They’re offended…by what?!

(Hat tip Drudge – although I tend to wonder if he’d really want it, y’know? Also, LC Gladiator noted it in the last thread.)

They use the corner of their huts as personal toilets.

They wipe their asses…with their hands.

They view women as less valuable than farm animals – in fact, they’d rather have sex with the animals.

They are the Most Offensive Creatures On The Face Of The Earth™.

And they are offended…when they hear you fart.

(No, I’m not making this up. Or to be more succinct – I shit you not.)

So here’s the news: audible farting has been banned for some Marines downrange because it offends the Afghans.

I know there are many things in the Afghan culture that don’t seem normal to Americans and it’s hard to spend seven months working in someone else’s back yard. Still, the Marines I saw downrange are doing a pretty good job at trying to do the right thing around the Afghans.

They’re not supposed to cuss because it could be misunderstood (that one goes out the window a lot). And they stay away from talking about politics, religion or girls because those topics could escalate into major disagreements (they can’t communicate anyway because of the language barrier).

But farting? That’s practically a sport. Ok, it’s not soccer, but a good contest could open the door for cross-cultural exchanges, jokes and other gallows humor.

So, for all Marines getting ready to go downwind, I mean downrange, be forewarned — you may have to hold it in… at least until you get back to your hooch where you can loudly crop dust your friends.

Doesn’t that just rip you a new one?

OTOH, I think we’ve found a way to rid ourselves of Bawney Fwank…

And with that, Management™ hereby declares this a Weekend Open Thread™. Have at it, Rotties.

25 comments

  1. 1

    Is this part of the DADT repeal? No more fag mating calls?

    Wonder what the RoE’s say about flatulence. As much as the damn JAGoff’s are micromanaging this war, I’m sure they have it listed in there somewhere. And if Marines are still the same as when I was in, which I;m sure they are, it’ll be somewhere under nerve agents.

    But seriously, farts among grunts were, and I’m sure still are, a glorious pass time. Hell, the jokes alone are legendary, and some of the actual flatulence were just such brilliant acts of odoriferous malevolence, I can still smell them if I close my watering eyes.
    LC 0311 Sir Crunchie I.M.H., K.o.E. recently posted..They’re offended…by what?!My Profile

  2. 2
    Mike M growls and barks:

    This isn’t going to sit well with the corpsmen. In addition to having to play nanny by making sure all his Marines take their daily ration of salt tabs, now he’s got to be the Beano dispenser in chief, as well.

    Braaap.

  3. 3
    Sir Fresh Sign growls and barks:

    If a congressman farts on a show that nobody watches.. did it make any sound?

  4. 4
    Lockpick growls and barks:

    Fag mating call? Now that is really not fair.

    My dogs really love good farts, they get the biggest grins on their faces when I let one rip. I keep telling my wife it is a guy and dog thing.

    However, I have one dog that will bring tears to your eyes, my wife thought I was kidding until, one night when I was out the town and the dog was laying next to the wife’s chair letting ‘em rip.

    This dog defines silent, yet deadly.( My wife had to get a couple of fans to air the place out.) So, if they do not care for audible farts, maybe they would appreciate Dee’s sweet nothings (BTW Dee is the dog, not my wife).

  5. 5
    lc purple raider growls and barks:

    Save a marine, fart on a jihadi.

  6. 6
    LC Draco growls and barks:

    We were told not to touch our Iraqi counterparts with our left hands, as it is considered unclean. So we shook their hands with our right hand. Cultural protocol…right? One of my NCOs asked me, “Sir, should we tell them we wipe our ass with our RIGHT hand?!?!” I sprayed chai all over the place. I commented, “No, little things like that do not need to be spread……”

    It was my team’s hidden joke….and we always got a kick out of it!!
    LC Draco recently posted..Medal of Honor Throwing PitchMy Profile

  7. 7
    L.C. Mope growls and barks:

    Having been on the windward side of a Marine’s personal chemical warfare device™ I can attest to it being a weapon of mess destruction. At a certain ‘festivity’ a certain Jarhead let one rip and I almost lost three days of beer. Now a lesser person, like a hajji, could starve to death from just hearing the death wind.

    Believe me- It’s inhumane! :em06:

  8. 8
    sleeper growls and barks:

    That could not have been Barney Frank’s fart. Surely his are inaudible, as repeated wallering will have left the escape route of the flatus too flaccid to produce oscillations in the audible range.

  9. 9
    LC Gunsniper growls and barks:

    John Kerry, Chuck Schumer and Barney Frank were lounging in a hot tub one day. During the course of conversation a condom pops up to the water’s surface. Both John and Chuck turn to Barney and say “Damn it Barney did you fart again?”

  10. 10
    FrankOK growls and barks:

    I have to agree with sleeper – odds are a Bawney fart would sound more like a tuba.

