Great Moments in GFW’ery

Because, well, when idiots like these pop out of the woodwork, it’s time to remember that this site is called the Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler. And a hat tip to Tam, that funny lady.

13-Year-Old Among 2 Arrested On Suspicion Of Possessing Stolen Military Weapon

We should like to note that the original headline appears to have had “Anti-Tank” instead of “Military”, at least if the URL is anything to go by.

So it looks like the intrepid California Flatfoots made quite a name for themselves there, coming down like a ton of bricks upon a dangerous weapons cache. Great job. Or not…

COLTON (CBS) — Two people, including a 13-year-old boy, were arrested Friday on suspicion of possessing a military-grade weapon believed to have been stolen.

Please note “stolen military-grade weapon.” Yes, we know we keep harping on it, but it’s important. So what did the brave, brave Po-Po of Colton confiscate in this enormous weapons bust? A SCUD missile? A broken arrow? A 400lb IED? A Browning .50 cal? We can’t hardly wait!

Colton police said in a statement released that officers were dispatched to the 1100 block of South Mohave Drive about 6:59 p.m. Friday.

Upon arrival, they saw a male, later identified as a 13-year-old boy, sitting on top of a roof and holding a possible rifle.

A “possible rifle?” Oh my. No. Seriously. Don’t laugh. It could be a Barrett .50, you know.

According to police, the suspect ran into a nearby apartment, which a K9 subsequently searched after authorities contacted the owner.

Three weapons were recovered, including an inert M136 AT4 “LAW” anti-tank weapon, a b.b. gun rifle and a replica 9mm hand gun, police said.

A… No, wait a minute. That wasn’t all, right? There was at least a crate full of G3s and/or AK47s too, right?

And just what the everloving fuck is a “b.b. gun rifle?” Actually, what the fuck is a “gun rifle”, now that we think about it? They make them with rifled barrels nowadays? We’ve come a long way as a society indeed. Moving on.

A replica 9mm hand gun. To anybody who doesn’t own a “replica hand gun”, this is what is also known to the rest of us as “an expensive toy pistol.” To owners of them, they’re “replica hand guns” the same way that Barbie is a “doll” and GI Joe is an “action figure.” To the rest of humanity, however, they’re toy pistols.

OK, so summarizing so far, you caught a kid with a toy pistol and a BB gun. We’re frankly surprised you didn’t sic DHS on that dangerous little terrorist scumbag. The sheer heroism, the courage, the willingness to set aside all thoughts of personal safety in pursuit of the protection of the innocent! Seriously, the City of Colton need to consider putting up a bronze statue of those officers right in front of the courthouse. No, that’s not enough. Declare a day of remembrance in their honor too.

Sorry, there was something more? Oh yes, the “inert LAW anti-tank weapon.”

Inert. To those not in the know, and that obviously includes the ignorant twat who hacked together that execrable piece of nonsense disguised as “reporting”, a LAW is what His Imperial Majesty and his fellow Centurions referred to as a “disposable Bazooka.” That’s when we didn’t refer to it as a “stupid piece of cumbersome crap invented by a committee of morons”, of course. “Disposable Bazooka” is much shorter. And there is an interesting history to it as well, which you will now have to sit through because, well, this IS our site and we’ll bloody well digress if we want to, even if it bores everybody to tears.

The Germans came up with the idea first. They called it a Panzerfaust (Tank Fist) and it was nothing but a tube with a missile attached to it. You aimed, fired and threw away the tube afterwards. Then you grabbed another tube with a missile attached to it and so forth until you ran out of them, which you did quickly. A lot of tube and very little actually effective payload. Not that the payload didn’t do a lot of damage, it certainly did, but you still had to lug around the stupid disposable tube as well as the payload.

Then the Amis got into the fight. They brought with them a wondrous thing called the “Bazooka.” It was basically the same thing, except for one “minor” detail: Once you’d shot the payload at the enemy and, he being offensive in your sight, was righteously smote, you kept the tube. Because you could shove another payload into it which, not having a disposable tube attached to it, was a lot easier on the poor backs of the GIs.

The Landser saw that and were impressed. So impressed, in fact, that they shamelessly copied it. They designed a tube that wasn’t disposable and that you could shove payloads into, and they called it Panzerschreck (Tank Terror) and there was much rejoicing. At least among the Krauts. Of course, it was quite a bit more expensive to produce, so the Panzerfaust stayed in production for supplying “less important military units” and fortified positions where mobility, obviously, wasn’t much of an issue.

