Or something similarly stupendously senseless. Remember the old saying about an infinite amount of monkeys with an infinite amount of typewriters? It appears that His Majesty has located one of the monkeys, although it obviously still has a long way to go before it produces anything worthwhile. We will, to spare you, leave out the first bit in which he compares idiots like Al Gore to Galileo.

Rejecting mainstream climate science became a GOP litmus test during the 2010 midterm elections. Republican leaders then floated the idea of putting mainstream climate science on trial in congressional hearings.

It seems to us that Mr. Hertsgaard still needs some help grasping the meaning of the word “trial” if he thinks it has anything in common with a congressional hearing other than the bloviating and posturing.

Meanwhile, Glowbullistas like Hertsgaard are having a grand old time promoting the idea that anybody disputing their Holy Writ should be put on real trials. For crimes against humanity. Nuremberg style. Which, to us, seems a whole lot more fraught with danger for the person on the stand and, for that matter, a whole lot more like what Galileo faced than a bunch of eggheads being asked dumb questions by ignorant lawyer politicians who think “science” is the plural of “sign.”

This week, Rep. Fred Upton (R-Mich.), the chairman of the House Energy Committee, introduced legislation that would “repeal” the Environmental Protection Agency’s scientific determination that greenhouse gases threaten human health and welfare.

“Scientific?” Obviously Hertsgaard also belongs to the aforementioned group. OK, Marky-poo, here’s your free clue: “Science” is NOT the plural of “sign.” Google it.

Second… Yes, we realize that we’re handing out free clues like crazy here, way-off-the-Mark, but given your obvious intellectual deficit, it would take a congressional earmark to bring you up to speed with a gopher, so we’re here to help you out a bit. Second, a “scientific determination” is a determination reached by applying the scientific method to available data.

Another hint: The “scientific method” does NOT include hiding inconvenient data, falsifying data, actively working to get scientists not supporting your idea fired and/or excluded from scientific publications and refusing to make your pet theory falsifiable, instead claiming that everything, no matter how contradictory, proves your point.

These are only a few clues, but they should be enough to get you started.

This is true today: Modern science has conclusively demonstrated that human activities are dangerously overheating the planet — notwithstanding Republicans’ desire to repeal that conclusion.

No, it hasn’t, no matter how much you keep repeating to yourself that it is so while clutching your inflatable Gore doll until it almost pops. If it had “conclusively demonstrated” such a thing, then we’d be unlikely to have, at last count, about 1,000 actual scientists dissenting publicly and loudly. And that count includes several current and former members of the IPCC that you will tongue-bathe most sickeningly later on in your pathetically ignorant scribble.

To help your demonstrably inferior intellect grasp this, try to imagine finding 1,000 actual physicists coming out against the 2nd law of thermodynamics, something that actually has been “conclusively demonstrated.” Oh, and if you had the slightest knowledge of what science is, which you quite clearly do not, you would know better than to throw expressions like “conclusively demonstrated” around. They tend to make people with functioning brains laugh at you. Right before they humiliate you, much like what we’re having fun doing here.

Republicans are the only major political party in the world that rejects this mainstream climate science. The right-of-center parties controlling governments in Britain, Germany and France, for example, not only embrace mainstream climate science, they support far more aggressive climate policies than anything advocated by Republicans — or Democrats — in Washington.

Yet another empty postulate thrown out there with no corroborating evidence whatsoever, another thing that people of a real scientific bent would never dare do, for fear that their betters would give them the intellectual equivalent of an atomic wedgie.

But if, if we embrace your idiocy, just for the sake of ridiculing your insufficient mental faculties some more, and say that the right-of-center in Europe “embrace” Glowbull Wormening and combine that with the fact that Glowbull Wormening is the cause celebre of anybody left-of-center then, LOGICALLY, Europe should already be way ahead of us in curbing “dangerous” emissions of plant food, aka CO2, which they manifestly are not.

Yes, that thing you just felt was your undies traveling so far up your crack that your nose is poking out the pee hole.

U.S. news coverage usually refers to climate deniers as skeptics. That is misleading. Skepticism is invaluable to the scientific method.

Of which you know nothing at all, but we’ve already demonstrated that beyond all reasonable doubt. You might almost say that we’ve conclusively demonstrated it, so why are you using words that you obviously do not know what mean?

But an honest skeptic can be persuaded by facts.

