:

    “My Native American heritage is part of who I am, I’m proud of it and I have been open about it.’’

    It sounds like she’s attempting to frame this mess as people being all raaaaacist! about her extraordinary family heritage. As that extraordinary heritage never existed, I don’t think that’s really going to work out the way she might have hoped.

    Whatever other attributes her actual antecedents passed on to her, they were clearly the finest ditch diggers in all the land.

  2. 2
    Secondmouse growls and barks:

    Fauxcahontas. This has to be my favorite ‘idiot liberal’ meme of this political season so far, and as a group, they have been generous, so there is a lot of competition.

    Another skidmark on the underwear of history.

  3. 3
    Bitter Clinger growls and barks:

    Stupid bitch.

    Leave it to a lib to use “high cheekbones” to link themselves to a group. Then deny trying to create said link. Then apologize for the denial.

    Sadly people will still vote for the dumb hooker.

  4. 4
    irish19 growls and barks:

    Secondmouse @ #:
    There’s also Lieawatha. I think I saw that over at American Thinker.

  5. 5
  6. 6
    dasbow growls and barks:

    Irish and Second, let’s not forget “Taxajawea”.

  7. 7
    Secondmouse growls and barks:

    Irish and Dasbow, these are good ones too. Seems we will have a lot to remember her by when she fades into the mists, and is occasionally seen standing on a street corner with a bucket and a squeegee.

  8. 8
    irish19 growls and barks:

    Secondmouse @ #:
    Wearing a headdress. Don’t forget the headdress.

  9. 9
    dasbow growls and barks:

    She could get a job as a greeter at Mohegan Sun if only she was a bit more than 0/32 Injun.

  10. 10
    Mark12A growls and barks:

    She’s surely a pain in the ass, but I’d have a hard time documenting my indian heritage, as well. My maternal grandparent’s people (Cherokee) are said to have escaped the Trail of Tears by hiding out, and since I’m not on the Dawe’s Register, I don’t have any documentation. My paternal grandparent’s people (Chiricahua) didn’t have a written language and were sort of assimilated into the white community, probably grudgingly. So what I have is solely an oral tradition, but I’m not going to deny it. I’ve checked “Native American” on applications pretty much my entire life, but I never figured to get any advantage from it since the organizations I worked for (police and military) cared more about merit, character, and ability than about quotas. I’ve never tried to get a native American set-aside because I knew I couldn’t document it. But that doesn’t make me any less of a volatile mixture of Cherokee, Apache, and Viking.

    Probably no wonder I’m a shit magnet. But Elizabeth Warren is still a douchebag.