Breaking News: Earth’s Climate Controlled by that Giant Ball of Fire in the Sky!

What’s it called again? Oh yes, the Sun.

The science is now all-but-settled on global warming, convincing new evidence demonstrates, but Al Gore, the IPCC and other global warming doomsayers won’t be celebrating. The new findings point to cosmic rays and the sun — not human activities — as the dominant controller of climate on Earth.

Who’d have thunk???

Of course, it took quite a while for the paid-by-Big-Oil heretic racist scientists who proposed the theory to go forth and actually prove it, not because it was all that hard to do, but because the True Believers of the Church of Al Bore™ immediately went into overdrive trying to do their damndest to prevent scientists from doing actual, you know, science.

The hypothesis that cosmic rays and the sun hold the key to the global warming debate has been Enemy No. 1 to the global warming establishment ever since it was first proposed by two scientists from the Danish Space Research Institute, at a 1996 scientific conference in the U.K. Within one day, the chairman of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, Bert Bolin, denounced the theory, saying, “I find the move from this pair scientifically extremely naive and irresponsible.” He then set about discrediting the theory, any journalist that gave the theory cre dence, and most of all the Danes presenting the theory — they soon found themselves vilified, marginalized and starved of funding, despite their impeccable scientific credentials.

Because that’s how science is done! NuScience, anyway. Burn the heretics at the stake for daring to question the established dogma of the Church of Glowbull Wormening.

Another scientist, Jasper Kirkby of CERN, then picked up on the theory and made the tragic mistake of letting the Church of Bullshit Wormening know that he was interested.

“The theory will probably be able to account for somewhere between a half and the whole of the increase in the Earth’s temperature that we have seen in the last century,” Mr. Kirkby told the scientific press in 1998, explaining that global warming may be part of a natural cycle in the Earth’s temperature.

The global warming establishment sprang into action, pressured the Western governments that control CERN, and almost immediately succeeded in suspending CLOUD. It took Mr. Kirkby almost a decade of negotiation with his superiors, and who knows how many compromises and unspoken commitments, to convince the CERN bureaucracy to allow the project to proceed. And years more to create the cloud chamber and convincingly validate the Danes’ groundbreaking theory.

Thirteen years. Not due to difficulties building an adequate model and designing the proper experiments, but solely due to the difficulties caused by the Church of Gore doing everything within their power to keep him from discrediting their holy writ.

Still, he prevailed, and good for him. Good for all of us, in fact.

Now the only challenge left is to get the news out there, because you can rest assured that the Make Believe Media won’t be in the least interested in reporting on it.

Consider this your new assignment.

Thatisall.

19 comments

  1. 1

    Ah but now Gore is stamping his foot and playing the race card. Yes the race card. Dumbass.

    Former Vice President Al Gore suggests that people today need to “win the conversation” against skeptics of climate change in the same way people stood up to racist comments during the civil rights movement.

    If there is one thing that is totally predictable about these idiots…it’s their ability to throw a hissy when they are caught in their lies and can’t come up with any facts to back up their whacked out theories.

  2. 2
    Lc ORWN engine builder for Rottie Racing growls and barks:

    When are they gonna finalize that study to see if water is wet?

  3. 3
    LC Gladiator growls and barks:

    Lc ORWN engine builder for Rottie Racing growls and barks:
    August 31, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    When are they gonna finalize that study to see if water is wet?

    Right after they finish the study of the sex life of ping pong balls

  4. 4
    LC George, Apocryphal Prophet growls and barks:

    It would be a great leap for Science! if the business of gathering data and the business of bickering over what it means could be more compartmentalized.
    LC George, Apocryphal Prophet recently posted..Obama still refusing to declare federal emergency in TexasMy Profile

  5. 5
    red_five growls and barks:

    Former Vice President Al Gore suggests that people today need to “win the conversation” against skeptics of climate change in the same way people stood up to racist comments during the civil rights movement.

    “win the conversation”? How, pray tell, does one win a conversation?

  6. 6
    Igor growls and barks:

    Sun –> Global warming/cooling.
    Algore –> hot air causing Gorebull Warmering

    And, in other news, Mr. Sun also causes day and night.

