Will Somebody Please Wake Us Up From This Nonsense?

We’ve just come to the conclusion that what our government needs isn’t a major change in personnel, what they need more than anything else is a mandatory psychiatric evaluation with involuntary commitment for the headcases among them.

Such as the EPA, the agency that none (at least the effeminate wankers in the “pragmatic” wing of politics) dare suggest needs a few severe cuts and kicks in the budget because, PUPPIES, BABY SEALS, CLEAN AIR!

Oh, and oil spills, of course, something His Imperial Majesty actually can agree that we need to do something about, if not nearly the insane hysteria that governs the handling of them these days. Contrary to popular belief, Mother Gaia is no stranger to environmental disasters even before we Evil, Gaia-Raping Monster Humans came along and she’s been quite good at handling them without our nannying too, thank you very much.

Regardless. A few regulations to make sure that some oversight is kept in place to prevent oil spills as well as making sure that the culprits end up paying for the cleanup when they take a dump all over nature is not necessarily a Bad Thing™.

Except when the wheels come off the klown kar and we get the government, more specifically the EPA, involved.

You see, in their regime-mandated quest to keep Mother Gaia pristinely free of hydrocarbon pollution disasters (and no doubt quite a bit dismayed that the oil industry is getting so good at avoiding those that the fat morons at the EPA are left with nothing to do but fold paper clips all day long), it came to their attention that milk, you know, the nutritious stuff that we get from cows, contains (SHRIEEEEEEKKKK!) animal oils which are, in essence, hydrocarbons.

No, really, they are. Technically speaking. Which is all (actually more than) that the EPA usually needs to come up with yet another industry-destroying, senseless mountain of red tape to justify their own existence and bloated budgets.

And so they did.

The EPA rule requires farms—as well as places that make cheese, butter, yogurt, ice cream and the like—to prepare and implement an emergency management plan in the event of a milk catastrophe. Among dozens of requirements, farmers must train first responders in cleanup protocol and build “containment facilities” such as dikes or berms to mitigate offshore dairy slicks.

These plans must be in place by November, and the U.S. Department of Agriculture is even running a $3 million program “to help farmers and ranchers comply with on-farm oil spill regulations.” You cannot make this stuff up.

You don’t have to. All you need to do is to take 52% sub-retarded goats with voting rights who are wholly illiterate on any worthwhile subject thanks to generations of publik skooling, a bunch of opportunistic totalitarian twats, mix, let stand and watch it all happen automatico.

But at least we won’t have to worry about the horrible sight of seagulls covered in milk as a result of destructive dairy disasters.

So, tell us again: What, exactly, is the downside of shutting down the EPA? We’ll even throw you humanitarians out there a bone and let go of our additional demands regarding proper disposal of the suddenly unemployed sacks of useless skin with no discernible real life skills. Which is a shame, because then we’re suddenly stuck with hundreds of concrete mixers and wood chippers that we’ll have to find something else to do with.

Thatisall.

13 comments

  1. 1
  2. 2
    Terrapod growls and barks:

    Hey, I have an idea, Wisconsin and all the other dairy states SHOULD JUST IGNORE THE LAW

  3. 3
    Terrapod growls and barks:

    As it is not a law at all, it is the action of a single agency acting above the law. I mean, just follow the lead of the Ogabe administration, do as they do. End of problem.

  4. 4
    LC Jackboot IC/A growls and barks:

    Holy Milk Shit !!

    I wonder if they’ll add an additional regulation requiring a DOT Hazmat placard on the herds? After all, they’re containers for this deadly toxin.

    Vegetable Oil must be next.

    This needs some photoshop work.

    Sis?

  5. 5
    MasterGuns Imperial Swampmaster growls and barks:

    This is good news……..the damn cats I feed can be hired out as Hazmat inspectors.

    Semper Fi

  6. 6
    Grammar Czar growls and barks:

    Just turn loose the farm dogs and cats, and that spill will be cleaned up lickety-split. (sorry…)

  7. 7
    Light29ID growls and barks:

    Do I hear the cost of rope, tar and feathers going up again???

  8. 8

    Mother Gaia is a kinky old bitch and likes it in the ass with no lube on occasion.

  9. 9
    KArnold growls and barks:

    Question: precisely how many baby harp seals, delta smelt, and California condors DIED in all those devastating milk floods that are the precedent justifying this new regulation?

    Oh? None, you say? Then precisely what real-world experience has happened that I missed, that highlights the need for this? Because in my experience, there has never been a milk flood meriting the need for berms, dikes, and containment facilities. As far as I’ve ever known, you spill some milk on the ground, and Mother Gaia pretty much just sorta sucks it up.

    In other news, I saw two World Wildlife Fund commercials yesterday. One started with “Global warming is destroying the polar ice and devastating the natural feeding grounds of the arctic polar bear” (I thought the polar bear thing was already debunked, but it seems the WWF never got that memo), and the other one pleaded for us to do something about the imminent extinction of wild tigers, because evil Man is deforesting the Amazon Swamp and planting crops in its place. Anyone else catch those?

  10. 10
    LC MuscleDaddy growls and barks:

    While I’ve come to loathe the EPA in general, I also deal with Disaster Recovery plans (among other things) about every day, and this:

    The EPA rule requires farms—as well as places that make cheese, butter, yogurt, ice cream and the like—to prepare and implement an emergency management plan in the event of a milk catastrophe. Among dozens of requirements, farmers must train first responders in cleanup protocol and build “containment facilities” such as dikes or berms to mitigate offshore dairy slicks.

    …is make-work for the ‘vitally-important’ department tasked with making sure those plans are in place.

    “emergency management plan in the event of a milk catastrophe” – writing out a process for dealing with a large spill – there’s nothing about that to specify document-length – a page or two on letterhead and in a binder next to the bills is sufficient.

    “farmers must train first responders in cleanup protocol and build “containment facilities” – means making sure Billy knows where the keys to the front-loader are & which set of dumpsters milk-mud gets scooped into.

    It’s as stoopid, redundant and pointless as anything else generated by a government agency – but it need not be overly difficult or costly – Disaster Recovery requirements are generally pretty easy to follow ‘to-the-letter’ for the purpose of letting the Gov’t employ/retain the several thousand people they “need” to check-the-box.

    – MD

  11. 11

    So while the nitwits at the EPA fret over spilled bovine mammary goodness, the real threat of the Zombie Apocalypse goes ignored.

    Well not by us redneck crackers in Floriduh, no siree, we’re ready. :em96:

  12. 12
    LC MuscleDaddy growls and barks:

    Response to LC 0311 Sir Crunchie I.M.H., K.o.E. @:

    Okay – where-in-the-HELL did you get that?

    – MD

  13. 13

    Response to LC MuscleDaddy @:
    From the Okeechobee County Emergency Operations Center. Told ya we’re ready down here. :em93:

    It’s a real annex, but it was written as an exercise in creative planning to get them to think outside the box in preparing for unexpected emergencies. And as an additional hook when ever the curiosity over it sends people to the county site they urge people to look around at the real emergency planning while they’re there. Pretty smart for a bunch of cracker hicks if you ask me.