More Unicorn Farts From President Food Stamp

Now that we feel a bit better (nothing like an F-5 hyperbole-laced full-on frustration rant to get your blood pressure down again) we note (via Cold Fury) that President No Gas has yet another pie in the sky alternative to fuel that we’re sure will soon see multi-billion dollar subsidies (as long as the recipients donated heavily to the NSDWP, of course) that will then disappear into thin air.


President Obama admitted today that he does not have a “silver bullet” solution for skyrocketing gas prices,

But the rest of us, at least those of us with a functional brain, do: It’s called “November 2012.”

but he proposed alternative energy sources such as “a plant-like substance, algae” as a way of cutting dependence on oil by 17 percent.

“We’re making new investments in the development of gasoline, diesel, and jet fuel that’s actually made from a plant-like substance, algae — you’ve got a bunch of algae out here,” Obama said at the University of Miami today.

And we’ve got an even bigger “bunch” of oil and gas out there just waiting to be drilled, and only waiting because you’re holding up progress, you ghetto trash scumbag. The difference between your algae and the oil and gas already there? The latter are actually proven sources of fuel available right fucking now, as opposed to your Magic Bean Fuel™ which may or may not become commercially viable in the next umpty-nine decades.

“Never worry, comrades! The wonderful world of Utopia of Next Tuesday™ (thanks, People’s Cube) is just around the corner!”

Oh yes. Whatever. Just one more five year plan and all will be well as True Socialism™ finally arrives! In the meantime, paycheck to paycheck-living people of America, you’re on your fucking own. Just suck it up and smile, knowing that Ear Leader Chocolate Jesus has a Plan™.

Oh, and as an aside: Nobody in the mainstream Marxist media is making any noise about President Five-Year-Old’s numerous fantasy fuel schemes, yet we’re all supposed to roll our eyes and laugh at Newt “Moon Base” Gingrich? Really? At least Newt is talking about technology that currently fucking exists!

“We’re not going to transition out of oil anytime soon,” Obama added, before touting the record high domestic gas production right now and the agreement with Mexico to drill in the Gulf of Mexico, while still calling for expanded investment in alternative energy.

So let’s see if we got that right: We’re financing, with U.S. taxpayer funds, assistance to Mexico so they can drill for the resources that our own companies aren’t allowed to drill for? So we can then buy the oil from them that we helped pay for already? And that ignorant fuckweasel cuntmuffin buttskate is bragging about that?

We submit that it is no longer a question of whether his racist “typical white person” grandma accidentally dropped him on his head when he was still small enough to be flushed out the toilet with his sibling turds. We only regret that she didn’t drop him hard enough. Like, say, from 50 stories up. Onto concrete. Preferably a highway. With heavy, mostly 18-wheeler traffic. And perhaps a steam roller or two thrown in for good measure.

Jumping Jehosaphat on a nuclear-powered Pogo stick is this nation ever farked!


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February 24, 2012 06:15

Algae. Al G. Same old global warming green energy BS.

How about we just render Al and go the old whale oil route. After he dies of natural causes, of course.

February 24, 2012 06:45

I work in the energy sector, at least until I get layed off. (Original company bought by bigger company) The energy sector has something called Demand/Response which tries to shift available power around. The problem is, eventually you run out of energy you can shift and need to build new power plants. The Algae fuel? That does have a lot… Read more »

February 24, 2012 08:35

Did you forget about his wonderful act down in Brazil immediately after he shut down drilling in the Gulf because where they were going to drill it was “too deep and dangerous”? He loaned brazil’s national oil company a shit-ton of money so they could drill even deeper with the same technology that he refuses to allow us to use,… Read more »

February 24, 2012 08:40

Soros for sure has his hand up Obama’s ass, making his mouth move in synchronization to the words appearing on The First Teleprompter.

Why the fuck doesn’t the house of representin’ impeach this asshole? Sure, the senate would never convict, but we’d get his treasonous activities out in the open.

February 24, 2012 09:59

Golly gee Elmer, I’m fucking astounded that The Kenyan Klingon Fucker didn’t think this one up. It’s shovel ready and the technology exists right now: Minister praises plan to heat swimming pool from fires of crematorium The money shot: He added that he would “die a happier man” if he knew heat from his cremation was warming the waters of… Read more »

February 24, 2012 10:02

And we all thought Soylent Green was a movie…

Beuller, can we please have the EDIT button back for us knuckle draggers????

