Distractions are a useful tool to get your mind off of the things that bother you in the world that you have absolutely zero control over. Like, say, just about everything we’ve ever talked about on this site over the course of the past twenty-two years.
Things we don’t like or approve of, but have almost no control over — even if we fundamentally believe we do.
Spoiler Alert: We don’t.
But it is cute that we think we do.
So here is my distraction.
1. “He had delusions of adequacy” Walter Kerr
2. “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill
3. “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” – Clarence Darrow
4. “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
5. “Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?” – Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
6. “Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas
7. “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain
8. “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” – Oscar Wilde
9. “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
10 .“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.” – Winston Churchill, in response
11. “I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here” – Stephen Bishop
12. “He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – John Bright
13. “I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb
14. “He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” – Samuel Johnson
15. “He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating
16. “He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” – Forrest Tucker
17. “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” – Mark Twain
18. “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – Mae West
19. “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde
20. “He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.” – Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
21. “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” – Billy Wilder
22 “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I’m afraid this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx
23. The exchange between Winston Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, “If you were my husband I’d give you poison.”
He said, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”
24. “He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” – Abraham Lincoln
25. “There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.” — Jack E. Leonard
26. “They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.” — Thomas Brackett Reed
27. “He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them.” — James Reston (about Richard Nixon) —Robert L Truesdell
I’ve seen most of these before. You should look at some of the military fitness reports I’ve seen.
Such as, “His men follow him to see if he is going someplace interesting.”
“He couldn’t find a ford across a puddle in the parking lot”
“This officer is out of his depth in a car park puddle.”
“Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap”
Thanks for the grins DJ. Have come across most over the years, but always thought old Winston had the winners. Heartily endorse the use of insult, especially where politics is involved.
“It turns out that by the way, anybody can cross borders in the Biden administration, Jimmy, because earlier today, a toddler somehow crawled through the $64 million upgraded White House fence and onto the White House lawn. So, Jimmy, my question to you… was this just a scheduled playdate with Joe?” Ingraham asked tongue-in-cheek. “Well, no… it was unscheduled. The… Read more »