The war ended, the Nazis got squished and then, and this is where the story gets truly ridiculous, some committee in the U.S. presumably studying German weapons decided to copy… The Panzerfaust. Because what an army that already had a weapon like the Bazooka really needed was a copy of what the enemy had thrown away because of the superiority of the Bazooka design. And thus the LAW anti-tank weapon was born.

It could only have been sillier if a different committee had been studying the Luftwaffe up to and including the Me-262 jet fighter and decided to start mass production of the Fieseler Storch as a result of their findings.

OK. End of digression.

So what you have in a LAW is a fiberglass tube with a payload that you fire and then you throw the tube away. The tube is now an “inert” anti-tank weapon.

Exactly like these:

…are 5 “inert 7.62×51 NATO anti-personnel weapons”.

Since we’re on a roll, here’s an “inert beer”:

Boo!

So what the intrepid Colton PD managed to achieve here was to arrest a kid in possession of a BB gun, a toy pistol and a fiberglass tube.

Seriously. If there’s a Law Enforcement equivalent of the Medal of Honor, those officers ought to be up for it!

Thatisall.

Wait, wait, WAIT, dammit! What were we thinking? Of course that can’t be all. The story has a happy ending and we can’t just bloody well leave that out, now can we?

We don’t know (the article doesn’t specify) what happened to the toy pistol and the BB gun, but we do know what is going to happen to the dangerous, “inert military-grade anti-tank weapon” (aka “the fiberglass tube”):

The U.S Army is expected to confiscate the weapon, police added.

And they will, upon repossession, immediately throw the damn useless thing away again. Hopefully they’ll throw it in a trash can this time, lest somebody else nick it and end up in gaol.

Sleep in peace tonight, good citizens, the Forces of Good have Prevailed once again!

17 comments

  1. 1
    LC MuscleDaddy growls and barks:

    Hey, you know… you could shoot your eye out with that thing.

    – MD

  2. 2
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    LC MuscleDaddy says:

    Hey, you know… you could shoot your eye out with that thing.

    – MD

    You get the prize!

    Seriously, as I was writing this post, I kept thinking about who’d hit that note and you, as always, didn’t disappoint. I’m dead serious. You put a big grin on my face and that, in itself, is a huge plus in my book, particularly these days. Thanks! :)
    Emperor Misha I recently posted..Great Moments in GFW’eryMy Profile

  3. 3
    LC MuscleDaddy growls and barks:

    Go-Me, Go-Me, Go-Insomnia, Go-Insomnia…

    – MD

  4. 4
    dasbow growls and barks:

    How do you shoot your eye out with an inert tube?

  5. 5
    single stack growls and barks:

    A safety note:
    Make sure you render the 7.62×51 NATO anti personnel weapons inert before you render the beer inert. Otherwise you might shoot your eye out.

  6. 6
    single stack growls and barks:

    dasbow @ #:

    I was wondering why the Army is expected to confiscate the inert no-longer-a-weapon that can be legally purchased in surplus stores and online, where the kid probably got it.

  7. 7
    LC HJ Caveman82952 growls and barks:

    Tears of laughter, I needed this….a great prescription first thing in the morning. Welcome to Kalifornia guys, actually a beautiful state, just got more than our fair share of lunk heads, bozos and fill in the blanks. Our police chief here in Dog Patch, having served in the Corps, is a personal friend, offered to take me and my trusty M1A to the police range here….and he has some Saigas confiscated from some mlocal miscreants.
    You can sure bet he would know what inert ammo or guns were….’cause I sure as hell don’t. A simple guy, in my mind guns are either loaded or they are not.

  8. 8
    LC Proud Infidel growls and barks:

    Those so-called “Police Officers” make Barney Fife look like Chuck Norris!! Hell, the things me and my friends did when we were kids would make snot-drooling idiots like that scream for their SWAT team! Yeah, we played with BB Guns, played “Cowboys and Indians”, “Cops and Robbers”, and played with firecrackers and M80′s (That would probably make those fools shit their drawers and call for the BATFE!)

    The Law Enforcement community has a LOT of competent, dedicated, and professional people in it, but every now and then we see idiots like that that could make a shopping mall Rent-a-Fuzz look like Steven Segal!

  9. 9
    Secondmouse growls and barks:

    Sounds like the name of the town should have been Keystone.

  10. 10
    Mark12A growls and barks:

    We had Western Avenue in San Pedro blocked off because there was a guy driving down the street in an original jeep, painted OD, with what appeared to be a pintle-mounted M2 and an American flag. While a pintle-mounted M2 would be sweet for drive-bys, I’m not sure which offended people the most…the de-milled HMG or the flag.

    Even had the traffic helicopters circling, like vultures, with their cameras aimed at the old repro jeep.

    The M2, of course, was all welded up inside and could never be made to fire unless you melted it down for steel and started over.