  11. 11
    LC Gladiator growls and barks:

    Obamas to evacuate Martha’s Vineyard… on separate planes (again)
    Posted August 26, 2011 at 2:11 pm by Meredith Jessup

    The Obamas took his & hers jets to get to their summer vacation destination at Martha’s Vineyard, costing the taxpayers thousands of dollars.

    Now, with Hurricane Irene bearing down on the East Coast, President Obama plans to cut his vacation short and leave Friday evening for Washington. Mrs. Obama, however, will take her own flight out on Saturday with their two daughters, Malia & Sasha.

    Is there a reason why — yet again — the Obamas could not share a flight on the world’s most exclusive private jet and instead needed separate travel arrangements?

    h/t The Blaze

    What a black eye this president and his wife are on this country. Rather than be an example of what we need to do to turn the country around, they tell us to learn to do without and they live like a king and queen. King Barack II do as I say not as I do. For the first time in my adult life I am ashamed of the first lady……Michelle Marcos Obama.

  12. 12
    LC Gladiator growls and barks:

    Perry: Gates Gave China Fighter-Jet Superiority

    Saturday, 27 Aug 2011 09:45 AM
    By William Chedsey

    New Republican presidential frontrunner Rick Perry has in one shot managed to blast both the Obama and Bush administrations on national security policy. According to Perry, former Defense Secretary Robert Gates, who ran the Pentagon during both the final years of George W. Bush and the first years of Barack Obama, gave Communist China an alarming long-term military advantage by cancelling purchases of the new F-22 fighter.

    “We made some huge errors in the course of the last three-to-five years from the standpoint of militarily not continuing to fund R&D with our military,” Perry charged during an appearance on Laura Ingraham’s talk radio program on Thursday. “For instance, we had a next-generation fighter aircraft that was on the books to be developed. And the then-secretary of Defense – through, I suppose, direction by this president, Obama – said, you know, we’re gonna cut back. And that’s gonna be one of the cutbacks.”

    Directly blaming Gates, Perry pointed to naivete and ignorance regarding China’s aggressive motives. He mockingly said the rationale for the cutback in F-22 Raptors was the belief that “the Chinese are not gonna have a next-generation fighter ready until 2025. If everything goes perfect for them it won’t be ready until 2020,” Gates and the Obama administration believed, Perry said.

    Read more on Newsmax.com: Perry: Gates Gave China Fighter-Jet Superiority

  13. 13
    LC Gladiator growls and barks:

    Barry’s complete lack of etiquette and manners,especially when it comes to women.

    March of 2010 during the weekend Obamacare was passed,Barry went to the Hill to meet with Democrats.
    Barry and Pelosi were filmed walking from one room to another with an entourage.
    As Pelosi and Barry got to the door, she seemed to expect him to pause , as a gentleman would
    and at least offer to let her go in first.
    Because he’s the POTUS, she would probably demur and say Mr President, you enter first.
    Instead, there was slight jostle between the two as Barry rudely elbowed her out of the way ,
    and entered first.
    I’ve never seen an a man in the public eye behave in such an overtly rude and ignorant manner.
    Pelosi was clearly embarrassed and looked back at the cameras chagrined.
    Barry and Mooch reinforce every day that they care only about themselves.
    Their guiding principle is not God or country or family first.

    ITS “ME FIRST”

  14. 14
    GamerFromJump growls and barks:

    We fart in their general direction!

    What? Someone had to.

  15. 15
    LC Gladiator growls and barks:

    Posted on August 27, 2011 by Scott Johnson in 2012 election, Who is Keith Ellison?
    Faith questions for Keith Ellison

    Stanley Kurtz observes that “[o]utgoing New York Times editor Bill Keller has kicked up a controversy by placing on the table a series of religious questions for the Republican candidates for president. I want to get in on the act and pose a set of questions for Minnesota Fifth District Rep. Keith Ellison, America’s first Muslim congressman.

    I summarized my research on Ellison just before he was elected to Congress in 2006 in the Weekly Standard article “Louis Farrakhan’s first congressman.” I included PDF copies of several of the documents on which the article was based in the companion Power Line post “Keith Ellison for dummies.” More recently, Middle East Quarterly editor Denis MacEoin reviewed the record in detail in “Keith Ellison’s stealth jihad.”

    Ellison’s public career raises basic questions that haven’t been asked by the media or answered by Ellison. Here are a few that come to mind:

    1. You say you converted to Islam as a college student in Detroit, yet your first published articles as a law student at the University of Minnesota were written under the pseudonym “Keith Hakim” from the perspective of a follower of Louis Farrakhan and the Nation of Islam. When did you convert to Islam? At what mosque did you worship?

    2. After you graduated from law school, you became well known around Minneapolis as a local leader of the Nation of Islam. Were you a Muslim at that time?

