Skripaling Into World War III

(A post which will undoubtedly reveal His Imperial Majesty as a RUSSIAN BOT!!!1!. Or somebody smarter than a potted plant).

The increasingly ludicrous three-ringed circus that is the Skripal case and the ever more hysterical, unhinged, unsubstantiated claims from Theresa “I was for Brexit before I was against it” May and the incompetent Coterie of Clucking Clowns™ that she calls a government continues apace with the charges brought against two alleged Russian GRU Super Assassins, “Alexander Petrov” and “Ruslan Boshirov” (probably not their real names), caught red-handedly Visiting Salisbury While Russian on CCTV on two occasions: The day before the Skripal assassination and the day itself.

So… they did it! As has been the case with every single previous bombastic statement of Theresa May and her government’s regarding this case in the past, not a single piece of substantiating, corroborating evidence was released. Other than the footage proving their placement near the scene of the crime.

So we’ll just take that for granted, along with all of the previous statements, just for shits and giggles and in recognition of the fact that we don’t know more about this than the British Government does, even if they know nothing at all. So, for the sake of argument and all that.

Yes, we know, national security, mustn’t let the bad guys know what we have and all that. All of it true, but surely it might be possible to redact/edit/obscure SOME sort of evidence that might be released to the public to support the government’s accusation of another government, particularly when the charge is attempted murder with nerve gas?

But no.

Also, somebody noticed something interesting about the CCTV captures that were released, these two of “Petrov” and “Boshirov” arriving at Gatwick the day before the murder attempt:

Notice anything? Amazing, isn’t it? The GRU is in possession of technology that allows two of their operatives to appear in the same space at the exact same time! If that doesn’t make you shit yourself and start looking for Novichok wielding GRU assassins in Adidas tracksuits under the bed, we don’t know what will!

Sure, so they redacted the time stamp for “national security” reasons. But doesn’t that leave you wondering what else they redacted?

Moving on.

These two Russian Super Spy Assassins, according to Theresa May and her clown circus, boarded a plane together in Moscow, then flew directly to London to off somebody who’d been released from Russian prison 8 years prior. You know, as professional assassins do. So much simpler than traveling individually through third, fourth and fifth countries because ain’t nobody got time for dat! And don’t even get started on suggesting using forged foreign passports or other such nonsense. No serious intelligence agency goes to such ridiculous lengths, don’t you know?

Upon arriving, they slept in, then went off to Salisbury for a “reconnaisance trip” that they spent mostly parading in front of every CCTV camera they could find, only to return the next day when they, after another victory lap around Salisbury’s many cameras, snuck off to the Skripal residence to smear Novichok on the door handle, threw the evidence in the form of a sealed (???) bottle of Novichok into the trash, because that’s how a TRUE professional gets rid of evidence, and then went straight back to London and took the next plane out to Moscow.

Meanwhile, the Skripals, who had left home three hours prior to the GRU’s Finest’s arrival, went out to visit a pub, went eating and then went to a park where they, simultaneously in spite of being of different ages, sexes and weights, succumbed to the vile poison more than three hours after having touched it (which they must have both done while out on the town, presumably because one of them remembered leaving the coffee pot on). If they hadn’t succumbed at the exact same moment, after all, presumably the other would have become at least mildly upset and called for help.

Oh, and did we forget to mention that neither of them died after having been exposed to one of the most lethal military grade nerve agents ever made?

(Which could only have been made in Russia, in spite of the formula having been public since 1992 and the British chem warfare experts at Porton Down themselves acknowledging that they had no effing clue where was made, but nevermind).

We only wish we had that kind of luck. Three consecutive wins in the Power Ball and we’d buy our own island and live out the rest of our days in obscene luxury!

If we were a writer of fiction and we ever submitted a manuscript containing the above, the rejection notice would arrive at our house attached to a live grenade.

Yet that is what our increasingly irrational Congress is basing the next round of punishing sanctions on, which is the reason that this story is a whole lot less amusing than it would otherwise be. Because trying to strangulate a foreign nation’s economy is quite a serious issue, particularly to the nation being strangled, and even more so if said nation is already struggling to build an economy upon the ruins of what they inherited from their forebears. And even MORE serious when said nation is the planet’s second largest nuclear power.

That sort of thing, if effective, just might lead to unpleasant results. Unpleasant for everyone.

This isn’t the first time we’ve tried, as a nation, to strangle a foreign power economically. We tried it at least once before, systematically painting that foreign power into a corner with its back against the wall. What happened next wasn’t pretty. In fact, we still mourn the day it happened, remembering it as the day that shall forever live in infamy, and rightly so.

