In case you’re dying to know, we’re laughing our Imperial Gluteus Maximus off over stud-muffin liberal DemCong Anthony “The Bulge” Weiner having been caught twittering pictures of his limp Junior Weiner to a kid he was apparently obsessing over. Among other kids. He seems to have a certain fondness for underage chicks which, in all fairness, is par for the course for CongressCritters. After all, they’re more likely to believe that “8 inches” equals the distance between your eyes than actual grown women.
If you want a timeline, there’s a good one here. Saves us the trouble of summarizing what everybody has already said, not to mention the three hundred hat tips we’d have to issue.
Actually, the really fun thing here is that he apparently doesn’t know the difference between a private and a public tweet. But hey, who hasn’t ever found his or herself typing in something supremely embarrassing in the wrong chat window?
Of course, those of us who’ve ever done that didn’t immediately, or at least we should hope not, claim that we’d been “hacked” as an excuse, an excuse that, at this point, is about as tired as “the dog ate my homework.”
This extremely clever Rethugnican Hacker Operative apparently, if we’re to believe Weiner-Wiener’s story, was brilliant enough to post the embarrassing pic at a time when anybody who might have been paying attention was extremely likely to be utterly shitfaced in preparation for the long weekend and then, faced with dork-face Weiner’s 733+ H4x0r 5K|77z, had to relinquish control of the hacked account within minutes of having “hacked” into it.
Oh and then Wiener-Weiner, a CongressCritter with top secret clearance who had, allegedly, just had his online accounts hacked into, responded within in a mere 72 hours by… Hiring a lawyer to “explore his legal options?”
At this point, the cover-up is so ridiculously inept that we have to assume that the lawyer he’s “exploring options” with now is board certified in family law, because we have a feeling that his wife is talking to one of those right about now.
Did anybody ever explain to you, Weiner-Twat, that it’s not the fuck up that gets you, it’s the cover up?
Obviously not but hey, it’s all good. We all get to enjoy your flaming crash landing.
Once the Make Cover Media is forced to admit that there’s a story here, that is. If you’d been a Republican, effigies of you would already be burning in every newsroom in the nation.
You finally get to “spend more time with your family”, stud-muffin.
Every other weekend plus alternating holidays, that is.
P.S.: His Imperial Majesty saw the offending picture and, seriously, Tony “Salami”, you’re supposed to stick the tennis socks in your underoos before you take the picture. Just saying, is all.