    3. When you first ran for public office in 1998, the Insight News published an interview with you. You were running under the name “Keith Ellison-Muhammad” and identified yourself to the Insight News as a member of the Nation of Islam. Were you also a Muslim at that time? When after 1998 did you abandon the Nation of Islam?

    4. When you were a member of the Nation of Islam, did you believe that Yakub was a black scientist who lived “6,600 years ago” and was responsible for creating the white race to be a “race of devils”?

    5. Have you joined a mosque in Minneapolis? When did you join it?

    6. Do you believe that Islamic law should be the law of the land in the United States? Do you think Islam should be subordinate to the constitutional separation between church and state?

    7. You are a liberal Democrat who advocates the Democratic Party’s positions on gay rights, abortion, and feminism. Which branch of Islam comports with your position on these issues?

  16. 16
    LC R6 growls and barks:

    John Kerry, Chuck Schumer and Barney Frank were lounging in a hot tub one day

    Okay, I just threw up in mouth a little.

    Totally OT and a public service for all LCs. If you are an old fart like me and have developed high blood pressure and your doctor puts you on Benicar know this:

    IT

    CAN

    KILL

    YOU!!!!

    Do NOT buy the whole “it has no side affects whatsoever” spiel that my doctor gave me. The paperwork in the drug box even backs him up until the fine print. I wound up in the hospital and nearly died of shock. THEN my doctor extolled the virtues of this drug and told me it must be my lifestyle that caused the problem.

    I missed a month of work, lot’s of overtime (those that know me behind the scenes and see the news about bank failures), couldn’t sleep less than 20 hours a day and puked hard enough to see toenails in the bowl all day for three weeks.

    I’m not saying this can happen to everyone, but do not trust that your doctor has your best interest at heart (or lungs, kidneys, gallbladder, etc).

    There was a kickback component to putting me on this particular drug for this doctor and there will be hell to pay for the subterfuge.

  17. 17
    DJ Allyn, Private Citizen growls and barks:

    -

    An Open Thread…

    I want to take this time to thank all of you for your discretion, and to apologize for any offenses that I may have been responsible for. I have another, far more serious offense that I will eventually have to answer for, but that is left between me and my higher authority to deal with. In the natural order of things, you are never supposed to outlive your children. I am certain that will be a mitigating factor in the end…

    I leave you all with this:

    Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

  18. 18
    Mike M growls and barks:

    It looks like Media Matters has discovered what “SCOAMF” means…

    Obama Derangement Syndrome: Earthquake Edition

  19. 19
    LC Gladiator growls and barks:

    DJ Allyn, Private Citizen @ #:

    Barchot veTefillot DJ

  20. 20
    LC Gladiator growls and barks:

    When will the comparison to Katrina and Bush begin. My guess is very very soon. A few press conferences, a few photo ops and maybe even a close up of Obama touring the devastation with a fake tear running down his cheek. There will be a little boy or girl that Obama will adopt (for campaign purposes) and we will hear stories of how Obama’s efforts saved his/her little cat from drowning as a result of the 250 mph winds and the 150 foot waves pelting the coast. OMG, excuse me I think I’m going to be sick.

  21. 21
    Grammar Czar growls and barks:

    LC R6 @ #:
    Ranger,

    Sorry to hear you had issues with it. I’ve been on it for quite awhile now, and have had no issues whatsoever. Maybe you had too high of a dose? Any drug can cause problems. Thanks for the warning, though. Whenever I get meds, I try to start with the very lowest dose that I can.

    Obviously you’re doing better. :em03:

  22. 22
    Grammar Czar growls and barks:

    LC Gladiator says:

    A few press conferences, a few photo ops and maybe even a close up of Obama touring the devastation with a fake tear running down his cheek.

    He’s already done a photo op at the Hurricane Command Center, where he allegedly took charge. I’m sure that’s just what they wanted…a Chicago thug (with no experience in hurricanes) telling THEM their jobs.

  23. 23
    LC Gladiator growls and barks:

    Why are the American taxpayers subsidizing the production of ethanol only to export the product to Brazil and Europe? I didn’t know that. Didn’t the U.S. government “loan”… or grant $billions to Brazil for the development of THEIR offshore drilling ? I’m missing something. Our national government is broke. We’re borrowing money to function.
    I hope ethanol fails tomorrow and all subsidies for green energy ends. Ethanol is the biggest waste of money the wacky environmentalists have thought of yet.And it makes food prices HIGHER

  24. 24
    Sir Fresh Sign growls and barks:

    i absolutely love Mumford and Son,…. very cool, as yet untitled

  25. 25
    Sir Fresh Sign growls and barks:

    “You went left and I went right
    As the moon hung proud and white
    You would of loved it here tonight”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exHbi_o-Ft4&feature=related

    freaking amazing song.. i had never heard it..thanks DJ