Why Romney in ’12 is Just Like Handing Ogabe Four More Years

Needless to say, we’ll still vote for him, but that’s just because we at least reserve the right to refuse pulling the trigger of the gun pointed at our head.

But it won’t matter whether we do or not, as John Hawkins so perfectly points out in “7 Reasons Why Mitt Romney’s Electability Is A Myth.”

It’s also 7 reasons why Mittens, among all of the candidates in the GOP clown show, hasn’t been savaged by the OgabeMedia with weird allegations while every single other contender has been carpet bombed with innuendo, hype and straight out lies where the first two wouldn’t work.

Yet.

Because believe you us: The moment Mittens ObamneyCare gets the nomination (heaven forbid), the OgabeMedia will unleash every single item in their 30,000 page oppo research file on him and add made up shit to fill in the gaps.

Just ask president McCain, the Mavericky GOP Sweetheart of the Media. Until he actually got the nomination.

Face it, MittBots, your guy is unelectable, and John’s article sums the reasons up perfectly. All of his 7 points are right on the money, although His Imperial Majesty honestly doesn’t give a flying intercourse with a disease-ridden bat that he’s a Mormon, but it probably will mean something to somebody.

But the single most important one of them, the one that we’ve been thinking about ourself and that has been staring all of us in the face ever since the whole show started, is that nobody even bloody LIKES the slimy, lying, two-faced, flip-flopping, weaselly son of a bitch.

Think about it: In spite of him having run for president without interruption since 2007, in spite of him having, by far, the most well-funded, well-organized campaign in the entire field and, most importantly, in spite of him having been given a free ride, a total hands-off treatment by the same OgabeMedia who will happily accept as gospel truth every single unsubstantiated utterance or rumor against any other candidate, he still hasn’t been able to break past 20% in the polls.

If that’s not enough for you, then think about the fact that the actual base, the ones who actually get candidates elected, have been scrambling from one candidate to another, ANY candidate, just to find one that isn’t Mittens ObamneyCare Romney. In the name of Shaitan’s thong we’re now down to, wait for it, Newt Gingrich or Ron Paul in a desperate attempt to keep Mittens away from the brass ring.

Seriously? If that doesn’t tell you how desperate the party base is to find somebody, anybody who is not Mittens ObamneyCare, then we doubt that anything will. Seriously, if Hillary Clinton were to change party affiliations and run in the GOP primaries, we’d give her good odds on grabbing the nomination if Mittens is the alternative. Fuck, we’d have to consider it ourself!

Does that matter? Of course it does. You may sniff your bromides about how the base can’t go anywhere else and how it’s the independents that decide the election anyway, but you’d be fooling yourselves.

Are the independents manning the GOP phone banks, walking the streets and banging on doors, donating as much as they can to the GOP candidate, slapping up signs in their front yards? Are they the ones spending hours trying to convince everybody around them that they really, really need to vote for their candidate? Are they the ones spending countless utterly unpaid hours venting in letters to the editor and exposing stuff on blogs that the OgabeMedia won’t touch because it might hurt their Black Jesus? Are they the ones offering lifts to get voters to the booths on election day?

No, they’re not.

Because if they were, they wouldn’t be “independents”, now would they?

It’s the base that does all of that, and that, more than anything else, is what gets the “I can’t make my mind up, let’s see who wears the better tie” independents to vote for one particular candidate. They go for the best show, the best soundbites and the most impressive effort, that’s all they go for (just see what happened in 2008), and without the gaffers, without the stage crew, there’ll be no bloody show at all.

Do you seriously believe that the very same base who wouldn’t piss on “most electable” ObamneyCare Mittens’ hair if it was on fire are going to put on a good show if he’s the candidate in November of next year?

There’s a reason that the OgabeMedia have been holding back their fire, and it is not that they think that Mittens is the most dangerous candidate their Ogabessiah might face.

And, on that note, the NRO (now officially known as the “National Romney Online”) can go fuck themselves. We’re just happy that Buckley didn’t have to see what his peach fuzz, beltway cock-slurping successors did to it. Maybe when they get older and their testicles and voices drop, they’ll grow a brain.

Thatisall.