A “D-” Would Be Too Kind, Miss McCain

A post in which we once more indulge in our fondness of making fun of the illiterate and kicking retarded puppies when they’re down.

We have been told time and time again that the only thing worse than Meghan “Airhead” McCain’s idiotic opinions is trying to wade through the incoherent, borderline illiterate mess that is her actual writing, so we decided to go take a look for ourself. Remember, what you are about to read (should you decide to subject yourselves voluntarily to the mental anguish, which we certainly understand if you do not) is the prose of a published author. Not actually read by anybody, but still published.

Also kindly keep in mind that we, unlike Ms. McCain, have the excuse that English is our second language.

When something so as tragic and senseless happens in American culture like as the recent shooting of Congresswoman Giffords happens in American culture,

And that’s only as far as the first comma in her, for lack of a more descriptive word, column. And “happens in American culture?” Call us a prude, but wouldn’t “happens in America” serve better? Does anything ever “happen in a culture” unless you’re referring to Petri dishes?

we are left with unanswerable questions and the sad task of trying to make meaning sense of what has happened.

Unless somebody would care to explain to us how one “makes meaning” of something. Phew. One sentence down.

For all Americans, a tragic event like this hits close to home and we are left with the aftereffects, scrambling for some semblance of rationale, which is where the inevitable politicizing of Congresswoman Giffords’ shooting begins.

We won’t even get started on that load of pompous prattle, except to note a bonus point for the correct use of apostrophe after “Giffords”. We’re merciless, but fair.

What is particularly sad and telling about the climate of today’s media cycle

Whoa there! “The climate of today’s media cycle?” Does a media cycle even have a “climate?” And, if so, is it influenced by Glowbull Wormening as well? If so, we suppose that the heating of it could be called further evidence that Manbearpig is right.

is that it seems to have taken the media this kind of moment to start analyzing their own rhetoric—even if that rhetoric wasn’t the reason for the tragedy.

What analysis? So far, the only thing “the media” has done is accusing everybody else’s “rhetoric” for being the direct, proximate cause for the events in Tucson.

What happened has really hit home for a lot of my friends,

As opposed to “hitting close to home”, we suppose? Your friends suffered a direct hit?

not only because some of them grew up with me in Arizona, but because we are the generation who experienced Columbine as adolescents, 9/11 as teenagers, Virginia Tech as college students, and other horrific incidents.

Whereas the rest of us, who had already been around for quite a little while before you were even a horny glint in your daddies’ eyes, merely experienced it as adults, which obviously counts for nothing at all. What the ever-loving fuck is your point here?

We feel like we’ve been here before. The discussion about violence, gun control, and greater more thorough screening of the mentally ill is nothing new.

Unless somebody would enlighten us as to what “greater” screening means.

What is new is that for the first time there is a media climate that breeds greater polarization and anger because of the explosion of social media and the state of our politics.

“Breeding greater polarization and anger.” Christ. Our head hurts.

We breed it ourselves

If intelligence truly is hereditary, we pray that you never breed.

with the anonymity of the Internet, which has in turn bred the fear

Enough with the fixation on breeding, please. We’re beginning to feel like we’ve been sent back to animal husbandry 101 here.

that has become a part of our daily lives. It is not just politics that has these sorts of scare tactics, but we now live in a world where a congresswoman can’t meet with her constituents at a grocery store without fearing for her life.

In 1963 we lived in a world where a president couldn’t drive down a Dallas street without fearing for his life but, hey, this is diff’runt!

Congresswoman Giffords is by all accounts a well-liked, moderate politician who doesn’t fall into the fray of partisan baiting

How the fuck does one “fall into a fray?” By being airdropped into a boxing ring, perhaps?

and yet was harassed and threatened through the last election cycle.

And yet she was harassed… &c.

Being harassed and threatened is nothing new in politics, but what is unprecedented today

As opposed to yesterday, when it wasn’t unprecedented. Somebody pass the aspirin, please.

is that politicians and people are threatened, harassed, and belittled for being moderates on both sides of the aisle.

We have to admit: We rather like the differentiation she makes between politicians and people but, then again, we would.

