We know it’s awfully confusing to some people, but that’s just the way it goes. Especially if you’re a Texan.

Explain a few things to me. One: Why did he announce publicly last night that he was “reassessing” if he truly hadn’t decided to quit yet?

Because, dear Allahpundit, and we’ll take it real slow like for y’all so’s not to lose y’all along the way, if’n he’d really, truly decided to quit, he’d have said something like “I’m quittin’, y’all.”

You see, and we ain’t holding yer confusion against ya, bless your heart, but in Texan “reassess” means “reassess.” It dodn’t mean, as it appears to do in certain Northern dialects, “I’m really quitting, but I’m too askeerd to say so out loud.”

So the reason Governor Perry was saying that he was going home to reassess his options meant, translated into damnyankee, that he was going home to reassess his options and that he hadn’t decided yet. Terribly cryptic and baffling, we know, but that’s how we roll down here in the Lone Star State. We say what we mean and we mean what we say. We’ve found it makes communication a lot easier, even if it vexes some of y’all up north sumpin’ fierce at times, being used as y’all are to having to read tea leaves to translate the words of folks even when the meaning ought to be pretty durn clear to anybody with basic comprehension skills.

Now, there has been some speculating that ol’ Perry was being fiendishly clever with that announcement, that he knew that it was going to make Mittens call his attack bitch, the Lady Tardasil, off seeing as how her job was done, only so he could come back after her announcement that she was dropping out and upset the apple cart by stating that he’d decided to stay in.

That’s possible. The mental image of Mittens ObamneyCare GunGrabber throwing up in his Metamucil when he realized that he’d done fucked up but good by letting his proxy attack mongrel retire from the race, thinking that his nemesis was out of the race and no longer a threat, is just too precious for us not to at least want to believe it, but the fact remains: When you state, down here, that you’re taking a moment to decide whether you should stay or go it means just that. If he’d meant to say something else, he would have said that instead.

Allow us to quote the great Browncoat, Captain Reynolds: “You don’t know me, son, so let me explain this to you once: If I ever kill you, you’ll be awake. You’ll be facing me, and you’ll be armed.”

Must’ve been a southerner.

As to ourself, we’re glad that Governor Perry is still in the race since he’s the only one of the candidates who not only sounds like a conservative, he’s not saying a damn thing that he hasn’t been living his entire damn life. Love him or hate him, but what you see is what you’re going to get. Also, his results as the Governor of Texas for 11 years speak for themselves, unless you’re not impressed by such minor issues as being the most vigorous, business-friendly, growing economy in the Union, an economy that has created half of all of the jobs created in all of the 57 States in the middle of a recession (what recession?, which is what we say down here) and an economy so successful that we pretty much have to beat off businesses trying to move here with a stick, lest we get trampled in the stampede.

Oh sure, he’d probably not be the best Jeopardy contestant to ever face Mr. Trebek, but we’re not looking for that, vitally important though it obviously is to some people. He could be as dumb as a post, and believe us when we tell you that he is NOT or you’ll be sorry later, and we still wouldn’t give a good gott damn, as long as he keeps the money flowing and the jobs coming, because that’s all that matters to us.

The rest of y’all can go to Hell. As to ourself, we’re staying in Texas.

Santorum? Let’s see how he fares in the South, shall we? We’re not concerned with his socially conservative values at all. We agree with most of them, but we’re also annoyed by his preachifyin’. The reason that we don’t worry a whole damn lot is that legislating morality isn’t among the executive powers bestowed upon a president, so he can be as much of a holy roller as he likes, it ain’t going to make a difference. What we are concerned about is that he’s another northeastern damnyankee, likely to bend in whatever direction the wind is blowing. Now that may be unfair, seeing as how we don’t know him personally, but he doesn’t have much of a track record to convince us otherwise. We have his words, but we have that from Mittens McObamaCare too. That’s not to say that we wouldn’t prefer him over Mittens because we would, at least he hasn’t been on every side of every issue, we’re just saying that we prefer to have some actual results to judge a candidate by, and we have that in spades with Governor Perry.

