Oh Crap…

One thing you never want to hear are the words “transmission trouble.” The next thing you don’t want to hear is “needs to be rebuilt.”

I guess I’ll be off drinking myself into oblivion now… Upcoming posts may contain an unusual number of spelling errors 😉



  1. 1


    Sorry to hear that, Sire.

  2. 2
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    Sorry to hear that, Sire.

    Thanks, appreciate it.

    But as somebody once taught me: It’s a whole lot fucking worse in Kandahar. 🙂

  3. 3
    LC Gladiator growls and barks:

    Ok Rotties, man -up. The Boss needs a new tranny. Hit the tip jar with what you can !!!

  4. 4
    LC MuscleDaddy growls and barks:

    The Boss needs a new tranny.

    ….sooooo many ways for that to go wrong.

    – MD

  5. 5
    LC MuscleDaddy growls and barks:

    Seriously though, Misha – what kind of numbers are you getting? Shopped the job around yet?

    – MD

  6. 6
    LC MuscleDaddy growls and barks:

    While we’re at it – what make/model/year?

    – MD

  7. 7
    LC Roguetek growls and barks:

    … didn’t you just buy the damned thing?

  8. 8
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    Seriously though, Misha – what kind of numbers are you getting? Shopped the job around yet?

    Yes I have, and they’re good people. Somewhere between 1 and 2 grand, closer to two, with a full overhaul and rebuild and warranty on it. I suppose I should have expected it with an ex-police car, but the dealer was absolutely adamant that it’d been inspected from top to bottom and had no major issues whatsoever. Needless to say, they’re not returning my calls. Fuckweasels. Guess which company won’t land the insurance hail damage job now?


    Oh well. You live and you learn. It’s still a beautiful car.

  9. 9
    LC MuscleDaddy growls and barks:

    Hm… Yeah, you’re not going to beat about $1,800 for a standard rebuild, at any shop you’d WANT to go to.

    I take it you didn’t spring for the aftermarket warranty, then?


  10. 10
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    I take it you didn’t spring for the aftermarket warranty, then?

    Not generally offered on ex-fleet vehicles, and the rates they were offering if I insisted were prohibitive. I could buy a second car with that after a while. Of course, it would have been a steal now, but that’s what I get for trusting big dealerships with a supposed reputation. Or, to put it differently: If I’d suspected that I’d need the additional cost, I wouldn’t have bought it in the first place.

  11. 11
    LC MuscleDaddy growls and barks:

    I get the ‘if I thought I’d need’ sentiment – but I don’t trust my own luck – sprung for the warranty on MuscleMommy’s Expedition….and rebuilt the transmission about 8 months later – Hmm… which I guess means that I DID trust my luck….

    Well, if they’re not returning your calls now – There’s always the local news stations…

    They do love going after “Greedy Rich Guys” – like those who own ‘big dealerships with supposed reputations’.

    Then there’s always the professional threat approach – my favorite was delivered to a hotel manager by Joel Rosenberg – went something like:

    ‘A violent man would only threaten to kill you – I’m a writer – I’ll make you live forever’

    Just a thought.

    – MD

  12. 12
    L.C. Mope growls and barks:

    You can have my transmission, Misha. I can’t afford plates and insurance anyway.

    Oh and as for you misspelling, here’s an ‘M‘ for the above post.

    Rest assured, I’ll be drinking with ya!


  13. 13

    The Boss needs a new tranny??

    BC!! PAGING BC!!

  14. 14

    Prayers headed downrange, Your Highness

  15. 15
  16. 16
    LC Roguetek growls and barks:

    who sold it to you? I want to be able to avoid them.

  17. 17
    LC Gladiator growls and barks:

    Well, if they’re not returning your calls now – There’s always the local news stations…

    They do love going after “Greedy Rich Guys” – like those who own ‘big dealerships with supposed reputations’.

    Ive found that threatening to go to the state Attorney General works wonders Boss. Most dealerships have so many skeletons in their closet that the LAST thing they want is an AG nosing around. Try it.

  18. 18
    LC Roguetek growls and barks:

    a quick skim of the dallas craigslist shows you could get a whole ‘nother p71 for the price of a tranny rebuild.

