Where angels tread…….

 

¬†¬† We are at home now, a brief respite….
¬†¬† I haven’t been around much…….
¬†¬† We know…we were told……five per cent for one year…..terminal in the eyes of many…….subject to change, for this is a new procedure, the Hail Mary Pass…..
¬†¬† So taking care of business, selling what I have to, for my paychecks will be decimated, virtually non-existent for a month or so….but I think I have it handled.¬† And tomorrow to smog the truck.¬†¬†¬† For life goes on, just business and such, jury duty waivers, bills¬†…..get my yard work caught up.¬† It may be a while.
¬†¬† The little things, like bowling, you knock them down one at a time and move on…..
¬†¬† Mary…..
¬†¬† Some call it the Hail Mary pass…….
¬†¬† I’m good with numbers, I know the ropes.¬† It has been over two years now.
¬†¬† We have been proactive…..today a talk at Stanford, discussing the related protocols Mary will soon endure.¬† She signed consent forms and a release.¬† My greatest fear, based on history, is a massive infection, life threatening, for Mary is neutropenic and will become more so very soon.¬† This time, though, others are taking great pains to disinfect.¬† But it comes on ungodly fast….you’d have to see it…..hours at most.¬† I told her I am expecting a hospitalization at some point.¬†¬† And yes, it is stressful……
¬†¬† It appears insurance matters are settled…I’m a total hard ass now, no slack………none.¬† I was told by others no illusions remain as to what I will do……I will follow up.¬† Evidently my reputation precedes me…..
¬†¬† Friday we return to her mothers, close to Stanford……she has an appointment…….
¬†¬† Saturday back here in Dog Patch for one day, at her request, to return Sunday to¬† her mothers, two hours away, plus change.¬† I do not want her looking at her house for what she believes may be the last time, as she has done once before.¬† A desperate love……..for it hurts.¬† You know someone this long you just know.
¬†¬† Stanford at seven AM Monday…….heart echo,¬†cardiologist appointment, another bone marrow biopsy¬†and a lab.
¬†¬† I will try to work Tuesday, I want to see the guys……..it may be a while.
¬†¬†¬†Wednesday it begins…, outpatient chemo….six days straight, ten AM, labs before, day seven her first two hour infusion of antibodies and another biopsy.¬† They attack cancer cells, detecting their growth patterns, and unfortunately, some normal cells too. ¬†I won’t be working.¬† Sheep dog time.¬† Daily appointments weeks following, not sure yet.¬†¬†My daughter¬†will remain here, looking after the house.¬†¬†¬†I will return home as often as possible, business and the like. Or in a pinch mail could be forwarded to us.
¬†¬† One ray of hope….we were told her chances of remission have risen to fifty per cent…unfortunately the last two transplants have failed, she is positive for cancer at this time.¬†¬†¬†After chemo, if successful,¬†she will be given antibodies as per the clinical study, both Stanford and UC San Diego involved.¬† Should that fail there is yet another protocol that can be attempted.¬†¬† Her overall chances have not changed at this time.¬† One in twenty, for one year. A major infection has as much of a chance, if not greater, of ending it as the cancer does.¬† That a new development, the protocol…….and a ray of hope.¬†¬† We will take it, the sole obstacle being her stamina.¬†
¬†¬†¬† We were both relieved…this first procedure will take about forty-five days.
¬†¬†¬† Mary’s emotions best described as volatile…some kind souls have been sending her angel cards, and some of them come from names we do not even recognize…she gets weepy….cries reading them, for we do not know all the names, from all over the country and beyond.
¬†¬†¬† But we know the love….
¬†¬†¬† She is humbled and very grateful……as am I….
¬†¬†¬† I told her she is a Rottie……….
¬†¬†¬† We don’t abandon our own…..
¬†¬†¬† We have discussed, at great length, the hereafter and God………those knowing and perhaps waiting……..and her guardian angels, for she has two….
¬†¬†¬† God only knows what I got…they’re probably pissed.
¬†¬†¬† She will go for all the time she can get………..
¬†¬†¬† So will I…..for calling this a meatgrinder does not do¬†it justice.
¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†For she is all to me, her birthday Tuesday, fifty-five, and my gal for thirty-two years now…
¬†¬†¬† And counting…..
¬†¬†¬† I just wanted to thank you all for your kindness, your past help, the cards making her weep with gratitude……as four did today…
¬†¬†¬† Through hell with a gas can…I am ready.
¬†¬†¬† For such things define a man………
¬†¬†¬† I wish I could take her place……
¬†¬†¬† I will watch her heart beat during the sound scan…….
¬†¬†¬†¬†And now I need to wipe my eyes…take care.
¬†¬†¬† For it is a trying time…….
                                                                   