LC Gladiator
LC Gladiator(@gladiator)
February 24, 2012 10:26

LC Ohio Right Wing Nut
LC Ohio Right Wing Nut(@ohio-right-wing-nut)
February 24, 2012 11:18

I don’t know what you guys are complaining about, I heat my home, produce my own electricity and fuel my cars and truck with hopes and dreams. Sorry I am just so sick of all this bullshit, lying, bussiness killing utopia fucking talk. making smartass comments keeps me from snapping some stupid Obamadroid supporters fucking neck. And even in my… Read more »

February 24, 2012 11:43

I just saw a cartoon by Michael Ramirez that explains just how Electric cars really work.
I posted it to my site a little while ago.

February 24, 2012 11:58

Solution to energy problem: LFTR’s (Liqued Floride Thorium Reactors), using excess heat from cycle to produce electricity and then to produce gas/diesel from coal (Fisher-Trope cycle). LFTR’s are old technology (from the 60s) and F-T cycle was what kept the germans fighting long after we shut off all access to oil for them. It works when allowed to, therefore fire… Read more »

February 24, 2012 14:17

LC Light29ID says:

And we all thought Soylent Green was a movie…
Beuller, can we please have the EDIT button back for us knuckle draggers????

Christ, AGAIN with the edit button…


February 24, 2012 17:40

Not wanting to put PAID to that lying nitwh, but the US Navy just bought some of that “organic” turbine fuel and it turns out to cost FOUR times as much as the same thing in a petrolium based product. And they STILL had to mix it 50/50 with petrol to get it to work. So if the scum-sucking commie… Read more »

February 24, 2012 19:33

And if they start using algae for fuel, what will we eat once they’ve outlawed livestock and we’re burning corn-squeezins in our gas tanks?

February 24, 2012 19:35

Additionally, if we start using algae-based fuels, I wonder if we’re going to have to Shock our fuel tanks like we have to Shock our swimming pools.

VonZorch Imperial Researcher
VonZorch Imperial Researcher(@vonzorch)
February 25, 2012 15:21

While I have no problem with nuclear power, I would hold off on building fission plants. Fusion power plants may be right around the corner, we will know later this year. If the latest test, now ongoing, works out fusion plants will give higher output in less space and be simpler and faster to build.

February 25, 2012 15:55

Fusion power has been around the corner for about 50 years. We can’t count on it. Fission plants being built today are very different than the ones we were building 30 years ago. In fact, the plants in Japan that were taken out by the quake and tsunami were due for retirement and replacement with newer and generally far superior… Read more »

February 25, 2012 15:58

I’ll run that shit when obama has air force one running on one hundred percent bio with no backup.

LC Gunsniper
LC Gunsniper(@lc-gunsniper)
February 25, 2012 18:38


I could produce more biofuel with a plate of deviled eggs and a six pack of Genny Cream Ale.

LC Ogrrre - Imperial Heartless Bastard
LC Ogrrre - Imperial Heartless Bastard(@ogrrre)
February 26, 2012 08:59

Pussy! :em04: A bowlful of Chili con Carne y Frijoles will produce more noxious and explosive gasses than your wimpy deviled eggs. Add some Tecate or Dos Equis Amber and you have Rotty heaven and Watermelon hell. Never had Genny Cream Ale. Sounds good though. :em01:

LC IB CiSSnarl5.7 Imperial Foreign War Correspondent
LC IB CiSSnarl5.7 Imperial Foreign War Correspondent(@cissnarl57)
February 26, 2012 10:13

First of all, we are already producing four times the amount of oil right now than we have been for the eight years prior. To be fair, that production is something that Bush got going, True. I keep hearing the mantra about “it’s a global commodity, there’s nothing we can do”…and if you look at it, it’s a red herring… Read more »

LC Xealot
LC Xealot(@lc-xealot)
February 27, 2012 09:54

It’s simple: This is about “them” and “us.” The politically wealthy don’t want the middle class getting uppity. We should be broke and on food stamps like everyone else. And why should we be allowed to drive cars? It’s all about the political class wanting to make sure they can feel superior by relegating everyone else to the stone age.… Read more »