How to Speak Liberal

John Hawkins has a very useful primer on this here.

His Imperial Majesty has a few additions (and feel free to add your own as well):

Faith: Something that, if possessed by a Christian, makes that person a threat to the Republic by dictating his every move which, inevitably, will lead to a theofascist dictatorship. If possessed by a muslim, it has no bearing at all upon his actions and may never be linked to those.

Investment: Paying off liberal campaign donors with tax money.

Politics of Destruction: See “Slander.”

Revenue Enhancement: Tax hike.

Slander: Quoting a liberal verbatim in public.

Anti-Missile Defense Spending: A wholly useless waste of taxpayer funds.

NEA Grants to Produce Pictures of the Virgin Mary Covered in Cow Dung: Essential, Constitutionally protected spending without which our Republic will be destroyed.

Hypocrisy: A Republican doing something that liberals are entirely in favor of.

Racism: A Republican doing or saying anything that liberals are against.

Fair Share: Making people who would never vote for liberals pay for everything that liberal voters want for free while insisting that liberal voters pay nothing at all.

Compromise: Giving liberals everything they want.

Single Mothers: A group of people who are always hardest hit by anything that Republicans propose while, simultaneously, being the group least likely to benefit from anything that liberals propose.

Carry on…

12 comments

  1. 1
    LC Jackboot IC/A growls and barks:

    Women and Children: See Single Mothers.

    Seniors: A group of people certain to starve if Republicans do or say anything including the words, social, security or medicare.

  2. 2
    Sir Fresh Sign growls and barks:

    looking forward to the resident libtard response…

  3. 3
    Igor, Imperial Booby growls and barks:

    Liberal motto to live by:
    “Free speech for me but not for thee!!”

  4. 4
    Bones growls and barks:

    Single Mothers: Those individuals that I support 1 dollar bill (oops, inflation, 2 dollar bills) at a time while hanging from a pole….Ok, let the fisking begin! :em05:

  5. 5
    LC Xealot growls and barks:

    Fart: Excessive release of environment-destroying greenhouse gasses via a VRWC member’s bunghole. Libs, of course, do not fart. And their shit don’t stink either.

  6. 6
    LC Proud Infidel growls and barks:

    Compromise: Abandoning your agenda lock, stock, and barrel and getting completely behind theirs.
    Sexual Harassment: ANY and all interaction between a Conservative and a member of the opposite sex. Just look at the Clarence Thomas confirmation witch hunt and what the left has just flung at Herman Cain!

  7. 7
    AndrewInON growls and barks:

    Controversial: something a Liberal doesn’t like (i.e. a law, statement, plan, candidate etc.).

  8. 8
    Secondmouse growls and barks:

    Capitalism: The organized and deliberate theft of every worldly possession of the poor and infirm by selling them things they cannot resist buying.

  9. 9
    lc purple raider growls and barks:

    FWIW: There are no single mothers: they are either unwed, or widowed.

    I don’t believe all these Immaculate Conceptions.

  10. 10
    Erbo growls and barks:

    Natural-Born Citizen: A guy born in Kenya with a poorly-Photoshopped Hawaiian birth certificate, as long as he happens to be a Democrat.

  11. 11
    LC Gladiator growls and barks:

    STOP THE GREEN ETHANOL PROGRAM…WHEN YOU BURN ONE SOURCE OF FOOD.. ANIMAL FEED. , but instead we are putting 1/3 OF OUR CORN SUPPLY into our car engines….. IF WE WANT TO DROP THE PRICE OF FOOD STOP BURNING IT… what will happen is the price of corn, and soy will drop… and those comodidties have some cross uses, based on the oils, being animal feeds, and food… by lowering the price of other foods… it will alliveiate demand on other foods…. STOP BURNING OUR FOOD!!!

  12. 12

    LC Gladiator @ # 11: Well said. Slightly OT, but very well said. As was this agreement with said statement.