                                                             Caveman
   

35 comments

  1. 1
    MrSpkr growls and barks:

    Prayers and thoughts your way, Caveman.

    Steve

  2. 2
    LC Gunsniper growls and barks:

    All of my hopes and prayers are with you both, Caveman.

  3. 3
    dasbow growls and barks:

    Yes indeed, she is a Rottie. A fighter to the core. I’m not the believer I wish to be, but I’m praying just the same.

  4. 4
    LC Darth Scoundrel growls and barks:

    Today would have been Laura’s birthday. She would have been 47.
    My prayers are with you both.

  5. 5

    Cave,

    it was a pleasure and a profound honor to talk to Mary last week…..and an honor as usual to talk to you for so long.

    It won’t be the last time, of that I’m sure.

    God bless you both Brudda, like he has for the last 32 years now.

  6. 6
    R6 growls and barks:

    Cave, I have to say I don’t generally post on threads of this sort because, frankly, I don’t know what to say. If you come to me with a problem, by God I’m going to fix it.

    Things I can’t fix scare me and make me retreat.

    I am so sorry for your situation and can’t imagine how you and Mary must dealing with it.

    Anything….

    Anything I can do.

  7. 7
    tweell growls and barks:

    Good luck and God Bless.

  8. 8
    LC/IB PrimEviL growls and barks:

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and Mary, Caveman. Wishing I had that magic touch.
    Damn, getting misty in here. Something in my eye. Must be the humidity.

  9. 9
    Orion growls and barks:

    Prayers and best wishes for you both, Cave. I spent a lot of time working health-care (IT) at a major cancer center, I know how insanely difficult it can be from the outside; I can only imagine how horrible it has to be from your side.

    Good luck, and may the gods grant peace and good health to your both.

    Orion

  10. 10
    BigDogg growls and barks:

    Cave, I can’t imagine what you are going through … you are one helluva man. I’m praying for both of you right now.

  11. 11
    lc purple raider growls and barks:

    I pray for you both. It must be hell for you both.

    If there is anything I can do, prayer can work miracles…

  12. 12
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    I’m the same as R6 here: I don’t ever know what to say about things like these because what can you possibly hope to achieve with mere words? On the other hand, you also can’t not say something.

    It’s not often that I know that I have a lot that I need to say and also know that I can’t think of a way of saying it. Anything I say will be inadequate, nothing can truly hope to convey how it tears my heart out to hear this, Cave, having been with you, in a very small, remote and insignificant sort of way, throughout you and Mary’s horrible ordeal.

    I can’t imagine how you feel, I cannot presume to know what words might comfort you, nor will I, but I want you to know that I’m in your corner, that you and Mary are in my prayers, that she, no matter what, as you say, will always be a Rottie, she’s always been one, as have you.

    You’re family. This doesn’t help you one bit, I know, but it’s true nonetheless.

    G-d’s will will be done, but I know what I want with all of my heart for G-d’s will to be, and He knows too.

    He should, because I keep reminding Him.

    You are both so very much loved, and I hope that you know that.

    Hail Mary indeed. Hail Mary, mother of Jesus, for the gift and comfort that she gave us all, Hail Mary, your wife, for her fortitude, courage and spirit in fighting this vile disease, and may the Hail Mary that is this bout of our earthly ways of fighting it fly true and straight and get caught right in the end zone.

