OAKLAND, Calif. – A California preacher who foretold of the world’s end only to see the appointed day pass with no extraordinarily cataclysmic event has revised his apocalyptic prophecy, saying he was off by five months and the Earth actually will be obliterated on Oct. 21.
Harold Camping, who predicted that 200 million Christians would be taken to heaven Saturday before catastrophe struck the planet, apologized Monday evening for not having the dates “worked out as accurately as I could have.”
Math is hard, you see.
It was not the first time Camping was forced to explain when his prediction didn’t come to pass. The 89-year-old retired civil engineer also prophesied the Apocalypse would come in 1994, but said later that didn’t happen then because of a mathematical error.
We think we’re beginning to see a pattern here. Would somebody please give the poor guy a calculator instead of the slide rule that he’s obviously having trouble mastering?
Wait… WTF? Did it say “retired civil engineer” up there? Christ Almighty! We need an immediate investigation into whatever the Hades he “engineered” before he retired. We’re thinking “New Orleans levees”, but it could be even worse!
Through chatting with a friend over what he acknowledged was a very difficult weekend,
All ready to Rapture and the bus just doesn’t show…
it dawned on him that instead of the biblical Rapture in which the faithful would be swept up to the heavens, May 21 had instead been a “spiritual” Judgment Day, which places the entire world under Christ’s judgment, he said.
The globe will be completely destroyed in five months, he said, when the apocalypse comes. But because G-d’s judgment and salvation were completed on Saturday, there’s no point in continuing to warn people about it, so his network will now just play Christian music and programs until the final end on Oct. 21.
In the history of Desperate Save Attempts™, this one has to be right up there with
“the dog ate my homework” and the ever popular “I meant to do that!”
So let’s see if we got this right: May 21 was the day when G-d’s Army of Actuaries finished the tally, added up the scores and had it all notarized, and now G-d needs five months to… what? Post the results on FaceBook? Charge up the Rapture Beam™? Prepare the living quarters for His Army of Righteousness™?
We’re getting the impression that Camping is confusing Almighty G-d, He who created the Universe and everything in it in seven days, with a Congressional oversight committee.
You have to give this particular loon one thing, though: He’s remarkably persistent.
Also, we can’t wait to hear what he comes up with on October 22.