    Who’da thunk?!?!?!? :em03:

  7. 7
    tweell growls and barks:

    I’ve given up on using logic and reason to sway Al Gore’s acolytes. Global warming is a religious thing with them, and they aren’t interested in facts.

  8. 8
    irish19 growls and barks:

    Put that sucker on my Facebook page as soon as I saw it. Copied and pasted the graph and have that gem saved as well.

  9. 9
    Elephant Man growls and barks:

    A few years back, it was noted that Mars was undergoing “global warming” as well as Earth.

    Could there be a correlation? Could it be the Sun?

    Of course not! We know the cause! Who could forget?!

    It’s the super-sekret Halliburton arms and munitions plants belching out tons of toxins constructed on orders of the Bush/Cheney/Rumsfeld War Machine that’s destroying Mars’ atmosphere!

    The legacies of those monsters are haunting us to this day!

    /moonbat

  10. 10
    LC Ogrrre growls and barks:

    EM, not only Mars, but Venus, Jupiter, Saturn, Titan, Pluto, Neptune and Uranus were/are all experiencing global warming. Now, the only thing I could find that all these bodies had in common was an industrial revolution during the last 200 years resulting in a lot of white males driving SUVs on those bodies. What do you mean, “the sun causes global climate”? The science is settled, I tell you! Denier! Racist! Luddite! Big Meanie! Poopie Head!

  11. 11
    angrywebmaster growls and barks:

    BTW,
    Did anyone see that another one of Obama’s Green Jobs company’s just went belly up?

    The company, Solyndra, got $535 million in our money.

    Oops! :em05:

    I’m sure the Mostly Stupid Media will cover this fiasco.
    Oh wait, who am I kidding?

    Well here’s what I had to say about it.

    Look at all those green jobs Obama promised!

  12. 12

    I’m simply OVERWHELMED! It’s just…inconceivable! Totally aghast I say, the SUN did this? OMG! :em06:
    LC cmblake6, Imperial Black Ops Technician recently posted..I got home not that long ago,My Profile

  13. 13
    LC FORGER - Racist TEAhadi growls and barks:

    red_five says:

    “win the conversation”? How, pray tell, does one win a conversation?

    Shut Up!! that’s how.

  14. 14
    Radical Redneck growls and barks:

    Elephant Man @ #:

    It’s the super-sekret Halliburton arms and munitions plants belching out tons of toxins constructed on orders of the Bush/Cheney/Rumsfeld War Machine that’s destroying Mars’ atmosphere!…The legacies of those monsters are haunting us to this day!

    You don’t know how right you are!

    clif says: September 1, 2011 at 3:02 AM

    why ISN’T Dick Cheney being dragged off to the Hague

    Halliburton, Exxon, wall Street banks, ETC protecting his sorry ass after all the money he helped them steal, with the illegal war he helped create.

    KayInMaine says: September 1, 2011 at 6:42 AM

    It does make you wonder (starting with the $9 billion that went missing in Iraq early on) how much that asshole stole from the American people!!!! He and Rummy stole enough to start their own international terrorist group. Oh wait! They already have one! Al-Qaeda! *SPIT*

    :em05:

  15. 15
    Elephant Man growls and barks:

    Radical Redneck @ #:

    Good ol’ KayInSane! She never disappoints!

    You know of course that when Obongo loses next year, she’s going to have the mother of all meltdowns.

    It’s going to be epic! :em05:

  16. 16
    LC Ogrrre growls and barks:

    E Man, not only will it be epic, it’ll be fargin’ hilarious! :em05:

  17. 17
    lc purple raider growls and barks:

    Ogrrre and Elephant Man:

    Not only will it be epic, not only will it be hilarious… (wait for it)

    (Intoning voice of John Facenda)

    IT WILL BE GLORIOUS.

  18. 18
    LC HJ Caveman82952 growls and barks:

    Yes, the sun, giver of all life on this planet. A medium sized star by volume, more massive than average, solar output some hundred billion megatons of energy per second. Biggest damn highway flare I could imagine…..
    You think it might have something to do with it…..? :em03:

  19. 19
    Grammar Czar growls and barks:

    LC HJ Caveman82952 says:

    You think it might have something to do with it…..?

    Nah. It was all those woolly mammoths with their dang SUVs.