Correct. Something that your side has been woefully short on. On the other hand, you’ve had no problem whatsoever ignoring every single fact tending to disprove your theory, claiming instead that everything is proof that you’re right while providing us with no evidence for that at all.

But you might become an honest skeptic yet. Once you’ve increased your IQ to the point where it at least gets close to triple digits.

These deniers are largely impervious to facts — at least facts that contradict their worldview.

Hearing that coming from a Glowbull Wormening Cultist is so thick with irony that you can bottle it. Once you get done howling with laughter, that is.

When virtually every major scientific organization in the world, including the U.S. National Academy of Sciences and its counterparts in 18 other industrial countries, has affirmed that man-made climate change is real and extremely dangerous, only a crank would continue to insist that it’s all a left-wing plot.

Once again: Science is not something that is determined by calling for a floor vote. If that were the case, then your pal Galileo’s observations and findings would simply have been voted off the island and we’d still believe that the sun rotated around the earth.

Did we just uncover another mother lode of sweet, crude irony? No, Mark, we’re not laughing with you.

What, are all these organizations and the thousands of scientists associated with them part of a vast conspiracy?

What, are all these thousands of scientists disagreeing with your Church of Gore part of a vast conspiracy? Yes, they are. According to you True Believers. They’re all bought and paid for with dirty money from Big Oil, whereas your guys are pure as the driven snow and not at all influenced by whether or not they can get their grant applications approved. They’re ascetics, living in caves, subsisting on a bowl a rice a day, doing it all For The Good of Mankind™!

Are they all lying careerists or incompetent buffoons?

Yes and yes.

That is the only logical conclusion to draw from the Republicans’ continuing insistence that climate science is bogus.

Climate science isn’t bogus. Nobody is saying that. Well, except for the Church of Gore, who claim that all actual science is bogus since it tends to disagree with what they bleat, blather and bloviate about.

Despite having no more scientific credibility than the Flat Earth Society,

We weren’t aware that the much maligned (and rightfully so) and utterly irrelevant Flat Earth Society was backed by 1,000 prominent scientists, but do tell!

the climate cranks have held our nation’s climate policy hostage for decades. One reason the United States has done so little to reduce greenhouse gas emissions over the past 20 years is that our government has listened as much to these climate cranks as to real scientists.

So what’s the reason that those European countries “embracing” your “science” haven’t lifted a finger to follow the constrictions of they Kyoto protocol that they actually signed on to? Were they listening to our “cranks” too? Damn, and here we thought that the only things we exported to Europe were bad Hollyweird movies, Coca-Cola and watery beer substitutes.

As a result, our planet is now locked into at least 50 more years of rising temperatures

Please! Bring it on! Because out here in the real world, our winters and summers have been getting colder and colder over the last decade.

and the climate effects they unleash — longer droughts,

…and heavier rainfalls

stronger storms, harsher heat waves,

…and freezing, Arctic winters

rising sea levels.

…that have yet to actually rise, no matter how much we’re told that Pacific islands are going to disappear under the waves ANY DAY NOW, yet they remain stubbornly above water.

Sorry, we forgot. All that was stopped when we elected King Narcissus Hussein president, He Whose Nomination Made the Waters Recede™.

The young people of Generation Hot—the two billion people born worldwide since NASA scientist James Hansen put the world on notice in 1988 that global warming had begun—are fated to spend the rest of their lives coping with the hottest climate in civilization’s history.

Which obviously must mean that the roughly 400 years between 1000 and 1400 never happened or just weren’t part of “civilization’s history”, since they were far warmer than anything we’ve yet experienced. Those damned nuns and their monastic oil refineries, not to mention Vikings sailing around in their smoke-belching longboats and Teutonic Knights terrifying the countryside in their unsustainable, four-wheel-drive SUVs.

As an aside, Mark: Does it bother you in the least to be so obviously stupid? Not that it matters to us, because making fun of your idiocy amuses us no end.

Yet if one judged solely by recent media coverage, one would think deniers have a point. In an embarrassing display of scientific illiteracy and political gullibility, news organizations have repeatedly played into the deniers’ hands:

By publicizing criticism of High Priests Gore and Hansen instead of just putting an embargo on anybody as much as thinking about disagreeing with their church’s proclamations. Which, as we all know, is what the scientific method is ALL ABOUT!: Meticulously and methodically suppressing any criticism, tolerating no dissent and publicly shaming and ridiculing dissenters while proposing that they be put on trial for crimes against humanity.

