For Crying Out Loud, Michelle, You Just Had to Go and Do It, Didn’t You?

This really pains us to mention since we would actually much rather see Michelle Bachmann as president than Rick Perry, but boy has she done gone and done it with this lunacy:

Bachmann said last night on Greta that a woman came up to her after the debate, crying, and said that her daughter had been given the Garadsil vaccination and as a result had suffered mental retardation. Bachmann says that Perry shouldn’t just be given a mulligan on this because there are significant consequences to the decision he made to mandate Gardasil.

This unknown lady has an unknown daughter who, allegedly, became retarded at the advanced age of 11?, 12?, because of an HPV vaccination?

Really? REALLY???

We thought that the most terminally tumblefucked anti-vaccination idiocy to ever see the light of day was the thoroughly debunked, ridiculed, dismantled, stomped on and buried Lancet “study” from years ago that “proved”, after fraudulently falsifying data from an already execrably small data sample, that vaccines cause autism, but this one really takes the cake.

Where’s the proof? Where’s the clinical, you know, evidence as much as suggesting that Gardasil causes retardation in 11-year-olds? What? You don’t have anything other than this anecdote of yours? Well then bugger off, why don’t you? Come back when you’ve got something to support your claim and, if the evidence is solid enough, you’ll most assuredly find us four square on your side. For now all we have is laughter and derision. Your claim is as blatantly bumfucked as Glowbull Wormening ever was, and we refuse to give it any more respect than we give the Church of AlGore.

Michelle: We understand that you need to stay in the fight if you want to stay a contender, and we understand that you need to attack those ahead of you in the polls. Furthermore, up until today at least, we’ve been wishing, hoping and praying for you to do so, but there’s a notable difference between attacking a candidate with actual arguments and doing so using nothing to but hysterical, moronic claims with no evidentiary backing whatsoever.

There are any number of valid criticisms to be made against Perry’s Gardasil fuckup. We know because we were among the many Texans to get up in his face back then and force him to withdraw the whole sorry mess.

You could advance the “Merck bought and paid for the executive order through donations” argument, for instance, although we suggest that you don’t, seeing as how it’s a silly argument to begin with. Not that Merck didn’t contribute to his campaign fund, they most certainly did, but even though we may be backwards hicks down here to a refined northern gentlewoman such as yourself, it still takes quite a bit more than $5,000 to buy an executive order down heah. We have a name for that kind of contribution to a multi-million dollar campaign chest. We call it “bus fare.”

Or you could advance the much better “government has no fucking business mandating what sort of vaccinations we give our kids” argument. It has its problems too as an argument seeing as how government already does that with a multitude of other vaccines, but at least it has the merits of being based on the principle of personal liberty, something we support more than most people.

Or, as our last example (but there are more), you could state that putting something like the Gardasil mandate out through executive order rather than sending it through the Texas legislature as you ought to flies in the face of how legislation should be passed. Indeed, it’s exactly the sort of shit that we constantly, righteously and justifiably hammer King Ogabelini for. That argument would get a thunderous ovation from His Imperial Majesty, Misha I, because we couldn’t possibly agree more.

But instead you choose… THAT?


Sorry, Michelle, but you just jumped the everloving shit over the shark there.


[Wanders off, shaking head in disbelief]


  1. 1
    NR Pax growls and barks:

    She not only jumped the shark, she had the boat go by for a second pass. Then again, it’s better for this be out in the open now.

  2. 2
    LC Draco growls and barks:

    That is a serious…WTF?!?!

  3. 3
    FrankOK growls and barks:

    Regardless of party, the only thing dumber than a politician are those that vote for them instead of hanging them …

    WTF is wrong with her?

  4. 4
    LC Grammar Czar, G.L.O.R. growls and barks:

    For those who don’t want to vaccinate…yes, you have the right not to vaccinate, but you do NOT have the right to expose my child to your child’s diseases.

  5. 5
    LC HJ Caveman82952 growls and barks:

    I am wondering if she just destroyed her own chances.

  6. 6
    NR Pax growls and barks:

    LC Grammar Czar, G.L.O.R. @ #:
    Unfortunately, the arguments that the anti-vax crowd typically brings up is “Well, if YOUR child is vaccinated they won’t get anything from my child!”

  7. 7

    LC HJ Caveman82952 @ # 5:
    :em03: Quite possibly. That sort of attack simply splashes all kinds of shit back on yourself. Shame that, I did really like her up to that point.

