Worst. Coach. Ever.

The only thing His Imperial Majesty has to say after a string of utterly retarded substitutions and decisions in Game 6 is that if Ron Washington isn’t named MVP of the St. Louis Cardinals, then there is no justice in this world.

P.S.: I should add, though, before I sound like a whiny beeotch trying to come up with excuses, that this World Series has been the single most nerve-wracking, nail-biting, exciting series I’ve ever had the pleasure to watch with some truly amazing baseball played by both sides. They’re both teams clearly deserving to be where they are and if, Heaven forbid, His Majesty’s Rangers go down to defeat tomorrow (which they won’t, he added hastily), I can’t think of very many teams I’d rather lose to.

P.P.S.: We suppose we should substantiate our claim that Wash had his head up his arse, so we will. We’re not going to go into the early game because both teams farked up repeatedly and, at any rate, it’s not something that the coaches had control over.

But let’s fast forward to the bottom of the ninth with Rangers 7-5 and the World Series within grasp, Feliz pitching which is the correct call. He’s the closer after all and, on top of that, he’s 6 for 6. What else would a coach do? But Feliz finally manages to bungle a save, it happens, nobody’s perfect, and the game ends up tied.

Then, at the top of the 10th, Josh Hamilton, in spite of an injury to his groin that has kept him in a role that he’s not at all accustomed to because he can’t swing through, gives the team another two run lead by brushing the sand out of his vagina, embracing the suck and taking one for the team that surely must have hurt him, G-d bless him. One-handed two-run homer. Bloody marvelous, if you ask us.

Bottom of the tenth, same situation as the bottom of the ninth. We’re not going to second guess Wash’s decision to yank Feliz at this point, he HAD blown a save, after all, even though we’d probably have left him in to close the sale. He was getting warm and all that, but that’s just conjecture. It’s not a bad decision to yank somebody who’s just blown it. But then Wash decides to interrupt Darren Oliver’s Jell-O night at the nursing home to bring his geriatric butt out on the mound so he can demonstrate the awesomeness of his 20 mph “fast” ball?

Needless to say, grandpa didn’t work out to well and we soon found ourselves in an unenviable position again, at which point Wash decided to send somebody in who had an actual arm, that somebody being Feldman. Feldman, left with Old Man Moses’ mess left stinking up the floor, managed to keep the damage to a single run, leaving the game at 9-8 with only one out remaining to get the World Series. Almost there, for the second time, and the crowd goes wild. Well, the Rangers crowd at least.

So what happens next? Albert Pujols, who hasn’t hit anything outside of Game 3 but is apparently the Single Most Scary Baseball Player in the World™ as a result of that is intentionally walked on Wash’s orders so we can face the much less scary Lance Berkman who doesn’t seem to be able to look at a ball without scoring at least a single so far in the series. Great call, Wash. Of course, we then find ourselves with another tied game, thanks again, Wash, I hope the Cards are paying you enough for your services, and then, just to add insult to injury, in the top of the 11th Wash decides to sub out Feldman, the only pitcher we have at the time who knows how to throw a ball, so German can get a swing at the bat with two outs and a runner on first, leaving us with Lowe, who couldn’t pitch his way out of a wet paper bag as our “defense” at the bottom of the 11th.

Unsurprisingly, Freese then proceeds to slam Lowe’s beach ball out of the park to win the game.

Great job, Wash.

Thatistrulyall.

20 comments

  1. 1
    LC Spare Parts growls and barks:

    My Liege
    I’ll refer that to the front office. The errors on our side this series almost put us out of Your misery. Right now I need some rest. I want to be at my favorite liquor store when the doors open in the A M. Just do as we do. Drink heavily.
    Cheers.

    P S Have Deej put the Toastemoticon back. We need it.

  2. 2
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    LC Spare Parts says:

    The errors on our side this series almost put us out of Your misery.

    I feel your pain, I really do. Our guys weren’t exactly covering themselves in glory in the first half of the game, the half of the game that I like to refer to as “Butterfinger Fest.”

    But most of all I want to kick Wash in his shriveled nuts.
    Emperor Misha I recently posted..Worst. Coach. Ever.My Profile

  3. 3
    Sir Fresh Sign growls and barks:

    Last year in San Francisco we called that nail biting “Torture”… that said, i’ve not watched any of the World Series, just been playing music, and my Giants fizzled a while ago.

  4. 4
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    Sir Fresh Sign says:

    Last year in San Francisco we called that nail biting “Torture”…

    That wasn’t torture. Your Giants shut us down with their outstanding pitching, and they deserved the win in every way possible. It wasn’t your offense that killed us, we’d faced worse a lot of times, it was your pitchers that just tied us up in knots. We couldn’t hit anything they threw at us.

    It was a great showcase and a dearly needed lesson in just how important good pitching is.

    I’m sorry that the Giants didn’t make it to the end this year. Not because I’d have relished facing them again but because it would make for one heck of a rematch.
    Emperor Misha I recently posted..Worst. Coach. Ever.My Profile

  5. 5
    lc purple raider growls and barks:

    Emperor Misha I says:

    We couldn’t hit anything they threw at us.

    Hell, the Rangers last year was lucky to SEE anything the Giants threw at them.

  6. 6
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    Did you know that this was the 25th anniversary of that magnificent play by Bill Buckner? :em08:
    angrywebmaster recently posted..Democrat loser sues because he lostMy Profile

  7. 7
    MikeG growls and barks:

    Alright, you guys. Quit yer bitchin’. My Twins have been out of this season since before the All Star break.