Galileo really caught a break not ever having to deal with you guys!

Implicitly endorsing their unfounded accusations of fraud against scientists whose emails were stolen,

We weren’t aware that evidence became “unfounded accusations” based on it being found by being “stolen.” So if I were to murder my neighbor and his entire family, film the whole thing, write down a full confession and put the recording and confession in a sock drawer, then a thief stealing them while breaking into my house would be guilty of “unfounded accusations” by publishing them afterwards?

by portraying a single error in a thousand-page Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change report as reason to question all of mainstream climate science.

It’s impossible to say what “single” error you’re talking about since you, throughout your verbal effluvium disguised as a column, refuse to provide the reader with any evidence like, say, a link, but we’re here to tell you that their errors were not in the least bit “singular.”

Then the media largely abandoned the climate story over the past 12 months, even as mainstream scientists were turning out one landmark study after another, clarifying the extreme peril.

You mean: “While the ‘scientists’, increasingly in a state of panic as they found themselves more and more out of touch with reality and more and more ridiculed by more and more people, breathlessly started blaming everything on Glowbull Wormening in a sad attempt to regain relevance and government funding.”

There is no point trying to change the climate cranks’ minds.

You could try facts for a change.

For economic as well as ideological reasons,

You’re just trying to drown us in irony now, aren’t you? Or are you trying to make us die laughing?

they will no more acknowledge the truth of man-made global warming than the 17th-century Vatican would concede that the Bible was not literally true.

The rest of us, however, can change how we relate to the cranks.

As Republicans seek to repeal climate science, it is past time for the chattering class in Washington to stop giving them a pass. Climate cranks should instead be called to account for the terrible damages they have set in motion and prevented from further sabotaging our nation’s response to this crisis.

Bring on the Nuremberg Trials!

Really. Bring it. Bring it now, you clownish buffoons. We can’t wait to give you that long overdue atomic wedgie.

Maybe in 359 years you’ll admit that you were wrong, but we’re not holding our breath.


P.S.: We learn, from reading the footnotes to Hertsgaard’s mentally deficient rant, that he has a book out. At least now we’ve established motive.

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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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LC Xystus
February 18, 2011 03:25

Doofus: Modern science has conclusively demonstrated that human activities are dangerously overheating the planet Darth Misha: No, it hasn’t, no matter how much you keep repeating to yourself that it is so while clutching your inflatable Gore doll until it almost pops. Dipstick: These deniers are largely impervious to facts — at least facts that contradict their worldview. Darth Misha:… Read more »

LC Gunsniper
LC Gunsniper
February 18, 2011 05:55

Galileo was judged a heretic for bucking the consensus of the time, just like global warming skeptics are today.

Idiot Hertsgaard can’t even get the analogy right.

LC Sir Clambake, Imperial Black Ops Technician, K.o.E.
February 18, 2011 09:16

Sire, you already said it multiple times, but I’ve simply GOT to chime in. How do these idiots remember to breathe?

LC PrimEviL
LC PrimEviL
February 18, 2011 11:40

How typical of the collectivist mind set, but then, show trials are nothing new to them. Not just the Soviets, either. The Nazis held their fare share, also.

Physics Geek
February 18, 2011 11:58

As someone with a degree in a hard science myself, I tend to get a little perturbed by zealots claiming the end of the world based on computer models. When I point out to them that true scientific theories are falsifiable (or at least, potentially so), they tend to get this panicked look in their eyes before claiming that I… Read more »

BC, Imperial Torturer
February 18, 2011 14:46

Apparently Lil’ Mark was left off the address list when the “broad consensus” memo was sent out…

LC Gunsniper
LC Gunsniper
February 18, 2011 17:37

Here’s the story of a real, modern day Galileo.

Michael Mann is nothing but a modern day Clark Stanley.

Sir George
Sir George
February 18, 2011 20:30

Just this afternoon the House voted to defund the EPA.

Daily Caller link

LC thecabal
LC thecabal
February 19, 2011 01:21

[quote]Yes, that thing you just felt was your undies traveling so far up your crack that your nose is poking out the pee hole.[/quote]


My liege, you have such a way with words!

VonZorch Imperial Researcher
VonZorch Imperial Researcher
February 19, 2011 16:44

Sir George says:

Just this afternoon the House voted to defund the EPA.
Daily Caller link

It’s about time that congress found it’s stick.