First off, we have no recollection where we got this from, it was just sitting in an open tab laughing at us. So if you’re the source, please step forward to take a bow.
Short version: LTC Karl Trenker, USMC, goes off to carry out the sale of a gold chain his fiancee has put on Craigslist.
The buyers don’t appear to be willing to actually pay, grab the gold chain and try to take off. Devil Dog engages and is shot three times. Devil Dog then retreats to the car where his kids are, tells them he’d been shot but it going to be OK, plugs the damn bullet wounds with his fingers and calls his fiancee to tell her, calm as a cucumber, that he’s been shot a few times and probably will be late for dinner, but that the kids are OK.
Both of the stinking goblins are in custody and LTC Trenker is expected to make a full recovery.