  19. 19
    LC Gladiator growls and barks:

    2001 Transmission-crown vic – $300 (Pasadena,TX)
    Date: 2011-06-13, 9:21PM CDT
    Reply to: see below [Errors when replying to ads?]
    Have 2001 Crown Vic transmission for sale. Asking $300 obo. See pictures. Also have 1998 Crown Vic. transmission for sale. Asking $200 obo. Pics available via text. Call Jay @ 713-515-8667 for more info on both.

  20. 20
    LC Gladiator growls and barks:

    Good Ford Transmission AODE or E4OD – $1 (SW Houston)
    Date: 2011-06-26, 11:29PM CDT
    Reply to: sale-7yb5z-2464333144@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
    I have good tested ford automatic transmission AODE and E4OD came out of crown Victoria and Towncars let me know I can be reached at or text 713-304-0578!!!

  21. 21
    LC Gladiator growls and barks:

    1997 crown victoria police interceptor (spring tx.)
    Date: 2011-06-14, 2:11PM CDT
    Reply to: sale-4zcge-2440357141@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
    I have a 97 crown vic P71. I am going to scrap the car soon. If you need any parts off of it, contact me. Ill sell parts dirt cheap.

    Location: spring tx.
    it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

    PostingID: 2440357141

  22. 22
    Slightly to the right of Gingis Khan growls and barks:

    Not knowing the Texas used car market I can’t give you much advice. Here in Pennsylvania it is usually a better bet (and cheaper) to buy a used tranny, have it serviced and installed. Here the road salt rots the body away, and the potholes destroy the steering and such before most folk can kill a transmission.

    You have prayers coming from this direction no matter what you decide to do.

  23. 23

    Dealerships,, I can’t go in there. It’s just toooo easy to set the whole damn place a’fire.
    ‘Never saw a good deal happen in any one of ’em,
    Wanna make ’em shit? Walk in with a compression gauge n’ plug wrench stickin’ out y’ pocket.. They’ve got no use for motorheads on the showroom floor, ‘scarin’ the other customers away.
    For ’bout the same money I (and a few other Rott’sters) could make a ten year or older car go twice as far n’ fast. That’s just the reason I was freakin’ out about the cash for clunkers scam: killing off the soon to be needed recycled parts market.
    Two grand for a tranny,, geeze, did it blow the whole pan off it or sumthin’?

  24. 24
    ALConfederate growls and barks:

    Ouch! Did they offer to kiss you after they got done, or is there an extra charge for that?

    The 4R70W isn’t -that- hard a rebuild, but for that price the boys are correct…find you a used transmission and get someone to install it.

  25. 25
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    Thanks, everybody, I appreciate the advice, best wishes and support, I really do. More than I can say.

    Thing is, I need these wheels to be up and running yesterday, I just don’t have enough slack in the schedule to do much more hunting for bits and deals, the rental isn’t free and all that jazz and I don’t want to be riding around on a bum tranny making the problem worse, so I’m basically committed.

    Another thing is, I have trust issues at this point. With my history of luck buying anything used from people whom I don’t know personally, I just don’t see myself shelling out for a used one hoping for the best. If I did, I’d have two options: 1) have it put in there as is and hope that it doesn’t conk out on me a few thousand miles down the road leaving me where I am right now (I refer back to my doubts regarding my luck there) or 2) have an overhaul done on the used one and then have it installed, in which case I’m pretty much looking at the same butcher’s bill. And that’s not even mentioning having to find a cop tranny that hasn’t been beaten to shit already.

    Then there’s the “fuck this noise, I’ll get another one” option. Well, this isn’t really one since I’m still in the hole on the one I got and clearing that title AND buying another car… Not going to happen. Having my current tranny brought back to mint condition with full warranty is dirt cheap compared with that.

    Besides, this car is a beaut if you don’t count the tranny issue that Sam Pack’s cock-fluffers hid from me. Yes, I had the current mechanic go through her with a fine toothed comb to make sure that she didn’t have any other “surprises” for me, I didn’t want any more unpleasant hits on my pocketbook, and they told me that, other than the leaking, slipping and sliding tranny, everything was better than excellent in a car with that history and age, so it’d be a damn shame to ditch her because of that one issue, even if I had the option.