No, it didn’t justify what that nation did to us, they richly deserved everything that happened to them, and it won’t justify anything happening to us in the future either, but that fact alone will be cold comfort to the survivors, mourning the millions of dead.

All over a story that is, quite frankly, less convincing than a certain Austrian madman’s justification for invading Poland.

Thatisall.

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LC Xystus
Member

Three consecutive wins in the Power Ball and we’d buy our own island and live out the rest of our days in obscene luxury!

One BlowerBall win might be enough.

Iron Bear
Member
Iron Bear

(Which could only have been made in Russia, in spite of the formula having been public since 1992 and the British chem warfare experts at Porton Down themselves acknowledging that they had no effing clue where was made, but nevermind).

Actually, and I don’t have the links handy at the moment, but wasn’t it established that the chem agent was manufactured right up the road from there in (not so) Great Britain?

Iron Bear
Member
Iron Bear

All over a story that is, quite frankly, less convincing than a certain Austrian madman’s justification for invading Poland.

Hey. It’s Poland. What more excuse do you need?

(Says the half-Czech. *snicker*)

Fa Cube Itches
Member
Fa Cube Itches

Iron Bear @ #:3

Classic Onion headline: Hitler Neutralizes Polish Menace

Iron Bear
Member
Iron Bear

Fa Cube Itches says:

Iron Bear @ #:3

Classic Onion headline: Hitler Neutralizes Polish Menace

Well he should have, by Jove! And if that little Austrian bastard hadn’t invaded the Sudentenland right after, my mother’s people would have taken over the world. The world, I tells ya!

Iron Bear
Member
Iron Bear

Emperor Misha I says: I, unlike Theresa May, however, am not going there without some sort of concrete evidence. Especially not when there are so many other bad actors with a motive and the means out there. True. However, I’m not convinced that the Russians, much less Putin, were among those bad actors. As you point out, the Russians had Skripal in prison in Russia for a long time. And while, of course, we all know that Russians are far, far above just executing inconvenient prisoners for any reason whatsoever (a brief pause to let the Emperor quit laughing hysterically),… Read more »

Iron Bear
Member
Iron Bear

Duh. I lost track of the conversation. 🙂 Hell, Putin’s government wouldn’t even have had to stage a “mysterious death in prison”, for that matter… Being arrested for espionage in pretty much an automatic death sentence in just about every national jurisdiction in the world. Spies caught in the act of espionage can be simply shot out of hand, no fuss, no muss. Unless there was a reason for keeping him alive – the spy swap you mentioned – Russia could have just put a Makarov to the back of Skripal’s head at any time and pulled the trigger, and… Read more »

Terrapod
Member
Terrapod

This may be less to see than you think. What if someone in Moscow is angling to get Putin out and is pulling strings to destabilize the current regime in Russia. The fact that it was taking place in the UK in full daylight is what makes me suspicious as there are likely Kim Philby disciples at high level of the UK intelligence services, many pining for a return to the soviet era job security and funding/perks. Getting all the foreign services to point fingers at Putin (and bureaus against each other) is the goal, that they also show internal… Read more »

Iron Bear
Member
Iron Bear

Terrapod says: What if someone in Moscow is angling to get Putin out and is pulling strings to destabilize the current regime in Russia. The fact that it was taking place in the UK in full daylight is what makes me suspicious as there are likely Kim Philby disciples at high level of the UK intelligence services, many pining for a return to the soviet era job security and funding/perks. A definite possibility. While I have no first hand idea myself, never having been in the intelligence community, I have gathered from various sources that there’s a lot of people… Read more »

VonZorch Imperial Researcher
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VonZorch Imperial Researcher

Iron Bear says: Somebody or somebodies have a vested interest in creating a causus belli between Great Britain and possibly/probably the US and Russia in getting a Russo/Western war started. Well then, lets look at who benefits. The obvious first choice is China, plenty of opportunity for them if such a war breaks out. But I don’t see then being quite this clumsy. Iran is a better possibility in my mind. They certainly have the ability to manufacture the gas and having infidels killing each other off job lots would definitely appeal. I can’t think of anyone else with the… Read more »

Iron Bear
Member
Iron Bear

VonZorch Imperial Researcher says: Well then, lets look at who benefits. The obvious first choice is China, plenty of opportunity for them if such a war breaks out. But I don’t see then being quite this clumsy. Iran is a better possibility in my mind. They certainly have the ability to manufacture the gas and having infidels killing each other off job lots would definitely appeal. I can’t think of anyone else with the ability who would have any motive. Except maybe Israel, they have good, if old, reasons to resent both Russia and once Great Britain. But why take… Read more »