  8. 8
    LC Sir Rurik, K.o.E. growls and barks:

    Michelle, and presumably her friend, are from Minnesota. And it is well known that mental retardation, even in eleven-year-olds, can be caused by exposure to both lutefisk and/or to Garrison Keillor. Just look at those other Minnesota disappointments Jesse Ventura and Tim Pawlenty.

  9. 9
    LC Gunsniper growls and barks:

    MIchele Bachman’s biggest problem is reoccurring case of Bidenosis.

    Damn shame.

  10. 10

    LC Grammar Czar, G.L.O.R. says:

    For those who don’t want to vaccinate…yes, you have the right not to vaccinate, but you do NOT have the right to expose my child to your child’s diseases.


    Plus, this isn’t the first time Bachmann has rejected science like the Pope rejects sex. She claims evolution has never been proven. I’d like my candidate for president to have at least some concept of reality. No fucking thanks. Michelle. Go away.

  11. 11

    I’ve always thought Michelle was the wrong choice. I commend her support for the TEA Party, and that’s a big plus in my book, However, there’s members of my family that support the TEA Party as well, and they’re not fit to be President.

    When I listen to her, and then say, Newt, she comes across as somewhat of a dim bulb to me. I’d much rather see her rally the troops in the House than sitting in the Oval Office.

  12. 12
    Lockpick growls and barks:

    Bachman is racking up the gaffes. I had hoped she would make a good running mate for someone, but maybe she will make a good Ambassador to BFNW.

  13. 13
    LC Thresher growls and barks:

    I sensed something like this was probably going to happen. Michelle is a part of the evangelical community that clings to doctrine in much the same way they often accuse Catholics of doing – and I’m saying that as an evangelical. I think she needs to drop out and endorse Governor Palin, after Sarah announces at the end of this month/early October.

    Although I probably differ on the whole government mandated vaccination issue with most of you guys. In my opinion, public health is one of the legitimate functions of government. By which I mean plague prevention, not socialized medicine. It’s why I’m not a libertarian: because there is such a thing as herd immunity.

  14. 14
    LC Ogrrre growls and barks:

    Sorry, Nicki, but

    She claims evolution has never been proven

    Are you claiming Darwinism has been proven? Just exactly when did this happen?
    I know they have created amino acids in an atmosphere that was conjectured to exist a couple of billion years ago. I also know the electric arc that made the amino acids also destroyed the amino acids nearly as fast as they were made. I know that bioengineers have been experimenting on drosophilia fruitflies for years adn years, meaning generations and generations, yet with all their experimenting, all they have to show for it are genetically altered fruitflies. No super-fruitflies, no butterflies or bees or wasps or any new species.
    I suppose the “science” of Darwinism is settled? Like the “science” of anthropogenic global warming has been settled? Or, how about the “science” of Eugenics?
    Probabilities and statistics, by orders of magnitude, favor direct creation over evolution. Who is accepting what as an article of faith?

  15. 15
    Alan K. Henderson growls and barks:

    I’ll say this about creation vs. evolution – it doesn’t affect any decisions I ever have to make.

  16. 16
    Elephant Man growls and barks:

    Are you claiming Darwinism has been proven? Just exactly when did this happen?

    The evidence is all around us!

    Here are a few examples! :em05:

  17. 17
    LC Gladiator growls and barks:

    Michelle just blew her VP chances

  18. 18
    Lizard, G.L.O.R. growls and barks:

    Actually I have read many reports about this happening, but it is few and far between. There are many vaccines that I feel should remain as required but this is one that I think should be the decision of the parents.

    I do think that there can be problems with vaccines, bad batches or maybe the child’s body chemistry rejects it or handles it differently. I do not believe it is as widespread as Jenny McCarthy tries to say but I do know that my nephew had a drastic change after one of the round of vaccines.

    In any case Michelle was dead in the water before this happened. I like a lot of the things she stands for but she is better served in her current position.

    (though I really have no excuse for why they were the only state to go for Mondale…….I was too young back then and I can only think that maybe the hangover from a Viking win affected the voter turnout)

  19. 19
    Lizard, G.L.O.R. growls and barks:

    Guess I should explain 1984 was the year the Vikings hired Les Steckel for coach and only won 3 games. It was a sad sad year in MN. Bud Grant had retired and replaced with a major loser.