    I don’t need this expense, that’s for sure, but when I try to calm myself down I tell myself that the price of getting her back to mint is pretty much exactly the same as I got the dealer to knock off the sticker price before I signed the papers, and the sticker price was a fucking steal. So the deal didn’t turn out to be quite as wonderful as I’d thought in the end, it’s still money that I really don’t have, but the total price of the vehicle after repairs is still a good deal.

    It doesn’t mean that I’m not pissed at Sam Pack’s butt-snorkelers for lying to me, and you can rest assured that they just lost every dime of the insurance money for the hail damage as well as the possibility of me every buying anything from them again, but I guess I learned a lesson here.

    And, bottom line, G-d never throws anything at us that we can’t survive. Oh, and there are a lot of people who have a LOT more trouble than my pissy little issues. Those issues mean a lot to me, obviously, but if that’s the only thing that life is ever going to throw at me… Really, then, I have nothing to complain about. I could be taking incoming in Kandahar, after all.

    Want me to mention a specific example of somebody who needs help a lot more than I do? Caveman’s wife needs another transfusion, so if you have any prayers left, offer them for her, please. She both needs and deserves them more than I ever will.

  26. 26

    I just sent you a tranny, Mish. He’s about 6′ tall and is wearing a white, satin teddy, a pink boa and a tiara.

    Hope he helps.

    Email me if you need anything.

    Love ya!

  27. 27
    Lc ORWN engine builder for Rottie Racing growls and barks:

    If ya can drag it to Ohio, I’ll R&R and rebuild it for the price of parts and some beer.

  28. 28
    LC Jackboot IC/A growls and barks:

    Welll……..shitttttt……L-rd knows you don’t need the aggravation for this Jefe. I know you love that big-iron, but this is #2 for that series that have caused you headaches.



  29. 29
    Lc ORWN engine builder for Rottie Racing growls and barks:

    check online LKQ, they are a national recycler, decent prices, will deliver to your door, and a free 6 month warranty, extended warranty if you want to pay the extra dough.

    I use them all the time, have had really good luck, free shipping if you can have it shipped to a bussiness

  30. 30
  31. 31
    LC LOBO growls and barks:

    Well, the AODE’s are great trans, if your a ninety year old, that don’t have +200HP on the other end of the long pedal. (Been there done that)
    Now as far as re-building, find a shop that does nothing else. No “we do a little bit of everything” shop. One that does nothing BUT trans work. Tell them to do the “heavy duty” re-build. And use this stuff Royal Purple. Cost more than regular trans fluid, but well worth it. (Used it in race cars.)
    If you just buy a used one, get the extended warranty. Still use the Royal Purple. If you can, and have the space, pay the “core charge” and keep the old one, getting it re-built at a later date. Think of it as money in the bank. And if you use the stock trans fluid, add Lucas Trans Fix.

  32. 32
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    Appreciate it.

    Now as far as re-building, find a shop that does nothing else. No “we do a little bit of everything” shop. One that does nothing BUT trans work.

    That’s what I did, exactly. Don’t want to get burned again.

    Finally got a hold of the bastards who sold me the car and managed to insert the line about “making their business live forever” (thanks, MuscleDaddy) and the guy I talked to got real uncomfortable and promised to get on the horn with his boss ASAP and give me a call back.

    Being ugly helps sometimes, apparently. At least we’ll see about that.

  33. 33

    I guess when things go bad, they are contagious. Was just informed by my realtor that the cocksucking fucknuggets who begged me to accept their rental application for my house, offered more than I was asking in monthly rent and who had my realtor draw up the standard rental agreement, backed out at the last minute. Unless I find someone to rent my effing house, I’ll be paying the mortgage, my rent for my new place, and the remainder of the rent on my apartment here all in one day. That’s more than I bring home in a month. I’m fucked.

    They saw the application and started hemming and hawing. All of a sudden they realized they’d actually have to pay monthly rent apparently!!!

    I fucking hate people. Hate them.

  34. 34

    Passed out in the chair this morning, NOW check the tip-jar.

  35. 35

    Orwin “Slipping and sliding”,, ‘Figure it could be just a clogged pick-up filter?