Still, we wish him well. He’s going to need it now that he’s on the butcher’s block as the latest threat to the OgabeMedia’s favorite, McObamney, and he has good core values, values that can be molded into something useful if he gets the backing and prodding he needs, and if Governor Perry fails, for some unknown reason, to rally the South, he’s definitely not a bad second choice and we’d be happy to back him if he can take down that three-faced abomination, Mitt Hussein ObamneyCare.

But at this point, we’re 100% Perry, and we quite frankly find it pathetic that anybody with an ounce of sense would even consider that Iowa and New Hampshire mean a damn thing. They don’t, combined, have a third of the delegates that Texas alone has and it is disgusting to as much as suggest that the rest of us should bow to who those two states think we ought to be allowed to choose from.

Thatisall.

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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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Imperial Grammar Nazi, G.L.O.R
Member
Imperial Grammar Nazi, G.L.O.R
January 5, 2012 17:01

We say what we mean and we mean what we say. We’ve found it makes communication a lot easier, even if it vexes some of y’all up north sumpin’ fierce at times, being used as y’all are to having to read tea leaves to translate the words of folks even when the meaning ought to be pretty durn clear to… Read more »

LC HJ Caveman82952
Guest
LC HJ Caveman82952
January 5, 2012 19:25

Heck, how do you think I feel sometimes, being from Kalifornia? Sheesh! In truth it’s the coast where the liberal infestation is the strongest. Our here in the Central Valley we are ignored by the left, suiting me just fine. Here in Dog Patch a strong conservative base, although the sponge vote went with obama as usual……unemployment about thirty per… Read more »

LC hilljohnny
Member
LC hilljohnny
January 6, 2012 00:09

LC Grammar Czar, G.L.O.R. says:

the same as us northerners painting all of you southerners as racist uneducated hicks who talk funny.

you forgot knuckle draggin’
😉
btw the National Security Council denies flatly that the CIA sent Omaba to Mars.
http://www.ibtimes.com/articles/276462/20120104/government-denies-teleporting-obama-mars.htm

Elephant Man
Member
Elephant Man
January 6, 2012 03:53

When Misha refers to “northerners” I always figured he was talking about the northeast, “blue blood”, snotty, establishment Republicans that are the epitome of the term RINO. I grew up in Philadelphia but escaped to Florida when I graduated high school. Been in the South now going on thirty years. As an aside, if you want to hear people talk… Read more »

LC SecondMouse
Member
January 6, 2012 09:52

I moved to Texas from Connecticut as soon as I owned a car that seemed like it could make the trip. Smartest move I’ve ever made. The cancer called liberalism has since metastasized up there, and I would be in prison for assault if I had stayed. There are still good people to be found throughout the northern states, but… Read more »

LC HJ Caveman82952
Guest
LC HJ Caveman82952
January 6, 2012 12:32

What is it with republicans and their circular firing squad? Newt needs to get over his tantrum and go away. A true conservative can’t seem to get nominated, it is not their turn….worked out great with McCain, didn’t it? I often think they do not want to win the White House considering the economic disaster waiting in the wings. As… Read more »

LC Old Dog
Member
January 6, 2012 15:38

Ya’ll have to understand (especially our Resident Grammar Czar) that Allahpundit has let slip long ago that he hails from the veritable heart of Double Speak, New Yawk, New Yawk!

Few get out of there without getting inflected by the Double Speak virus.

Elephant Man
Member
Elephant Man
January 8, 2012 02:28

With that silly filibuster rule, you wouldn’t get anywhere anyways. If both Houses were filled with “raging/rabid Republicans”, there wouldn’t be enough democrats to mount a filibuster.. Just sayin’. As an aside, the only problem I have with filibustering is the lazy “mail it in” way it’s done nowadays. If they want to filibuster, make the bastards (be the Republican… Read more »