    G-d Bless you both.

  13. 13
    Lc ORWN engine builder for Rottie Racing growls and barks:

    All I can say is..Stay strong , the both of you. My family still has you in their nightly prayers.

    May God bless the two of you.

  14. 14
    LC ShadowFox growls and barks:

    Best of luck Cave. The Lord be with you both.

  15. 15
    LC fxpcpa growls and barks:

    Caveman

    Prayers and best wishes to Mary. Prayers and best wishes to you.

  16. 16
    mithglin growls and barks:

    My thoughts and prayer go out for both of you. Stay strong!

    Dorothy Bogdan

  17. 17
    ZeektheCruel growls and barks:

    The Lord is there with you Caveman…even when things are at their lowest. Don’t surrender to despair no matter what happens.

  18. 18
    nealinnevada growls and barks:

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife Caveman…may God’s grace wash over the both of you.

  19. 19
    LC Draco growls and barks:

    Thoughts, prayers and spells sent!!

  20. 20
    LC Ogrrre growls and barks:

    Caveman, you and Mary have my prayers, for what they’re worth. I pray the Good Lord gives healing to Mary, and strength to both of you. Keep your faith strong, because The Enemy of all is doing his best to stumble both of you. Both of you, and especially Mary are two of the gutsiest people I know. The world needs more like you.

  21. 21
    FrankOK growls and barks:

    Prayers downrange already.

  22. 22

    Thy will be done, but Lord, we pray for healing to show Your power to the unbelievers.

    In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, AMEN!

  23. 23
    LC MaxMomFl growls and barks:

    Love and virtual hugs and real prayers for both of you from my little family in Florida.

  24. 24
    LC Sir Rurik, K.o.E. growls and barks:

    Caveman,
    I have been praying for your Cavechick and for you regularly, but I have been moved to send extra prayers after each new message arrives.His will shall be done, but may it be what is best for you both. Unto the ages of ages Amen. +

  25. 25
    LC Gregory growls and barks:

    Cave brother,

    I can only imagine the pain you guys are going through. Prayers and hopes from DC, Belly of the Beast. Dear God in Heaven bless you, Sir.

    Rotties forever.

    Greg

  26. 26
    Odahi growls and barks:

    May prayers and blessings shower you both. Mine are sent along with all the others.

  27. 27
    irish19 growls and barks:

    Damn dust! Know that you are both in my prayers as well.

  28. 28
    LC Cavechick growls and barks:

    Thank you all for your prayers, kind words and thoughts. It helps me get though this more than you know. I have recieved cards and angels from some of you….thank you. This has been a bitter pill to take down, but I’m not giving up yet. I believe in miracles even now and I am hoping God has one up his sleeve for me. I do not fear what is on the other side, I know it is a better place, but getting there kind of scares me. I am not in any hurry to leave this rock and Caveman or Cavekid behind. Please keep the prayers coming, we will get through this by the grace of God one way or another. God bless you all.

  29. 29
    LC HJ Caveman82952 growls and barks:

    She of us courage, this one…….as much as it tears my soul I admire her greatly and feel damned grateful she chose me to be her mate. I do know one thing….medically we remain in uncharted waters, deleterious, unknown side effects may be before us…….the cold equations say her time is short………but this will be a battle no one will ever forget………….for in so many ways…….I simply no longer care of the cost to me………

  30. 30

    My prayers go with you all, and cherish each other, as much as you can, for that is the best gift.

  31. 31
    bruce growls and barks:

    my wife and i will pray for your wife. :em01:

  32. 32
    LC Staci GBOR growls and barks:

    My prayers are with you Caveman. I pray for peace and healing for you and your precious Mary. Please know we are here for you as you have been such a rock for us. Big, huge, paw hugs from us surround you.

  33. 33
    kwongdzu growls and barks:

    I will pray for your valiant lady as well!

  34. 34
    Radical Redneck growls and barks:

    Extra prayers out for both Cave and Chick. You are never alone.

  35. 35
    Elephant Man growls and barks:

    Hang tough and my thoughts are with you.