  36. 36
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    Nope. Or I suppose that might be where the problem started and was studiously ignored by the dealer’s “top notch pre sales inspection”, but at this point we’re looking at over a dozen worn out parts.

  37. 37
    LC HJ Caveman82952 growls and barks:

    Being ugly helps sometimes, apparently. At least we’ll see about that.

    Indeed it does, Sire…., indeed it does. And with your talent they would have bought into a public relations nightmare.
    I’ve had to get ugly too, and it is contrary to my nature, generally having the reputation, according to a friend, of being a “strong man with a bigger heart than most.”
    You love Crown Vics…….a ride is a personal thing. A blown tranny sucks ass, to be sure.
    But you do have the car……
    Blue Shield had to be convinced, and perhaps after having every state and federal agency I could find, the threat of legal action…it was resolved in my favor.
    Simply amazng what you will do when your mate’s life is on the line, isn’t it?
    But I’m sick of it too………on alert, instant asshole in a second if needed…..
    Like you, I took my share of shit too, for a greater cause.
    But this group of people here command vast talents, resources and abilities………
    I know what they have done for me, I will never forget……and I did cadge a few extra hours this month…..

  38. 38
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    Cave, I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through and my piffling little issues surely don’t compare, but I do know to the core of my soul what you mean, even though I’m lucky enough to be only experiencing it on a vastly smaller scale. There is no comparison with what you and Mrs Cave are going through, none whatsoever.

    Only one commonality: At some point, a man, if a man is what he is, has to draw a line in the sand and let it be known that by G-d, he will not be trampled upon, he will not be pushed aside, he will not accept it and, whether he emerges victorious or not, his enemies will know that they’ve been somewhere.

    It’s a matter of principle and honor.

    In my case yes, I do have an abiding love affair with all things P71, thanks to Cheapshot who introduced me to the many wonders of that model, but in the end it’s still just a car. If the choice was between her and my family, I’d torch her in a heartbeat and invite the kids out to roast marshmallows over the fire. It’s not a child, it’s not a spouse, it’s not me, and that’s not why I’m pissed off. It’s the being lied to. It’s the being taken for a shmuck, it’s the sheer affront of anybody thinking they can get away with it, that no consequences will come from it because, hey, who does this guy think he is anyway?

    THAT pisses me off.

    Not just because it’s being done to me, but because I know that if it’s being done to me, it’s being done to innumerable other people too. I just won’t tolerate evil no matter what shape it takes. And as pissed off as I am, as ready I will be to forgive if there is to be some honest attempt at reconciliation. But I won’t simply let it stand no matter what the odds are and I’m no fool, they’re vastly against me.

    But as I said to the clown I talked to: I’ll make you famous. What kind of famous is up to you.

    We’ll see. It’s not important. The message has been sent. My beloved wife’s only response other than the smiles and thumbs up was her “I wouldn’t ever want to piss you off, honey.” Not that she’d ever be able to.

    And I know you’re the same way as I am, and I admire your courage and persistence, you’re a role model to me there. You don’t give a shit about the odds before entering a fight, you just make up your mind as to whether it’s a righteous fight or not and, if it is, then it’s on.

    Nobody can long stand against that kind of spirit and honor.

    Again, my tiny little problem is nothing compared to what you’re facing and I wouldn’t ever dream of insulting you by trying to compare the two, but I understand you, brother. I understand you because you’re good people. I understand you because you know that, in the end, no matter what the battle may be, your worth is decided by your willingness to stand up for what’s right and honorable, no matter where that might take you.

    And I, like you, am in awe of our fellow Rotties here because they’re all like that too. They’re all role models to me, they’re all friends, they’re all good people and they reaffirm, daily, everything that my parents tried to teach me.

    With friends like that on your six, you need never worry. They will back you when you’re right and tell you to your face when you’re wrong, but they’ll always be there for you. Because they’re members of the pack. Not a herd. A pack.

    I thank G-d for that daily.

  39. 39

    And, bottom line, G-d never throws anything at us that we can’t survive.

    A very astute songwriter once said “turn every test into a testimony”.

    That being said, Misha: Spasibo za zvonok segodnya vecherom. My splaniruem eto? vstreche , kogda vy smozhete .

    (Does the word ‘soon’ not translate?)