  8. 8
    Physics Geek growls and barks:

    I have to say that last night’s game was one of the most exciting, heart-rending World Series games I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Except for game 6 in 1986. My Bosox fan friends still suffer PTSD when talking about that game.

    Magic number for both teams: one. Game sevens are special and this one is no exception. The teams are pretty evenly matched and I expect tonight’s game to raise my blood pressure some more. I’d prefer that the Cardinals blow out the Rangers. Purely for health reasons, of course. But game six set a pretty high bar. Let’s see if tonight’s game can top it. Now THAT would be fun.
    Physics Geek recently posted..Great American Beer FestivalMy Profile

  9. 9
    LC Draco growls and barks:

    MikeG says:

    Alright, you guys. Quit yer bitchin’. My Twins have been out of this season since before the All Star break.

    You think THAT is bad….I am a Houston LAstros fan!!!

    (But also a Rangers fan…I am glad I fell asleep before extra innings last night!)
    LC Draco recently posted..Gary O’nealMy Profile

  10. 10
    lc purple raider growls and barks:

    Albert Pujols, who hasn’t hit anything outside of Game 3 but is apparently the Single Most Scary Baseball Player in the World™ as a result of that is intentionally walked on Wash’s orders so we can face the much less scary Lance Berkman who doesn’t seem to be able to look at a ball without scoring at least a single so far in the series.

    Perhaps my liege has been only paying attention to the American League.

    If it’s between Pujols or Berkman, I’ll take my chances with Berkman.

  11. 11
    Just Another Random Nut growls and barks:

    Yeah yeah yeah. My local teams are a choice between the Nationals and the Orioles.

    Bah. Championship games are always fun, no matter the sport. So I can relate. It’s just that baseball really isn’t my sport.
    Just Another Random Nut recently posted..OWS (Occupational Whining and Silliness)My Profile

  12. 12
    Southern Libertarian growls and barks:

    Down with the Cards. Go Texas Rangers!

  13. 13
    Tallulah growls and barks:

    Rootin’ for the Cardinals last night so we’d have a seventh game. Rootin’ for the Rangers tonight!

    And now for something completely different: “Hafting to be Uproared”: Occupy Atlanta person “speaks.”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OW56Z-0xwIQ

    1:23 of — well, you really have to see it for yourself.

  14. 14
    LC TerribleTroy growls and barks:

    Base a ball been berry, berry gud to Chico….

  15. 15
    Lc ORWN engine builder for Rottie Racing growls and barks:

    HEY!!! My Indians are playing 9 today….The Back 9 :em05:

  16. 16
    Sir Fresh Sign growls and barks:

    Our whole season last year was Torture, that’s what i meant!!!

    ‘Torture’ for Giants Becomes Triumph
    http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/07/sports/baseball/07sfgiants.html

    ‘Giants Baseball: Torture.’ Can That Phrase Be Trademarked?
    http://blogs.sfweekly.com/thesnitch/2010/10/giants_baseball_torture_can_th.php

  17. 17
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    lc purple raider says:

    Perhaps my liege has been only paying attention to the American League.

    Paying attention to what’s going on is what I’ve been doing. When a player is in a slump, he’s in a slump. When he’s on fire, he’s on fire. Pujols hasn’t exactly been blowing anybody’s mind this series, whereas Berkman has been on flipping fire. Doesn’t matter what happened weeks ago.

    lc purple raider says:

    If it’s between Pujols or Berkman, I’ll take my chances with Berkman.

    That’s what Wash did too, and look how well that worked out for us.
    Emperor Misha I recently posted..Worst. Coach. Ever.My Profile

  18. 18
    Secondmouse growls and barks:

    Former Astros first baseman Lance Berkman is doing everything us fans of his know he is capable of – we sure miss him in H-town, but I’m glad to see him get another shot at the big brass ring.

    That said – go Rangers!

  19. 19
    lc purple raider growls and barks:

    Lc ORWN engine builder for Rottie Racing says:

    HEY!!! My Indians are playing 9 today….The Back 9

    Continueing a proud tradition going back to 1948, with 2 exceptions.

    Another reason why I drink.

  20. 20
    LC Spare Parts growls and barks:

    My Liege
    I revisit this thread owing to your title: The Worst Coach Ever. I think not. The bad coaches and managers don’t accomplish much. And their major feats alienate their players and fans both. Sometimes owners make a mess of things playing with “their toy”. The worst combination I ever saw was the season Bill Bidwell hired Bob Holloway as head coach of the Football Cardinals. He owned horse tracks and used the NFL as his loss leader for tax purposes. The fans wanted a winner and he only wanted that on the cheap. This guy made players want to get traded. One Sunday he sent a player back to the locker room for taping over his shoe laces so they’d stay tied and made him color over the tape with black shoe polish as the coach supervised. He berated players in public about weight and conditioning issues usually topping off the reaming with, “you really don’t want to play football for ME!” When one starter got up the nerve to tell him his name wasn’t on the paychecks the lid blew. Back then, unwritten law #1 for an NFL player was never to talk back to any coach. The man was benched and fined. They took a drubbing in that game and when the media found out about all this, it was open season on Holloway. The one thing his heel grinding methodology couldn’t crush was our fan revolt. Even Bidwell got a clue. He then hired Don Coryell who made the Big Red a contender and always fun to watch. Too bad that seldom works politically because we don’t have to buy tickets to anything but are compelled to pay taxes.