Questions about how individuals and politicians can meet in the middle are met with disdain and mockery and, yes, even threats.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. We get it! Threats! You’ve used, or abused depending on your love of English composition, the word four times in this paragraph already. Please stop! Our eyes are bleeding! People are being threatened. Now move on, already.

It is politically simple and, dare I say, easy to excite extremists

It is both simple and easy? Thank you for daring to say it. Look up tautology, Cans McCain. It’s in the dictionary somewhere between “tart” and “twat”.

and there are many politicians out there that do it very well.

Not surprising, considering that it is not merely “simple”, it’s “easy” as well!

What is more difficult is meeting in the middle ground in a calm and respectful manner.

We really don’t know how to meet in the middle ground without bringing a shovel, but do go on.

As short a time ago as when I was growing up,

Which, judging by your prose, must have been not much longer than two years ago.

this was not so unprecedented in politics,

Not again!?

OK, we’ll go over it for you then. Slowly. There are no “degrees” of “unprecedentedness”, which isn’t even a word, but we’re pretty sure that you’re blissfully unaware of that as well.

“Unprecedented” means “has never happened before.” It’s a binary construct. Sorry, we’ll dial it down a bit, this is the short bus we’re dealing with: It’s either true or false. So something can no more be “more” or “less” unprecedented than you can be “a little bit pregnant.”

but in the last 10 years we have seen a shift both in the media and with politicians.

When things suddenly got more and more unprecedented. Or something. Just shoot us now.

Even if the political climate

“Political climate.” You have to admit: When Booby McCain gets a hold of a term, she hangs on to it like a bulldog. A demented bulldog. With a bad case of lockjaw.

…is physically dangerous with a man going on a shooting spree for no reason,

Is that so? Loughner just woke up one morning and decided, for no reason at all, that he’d go shoot himself some innocents? Granted, the demented whack job’s reasons are most likely to be quite bizarre, but that doesn’t mean that they’re not reasons to him.

there is also another risk in our polarizing political climate:

STOP IT!

that it will continue to disenchant and turn off voters and especially the younger generations.

And heaven forbid that anything should happen to turn off young airheads like yourself and keep you away from the voting booths. How would we survive as a nation without the retard vote?

So that’s your concern in the aftermath of a brutal mass murder, Meggie? That it will somehow turn off hip youngsters like yourself? Touching, to be sure.

That disenchantment is what leads to anger and apathy toward any involvement in the process. Although I do not believe this shooter’s motives had anything to do with the current political climate,

We swear. If she writes “political climate” one more fucking time, we’re going to crack a bottle of Russia’s finest. And what’s with the shooter’s motives? You just stated, categorically, that he had no reasons at all. Could you make up your mind, please? Could you even locate it if we provided you with the GPS coordinates?

it’s good that the media is questioning the dangerous levels that the rhetoric has reached nonetheless.

Even though there are no reasons for his actions, “it’s good that” the media is looking into something that has nothing to do with them? Whatever, Valley Girl.

I just hope that everyone—the media, our politicians, and we as citizens—takes this tragedy as a sign of a bigger problem and actually does something to tone done the rhetoric and start taking more responsibility for our polarized country.

“Take.” TAKE, for crying out loud!

Will this actually happen? Only time will tell, but finally issues that may have been overlooked are now being analyzed with a closer lens

“A closer lens?”

and both politicians and the media are going to have to come to a reckoning over the kind of language that they have been using and in what medium and context they have been using it.

This run-on sentence brought to you by Citizens for Illiteracy in Media. We’ll come to a reckoning over it later. Ouch. Where did I leave that bloody vodka?

The funerals for those killed

We’re much relieved to learn that they’re not having funerals for the survivors.

are being held today in Tucson and it is a national day of mourning. Although we will never really know the reason for the murders in Tucson,

Most likely not. You already told us that there was no reason at all, remember?

hopefully it will be a kind of wakeup call to all of us and just what kind of damage we are doing with our political climate.

ARRGGGGHHHHHHH! OK, that’s it. Russkiy Standart, here we come. Even if we polish off the whole bottle, there is no way we can kill off more braincells than reading that illiterate tripe did.

We don’t care what the Daily Beast pays that retard, they’re still being ripped off.

Thatisall.