  40. 40
    LC HJ Caveman82952 growls and barks:

    And, bottom line, God never throws anything at us that we can’t survive.

    I believe that, too, Sir M…I truly do. And in a very real sense it has kept me going when I felt nothing left remained inside me. I think of Job, I think of Christ………and I have felt the presence of something far greater than I.
    I was told, thinking the thoughts, asking God what to do…and a voice within my mind…..”Take care of my daughter….”
    He loves her more than I do……
    I do not say this lightly, or in jest.
    Precisely what I had in mind.
    I do review at times the last two plus years, and to be honest if is often horrifying. Yet I have felt looked after too, the Rotties helping us when we had to buy extremely expensive medications, the sudden call from Blue Shield, for Misha is dead on saying you don’t give a shit about the odds……it has taken its toll one me, physically and emotionally. You learn and accept an inhuman patience wating for biopsy results, as we will next week. I do not tolerate any bullshit from anyone now, for as Misha said, the idea this is happening to others….I’m gonna’ make an example out of somebody. For some, through no fault of their own, cannot defend themselves, like those I suspect Blue Shield has allowed to die alone and afraid………what I feel in my soul right now defying words……they picked the wrong guy this time.
    For it is true, while I won’t lead with my chin, it’s all about game on when required….Something about hell and a gas can. I’m not afraid of death, I’d be more afraid of living if I didn’t try. Make any sense?
    The numbers say leukemia will take my wife Home……which gives waiting a whole new meaning.
    But until the day comes we are told that….for the agony I felt looking at my wifes tear stained cheecks, phone in my hand, saying those words….”It came back positive, Mary….”
    And somebody has to make it, by the same numbers, why not her?
    The thoughts haunting my mind from time to time….the scenarios I have had to play out should they be realized, the frank talks we have had. My concern has been, and is, my wife and the future of my daughter, to be backed by any monies I may have, my guns if necessary and always my love, worth more to me than my very life.
    I will tell you all this….she is a Rottie in very sense of the word, done you folks proud. The physical torment she has endured, the emotional agonies sustained…….the fragile facade of a positive outlook.
    I guard that flame that is her life force, gently, firmly and always…….
    I am lucky to have her…….been an item for thirty-two years now…..
    And I have her now, today….and I will look after her, comfort her and take care of her…..
    After all….Jesus told me to………………..
    And a blown tranny still sucks………I am scrouning about, see what I can do……
    Thank You, Misha, that was very kind.

  41. 41

    I am personally a fan of the Dodge Charger police car mainly because it looks mean and aggressive.

    You can say that again, but they’re like living in a Japanese efficiency apartment after going from the roomy interior of a Vic.

  42. 42
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    Aren’t you assuming that they actually had knowledge of a bad transmission? Most used car dealers idea of a “going over with a fine-toothed comb” usually consists of an oil change, and a complete detailing. It is mostly cosmetic. Once in a while they may do a brake job and replace hoses, but that is about it.

    That’s all well and good, but then the salesman shouldn’t make a point out of saying that it’d been thoroughly inspected from top to bottom and that no major issues or potential ones had been spotted.

    The correct response there would be “no, sir, we checked to see if it could still run, but other than that you’re on your own.” Or at least being evasive, since I fully understand that it’d be hard for him to say that, but flat-out lying his ass off just won’t cut it.

  43. 43
    Emperor Misha I growls and barks:

    Deej, I’m not disagreeing with you on the legal aspects, I’m not nearly naff enough to think for a second that they’d be dumb enough to do anything actually illegal, and I certainly have learned a lot here, lessons that I shall put to good use should I ever need to purchase another used car.

    Let’s just say that the next sales negotiation won’t be taking place in a relaxed setting in the salesman’s office but will involve polygraphs, car batteries, acid and a toolbox 😉

    I guess I’m just too weighed down my my outmoded assumptions about morals, a man’s word etc.

    Of course, morals and honor being things that obviously no longer apply doesn’t mean that one should accept it and fail to sound the alarum when slimy subjects slither out from under their rocks to rip off unsuspecting individuals.

    One may not be able to sue the snake, but that won’t, nor should it, keep one from putting up a giant billboard next to the snake’s abode warning other passers-by of the dangers.

    It is your civic duty to your fellow citizens.