  11. 11
    Orion growls and barks:

    Your conversation on the LAW reminds me of our training session on said weapon at Ft. Knox. The Drill Sergeant conducting the class was listing off the targets you could engage with the M72 Light Anti-tank Weapon and went through people, trucks, cars, jeeps, bunkers, helicopters…naturally, one of us asked about shooting a TANK with the anti-TANK weapon.

    He looked at us and said, “Sure. You can shoot a tank with one. You might even get lucky and knock a road wheel off it. Then he’ll have to get out of the tank to fix it. Of course, he’s gonna be damn sure to deal with YOU before he gets out of the tank.”

    Helpful safety tip: Do not shoot tanks with LAWs. I would like to point out though that the AT3 is a lot more capable than the old M72 was.

    Orion

  12. 12
    LC Light29ID growls and barks:

    Since we’re reminiscing when I was a youngster in our Beloved Corps I was sent north to Camp Schwab for training. As part of our training we got to SHOOT LAW’S!!! Well I have an inordinate fear of snakes (see where this is going)? Well comes my turn, I grab a LAW out of the crate and head for the firing line. About 200-300 meters out were 55gal drums that were “the targets”. Well I get ready to shoot and guess what pops out about 50 meters in front of the line. A Habu snake. As any Jarhead will tell you these little bastards are irritable and mean. They don’t like humans and they FUCKING HATE MARINES. Unlike other snakes they look for a fight. Well, back to our story. I see this long bastard crawl out into bare patch of ground and curl up. Well I look over at the Range Officer, back at the snake, back at the RO then I fire at the little fucker. The rocket flies out and explodes well within the safety area. The RO comes running up to me screaming something about my mother dropping me on my head and demanding to know what the fuck I was shooting at. I just turned to him and said “the Habu” and walked away. They had to call a cease fire because everybody was laughing so hard.

  13. 13

    LC Light29ID @ #:
    Now that’s hilarious, don’t care who you are. Reminds me of a battalion M-60 shoot on Sardinia once. The range was on two ridges, firing line on one and targets on another, with a nice shallow valley between. As the line was getting ready to go hot some farmers herd of dairy cattle wondered into the valley. The RO called out “Shooters, you may engage your targets when they appear. Do not, DO NOT, engage the cattle.”

    All you saw was thirty tracer streams making hamburger. At least we ate good later that week. :em01:
    LC 0311 Sir Crunchie I.M.H., K.o.E. recently posted..The Prick Factory Drops the R, I, and KMy Profile

  14. 14

    Oh, as to the LAAW, we were still using them went I went to Infantry School, but they were being phased out for the AT4. When we qual’d with the LAAW they were expending inventory so said we could shoot as many as we wanted. I cranked off 11 or 12 of those things, had a blast (pun intended).

    I do have to disagree with His Vileness however on their efficacy. While you don’t need to hump a crap load of ‘em to engage enemy armor (as pointed out they only piss them off), they are pretty handy to have to take out MG positions and the like. Nice for a rifleman to have a lil’ more oomph without having to wait for the grenadier or the SMAW gunner to come over and lend ya a hand. Just be sure to smash the tube afterward. The tube is perfectly sized to hold a grenade spoon in place and the rear cover makes a perfect trap door when attached to a tripwire. Don’t want some bad guy to use it as a booby trap. Or worse yet, some kid playing Army to give a town of GFW’s a case of the vapors.
    LC 0311 Sir Crunchie I.M.H., K.o.E. recently posted..The Prick Factory Drops the R, I, and KMy Profile

  15. 15
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    Orion says:

    He looked at us and said, “Sure. You can shoot a tank with one. You might even get lucky and knock a road wheel off it. Then he’ll have to get out of the tank to fix it. Of course, he’s gonna be damn sure to deal with YOU before he gets out of the tank.”

    :em05:

    You’re bringing back memories there. Your DI must have been related to mine, although he worded it slightly differently (translated from the original Danish, of course): “Don’t ever shoot a LAW at a tank. It’ll only piss it off and get its attention.”

    Orion says:

    I would like to point out though that the AT3 is a lot more capable than the old M72 was.

    Also true. Of course, the same can be said about the tanks that the AT3 had to deal with, compared to the M72.
    Emperor Misha I recently posted..Chubby’s At It Again. My Profile

  16. 16
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    LC 0311 Sir Crunchie I.M.H., K.o.E. says:

    While you don’t need to hump a crap load of ‘em to engage enemy armor (as pointed out they only piss them off), they are pretty handy to have to take out MG positions and the like.

    There’s an app for that. ;)
    Emperor Misha I recently posted..Chubby’s At It Again. My Profile


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