And here’s how I plan to celebrate, just to be sure I do it in a proper right wing death beast fashion that honors the wishes and sensibilities of our leftie friends.
I’m scheduled for a 12 hour shift. I’m going to show up an hour early and leave an hour late. Did I mention that I’m salaried.
I will pull over every car with an Obummer bumper sticker and issue them a citation for DWTC, Driving While Terminally Cluefucked.
I will pull over every Prius, Volt and Smartcar I see and berate the drivers for being pretension dumbfucks. I will leave my patrol car in neutral with a box of lead ammo (in honor of the envirofreaks) on the gas pedal at an even 4000 RPMs or so while I do it. If the driver is over 50 and has a pony tail, an earring, or any type of peace symbol in view, I will beat them about the head, neck, chest and breast area with their own spleen (or maybe their, duodenum, it depends on my mood).
On every call I go to, the first words out of my mouth will be “Where da hoodies and grills at? I gots me some profilin ta do.”
Just for Moochelle Antoinette, I will eat the greasiest cheeseburger I can find, sans the bun, with a side of fries smothered in cheese, and a chocolate shake for dessert. I will only eat half of it and throw the rest out. Then I will order seconds and eat all of it. I will buy a six pack of Pepsi Throwback (made with real sugar), drink it all, and throw the plastic bottles in the garbage can. I will make sure that there is a recycling bin in reach when I do so, and if possible in sight of a treehumper.
I will print every email that I get and throw it away. The emails with the obnoxious “consider the environment before printing this email”signature line I will print twice, make 10 copies, and throw them all in the trash can. Again, with a recycling bin in reach.
I will visit my bank. Just to say “Hello, thanks for being capitalists!”
I will leave my car running all day, even when I’m at my desk.
I will buy 100 watt incandescent light bulbs, and while I’m in that aisle I will berate anyone who even looks at a mercury filled “hazmat in waiting” bulb.
If I should happen across any Occutards, I will give them a “brief” lesson on what an oppressor really is.
“Excessive force” will be an objective minimum standard.
I will replace our toilet paper with copies of “Das Kapital” and “Dreams of My Father”. I will then by my entire department lunch from that roadside taco stand with the questionable Health Department certificate.
For the feminazi’s I will eat a delicious meal prepared by my wife, who I will insist cook it while barefoot. I will then enjoy a beer and ceegar while she does the dishes and cleans the kitchen.
For the fag, trannie, carpet muncher, what ever community, I will have heterosexual, objectifying, misogynist, sex. Lot’s of it. And I will do it well, exceptionally well.
I’m sure I will think of more as the day goes on. Any of y’all have any ideas?